I was diagnosed 5-6 years ago. Am taking meds. They told me I was off the charts, whatever that meant. Anyway I try very hard to hide this and not tell anyone or even talk about it. (It just leads to problems.) I need an aswer to someone who keps saying I use ADD as an excuse for everything - this person doesn't have the first clue, has never read a book about it but appears to know everything. I don't use it as an excuse - I wouldn't even know how to.

What can I say to her?

I don't even know how to reply to this...my first thought is how important is this person in your life? Is she a boss, relative, love? Honestly, this person's status in your life is important in how you should respond.

My wife - and I am leaving her - I've had it. She lies about understanding or reading anything about ADD and I am tired of trying. I learned early on never ever to even speak to her about it, so I don't. Which is kind of hard fro me to understand how and why she says things like that when it's never discussed.

I'm sorry to hear that your leaving. While some people never learn others have hope. You see my husband and I had a lot of the issue's you seem to be experiancing. At the end of our rope we finally resorted to therapy not only for us together but for ourselves individually. We toughed it out by the skin of our teeth, screamed at each other, cried with each other. Leaving is hard, staying almost seemed impossible. We're one of the lucky couples who had good therapist's and an undying love that wouldn't let us give up. Whatever you choice make sure it's the one you can live with for the rest of your life and I will support you.

Cherity

Wait!!! I can't support you unless I know all the answers to all the questions rumbling around in my head. As an ADD'er I know how easy it is to think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence and how easy it is to just want to up and run.

1.) Have you tried therapy?

2.) Have you talked about leaving because the pain she is causing you?

3.) Are you doing everything in your power to overcome your flaws?

4.) Is she doing everything in her power to overcome her's?

The list goes on...what I'm saying is there is a good reason you married this woman...is all hope really lost or is there some residual love and respect buried deep in your core for her? Do you have it in you for one last fight? The one that will make or break your marriage, are you willing to give it all you've got when there's nothing left to give? If your answer ranges from yes to I don't know then you still have hope. If the answer is no then I have the answer's to my questions and will give you my undying support.

When we go to therapy she says the same thing, it's all my fault, I use it as an excuse, lies about reading the books and doesn't listen to the cousellor or only hears what she wants to hear. And then it's fine for awhile, but only until that word " ADD" pops up. And then I'm uselss and can't do anything and blame everything on ADD. I get the line " people have ADD and are just fine". The way it was explained to me by several DR.s etc I'm off the scale that ADD people are on. Now I don't know what that makes me but I don't think I'm dirt. I always keep trying to keep this marriage together and she knows it. I guess I always will. I only wish I could leave

I guess I have my answer's. There is no easy choice and I can't make the decision for you. I can't give you the skills to save your marriage because I honestly don't know were the turn around for Doug and I was or what came before it. My only advice is to call her on her lies, there might be hope when she is faced with her own faults. But, be ready for the fallout if she decides to cut her losses and leave. The choice you make is yours and yours alone just know that myself and others will be here for you when you need us.

HUGS,
Cherity

You know, I thought that this was a Godsend at first. It opened my eyes. I finally figures out stuff and new why I did things, well you knw the story. Now I wish I never had.

If I tell her she lies, she says she never lies only I do.
I will always try to keep the marriage together, I will always do that. I know I will. Besides, where will I run to - I'm tired of running and pretending to be something I'm not. I go from one dead end job to another.

I try to work on myself but without these pills it's useless - the pills help but they told me there isn't a pill that will help with everything so I work on what I can.

I am not one of those people who believe marriage should necessarily be a life sentence. Practical matters are worth considering:

1) Your ages. If you are both under thirty, it is entirely possible that you simply made the wrong choice in a mate and both of you would be more compatible with others.

2) Children. If you have them then it is almost imperative that you explore all avenues in making the marriage work. Divorce (as well as parental conflict) is damaging to children. If you don't have them, then in my opinion, you have a get out of jail free card.

3) Financial entanglements. If you have been married a short time and have made simple financial arrangements then it is easier to divorce without financial devastation.

I think too many people get caught up in what they owe to that piece of paper called a marriage license. Instead they need to be thinking about what they owe to themselves and to each other.

While I believe in marriage, I also believe in reality. Think long and hard before you act and take everything Coral has said into consideration.