I have to say, I am so tired of my friends trying to fix me up with everyone on this planet!
It's like they feel sorry for me because I'm single and in my early 30's.
90% of my friends are married or in serious relationships.
I have been "tied down" most of my young adult life and I'm actually loving the single life.
Of course, I really don't have time to date because I'm in school full time and commute 4 hours a day!
But I'm just burnt out on guys.
My last boyfriend (term used loosely) was a total scumbag! He carried on with his ex the entire time we were together and lied constantly.
He's still trying to get me back! That's my sorry pattern with men! They take me for granted and screw me over, then spend the following year of their lives trying to get me back.
So, now, all my friends say they have the "perfect" guy for me.
No such thing.
I feel like I'm so jaded to dating because of my past experiences. I've never been married because I'm a commitment phobe. (yes, girls can be those too!)
I don't feel like a failure because I'm not in a relationship.
The next time I decide to date it will be with a guy who's not carrying 600 lbs of baggage, that's for sure!
Is anyone else having these problems?
Sorry I rambled so much but I could write a War & Peace sized novel about my relationships! haha

This is funny , not at your problem trust me but because I've been going through it too. Matter a fact I swore to myself if I didn't get back with my X (which I'm certain that I'm not) that I would not enter a serious relationship for at least 5 yrs. I need the time to breathe think and be happy with myself. I have had nothing but failure after failure in relationships and it's just not worth the hassle to me anymore.

5 years is a long time to be single! But there's alot of fun to be had.
My ex is constantly asking me when I will be ready to give him another chance.
So I told him to wait for a phone call. That was in April! haha
He deserves it though. He was the worst boyfriend I've ever seen.
Cheater, liar, you name it. Disgusting.
The thing I love most about being single is not having to answer to anyone. Doing what I want, when I want.
How sad is it that I've been in relationships where I've had to constantly account for my whereabouts?
Talk about insecure men. But I know women are like that too.
I was never a cheater or a liar so I have no idea why I always felt guilty of stuff.
Probably because his guilt was eating him up so he threw it on me.
I'm sure this is typical!

You know I think because of our ADD we tend to drift from our emotions and be a bit more detached from the relationship. I call it my independence, I don't know what I'm talking about here as this is new to me ,(I've only been living it all of my life) but I feel as though the other party thinks we're up to something when we don't call, or just want that "alone time". I've been accused of cheating countless times in countless relationships. It always hurt when it was by a person who I loved more than life itself.

Ugh, answering to ..why didn't you call, where were you, who were you with, why were you there, were those girls/guys voices in the background, what did you do while you were over there? blah blah blah.

whatever happened to ..did you have a good time? did you meet anyone interesting? why don't I get those questions from g/fs?

Ok.. this is probably not my area yet I'm sure. Yet I have to say I can definately understand some of the issues mentioned. Especially being asked countless questions .. over and over ..My biggest pet peave I can say is when my ex was asking so many questions I would drift and ignore the fact that I was the one doing things .. well the way I could of SWORN was right. The "so called" right way to do it. When you love someone. I suppose it feels even worse when I found out the man was cheating on me the entire time I was blaming myself for his doubts in me. Always doubts..
I couldn't even remember the last time he asked me .. Hey hun how are you? Did you have a good time? How was your day? Miss me?

oooofff! Hell, I don't remember the first time anymore..

30s? this happens in your 40s too!! :D
Lately I've been getting the "Gee I'm 40 now and my dream woman hasn't arrived yet... so Kassie I'm guess I'm go with you instead..."
Oh yeah, he makes me want him with his words.. not!! :rolleyes:

I have ADD, Bipolar and Panic Attack. been through abuse and have had so many failures, ridicule..there was no time, peace to settle in for a relationship

I can relate to this in a big way..lol. I am almost 30(29) and still a virgin(am expected to feel embarressed about this)..lol inspite of being a man. I do not take, regard this as a failure even though in the current prevelant times..it might be taken, suspected to be so many things..People imagine me to be gay(i am not) or less of a man(which I find laughable. I think there is lot to a wo/man than his/her sexuality.)

I feel one must find and meet ones soul before meeting ones soulmate.
There are many ways to get unhappy..the worst way is get married be in love for some other reason than fullfilling self love. I think when is in love and is being equal not less with oneself often one finds true love at ones gate. I hope and wish this stage for myself and all.


There are times I find so much yearning for love in my heart and even for attention..but i know that for any such love to form in my life i must love myself enough that my life would be secure and steady enough to sustain and plant the roots of a relationship. I find it saddening that we equate love with sex I think the best years of love arent those spent in passion but are those spent in compassion .At old age..thats when u need love the most..and come to know the value of true love.

Its strange that inspite of knowing that I am not being stupid or mad in thinking, believing in my beliefs about love..I tend to worry a lot over this. I dont want to be a one eyed man in the city of blind.

