I was attempting to describe symptoms I have with my wife. Procrastination is easy to describe as well as other symptoms. However, I get frustrated about the thoughts that spin in my head all day, every day. I mean my mind races a million miles a minute and I can't keep one thought for very long unless I expend a great deal of energy and focus. My wife is an "A" type personality and never has a problem with remembering and keeping extensive "to-do" lists in her head. It sickens me the way she is sometimes.

However, I got it one night while watching TV. Frustrated, she asked me to stop on this one channel; and then it hit me. This is how I described the frustration of the racing thoughts. I simply told her that while she is dwelling on one idea or thought or an item on her to do list, I've probably had 10 to 15 thoughts pop-up quickly then disappear as fast as they appear. I said "imagine you and I are sitting on the couch next to one another and I had the remote. Now, imagine I'm flipping constantly, not even stopping on a single channel for more than a microsecond." She looked at me and I exclaimed, "now that is really frustrating isn't it?"

Does anyone else feel this way?

Phil

I think that is why I like writing. I can hold on to my thoughts by this means. They don't keep slipping away from me. I also have depression and fibromylagia. The both affect mental functioning. I think all these combined have actually made it difficult for me to have a stable sense of identity. I seem to keep slipping away from me.

I think this is a really good way to describe it. I was talking with a friend of mine recently and he just kept looking at me, and I asked him why, and he said ":You just have a million thoughts in your head at one time don't you? And I just have one." He just stared at me, looking amazed. I was like yeah, you get it. I think your analogy is quite good.

Yeah, but its not just one TV with flipping channels--its closer to a dozen of them.

That's a great way to describe it. In fact, the most accurate I've heard. They have one commercial for some ADD med that describes it like that and that is what made me first think that I might be ADD.

But if no one ever tells you that most people are not running around with all those thoughts (I also think of someone running a pool table really fast) then you don't know. You think your brain is normal. I think this is especially hard for ADD (as opposed to ADHD) folks because we are not kinetic. No one can see how our thoughts collide. I am having a rather hard time adjusting to this to be really honest.

It was like this:

1. All my life my thoughts wandered terribly.

2. School was hard for this reason.

3. But then I was a housewife and a cowboy (yep you can be both of those things without being a transvestite) and life was sort of leisurely.

4. Then I went to college late and because I was able to concentrate mostly on the subjects that absorbed me, I would just hyperfocus and be just fine.

5. However, when I got into the world of work and schedules and bosses, it all fell apart.

6. I began to realize I had ADD, but I couldn't get anyone to believe me or help me.

7. I became extremely depressed.

8. Now I am diagnosed and I am thinking: There really is something wrong with my mind and it is forever and it puts me at a real disadvantage in the world of work.

I think I could live just fine with the noise in my head if I could just not have to work. I s**k at real world work.

I can really relate to parts of your message!

....
4. Then I went to college ....and because I was able to concentrate mostly on the subjects that absorbed me, I would just hyperfocus and be just fine.

5. However, when I got into the world of work and schedules and bosses, it all fell apart.

6. I began to realize I had ADD, but I couldn't get anyone to believe me or help me.

7. I became extremely depressed.

8. Now I am diagnosed and I am thinking: There really is something wrong with my mind and it is forever and it puts me at a real disadvantage in the world of work.

I think I could live just fine with the noise in my head if I could just not have to work. I s**k at real world work.

You know what hurts? When you try your very best to explain to someone how you are and you realize that they really don't want to know because they want to keep judging you as limited. I think when I finally get some medication, some people I now associate with might have problems if I "change." I worry about becoming much more assertive. I have already become more assertive -- I think because of changes in diet and supplementation -- and I know that stims can sometimes make people temperamental.

"Jumping" thoughts have always bothered me. I wondered for almost all of my teenage and adult life if it was normal.

Coral, I can relate to the items on your list as well.

But if no one ever tells you that most people are not running around with all those thoughts (I also think of someone running a pool table really fast) then you don't know. You think your brain is normal. I think this is especially hard for ADD (as opposed to ADHD) folks because we are not kinetic. No one can see how our thoughts collide. I am having a rather hard time adjusting to this to be really honest.
This is exactly what I always thought....everyone's head runs in overdrive. And I believed that up until last year until I started to learn that I was different than the rest of the non-add world. Looking back, my mom has/had a lot of ADD traits so she does and did a lot of the things I do, thus re-affirming that this must be the way other people are.

