View Full Version : how does an ugly, socially inept, untalented guy get ladies


Dmitri
09-17-12, 09:25 PM
Hey guys for any of you who read my recent posts I've had this crush on a girl in my French class for a while. Yeah so I really have no talents if you don't harmonica but even then chicks don't dig harmonica players. anyways I was wondering how I could possibly get a girl to feel any attraction towards me. Is there a special trick into the female mind? Because Im Not smart attractive buff athletic or anything. what can I possibly do to work around this? What do chicks dig? Should I learn more than basic riff on gguitar? Anything? Is it even possible

Fresh Azmiz
09-17-12, 09:32 PM
Be yourself!

Electra2
09-17-12, 09:38 PM
Be honest and kind.
Show interest (care).
Don't ever cheat,or do anything like that.
Be your self,and be proud of it.
Oh,and don't call your self ugly...!
Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

Spacemaster
09-17-12, 09:48 PM
be a hipster. For some reason, chicks dig it. Start wearing scarves and listen to music nobody has ever heard of. Carry around books, and sit in coffee shops, and pretend to actually enjoy it.

Ok, so not great advice, but it's sort of true. :P

So for real,
Be nice. Give genuine compliments, and be interested in what girls have to say, or at least act like it. Smile at her.

gatorADDe
09-17-12, 10:57 PM
There's only so much you can do about changing yourself for the soul purpose of impressing women. Women are really good at noticing when guys are showing off or trying to hard to impress them. I don't admit to being a womanizer, but for the success that I've had with women it came from not trying that hard at all. For example, if you genuinely enjoy playing guitar then get good at it because YOU want to. What's going to keep a girl interested in you is that you're interested in things out of your own motivation. They'll most likely find you intriguing and you'll be more than just a pretty face, but depending on how young the girls youre going for this may not have settled in yet... In all honesty, the mentality of needing to ask women what they want won't get you far. A better question is what can you do to better yourself intellectually to make you seem more interesting and attractive. The fact that you brought up "attractive buff athletic or anything" kinda seems like you're worrying about superficial bs. Not every girl is looking for a hipster, quarterback, or whatever the **** else.

Targaryen
09-17-12, 11:05 PM
I'm not a lady but my advice is be yourself and if it's meant to be it will happen. Best advice with women (and people) close your mouth, open your ears, eyes and mind and have some empathy, show them that you care and it will all work out.....it's about respect.

Do you know anything about this girl like what her interest are?

Bob-ADHD
09-17-12, 11:16 PM
If you can't impress her with anything much, just make her laugh. Although the harmonica does sound pretty sick.

Electra2
09-17-12, 11:27 PM
If you can't impress her with anything much, just make her laugh. Although the harmonica does sound pretty sick.

:eyebrow: Harmonica is not sick its nice! :)

mctavish23
09-17-12, 11:48 PM
Hmmm ...

I must say that I'm unqualified to answer this question. :D


u r welcome :cool:

Electra2
09-18-12, 12:02 AM
Also it's good to take initiative but then again don't come off like a absolute desperate extreemly dangerous obsessive stalker kind of guy,imo.

doiadhd
09-18-12, 12:08 AM
Go for an ugly inept untalented french chick. . .you look like my ex's new bf,but not as ugly inept and untalented as him. . .so it is possible. That little ****. Stay away from my son you little ****. Compliment them,not all the time,just once every first meetin,they love that ****,harmonicars are the new drums-sure there'll be girls with t-shirts reading,i had sex with the harmonica player,and he rocked my pants. . . .in no time. God speed,good luck on your quest. And strap it on before you slap it in-peace.

ginniebean
09-18-12, 01:09 AM
Haha doi! You're being super harsh on yourself, lucky for you most women aren't that harsh.

sarek
09-18-12, 01:50 AM
Dmitri, first you must stop thinking of yourself as ugly, socially inept and untalented. You radiate outwards what you think of yourself.

Next item, just be you. There just might be someone out there who is looking for the real Dmitri.

