I am unmedicated. Somedays ( like today ) I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel because all I see of the road ahead is a vast desert.
Aside from the organizational and finacial problems which I have methods and games to help me deal with. I'd like to hear how some of us are coping with those days where we ask ourselves is it worth it? Why don't I just end it all now?

Seems like when I get depressed there's nothing that can bring me up.
While I'm functional with my career and friends, I feel nothing but dead inside. I blame myself for all the hurt I've caused people whom I've loved in the past and could not be there for them because of my condition.

These thoughts bring me to anger and when I do not act on my anger I go to depression.

I know I'm not supposed to look back and focus on the future but all I can think about are my failures and the fear I have of being alone for the rest of my days.

These thoughts bring me to anger and when I do not act on my anger I go to depression.

I know I'm not supposed to look back and focus on the future but all I can think about are my failures and the fear I have of being alone for the rest of my days.
Dude, you nailed it. That's what I do. I don't get suicidal, so sometimes I just let it ride, and, in a few days, it gets a little better. Talking to my therapist helps some. Talking to my best friend helps, too. My meds have helped a lot... I'm on Wellbutrin for the ADD and that takes away the "background" depression that I used to hang on to every day, and my doc just started me on Lexapro for depression/anxiety. We'll see how that works out.

I completely share that fear of being alone. I am 30 years old and only had 2 girlfriends, ever. If I were to have a child right now, I'd be retirement age before my child graduated college, and that depresses me.

This is kind of a background issue for me right now. I don't want to drag all my other fears and my depression into a relationship and just blow it for some stupid reason. So, I'm working on things in general with my therapist and my friend, hoping that I'll be generally more healthy and that it'll mostly resolve itself. I'm also going back to school, which, I think, will help, because school is the one setting where I've felt comfortable and happy in my life so far.

ok. I don't pry but the depression is one symtom I know. I unfortunately know. It is not a matter of understanding this thought due to there being so many forms of such an illness (as they stated it to be).
It is most definately a matter of focus. Which I , now understanding I have ADD from readings and instinct of a good, good friend, is very difficult to display or invoke in ourselves without setbacks. I have found this as a pattern in my lifespan. I , personally, feel that I may have a necessity for such helpful medications spoke of herein. This forum and more have much to offer as insight and inspiration .. sometimes.. mostly comprehension.
I think it is something we all long for.. complete and utter reality to OUR senses and pains and discomforts. I am no expert.
Just had more than a few moments of realization of my insecurities and my actions. Bad ones. I know it is something I can not subside with just a word from others. It is like I can not feel it even though I want to? Is that of any familiarity?
well I found that I have innatentive memory characterisitics,(actual) hyperactivity, I am very impulsive,have low self-esteem and unlike many.... SINCERE EMOTIONAL TURMIOL.
My quest is just begining.. We have a hard journey ahead... As "add'ers"....

Ps. I have handled it differently every time and every time went into a circle. What is the pattern of? I am very unsure. I have a good feeling these forums are the way to finding out.

LOL, I laugh becuase you sound like me talking. I'm 33 and refuse to go into a relationship with someone because I fear emotional attachment. What can I offer if I can't even be there to see my kids go through college and the like. Also, what type of husband/ b/f could I be when my mind wonders at the times when my attention is needed most? When I become so detached from my feelings or when I get so depressed that all that matters is me me me me.

You mentioned school, it's funny because I was just mentioning to a friend last night how the only time I remember feeling fullfilment was when I was training in Martial Arts regularly. Probably because it's a lifetime of practice.

I have also recently undergone the process of going back to school. I had been struggling however on whether or not I wanted to pursue a BA or more certifications. Now, that I know what my problem is, I'm going to take the least painful way and go with certs first. Then go on to the BA.

I don't know if I'll be able to handle term papers, a full time job, MA(martial arts) training, sportbike racing and keeping my financial life together all at once so that's why I'm choosing the cert over diploma. One step at a time for me.

I totally know where you are coming from.