My thoughts jump around a lot and quickly. But sometimes I will latch on to one and then obsess over it until I realize what I have been worrying about or freaking out about never comes true. I don't do that half as much after coming through a difficult health issue with my husband and his job. The bad stuff I latched onto never happened and everything worked out fine.

How I approached the symptoms with my husband was I went online and made an outline of various Adult ADD symptoms. I emailed it to him and asked how many of these symptoms did he see in me. But I made it funny with little commentaries after the symptoms. I also found a couple of pages online about things an Adult ADD'er would like their partner to know and sent them too. I've noticed a difference in how he treats me since I emailed those to him and it's a good one. I think he understands why I am so kooky now and that I really can't help it. :p

My thoughts jump around a lot and quickly. But sometimes I will latch on to one and then obsess over it until I realize what I have been worrying about or freaking out about never comes true. I don't do that half as much after coming through a difficult health issue with my husband and his job. The bad stuff I latched onto never happened and everything worked out fine.

Here is something odd: I used to have all these obsessive worrying thoughts and ruminations. For 8 years I had been on various SSRI-type antidepressants. The slightest problem would send me into a terrified tizzy. Because of other side effects I weaned by self off of my latest SSRI (Lexapro) and amazingly very little bothers me anymore.

Recently I was dealing with a fairly impactful life crisis and I was completely cool about. This really freaked my therapist. She said, "It is simply not normal that you are so calm about this."

Amazing. I went from being a nervous wreck to chillin'. I also can focus. Maybe I can no longer focus on anything long enough to worry about it.

I would be nice to find a middle ground, but at least I am not suicidal anymore. :D

[Coral Rhedd] For 8 years ...The slightest problem would send me into a terrified tizzy. ...
She said, "It is simply not normal that you are so calm about this."

Amazing. I went from being a nervous wreck to chillin'. I also can focus. Maybe I can no longer focus on anything long enough to worry about it.

I would be nice to find a middle ground, but at least I am not suicidal anymore. :D [/QUOTE]

Coral,
Is it possible that after 8 years of therapy and being in a crisis mode (I'm guessing here so give me some slack if I'm totally off base)-
I'm wondering if now everything else has been put into perspective.
Like if it ain't life & death it ain't no big thang.
Or do you now feel detached even during a true life crisis?

I also wonder why you write "I worry about becoming much more assertive"?
Assertive, to me (Lioness of OZ searching for courage) can be nothing but a positive thing.
Not abrasive or challenging but not a doormat either!

To be assertive is one of my goals so you've confused me now.

[Coral Rhedd] For 8 years ...The slightest problem would send me into a terrified tizzy. ...
She said, "It is simply not normal that you are so calm about this."

Amazing. I went from being a nervous wreck to chillin'. I also can focus. Maybe I can no longer focus on anything long enough to worry about it.

I would be nice to find a middle ground, but at least I am not suicidal anymore. :D

Coral,
Is it possible that after 8 years of therapy and being in a crisis mode (I'm guessing here so give me some slack if I'm totally off base)-
I'm wondering if now everything else has been put into perspective.
Like if it ain't life & death it ain't no big thang.

[/QUOTE]I was homeless, I was suicidal, and I was getting flashbacks from when my mother tried to kill me when I was eleven. May be simplistic correlative thinking, but I had my first serious suicidal thought after I first started taking Paxil. After I went off Paxil cold turkey, all the rest of the above followed. When you are in such a situation, you cannot assert yourself. You feel odd and disconnected. It is like being a part of the human race one day and an alien the next. Alien, even to myself. So doctors put me back on various SSRIs until I nearly died in the hospital this summer of gastrointestinal distress. One of those freak things that doctors never found a cause for.

After that I tapered off all medications. In July, I had terrible mood swings but I got through it. I am now drug-free as it were. My mood is more stable than it has ever been in my life. Go figure.

Or do you now feel detached even during a true life crisis?


Yep. Exactly. I had my gas cut off while I was in the hospital. Other expenses incurred made it difficult for me to afford the huge deposit the city socked me with. Then came a cold spell. My therapist couldn't believe I wasn't tearing my hair out.



I also wonder why you write "I worry about becoming much more assertive"?
Assertive, to me (Lioness of OZ searching for courage) can be nothing but a positive thing.


I work as a contractor for a government agency. They are supposed to help the disabled. Everyday I see the disabled get sc***d over by said agency. People are constantly deceived about their rights. Since this government agency hired me precisely because I am disabled for a paid consumer position, it is sometimes difficult for me to contain my fury. I now realized that they deceived me as well. I am learning about the federal regs and I am trying to help other consumers become more aware of their rights. I am trying to be low key about it, but I suspect that I am not long for this job.