SquarePeg
09-18-12, 01:52 AM
Electra2 has good advice. One of the most attractive qualities in a person is confidence, not to be confused with arrogance.

Plus you are what you put out there.

If you think you´re worth dating, you are
If you think you´re good looking, you are

If you accept yourself for who you are, others will too.

Sounds simple but it´s true

Phoenix Ash
09-18-12, 07:43 AM
Like others have said, it's about who you are, not how many guitar riffs you know. There is no 'special trick into the female mind'. And even if there were, we really do not like guys who are just looking for a shortcut. Trying shortcuts, in fact, is a great way to p**s a girl off.

Now then.

STOP CALLING YOURSELF UGLY INEPT UNTALENTED WHATEVER.

Seriously. If you don't like yourself, then the people you will attract are the kinds of people who are looking for people who don't like themselves.

Think about that for a minute.

Now think about the way you've been talking to yourself in your own head. And stop with the negativity. It sounds overly simplistic, but the fact is what you say to yourself does matter. Deep inside our brains (male and female) we all have this really primitive side that really does believe whatever it's told, and it helps us become whatever it is we think we are. Garbage in, garbage out. So stop being nasty to yourself and start telling that primal brain how great it is, even if you don't really believe it for awhile. Just keep doing it. The message will eventually sink in, and the cycle of negativity will break.

While you're at it, focus on exploring life, finding more things you enjoy, and getting better at the things you love. For you. Learn to love yourself, because women love THAT. We love positivity, self-respect, integrity and people who are genuine. And the older you get, the more important those things become. So work on them now, while you can get a head start, and you'll have more than your fair share of pickings in the future.

Oh, and we really, really love guys who are courageous enough to just be themselves and let the chips fall where they may, even when that's really difficult to do. Especially when that's really difficult to do.

The rewards are worth it, man. They really, really are.

Flory
09-18-12, 09:46 AM
first of all, don't talk about yourself in such demeaning tones..confidence is key, if you arent a looker doesn't mean you wont get a girlfriend, personality, humour and confidence are the three things i look for in a guyfriend (that and they have to be almost as retarded as i am...i love a H guy) :D

PixiePlumber
09-18-12, 10:01 AM
Be a real a-hole. Ladies love that.

I'm just kidding. Do the opposite of that please :)

Dmitri
09-19-12, 08:48 PM
I tried talking to her a few times and had chats with her in the hallway and she complained to the principal that I was stalking her... the principal was a cool guy and knew that wasn't the case but still. im ******* done with people. if you're shy and awkward you're weird. if you try to be outgoing you're a creep what the **** do People want from me? Im tucking done trying ****s not worth it thanks for tryin to help bit its all ****in hapless

peripatetic
09-19-12, 08:50 PM
wow! she sucks. sorry to hear that, man.

Dmitri
09-19-12, 08:54 PM
Apologize for the typos dyslexia is 10x worse when Im hurt sad or just ****** of. all of the above id 10^3 which is 1000

Dmitri
09-19-12, 08:56 PM
She doesnt suck shes a great girl when you look at it through her perspective- an ugly weird talkinguyen to her you can't blame her. It just proves my point. female gender despises Me

pooka
09-19-12, 08:58 PM
Honestly, she sounds kind of b*tchy to me...

RedHairedWitch
09-19-12, 08:58 PM
From Dan Savage:

“Worry less about getting your 16-year-old self laid and more about getting your 20-year-old self laid.

Get out of the house and do stuff, get books and read stuff, volunteer for a political organization and change stuff.

More assignments: Get a decent haircut and use deodorant and floss your teeth and take regular showers and wear clean clothes. Work out and get a nice body. Go online and learn about birth control and STDs, and learn enough about the clitoris that you'll be able to find it in the dark.

Beat off in the interim, of course, but remember to vary your masturbatory routine (left hand, right hand; firm grip, soft touch; with toys, without; lots of lube, just a drop; etc.), and try to cultivate your own erotic imagination. (Translation: Don’t jerk off to Internet porn exclusively; use your imagination once in a while. Remember, real girls are not like the women in porn.)