I have kept on speaking about my life..although I started out this message as a reply. There arent many places where I write this and feel safe without being laughed at or pitiable.

It feels so glad to know that I am not alone. that I can relate to you all in some way.

Thanks for listening and sharing,

Love,

Nachi

Nachi, I hear you loud and clear. Yes, it is important to love yourself before you can sustain a relationship. But I don't think there is a person alive who doesn't have some self doubt. We all have insecurities, no matter what we might say. If you met me in person, you would think I was one girl that had my life in order. Not true. I was diagnosed only a few months ago and I'm finally starting to understand myself.
But I can project confidence when I'm around other people. Which actually helps build it, believe it or not.
The problem is, finding the person who will love you no matter what you "think" is wrong with you (those are the things they may love most about you). In my short life (33 yrs), I have ALWAYS picked the wrong guy (the one with money, looks, power, popularity, etc.). People with no substance. Guys who choose women as trophies and not companions. I have always settled and I've finally learned not to continue down that path. It's hard to look back on my choices and realize how shallow and selfish I had become. Looking for someone to "take care of" me and not for a true partner. It's pretty lonely.
But we learn from our failures. It took me a long time to learn and it was a painful lesson but I now know what I DON'T want and I can start looking for what I do.
You should do the same. Break the mold of what you think is your "ideal" girl and you'll be surprised at what you might find.
Never be ashamed of who you are. One thing that has helped me over the past few months with my self esteem. Don't think this is corny, because it works! Wherever I go, I hold my head up high. Seriously! Standing up straight and looking people in the eye is a huge confidence booster. You will be surprised how people react. It makes you feel better. Try it.
Good luck to you!

Dear Cubfan,

Namaste,

Thanks for Replying Back to my post.


Your words make much sense and I will be working on the issues that You have mentioned in your post.

I feel guilty and many times feel cheap in being who I am even though I might be having a class of my own..I guess this is a typical add frustration. Other people have so much to relate to the set pattern..its easy for them to follow their careers, relationships..with ADD sometimes it gets even harder to get a friend.

I hold no image of an ideal woman as such but I really dont know if relationships are created or they get born by themselves..with time.

I for one dont have the heart to chase a woman..or to follow someone to bein relationship. maybe thats why I am all alone..or maybe there is no spiritual angle involved in relationship..and its just to the basics..of pleasing a woman..I really dont know about that.

I expect a certain kind of spiritual understanding from woman of my liking..which i havent found in my so lived life. The world that I come from..women cant be separated from men..there is not much difference in them. I hope I will be proven wrong on this.http://www.addforums.com/forums/images/icons/icon7.gif

I am trying to look in peoples eyes with confidance..Thanks for your Advice.

Have A Wonderful Day Ahead,

With Love,

Nachi

I hold no image of an ideal woman as such but I really dont know if relationships are created or they get born by themselves..with time.

I for one dont have the heart to chase a woman..or to follow someone to bein relationship. maybe thats why I am all alone..or maybe there is no spiritual angle involved in relationship..and its just to the basics..of pleasing a woman..I really dont know about that.

I expect a certain kind of spiritual understanding from woman of my liking..which i havent found in my so lived life. The

Nachi,

I see these words you have written and feel them with great depth. I can only understand. I felt, at an earlier point, as if maybe there is just no one out here for me who will be completely what I want in a man. I wanted spirituality, and heart to the full content as well as a maturity level that sparked my insights. I yet had found this.. I stopped looking and almost gave up hope.
I recently had this very grand blessing to have someone even more of what I had ever expected in a man, find me...
It was very exhilirating to have a real, very sincere and understanding in sooo many levels, conversation with even anyone I have ever met before.
Lest I say, him and me.. well we have realized so much love is actually there that we need to wait due to having many emotional battles within ourselves..

We actually both have ADD. He has known for a lil' longer than me. I just found out about a week ago.

Hence the necesity for time.. yet I have a grand feeling this is going to last because he has so become my dearest and most wonderful friend. This seems to just progress and grow eternally as the passing days go by. No seperations..
It is very hard for me to still believe he exists. Not his person but his soul.

So you see, it will happen. Now I have a new belief that it will for one definate soul of sincerity.
My "best friend", he taught me this..
PATIENCE IS SINCERE AND UTTER VIRTUE.

although I am honest to say ..it really sucks during the waiting period ya know
Hope to help.
with truest of heart's intent,

a friend...

Hi.

Thanks for soulfull reply. I am touched and Happy for You.

Opening up in this thread and others have helped me explore myself and be aware of my feelings or my truth more.

You have a Wonderful Heart. I wish You Abundant Love, Joy & Peace in Your Life Ahead.

Love & Hugs,

Nachi

Hi.

