View Full Version : Need some Suggestions

09-13-12, 03:57 PM
Im in need of some suggestions and thought I would pick your brains...

Our son, 7 and in the 2nd grade, was diagnosed at the age of 4 and has been on medication since. He has an IEP, but Im thinking it will need to be amended sooner rather than later.

We are in the 3rd week of school and many days he has gotten a "below the line" for his behavior because he doesnt finish his work. Working independently is a goal of his on his IEP so Im not sure where we stand on this with this teacher as our relationship is so new. Today he told her that he had finished all of his work, but in reality, he hadnt even started.

My frustration level is high, even though I know that this is the ADHD in him and he cant help it. It shouldnt matter, though...its not an excuse and I dont want him to think that it is. I expect him to do what he is supposed to do in school.

So, I need to work with the teacher to make her understand that he is going to need a little bit more oversight. Has anyone had this kind of conversation with a teacher before? Was it a successful conversation? What did you ask the teacher to do? What did you do to your child if he/she did or didnt finish an assignment work in class?

Thanks for your thoughts...Im just terribly frustrated at this point.

09-13-12, 04:34 PM
Does this teacher understand that a "goal" means something one works
towards ... not something the child should be expected to have mastered?

Our school wanted my Autistic granddaughter to be able to work independently ...
but they wanted to push her rapidly towards the goal instead of helping her
to get there over time.

09-14-12, 12:12 PM
yes, it is absolutely a goal at this point. And, that is the conversation that I will need to have with her. He needs more oversight, which I realize is hard for her to do with 23 other students in the class. It's so frustrating... He's capable of working on these things on his own. He's just not doing it on a consistent basis. One day he did everthing that he was supposed to do and the next day, he did nothing. So, she thinks he is just playing around since she knows he capable of the task. She sees that he is doing "something" at this desk and assumes he is working on what he is supposed to be working on. And, then when she asks him if he is finished, he says yes when he hasnt even started yet. So, yesterday, not only did he not do his work, he lied to her about it as well which resulted in him getting an R for disrespect.

There seems to be so much more work in 2nd grade than in 1st and I know that the teachers expect way more out of the 2nd graders. Responsibility is one of their "things" and he is in no way responsible.

We'll be having a meeting in the next little bit about his auditory processing disorder results, and I think some things in his IEP will need to be changed/added. It will be a good time to address some of these things as well. And, as much I want her to know that we are here to help and support as much as we can, i dont want to be that hovering, overbearing mother that drives a teacher crazy, either. It is certainly a fine line.

I just want him to do well...

Ms. Mango
09-14-12, 12:42 PM
"Working independently" is pretty nebulous. What does his IEP say about this? How is it measured/quantified? Are you, the teacher and the rest of the team all interpreting this goal the same way? It doesn't sound like it.

This may not get resolved until you know more about your DS's APD, however I wouldn't wait until a meeting for that is called. Go ahead and ask for clarification and make sure the teacher understands and is on board. There's no reason why this can't be done informally.

09-14-12, 12:50 PM
Sounds like the teacher might learn something about ADHD from reading just
a couple of the essays in Dizfriz's corner.

It's true of all who have ADHD that they are inconsistent.

Those are the kind of remarks I was hearing from my teachers 50 years ago!

That I was capable of doing the work so I was being "lazy" or "playing around."

Bah, humbug!

Here is the essay that explains "lying" in children with ADHD:

It explains how ADHD is not a moral choice that children make.

And of course there's the essay on The 30% Rule ( would explain

why your son is having a harder time learning to be responsible.

In some ways he has the abilities of only a kindergartener, eh?

It may be time to revisit the IEP, maybe bring someone along who can

advocate for your son and explain why he needs more help than his peers.

Maybe see if the counselor or school therapist for your school understands

about ADHD and can make suggestions for helping him - and his teacher?

09-14-12, 01:23 PM
I have a report from my sonīs educational psychologist which, along with the diagnosis, explains what his disorder means in terms of his learning and behaviour and what strategies need to be put in place to help him. These are clearly outlined and specific to him, as opposed to kids with ADD in general. Some of his teachers freely admit that they no little or nothing about the disorder and donīt know how to help him.

Do you have something like this? We also have regular meetings and his edu. psy comes along as well (I think the school are scared of her!!)

I know you donīt want to be an overbearing mother so itīs important that you have a meeting where everything is set out clearly and agreed upon by yourself and the school rather than just see how things go.

Sometimes the teachers need a little educating, they need to learn that kids arenīt consistent, they have good days and bad days, they forget stuff and sometimes lie about it.
ADHD kids have a hard time starting tasks so maybe when she sets him a task she can check on him quite early on to see that he has started it.

My son needs clearer instructions as things that may be obvious to other pupils are not so obvious to him. So rather than say "Do exercise 1" he needs to be told open page 34, look at exercise 1, read each question and write down the answer.

He was told to read a chapter in a book once and when the teacher realised that he hadnīt understood it he said "you only told me to read it, you didnīt say I had to understand it".

09-21-12, 04:28 PM
Square Peg - your comment about your son reading, but not knowing he needed to understand it.... I wish I had a t-shirt that said that.