I'm getting so ****ed, every time, I'm always about a week early finishing my meds, yes I take extra, cause my body is different and I'm still in the process of finding the right med dosage.

Why can't they give one week extra, or even write 2 scripts, this is all ****ing bull ****, I swear when I used to do illegal drugs it was much cheaper, and I was much happier (but the comedowns of those drugs suck BIG TIME). The reason why I started all this was so I don't have any urge to do any illegal drugs like Cocaine, which I love and ever since I started meds, I don't care about it anymore. but now I'm going to be one week early finishing my meds, so I don't know how I'm going to feel. I wish I know someone that I can buy these meds illegally.

Sometimes I think this whole ADHD is a scam, since most ADHD people do illegal drugs, the government made this up so we can use their drugs, and they can make money since they don't make anything when we buy illegal drugs.

Sorry for my rant, just really frustrated with meds.

T-Bass

I understand your frustration. I'd be upset if I had to refill my prescriptions every 3 weeks instead of 4 and I don't even take schedule 2 meds. :/

You say "every time" your script runs out a week ahead of time... is your doc aware that you're taking more than the prescribed dose? (I'm not accuing you of abusing your meds, btw, so don't read that into it, plz. :) ) If you're still in the dosage adjustment phase of meds, then you should probably be seeing the doc frequently and he can adjust the prescription to reflect the correct dosage for you. I have a feeling that might be the real problem.

I call my doctor and let her know when I upped the dosage on my own, I've been going more like every 2-3 weeks, 100 bucks for the appointment, and 200 for meds, and since I take a higher dosage than from normal people, it costs more.

Life is ****ed up in a way, I used to work for Blue Cross Blue Shielf of NJ, making awsome money, I had the best insurance in the world, 5 bucks for generic meds, and 10 for name brand, I used to see a doctor and only pay 5 bucks co-pay. But during that time, I didn't know anything about ADHD, and I basically never used my insurance, I never even got my teeth fixed when I had that great dental plan.

I quit that job cause I couldn't handle the commute to work, another one of my impulsive decisions I made to add on to ****ing up my life. I went unemployed for 2 years, I couldn't get a job, cause I couldn't focus on interviews. I got kicked out of my apartment, my mother had to go live with my sister, this is all about one year after my dad died, who I was so dependant on.

I got a job now, making half the money I used to make, and no insurance, I don't even have a place to live, I stay at my uncle's place, who I'm cool with, but I can't relax, I find myself driving my car from long island to brooklyn back and forth just to think. GAS IS EXPENSIVE TOO.

What kept me focused was my car and the stereo I built for it, I spent around 10,000 dollars on it, and took about 6 months to build, I must of spent 20 hours a week working on the car, and probably rest of my time listening to music. That's what motivated me to go out and do things. All I thought and talked about was my car, it was my life, that's what kept me going. Eventually in NEWARK where I used to work in a paid parking lot, I parked maybe 50 feet from the attendant, I leave work to find out everything I owned was stolen, I must of had about $5,000 worth of CDs, that is my life memories, I can listen to a CD and remember everything that was going on around that time, good or bad. I don't have that anymore, I don't have a stereo anymore, and I quit my job around the same time this happened.

I didn't leave my house for a year, stayed home everyday, just cursing the world out, my family was all ****ed at me for what I did, telling me how lazy I am that I don't want to work, but really, no one was hiring me, no matter how much experience I have or how much I know, I always say something stupid in interviews to **** it up.

Anyways I got work to do, I need to take another Adderall which will only tease me and make me more frustrated. I'll write more later.

T-Bass

ok Lunch has been delivered, so I can write more.

About my childhood, I climbed out of my crib at one year old and dislocated my sholder, by 3 I was so bad, my parents couldn't go over other people's houses, cause I would break everything. I also jumped off a high table and broke my shoulder again, at 5 I did something similar.

In school, I don't know why I was going there in the first place, I used to pick fights with everyone, I never studied a day throughout school, never did a single homework assignment, I used to just do the homework in school, since I don't pay attention in class anyways. But when it came to tests, for some reason I passed all the time, weird. I am a teachers worst nightmare, my dad used to tell the teachers to hit me if I acted up, and belive me, there was a time the teacher did it, and if the teacher didn't do it, I used to go home and get my daily beating (i don't mind about this cause this is the reason I am the person I am today). so much more, my parents weren't born in this country, my mother was here maybe only 1 year before I was born. So it was very tough for my mom.

In high school I used to cut all the time, but showed up on test days and passed, 65 was all I needed, in my senior year in high school, I didn't want to go to school for another 6 months, so I took the GED, I passed that without studying, also scored about a 90 percentile in Math for the SAT without studying.

I went to 4 different colleges about 6 times, different major each time, one semester I used to get all As and make dean list, another semester, I just stop going in the middle. There was once a time, when I was going to Pace University, I went all semester, and during the finals, I couldn't find parking and said I'll retake it some other time, never took it, and failed those classes, I still think I owe money to that school.

I shold of been medicated as a kid, every single day of my life was a book, untill I started to do drugs, which then that's a whole different era.

Ok my pizza is getting cold, that's enough writing for now.

T-Bass