Thanks for soulfull reply. I am touched and Happy for You.

Opening up in this thread and others have helped me explore myself and be aware of my feelings or my truth more.

You have a Wonderful Heart. I wish You Abundant Love, Joy & Peace in Your Life Ahead.

Love & Hugs,

Nachi
Well thank you so very much and I am very, very happy to have helped in any way.
smile always Nachi!

ps, thank you again for such a wonderful compliment..:o

Nachi, I hear you loud and clear. Yes, it is important to love yourself before you can sustain a relationship. But I don't think there is a person alive who doesn't have some self doubt. We all have insecurities, no matter what we might say. If you met me in person, you would think I was one girl that had my life in order. Not true. I was diagnosed only a few months ago and I'm finally starting to understand myself.
But I can project confidence when I'm around other people. Which actually helps build it, believe it or not.
The problem is, finding the person who will love you no matter what you "think" is wrong with you (those are the things they may love most about you). In my short life (33 yrs), I have ALWAYS picked the wrong guy (the one with money, looks, power, popularity, etc.). People with no substance. Guys who choose women as trophies and not companions. I have always settled and I've finally learned not to continue down that path. It's hard to look back on my choices and realize how shallow and selfish I had become. Looking for someone to "take care of" me and not for a true partner. It's pretty lonely.
But we learn from our failures. It took me a long time to learn and it was a painful lesson but I now know what I DON'T want and I can start looking for what I do.
You should do the same. Break the mold of what you think is your "ideal" girl and you'll be surprised at what you might find.
Never be ashamed of who you are. One thing that has helped me over the past few months with my self esteem. Don't think this is corny, because it works! Wherever I go, I hold my head up high. Seriously! Standing up straight and looking people in the eye is a huge confidence booster. You will be surprised how people react. It makes you feel better. Try it.
Good luck to you!
girl i i am worse than you. i used to go after guy based on his astrological sign. now if this is'nt stupid then i don't know what is.

I am 29 and i am not with anyone either. but unlike some of you i have not given up and you should not either. you have to FAITH. but on the other hand, i do agree that you have to be right with yourself before you can be with anyone else. i donnot know if you will agree but it seems that people with add have a harder not to mention longer time finding themselves and being happy as well. but no matter how long it takes, keeping on the self path. i think it is true for all of us hear that well all want to be loved land needed. and you will. you just have to keep believing

Nachi,

I see these words you have written and feel them with great depth. I can only understand. I felt, at an earlier point, as if maybe there is just no one out here for me who will be completely what I want in a man. I wanted spirituality, and heart to the full content as well as a maturity level that sparked my insights. I yet had found this.. I stopped looking and almost gave up hope.
I recently had this very grand blessing to have someone even more of what I had ever expected in a man, find me...
It was very exhilirating to have a real, very sincere and understanding in sooo many levels, conversation with even anyone I have ever met before.
Lest I say, him and me.. well we have realized so much love is actually there that we need to wait due to having many emotional battles within ourselves..

We actually both have ADD. He has known for a lil' longer than me. I just found out about a week ago.

Hence the necesity for time.. yet I have a grand feeling this is going to last because he has so become my dearest and most wonderful friend. This seems to just progress and grow eternally as the passing days go by. No seperations..
It is very hard for me to still believe he exists. Not his person but his soul.

So you see, it will happen. Now I have a new belief that it will for one definate soul of sincerity.
My "best friend", he taught me this..
PATIENCE IS SINCERE AND UTTER VIRTUE.

although I am honest to say ..it really sucks during the waiting period ya know
Hope to help.
with truest of heart's intent,

a friend...
oh i love that you have found someone. God bless. you know what i have also found to be true and i know you all will agree? that spirituallity is a must in any humans life. once you understand and have a relationship with the almighty, you can never go wrong. and, you must have patience like christmas dream said. the right person will find you.

All i want is to make absolutely sure that before I even consider another relationship, I can remain steadfast in who I am. No one worth loving, and who could truly love you, would expect or even want you to change your core beliefs. I made that mistake not too long ago, and I have learned that the price is too high.

I could go out if I wanted. I just haven't found anyone who fits the above condition. In my case, I'm willing to be alone. It's a lot better to be alone and know that you are alone, than to be with someone who doesn't know you at all.....Being alone in the midst of a relationship is one of the worst experiences I have ever had, and one of the worst I could ever imagine.

Life is good. Life is not party after party. I've been there and done that. I want to sit on a porch-swing, looking out over the water somewhere, and know that I know that I know...that the person beside me is really who he claims to be, and that one of the biggest reasons he loves me is because he is absolutely secure in the knowledge that the same is true of me.

If that never shows up in my life, it doesn't mean that my life has no purpose. My life has the purpose that I intend for it to have. And for me, it is vital that no matter what comes, that purpose is a pure and true one.