You’ll have more girls to choose from in a few years and be a more interesting, informed, and attractive guy thanks to all that doing, reading, and volunteering. ”And whatever you do, do NOT become one of those angry and bitter "nice guys finish last" or "all women want are abusive d-bags" jerks. Women avoid those (not actually) nice guys like the plague.

Dmitri
09-19-12, 09:06 PM
I don't even have a ****in drive anymore. nothing inspires me. she used to be my inspiration. before that it was god. now I realize those are both childish fantasies I got nothing. I hate school. my best friends been dead for almost 3 years. my family hasbecome a stranger. Ik you think its stupid since Im 16 but nobody ****in knows pw Im feeling nobody ever will and the don't deserve to

RedHairedWitch
09-19-12, 09:08 PM
It gets better. High school only lasts so long. Stay strong. Your real life hasn't begun yet.

Dmitri
09-19-12, 09:08 PM
Im not a good guy Im completely unlikeable. and don't call her a *****! You don't know her and if you knew me you'd understand

pooka
09-19-12, 09:53 PM
Of course I don't know her or you. That was just the initial opinion I formed after reading what you had to say - sorry if I offended you, that was not my intention.

I'm in high school as well and I know it sucks sometimes. You seem kind of angry and lost but you have it in you to get through it. I hope things work out okay for you.

Rebelyell
09-19-12, 10:32 PM
you dont

crystal8080
09-20-12, 12:05 AM
you didn't do anything wrong. she has to say something like 'leave me alone' or 'i'm not interested' or something like that before she can accuse you of stalking! i don't blame you for being upset. you just liked her and tried to let her know that. i'm sorry you had to find out this way that she doesn't feel the same about you. :(

if i were you, i would do everything in your power, everything in your being, to make her think you are not affected by her. as much as it hurts, she is the one who made the mistake, not you and i wouldn't give her the satisfaction. maybe she'll realize she made a mistake about you and your intentions.

MX2012
09-20-12, 12:19 AM
Dimtri -- Hey, don't tell Bob Dylan a harmonica is silly. You do know Bob Dylan, right? Plus, you are not ugly, social inept, or untalented. I can tell by your post.

You are socially inexperienced. But, everybody is when they are young. Humor is a wonderful thing. Plus, most of the advice others gave is right on.

I have always observed how women are attracted to musicans, but I would consider another instrument like a guitar or something where you use your hands but leaves you free to talk or sing. That way as you strum, you can converse. Believe me, just learn a few songs. A guitar is alot like a dog. When people take their dogs for a walk, strangers will be friendly and talk to you while they admire your dog. Guitars (etc.) work pretty much the same way.

Twiggy
09-20-12, 12:55 AM
First of all, you need to feel good about yourself. If you're having a difficult time with it then tell your doctor about it. They can prescribe meds that can help.

Things you could do in the mean time:

* Read more about Buddhism...you'll learn a lot
* Explore new hobbies
* Join clubs at school <---- This is a great way to meet new people that have the same interests as you
* Get into school sports
* Have fun

Don't take girls in high school too seriously...you're only 16 and they're about the same age. You're still kids.

Dmitri
09-20-12, 07:09 AM
Dimtri -- Hey, don't tell Bob Dylan a harmonica is silly. You do know Bob Dylan, right? Plus, you are not ugly, social inept, or untalented. I can tell by your post.

You are socially inexperienced. But, everybody is when they are young. Humor is a wonderful thing. Plus, most of the advice others gave is right on.

I have always observed how women are attracted to musicans, but I would consider another instrument like a guitar or something where you use your hands but leaves you free to talk or sing. That way as you strum, you can converse. Believe me, just learn a few songs. A guitar is alot like a dog. When people take their dogs for a walk, strangers will be friendly and talk to you while they admire your dog. Guitars (etc.) work pretty much the same way.