Not abrasive or challenging but not a doormat either!

I have become very politicized very fast about mental health issues. It is because of things that I see. Just today I attended a court hearing as moral support for a bipolar woman. The counseling agency that had managed her finances had an employee (called a payee) who embezzled thousands dollars from this poor woman. The agency tried to keep it under wraps but at last the embezzler has been successfully prosecuted. Here's the kicker: The counseling agency was reimbursed for their losses by their insurer, but they have never restored this woman's funds.

Mentally ill people are the most abused adults in America.



To be assertive is one of my goals so you've confused me now
Because people (providers of disability and mental health services) in this community are used to seeing me as powerless and supplicant, they do not easily accept that I am becoming assertive and vocal. It was at my encouragement and the encouragement of other consumers like me that the woman who had been victimized by the embezzler was able to formulate and present a victim statement in court. Next, I will encourage her to sue the counseling agency or to expose them to the press or both.

Those of us in the recovery movement will make a difference for all mental health patients. This is no longer about being sick and being classified as second class citizens. This is about getting well. :)

I do want to add that no one should go off of any mood altering medication cold turkey. People should only taper off their medication very slowly and with a doctor's monitoring.

I think that I still have trouble understanding that most other people don't think like this; with a million trillion thoughts spinning around, each one as fascinating as the next.

I can walk home from work and realize that I have seen nothing along the way. I came the whole distance on auto pilot while wandering around inside my own head!

I've taught my co-workers to say my name when they talk to me, because it may look like I am presentin the room, but I am probably multitasking by hyperfocusing on my work and wandering around in my head at the same time.
I don't tell them that though. I say that I am concentrating! (grin)

"imagine you and I are sitting on the couch next to one another and I had the remote. Now, imagine I'm flipping constantly, not even stopping on a single channel for more than a microsecond." She looked at me and I exclaimed, "now that is really frustrating isn't it?" elusive, may I steal this analogy from you? At least until I come up with my own.

I had an interesting situation at work last night. The other supervisor, a staff member, and I were having a conversation. Pete, the other supervisor, was talking to me. I kept interrupting with things that had nothing to do with the present conversation. I could see that he was getting frustrated, then he said "what does that have to do with what I am saying." I was honest and said I have know clue what you were saying. Then I just blurted out that I had a neurological disorder that makes it hard for me to listen. The other staff (student at local university) laughed and said, "she has ADD." I felt comfortable the minute I met her and was open about it from the beginning. She is so awesome identifying ADD behavior and calling me on it. We had to explain to Pete what ADD was. I gave him permission to call me on it whenever he thinks I am not listening. I have also done this with members of my family and friends. At some point I figure everyone who knows me will say, "Hey Deb. Shush." :rolleyes:

elusive, may I steal this analogy from you? At least until I come up with my own.
You wouldn't be stealing anything. If this analogy helps you use it all you want!

Phil

I do want to add that no one should go off of any mood altering medication cold turkey. People should only taper off their medication very slowly and with a doctor's monitoring.
This is very important indeed; especially for SSRIs.

I work in a nursing facility so if they don't know much about ADHD they at least have some background information. I tell them that if you want something done now make sure I write it on my hand, if it needs done but can be done later slip a note in my pocket...I never clock out without making sure my pocket is empty at the end of the day. I've actually been told by several charge nurse's that they'd rather work with me then anyone else. So, I must be doing something right.

Wow Coral
Thanks for sharing
Your story is humbling
You are AWESOME!

Aw shucks, Charlie :o , I just chose the wrong parents. :rolleyes:

I think this whole thread is a great example of why i Don't voluntarily tell people about my ADD. So many of them just don't get it!

I would love to happen to have this senario come up for me at work. It would mean i would not have to "dance" around the issue any more!

"I had an interesting situation at work last night. The other supervisor, a staff member, and I were having a conversation. Pete, the other supervisor, was talking to me. I kept interrupting with things that had nothing to do with the present conversation. I could see that he was getting frustrated, then he said "what does that have to do with what I am saying." I was honest and said I have know clue what you were saying. Then I just blurted out that I had a neurological disorder that makes it hard for me to listen. The other staff (student at local university) laughed and said, "she has ADD." I felt comfortable the minute I met her and was open about it from the beginning. She is so awesome identifying ADD behavior and calling me on it. We had to explain to Pete what ADD was. I gave him permission to call me on it whenever he thinks I am not listening. I have also done this with members of my family and friends. At some point I figure everyone who knows me will say, "Hey Deb. Shush.""