A recurring theme in the relationship posts are the lack of emotion and "connectedness" with our partners. I may be projecting, but I would venture to guess that this hyper-logical, overly rational approach to our partners is a compensation for our true nature - - potentially impulsive and emotionally explosive at the drop of a hat. Also, people with excessive insecurites tend to invest their time in reading and/or learning heavily to become more intelligent, intelligence being the antidote to a begrudging existence.

I used to agonize over every slip-up in my past. It was like my self-worth was a kind of punching bag: only one of those really beat up ones with duct tape and tears all over it. A therapist I spoke with about this (I go through shrinks like I go through toothpaste, which alludes to my commitment issues, but I digress . . . .) indicated that this is your self-evaluation mechanism in overdrive. Everyone is occassionally supposed to mill over their shortcomings to learn what they could have done better given the circumstances, but you and I take it to a whole new level. Just try to remind yourself that this is your errantly-trained brain acting on your ego INDEPENDENT of your own volition. In short, it is something that is happening to you w/o your consent. Employ that logical bias inherent in your personality, take a step back and look at yourself from outside and afar. Now, remind yourself how silly it is to berate your younger (and thus more naive) past self for something that can never be undone anyhow. "What folly that my brain would judge me so harshly", you say, and proceed about your business. Make amends with those you have wronged and let them know where you are coming from.

Ever wandering,

-K

I'm 33 and refuse to go into a relationship with someone because I fear emotional attachment. What can I offer if I can't even be there to see my kids go through college and the like. Also, what type of husband/ b/f could I be when my mind wonders at the times when my attention is needed most? When I become so detached from my feelings or when I get so depressed that all that matters is me me me me.
I can totally relate to that Speed. I come home from work and my house is a wreck. (Heck, my car is a wreck...) And I think, 'Yeah, like anyone would like to date me. What could I offer?' Cause theres almost no stability in my life. ... And then I tank into depression. Can I get off this ferris-wheel yet?

...the only time I remember feeling fullfilment was when I was training in Martial Arts regularly.
Yeah, I know whatcha mean. Tae-Kwon-Do was like the only thing I could maintain focus at and feel successful. Skilled even...


I have also recently undergone the process of going back to school... I don't know if I'll be able to handle term papers, a full time job, MA(martial arts) training, sportbike racing and keeping my financial life together all at once so that's why I'm choosing the cert over diploma. One step at a time for me.It's funny, Speed. Sounds like we're in similar boat. I'm just signing up for EMT cert this Spring. Scares the heck outta me what with remembering my High-School and College days and how much of a failure I felt like. But I'm hoping now with my meds and ADD-Therapy I'll keep my head above water... Nice to know I'm not the only one struggling and scared.

Just sitting here stuffing my face, with the most disgusting concoction known to man. Cottage Cheese, Spanish Olives, with Fresh Ground Black Pepper on top! mmm...it's a fetish food fo' sho'! :)

I haven't been depressed in a very long time. When I say depressed, I mean the one where you don't want to get out of bed, or even move to feed yourself for a couple of weeks. I still get the blues occassionally, and if I suspect I'm on the verge...I start writing things down...so I can figure out what's up. Sort of like a journal. L-Tyrosine, has often rescued me from the depths.

I saw an article in Utne magazine I've been dying to read. Just haven't picked up this months issue. "I'm just British, I'm not depressed!" Apparently, a visitor from the UK was diagnosed and treated for Depression when there was nothing really wrong with them at all. lol

Then I met someone, who has the same Birthdate as me. The similarities are uncanny...and it makes me question almost everything. ie. is it ADD, or is this just the way I'm supposed to be?

I think Television is possibly the biggest evil in our society, among other things. *internet*coughs*. Since the Golden Age of Television, which a lot of people missed because they couldn't afford one. We've gotten fatter, the divorse rate has skyrocketed, and we see all of these fantasy relationships on the television screen...and people wait for their "soul mates" vs. "good enough for me."

Modern life is just so isolating...like one can go to the Gym, and almost nobody speaks. They've all got their MP3 headsets on. But darn the excercise sure does make me feel better.