I taught myself the entire bob Dylan collection haha thanks for your concern

Lisa_Mac
09-20-12, 07:55 AM
Dmitri, as I'm reading this thread I'm laughing my head off because you remind me so much of myself at your age (and older). I also thought I was unattractive, socially inept and untalented. Only difference is I was a girl.

I would have these major crushes on guys but never had the courage to even talk to them, so well done to you for actually talking to her. Sorry she took it the wrong way. Maybe watching how some really socially savvy people interact would help.

When I think about it now I realise how silly my perceptions were, they were also completely wrong. Based on the picture on your posts you're a nice looking guy. Looking back I realise now that I would always concentrate on my negetive attributes and wasn't able to see all the positives. There are plenty of girls out there for you. Just as I found out that there were plenty of guys out there for me.

Plenty of good advice on this thread for you from people who really want to help and are caring. Good luck.

Lx

Cayenne
09-20-12, 08:32 AM
Be careful what you want.
Do you want a relationship with someone who is attracted to someone who is not really you?
Don't let ANYONE or anything tell you who to like, who to look like, who to be.
"You're only pretty as you feel."

Tmus12
09-20-12, 10:59 AM
Just one piece of advice be confident and this has been hinted at many times by other posters. Women/girls love confidence mixed with indifference and being sociable. it's a winning combo. I've never been hit on more in my life then when I'm in a relationship already I accredit that to the fact that I was going home with someone and felt really good about it. Look your young there is plenty of time to pick up women. I know that's not really helpful right now but trust me it gets better.

Dmitri
09-20-12, 06:54 PM
you didn't do anything wrong. she has to say something like 'leave me alone' or 'i'm not interested' or something like that before she can accuse you of stalking! i don't blame you for being upset. you just liked her and tried to let her know that. i'm sorry you had to find out this way that she doesn't feel the same about you. :(

if i were you, i would do everything in your power, everything in your being, to make her think you are not affected by her. as much as it hurts, she is the one who made the mistake, not you and i wouldn't give her the satisfaction. maybe she'll realize she made a mistake about you and your intentions.

I can't just pretend I don't care. Just an update the past days been rough. I kinda alienated myself from everyone even my longtime friends. The principal told me not to talk to this girl so I didn't. at the end of our class together which is at the end of the day I shw her staring at me with an unreadable expression. either one of pity or abhorrence. i don't get how the female mind works. i just don't get it. I've basically given up trying to get it because i nevrt will. but i know one thing. no matter how it works I know it doesnt and will never find someone like me the least bit appealing

Targaryen
09-20-12, 07:32 PM
You may not believe it now but things get a lot better after high school. Like others have said focus on interest and passions that YOU like and when it's time for the right girl to come along it will happen.

Also just like you are struggling right now to understand the female mind, its high school, there are females struggling with understanding the male mind. This is something that doesn't end in high school but it does change.

RedHairedWitch
09-20-12, 11:03 PM
The thing you have to keep in mind when dealing with young women is that they don't have any clue what they are doing either. They are just as lost, confused, self conscious etc

When dating as a young person, you have to remember that everyone doesn't know what they are doing, doesn't really know what they like or want and is going to mess up constantly.

Girls just mess up and show being nervous and clueless differently.

Dmitri
09-21-12, 07:19 AM
What you guys are saying makes complete logical sense. you guys know a lot more about this stuff so I know the advice is legit. so how come I still don't feel better. at all

Bob-ADHD
09-21-12, 10:13 AM
Mate, I'm 17 and I've realised that as I've ascociated more with girls, I've just come to accept that they are frustrating and often finicky. I don't really try to understand women anymore, I just let what I see and experience sink in.
Don't get too hung up on this girl, there'll be a lot of other great girls out there. The weird ones like us are hard to find, but when you find them, it's worth it.

Marspider
09-21-12, 02:37 PM
Be careful about your body language as well, don't crowd people in or they will feel threatened. And watch out for language that she doesn't really feel like talking. If you speak to her, give her space.