I've done the samething Casper. My co-workers know I have ADHD and we have clues for certain behaviours...if a co-worker is talking to me and I keep interupting they stick their tongue out at me (this makes me chuckle, but also clues me in on a behaviour-sticking their tongue out is a nice way to say "Hey listen to me this time). If I'm busy in my multi-tasking world which makes me happiest and they need something from me they'll put their hand on my back to get my attention, if it's not important they still put their hand on my back and slip a note into my pocket, I never leave work without emptying my pockets and making sure I've accomplished everything on the notes.

I tell co-workers and friends I'm ADHD for one reason and one reason only...my kids, I don't want my kids to ever think ADHD is something they should be ashamed of and in my struggle I have been able to educate a few people who have gone on to educate others. It's slow and mind blowing but...my kids that's all that matters to me.

Just to clarify, the quote is from an above post. I didn't know how to do that whole quote thing on here, so I copied and pasted it.

I have been very back and forth about telling my boss and other co-workers about my ADD. I often joke about it at school. For example, today I spelled Wednsday wrong, it was caught by the entire class. I just made a joke out of it, and went on my daily business. Now if someone has said, hmm, I think that is an ADD trait i would have spoke up and said I am ADD. but that opp has not presented it self as of yet. I keep hoping!

To quote...you have to "Post a reply" or "Go Advanced" then there will be a quote button click it and insert your quote there. Keep playing with all the little gadgets in the more advanced reply you'll get the hang of it.

p.s. I stole one of your quotes from below your post...I'm going to make a sign and post it on my door so when my mother in law comes over she can know right off the bat that my house may be dusty and I don't really give a hooie. lol

You know what hurts? When you try your very best to explain to someone how you are and you realize that they really don't want to know because they want to keep judging you as limited. I think when I finally get some medication, some people I now associate with might have problems if I "change." I worry about becoming much more assertive. I have already become more assertive -- I think because of changes in diet and supplementation -- and I know that stims can sometimes make people temperamental.
Coral-
My experience is that, in what I percieve to be a very competitive world, some people really felt they had the world by the tail when they were able to stand on mine.

very interesting thread, Yes, like channel surfing on direct tv. LOL sometimes when I can't form a sentence because of adhd it's like someone pulled the lever on a slot machine, and they just won't stop. wanting to go in so many directons, your like a washer stuck on spin cycle and pieces of you are flinging off as you spin.

I can’t take credit for this analogy – I read it somewhere and can’t remember. It went something like this:

Imagine driving down a road at 100mph and trying to read the signs at the same time.

Most people don’t believe me when I tell them I have ADD. My boyfriend is one of them (love him dearly though- he really does help me keep my head on straight – :D ). I talk about it and he’ll say that I must not have it “that bad” if I really do have it. I think he hasn’t gotten past the idea that you don’t have to be hyperactive to have ADD.

I got this analogy somewhere also,

Having ADD is like living life in a fast moving kalediscope, shapes, and colors whirling and twirling all around your never able to see the clear picture.

This is my own analogy

Imagine you are sitting in math lecture. Your professor puts up the notes on the doc cam for you to copy as he begins to speak. As you copy the notes on the doc cam you tune in and out of what's being said and what you are writing. As you finish the overhead he has provided he displays another but this time it is written in chinese. Confused you listen and he is also speaking a foriegn language. You look around at your classmates to see what is going on and everyone else seems to be getting it.

Or

It's like when someone is tuning the volume up and down, up and down on the television as you are trying to hear what is going on.

What I found familiar in most analogies I've researched is that they compare the disorder to one of the senses usually sight and sound. So I'm confused at the moment whether or not the disorder lies in my ability to comprehend or my ability to percieve. Meaning, so far that my understaning of my ADD is my ability to process information as it is recieved through my senses because I am somehow oversensitive to the information my senses are recieving. Which means that I need to constantly distract myself from something else to keep myself from becoming distracted. On a good day I probably only hear like half of a lecture because all the white noise is blaring.

I agree especially with two points, the first being that yeah, my brain always feels like it's in overdrive... though not necessarily making smart jumps, just different ones. It is like trying to watch a bunch of tvs at once and all of them changing channels. It's unexplainable really to someone who isn't that way. :: sigh :


And also, I get a sense of detatchment a lot. Like the things that are happening are happening to someone else. Or like something bad could be happening and I'm thinking of ten other things. Bleh.