Today was my third time reading through this thread; I just wasn't sure how to answer or what to say the other times.
I've been on anti-depressants for a long time, but the SSRI that I was put on just happened to do wonders for my ADHD, too.
My treatment for depression is the same as for ADHD and a lot of the other struggles I have in life:
Plenty of sleep every night--I need 7-8 hours of sleep, not counting the hour or more it takes me to fall asleep and another half-hour to wake up.

Vigorous exercise at least 4 times, and preferably 6 times a week, for at least an hour.

Regular meals including fresh foods and excluding processed & refined foods.

Minimize any and all things that cause stress--I can't elimitate all stress obviously, but I do make choices to try and minimize it.

By doing what we can, like Swamp has said, we give ourselves the best chance at life. I like what you've said a lot Jonathan.
Ian

Minimize any and all things that cause stress--I can't elimitate all stress obviously, but I do make choices to try and minimize it.
Oh you mean like, staying away from meaningful relationships, a decent job, family, paying taxes, yardwork (which I detest), driving on the hwys at rush hour, etc etc.. wow, other than bills if I removed these things from my life I could probably be stress/depression free. But then I'd miss my family, the g/f be broke etc. Sounds like a no win situation there. I do agree with working out on a regular basis, as I like to do so myself. Problem is we all know how hard it is to lift even a twig when the depression sinks in.

Thus the need to begin at the beginning where it's easiest. Motion at all at that point is all that I need to make a start.

For me it's come down to fairly desperate terms of choices of life or death. I choose life and motion every time so far. I hope you can too.

I don't think Swamp was suggesting you avoid stress altogether. I don't think that's realistic and I don't think that's what he said. No doubt he'll correct me if I'm wrong but I'm not feeling a way out on a limb here.

Dealing with the things that are within our control and letting go of the things that aren't is a simple concept and very effective but it's not that easy to learn to do. There are many ways to practise though.

I began letting go of the smallest things I could think of that bugged me. Practise was good and I got better at letting things go.

Another thing I came to believe was that doing the same thing over and over expecting the results to be different is the very definition of insanity.

I do what I can and hope to learn something from my mistakes along the way. Is there anything else we can do? Blaming others in any way, justified or not is a stone dead end in my experience.
Easy does it. Ian.

Oh you mean like, staying away from meaningful relationships, a decent job, family, paying taxes, yardwork (which I detest), driving on the hwys at rush hour, etc etc.. wow, other than bills if I removed these things from my life I could probably be stress/depression free. But then I'd miss my family, the g/f be broke etc. Sounds like a no win situation there. I do agree with working out on a regular basis, as I like to do so myself. Problem is we all know how hard it is to lift even a twig when the depression sinks in.

Listen to some CD's or read some books by Deepak Chopra and Wayne Dyer. They have offered some excellent advice that has helped me find some peace in the midst of feeling like the world is coming to an end.

[speedmania]
I am unmedicated. Somedays (like today) I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel because all I see of the road ahead is a vast desert.

Is it possible that it's time for you to seek therapy &/or meds?

I'd like to hear how some of us are coping with those days where we ask ourselves is it worth it? Why don't I just end it all now?


Personally my children keep me here, I've seen what suicides do to those that are left behind, NOT a good legacy.

Seems like when I get depressed there's nothing that can bring me up.
While I'm functional with my career and friends, I feel nothing but dead inside. I blame myself for all the hurt I've caused people whom I've loved in the past and could not be there for them because of my condition.

These thoughts bring me to anger and when I do not act on my anger I go to depression.

Anger is what finally drove me to seek help it is so totally opposite of my normal feelings.

I know I'm not supposed to look back and focus on the future but all I can think about are my failures and the fear I have of being alone for the rest of my days. [/QUOTE]

Difficult to change the negative self-talk into those times when you did well, isn't it...please accept this as the other half of my answer


I'm trying therapy, are you open to this, is it possibly time?
You are never alone and as long as you will invest the time into keeping up friendship and family ties this fear you have should be the easiest to tackle.

We're here for you, even though I'm a she I've fought depression most of my life, so have a lot of people who have made great differences in many people's lives.

Hang in there
Get thee to a Dr &
Self-educate/re-train that recorder you are beating yourself up with
that's my final answer.