YOu are alright, just chill.
I didn't date anyone till I was out of high school not because I didn't want to but because they didn't want to date me. :-D. So expand your horizons, you never know who digs you.

There are lots of women who considered 'undateable'. Try talking to them.

BR549
09-21-12, 04:15 PM
I tried talking to her a few times and had chats with her in the hallway and she complained to the principal that I was stalking her... the principal was a cool guy and knew that wasn't the case but still. im ******* done with people. if you're shy and awkward you're weird. if you try to be outgoing you're a creep what the **** do People want from me? Im tucking done trying ****s not worth it thanks for tryin to help bit its all ****in hapless

I realize we don't know this girl. But I hope you will keep in mind many of us responding to you ARE women. We were this age once. Some of us did similar things to guys :o

No matter how much you like her or find her to be wonderful (and she may truly be a fantastic person), bottom line is what she did was not cool. She knew that you liked her. She could have easily talked to you and told you she wasn't interested. Instead, she went to the principal and said you were stalking her. Yes, she is young and immature, but she shouldn't have done that. That was mean-spirited and totally unnecessary. In her defense, she probably didn't know how to handle the situation.

She doesnt suck shes a great girl when you look at it through her perspective- an ugly weird talkinguyen to her you can't blame her. It just proves my point. female gender despises Me

Dmitri--again, I WAS a teenage girl. What she did sucked. It was hurtful and hateful and unnecessary. I don't know her so I'm not saying SHE sucks. I'm saying that her actions sucked. It doesn't matter if you looked like Quasimoto. She could have handled the situation differently. Hopefully, she will learn how to deal with this type of attention in the future and won't be so callous.

There is NO way you can look at this through her perspective though. Don't make assumptions on her perspective based on how YOU feel about yourself. I can assure you that the female gender does not despise you. That said, I CAN say that I'm sure most of us here have at one time felt the exact same way you do right now. This is one girl who handled the situation poorly. While it makes you feel rotten, it doesn't mean she despises you or that all females despise you. I promise that isn't the case.

There are some girls who don't like a lot of attention. It makes them feel uncomfortable and self conscious. I don't know anything about this girl, but if this is the case and how she feels, she needs to learn how to manage. She will, too.

Learning how to interact with the opposite sex isn't something that happens overnight. Sure, there are *some* guys and gals who seem to instinctively know what to do or say. The rest of us have had to go through what you are going through right now:(

What you guys are saying makes complete logical sense. you guys know a lot more about this stuff so I know the advice is legit. so how come I still don't feel better. at all

Sadly, we all have to go through painful experiences like these. They are def. not the "fun" part of being a teenager and growing up. I see these experiences are a training ground for future interaction with the opposite sex. The same goes for her. It's trial and error and it sucks. It DOES get easier and less painful as you get older and are exposed to more experiences like this. I know--I HATED when people said that to me--but it's true :mad:

Bottom line is it doesn't matter what you look like--and FWIW you are not ugly. As far as the opposite sex goes, be yourself. Confidence goes a long way. Not cockiness, but confidence. Be sure of who you are and don't really worrying about what others think. Don't try too hard or try to be something that you aren't. Learn an instrument for YOU, not to woo or win over girls. It's not talent or looks or social aptitude that makes you attractive to the opposite sex. It's your being comfortable with being YOU.

Looks will only go so far. If you have the personality of a box of rocks, looks aren't going to do a whole lot for you in the long-run. Besides, funny, nice and confident trumps cute any day. :)

mctavish23
09-21-12, 05:22 PM
Okay, here's the generic deal.

Adolescent girls are WAY MEANER than adolescent boys.

Like we can punch each other out, and then still be friend's in the next week or two.

But girls do all this BFF, soap opera, rumors, and back stabbing "drama," that we would

NEVER do. It takes too long, and it's too weird and boring.

Good Luck.

mctavish23

(Robert)

crystal8080
09-21-12, 08:22 PM
I realize we don't know this girl. But I hope you will keep in mind many of us responding to you ARE women. We were this age once. Some of us did similar things to guys :o

No matter how much you like her or find her to be wonderful (and she may truly be a fantastic person), bottom line is what she did was not cool. She knew that you liked her. She could have easily talked to you and told you she wasn't interested. Instead, she went to the principal and said you were stalking her. Yes, she is young and immature, but she shouldn't have done that. That was mean-spirited and totally unnecessary. In her defense, she probably didn't know how to handle the situation.



Dmitri--again, I WAS a teenage girl. What she did sucked. It was hurtful and hateful and unnecessary. I don't know her so I'm not saying SHE sucks. I'm saying that her actions sucked. It doesn't matter if you looked like Quasimoto. She could have handled the situation differently. Hopefully, she will learn how to deal with this type of attention in the future and won't be so callous.

There is NO way you can look at this through her perspective though. Don't make assumptions on her perspective based on how YOU feel about yourself. I can assure you that the female gender does not despise you. That said, I CAN say that I'm sure most of us here have at one time felt the exact same way you do right now. This is one girl who handled the situation poorly. While it makes you feel rotten, it doesn't mean she despises you or that all females despise you. I promise that isn't the case.

There are some girls who don't like a lot of attention. It makes them feel uncomfortable and self conscious. I don't know anything about this girl, but if this is the case and how she feels, she needs to learn how to manage. She will, too.

Learning how to interact with the opposite sex isn't something that happens overnight. Sure, there are *some* guys and gals who seem to instinctively know what to do or say. The rest of us have had to go through what you are going through right now:(



Sadly, we all have to go through painful experiences like these. They are def. not the "fun" part of being a teenager and growing up. I see these experiences are a training ground for future interaction with the opposite sex. The same goes for her. It's trial and error and it sucks. It DOES get easier and less painful as you get older and are exposed to more experiences like this. I know--I HATED when people said that to me--but it's true :mad:

Bottom line is it doesn't matter what you look like--and FWIW you are not ugly. As far as the opposite sex goes, be yourself. Confidence goes a long way. Not cockiness, but confidence. Be sure of who you are and don't really worrying about what others think. Don't try too hard or try to be something that you aren't. Learn an instrument for YOU, not to woo or win over girls. It's not talent or looks or social aptitude that makes you attractive to the opposite sex. It's your being comfortable with being YOU.

Looks will only go so far. If you have the personality of a box of rocks, looks aren't going to do a whole lot for you in the long-run. Besides, funny, nice and confident trumps cute any day. :)

:goodpost: High school can be a tough time, and everyone is learning how to manage things they've never had to deal with before. My post was meant to help you get through going to school and seeing her until the hurt subsides a bit.

You know we women as a group have been telling you guys over and over and over again that its not the looks that are important. It doesn't matter if you can play a "cool" instrument. It doesn't matter what you have. Hopefully one day you men will believe us when we say it is CONFIDENCE that attracts women. Ever heard of a strong silent type? Its better to believe in yourself and not worry about impressing people, and do what you enjoy. Someone special will notice. Believe me!!!

Pamplemousse
09-24-12, 11:00 PM
Here's some advice coming from a teenage girl. When girls do that kind of crap, they're usually doing it for attention. Either for the approval of their close friends, or to attract the attention of somebody else. I've never dated, so I don't have personal experience, but of all the others I have seen, this was seemingly the case.

She might think you're good looking, nice, and talented. She may see that you're a little shy and awkward, too. And if she's seeking the approval of her peers, she's going to exploit your weakness to everyone. And you know what? She has no right to do this.