Depression is something I have dealt with for a very long time. One thing you can do is take positive steps to correct it. Like seeking help through a mental health care provider. Medication scares some people, but it can be a real big help.

Taking care of your body, hard as it is to motivate to do so, is one of the single best ways to handle depression. The very things we have difficulty managing when we are in that whole, are things that, undone, make the depression worse. Too much or too little sleep makes it worse, not eating, or over eating makes it worse, withdrawing and isolating yourself makes it worse, and the lack of physical activity that goes with it makes it worse. It can turn into a vicious cycle spiraling down into complete despair, sometimes with tragic consequences.

I use the tools I have to motivate. In my case it's anger. I am a very angry individual, angry at the world for all the abuse and mistreatment I recieved at the hands of people who were exasperated with me for not being able to "Fit" their world, or do what they wanted the way they wanted it. Anger needn't be an ugly negative emotion. It simply tells us we need to do something to protect our interests. Seeing it that way allows you to use it constructively. It is a very powerful emotion, and one I have a surpluss of, so on days when the depression is so bad I don't want to even attempt to go through the motions, I use that anger to punch through the depression so I can do what I need to do. It gets me moving, and because I do the things break the cycle, I get better. It's an ongoing process, and I have to repeat it often, but I have enough anger in me for ten lifetimes, and I'll be damned if I give any of those B******s, the satisfaction of giving up. They were wrong about me and the only one who can prove that is me.

I hope that was some help. I feel your pain... More than you may ever know. You aren't alone, and I truly hope you find a way to beat it. We are here for you though. :-)

E-boy, I agree with you that anger is NOT a negative emotion. I think sometimes when we say anger others might hear "rage" and they are completely different.

I have frequently channeled my anger to internally motivate me to make things better in my life. Anger doesn't have to be directed at anyone. It can just be that one step past frustration where you say "I've had enough!" and I'm changing things in my life so they will be better than this.

To answer the "how do you handle depression" question:
I've read so many books and listend to so many CD's on self help that I seem to use MANY methods.

First, it's good to know that some depression is normal.
For instance, if you just lost your job it would be normal to take a day or two and grieve or be depressed about that loss. This allows you to take stock of your life and heal.

Sometimes a series of things like this will happen. For instance, your pet dies one month, your best friend moves away the next week, your company started laying off people, and you just watched the evening news about Tsunami victims. However, if you don't stop and take time to feel, grieve, or attempt to find peace for each one of these events as they happen it builds up in to BIG depression. (You don't have to take a lot of time. You decide. Set aside a certain amount of time and make this YOUR time to deal with how you feel about a certain event.)

If you have ADD then you know about losing track of how much time has really passed and too often we let all of this stuff build up for weeks or months or even years until it seems like the walls will come crashing down on us.

If you have gotten to that "crashing down" point then counseling and even medication for a short time can help.

AVOID any further depressing things. Like, I refuse to watch the news, read news websites, or newspapers unless I am looking for something VERY specific. Even then I usually ask my wife to look it up for me so I don't get roped into the other garbage.

Then find ONE thing that always puts a smile on your face and think about that and force yourself to stay smiling about that as long as you can.
While you are smiling think about how you really want your life to be.

Take LITTLE steps to make your life that way.

Each breath you take from there is one step closer! :D

Difficult to change the negative self-talk into those times when you did well, isn't it...please accept this as the other half of my answer


I'm trying therapy, are you open to this, is it possibly time?
You are never alone and as long as you will invest the time into keeping up friendship and family ties this fear you have should be the easiest to tackle.

We're here for you, even though I'm a she I've fought depression most of my life, so have a lot of people who have made great differences in many people's lives.

Hang in there
Get thee to a Dr &
Self-educate/re-train that recorder you are beating yourself up with
that's my final answer.
Thanks for the advice everyone, btw.. I have been seeing a doctor and he's been quite helpful. So far however all I've been working on is structure.
He too is or has ADD so he totally understands. However, he has stated to me that he doesn't see the depression in me and that I seem to be laid back. Go figure!