The problem with high school is it's all cutthroat teenagers trying to climb the social ladder.

rickymooston
09-30-12, 10:50 AM
Well, learn to listen and behave nicely. talk to her
when you can. just think about getting to know her,
start worrying about asking her out when she acts
interested in you.

be sensitive to signs of her finding you annoying. if she acts
annoyed, go for another person. ;).

in terms of ugly, she may not think you are.
if danny divito can be loved, why not you

cstevenson7568
10-06-12, 02:06 AM
Women dig confidence man, plain and simple, you just need to work on yours. and if all else fails, use the finger gun and a wink (haha, not really, please don't do that) You need to stop being so hard on yourself, you really are not a bad looking guy, if you are having trouble with the ladies I can 100% guarantee you that it is related to the way you view yourself and has nothing to do with the way you look or a lack of talents. Be yourself, don't overthink.

mosher66
10-21-12, 11:09 PM
probablly reduntant to say this, but just be yourself, obviously be more social if you can but at the end of the day you can only do so much, just be yourself and the girls will come flocking

- from a guy who didnt get his first kiss till the age of 17 and even at the age of 19 still doesnt have much relationship experiance xD

shootme
10-22-12, 04:31 AM
"Is there some trick into the female brain?" Ummmmmmmm Wow..

_z_o_e_
10-23-12, 12:26 PM
Don't worry about changing yourself, I tried for years and trust me, it's a terrible idea. What you really need to do is embrace who you are & be open/friendly.

If you're really want a tip on something to improve, then try improving your style (clothes & hair). Of course make sure you only dress for yourself, not anyone els.

Truely not caring what people think of you (not just acting like it) is hard to do, but trust me it's possible & it's what will make you the absolute happiest & it will draw people of all social groups to you.

TheChemicals
10-23-12, 02:41 PM
With moneyyy! Just throw money at it! Woot Woot.

shootme
10-26-12, 03:42 PM
You just made my day, thank you so much!!!

shootme
10-26-12, 03:43 PM
⚓ smooth seas never made a skilled sailor ⚓

That is about the best quote I've ever heard!

Seaweed603
11-02-12, 01:13 PM
Ok I had the same issue, until I realized that some guys got "it" some guys don't. Some guys get all the women, some guys don't. Guys like us, the shy, socially awkward guys, well I hate to break it to you, but we are forever alone. The only sex we will ever get we will have to pay for. I realized this last year, and just stopped focusing on girl, and began focusing on other stuff. it is the way of the world. you sound just like me. I kept asking people of advise, and none of it worked. I read all of this advise here and, it is the same stuff that I had gotten. I would never wish the pain that this causes me on anyone, but it is true. We carry a darkness in us that will never go away. My advise is to just put the darkness in the back of your mind, hide it from yourself. distract your self with dreams of a relationship and love. because for people like us, that is as close as we will ever get.

SweetCode
01-12-13, 03:48 AM
Seaweed603 , you're wrong...

Man , I am not a genius in the women department but I learned a few tricks...

The thing is when it's about social relationships It doesn't really matter what you are or who you are , but what people think that you are and who people think that you are... It's not about what you are , but about what you look (many people will say otherwise but they just get the social rules naturally and they incorporated them so deeply that they don't understand this)

No advise in world will work because there's no recipe, but there is a few key points.

Social ineptitude, I am social inept to the point of "abed" char from community is, but I evolved and got better by studying my social relationships , what other people take for granted for some of us require a lot of hard work , so really study the words and body language , there are books about this subject , within some time you'll get better and better, and also remember how you look, talk and react changes how the people will react, I'm acting almost all the time, I carefully choose my clothes , idiosyncrasy , speech tone , words , hair for every different event that I am going to, I can go from a businessman to a punk rocker in a second (I even posted it at facebook for a few really close friends , with the same clothes I made 3 shots , in one I am a hipster , in the other a well dressed modern person and in the last one a punk).

The "cool types" , being a cool person is not related to who you are , but how people perceive you , since I used to move a lot as a teenager I did an experiment that I behave different at every school to fit in different groups , someone is cool when he is able to be something that someone else desire to be and it'll change during your life , the cool guy in the school probably will not be the cool in high school and that one probably will not be th cool in college and so on... see what you have to offer to the other people, by what you said you look like the kind of guy that dig music , why is dylan cool? because he is able to make observations that other can't , because he is able to express what other can't , because he is able to make we feel and when do we feel? That is up to each one to understand, in my vision it's about being able to express the real meaning of a specific situation.
For example, in the song "Losing my religion" from REM , each person will have a different interpretation of the lyrics, let's take the interpretation of the breaking up , it can be a breaking up but the song doesn't say "I am angry because I am not with her." it goes to the felling that comes from this, the felling on being just human and incapable of changing things at your will , so be the "poetic guy" if you wish , but the thing is , be able to provide what others need and study to be good at whatever you want to provide, it can even become your future job.

What the girls want? A girl just like a boy is a individual , each one will have different interests , so don't try to make a girl like you until you have enough self-steem and confidence for doing so and to handle the failure if it happens, until there don't worry about that , follow the previous steps and they will come and just like they do with you now , you will too have to see if she has what you want , you may be interested in a smart girl with conservative views or a impulsive girl that wants to change the world you shouldn't take "any woman" , you should take the one that will make you feel good for being with you (even for a one night stand, but depending of the age the hormones may speak louder , don't worry boy or girl most of us have some mistakes in the past , and usually they taste like alcohol lol)

Be yourself, remember when I said that it wasn't about being yourself? well... I lied... the thing is , even professional actors interpret characters differently , because after all we can't really hide who we are so , yes make the best to show exactly what you want to show , but don't try to hide who you are, it's the thing that makes the thing that you're showing look legit , otherwise you'll just look like someone being really lame trying to be someone else.

And last, You can try to reach the sky, but first build the ladder to the rocket , don't try to rush over yourself, you'll not become perfect from night to day , you'll not be a superhero because you have a nice costume , develop your skills , learn to see your limitations and one day you'll be much more powerful than you are today, but don't try to be clint eastwood tomorrow.

So the conclusion is , understand where you are , understand what you need , understand what you can, so you are able to "Do what you can, with what you have, where you are" effectively.

No one has problems for being ugly, socially inept and untalented , people have problems for looking ugly, socially inept or untalented.

So no need to "give up" or drama , get up , as rocky balboa says it's not about how hard you can hit , but how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Z5OookwOoY

You were amazingly brave by talking with that girl , you got hit, it happens now get up and keep moving forward, you have a world to conquer.

mrs. dobbs
01-12-13, 04:26 AM
Great taste, courage, fortitude, low self-consciousness, the ability to appreciate life itself (from culture to food, from weather to poetry), great jokes, and lots of adventure. That is, learn to enjoy life YOURSELF!! That makes you magical. Don't want to be the Pied Piper with the aim of everyone following. Wear hooves, play a flute, skip across continents, do what you think is fun. Trite advice, sorry.

Ok, fine... simple stuff? Dress tastefully in second hand, smell clean (lots of showers and a little sandalwood), listen to good records and learn how to cook, and really well.

Special-Ks
01-12-13, 01:54 PM
Whooaaa bro! Sounds like you're way too hard on yourself.

First of all, you play the bass. I also play the bass, so I know that automatically makes you cool.

Really though, how can you call yourself "untalented" when you clearly have interests that you pursue?? Like guitar, bass, and harmonica? Harmonica players are rare these days, so that should automatically make you feel sophisticated, lol.

Forgive me for being cliche, but the ultimate factor here is pursuing your interests, and being confident in who you are. Exercise makes a huge difference. You'll gain confidence in how you look, and your ability to stay committed to something.

When you have a negative view of yourself, "social ineptness" is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Because instead of approaching things with a relaxed mindset, you approach with a fearful one. This makes it hard to lose yourself in the moment.

The best advice I can give you about trying to get to know a girl is to simply make her laugh. Be funny, be yourself, be relaxed, and make her smile. If you believe in yourself, you'll realize there's nothing to worry about in the first place. Go with the flow!

ezridax
01-12-13, 02:13 PM
You don't need to attract all the ladies, you only need one....and if you can just learn to take care of yourself, like yourself, and be yourself, chances are good that she will find pursue you. At least that's how it worked out with my [adhd] husband and me.