ok I am new to doing this stuff so don't be fake. I need real constructive critisism. PLEASE! ok alright.
I am just finding out ... realizing that I have ADD that I pretty much am ADD. hell, I am just realizing lots of things and this forum helps. Yet now I think I am definately going to fall into break down. I know I have so many things to thankful for. I feel like I am falling into depression mode once again. (knowing it will not be the last..)
Lest I ask, Can anyone out here really comprehend me and tell me they have done this more than many a time and even more so.. can you tell me how to push it out of my way. I feel I am at a dead end.
Forgive me for rambling..I do it lots. (not to say most of "us" don't)
Please tell me why I feel worthless now and again and why I have no enthusiasm or incentive in my mind for staying alive. I have a friend and he gave me this pathway and I thank God for it and he is also ADD yet I have this fear I am going to be just another addition to his maddness.. which is mostly what I feel
MADDNESS!

I have a light before me.. I just don't know how to see clearly enough to linger in it and let it guide me....

Where I am now in my life, if I felt that way, I would go to my psychiatrist or therapist or best friend (who also has ADD, lol).

The medication I've been prescribed really, really helps. In terms of how much it's helped, the time it took to become effective, and overall how it's affected my life, I would say meds are THE single most important change I've made in my life over the past year. Over a longer term, I expect therapy to become more important, but I am finding that the meds allow me to do things to make the therapy more effective. So, I would not really recommend one without the other.

Read "self help" books on ADD. (I think it's George Carlin that says "What's up with all these self help books? I mean, if you're going to go buy a book written by someone else, that's HELP not self help." Lol.) You can find a lot of recommendations in other threads, and which one you might want to read first depends on your exact situation. It sounds like you might benefit from You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Crazy, or Stupid?. Check it out, good book.

Post. Read. Grow strong. Wax on, wax off.

Years of beating myself over the head with repremands for not fitting in on one level or another dimmed the light for me.

Action is good medicine for me. Following my dreams by stepping deliberately in that direction quickly builds my confidence. Dwelling in the positive helps. The strength and courage to take these steps comes with support (like here) and practise.
Cheers! Ian

i've struggled with severe high functioning deppression all of my life. for the most part the vast majority of ppl don't even see it in me..even at my worst i manage to make other ppl laugh with wit...and be successful at completing things like: work....but it took wellbutrin at the age of 28 (last year) to fully comprehend how sad it is to live a life with such a painful abyss always inside...i literally could see a gun to my head every single time an obstacle happened in my life i felt as if i would disinigrate and i didn't know if i could go on. ppl around me always said that they thought i was 'strong' and i never understood that-(look at my sig, it describes how sensitive i feel all the time and its a very painful way to live)
after a month of taking wellbutrin it slowly dawned on me how it felt to be living w/out this feeling...the feeling that i will definitely kill myself one day. it was just a matter of time...and i thank god that i finally 'caved' in and forgave myself for letting go and just TRYING something like wellbutrin when i formerly never thought a drug could help me so well...
its not the answer for everyone but as exeter says, it really, really helps...i'm so glad that i have it.
one of my closest friends and i (she's bipolar, i'm adhd/deppressive/anxiety disorder) were at the lowest point about a year ago, together, and we've witnessed the change for each other after starting wellbutrin, i had tried a few diff. other drugs, one day that i mentioned i might consider getting off of it..(which i think a lot of ppl do once they've felt good for awhile, they think that they can just DO it, when in reality the meds are working properly) and she said "do you really want to go back there? do you remember what you were like last year? you and were talking about the best strategy to suicide w/out offending our relatives..."
i hate to be sooooo
dark
but that is my reality.

Probably not the answer you were looking for, but here are two reasons off the top of my head:


1. A sixteen year old boy in our community hung himself in his bedroom last weekend 15 minutes after his Dad took his car keys away. Even people who didn't know him are irretrievably devasted that this beautiful kid couldn't see any light at the end of his tunnel...just as people...even people who don't know you intimately...would never, ever get over the loss of you. Is that the legacy...the ripple in the pond of life...that you want to leave the world?

2. One time when I was telling a counselor what a worthless piece of s*&^ I was, she interrupted me to ask if I thought homeless, drug addicted street people had a right to live.

"Of course!", said I...

"How dare anyone believe that they have more value just because they have been lucky enough to live without falling through the cracks!!!"

"Well", said the counselor, "Why, then, would you think you have any less reason to live?"

Her suggestion...try to give yourself the nuturing and benefit of the doubt you would give to someone else. You are worth it-you will benefit, as others have benefited from you being on the face of the earth. You have a right to be here-and your loss would be too great to bear...

When I am at my lowest, I try to remind myself that I am an important part of something, even if I don't feel like it, and don't understand why I have to feel so low on the food chain. It's kind of like I give myself permission to be less than the superb human being I wish I was...and sometimes it works for me.

This forum is a great place to get encouragement but I would also ask: Who in you life will give that hug and that support that you need now? You need to telephone or see that person for the sort of support that you cannot get long distance.

I have been where you are. Without my friends and the support of a good psychologist, I wouldn't be alive now. All that tried and true advice about not isolating yourself, doing something that makes you glad to be alive, and reaching for help really works.

I get the impression that the sudden education in ADD that you've just received over the last week or two is overwhelming you.
This seems to be pretty common; people spend years of their lives just trying to cope and vaguely wondering "What the H is wrong with me?", but never really getting the question to the forefront of their conciousness; instead, its just a shadow in the background.
But (fortunately) a day comes when the question comes bursting in loudly clamoring for attention and we can't easily ignore it. Some people try, and become locked in a hopeless cycle of denial. Others, and I think this includes you, are honest enough to admit there really is a problem with them, and then seek to find out what it is.
This begins the journey towards wellness.
Unfortunately, to begin the journey requires a map of sorts; you can't go anywhere unless you first know where you are.
So, I'd say that you're in the process of finding out where you are, and, it can be very confusing, very frightening, very bewildering. It's like having everything that's familiar and comfortable in you life very rudely disturbed--just when you thought its about to get better, it seems to get worse.
In this case, finding out where you are means finding out what ADD is, what the symptoms of ADD are, how it has affected your life and the lives of those around you. Its like going to a doctor and after running some tests he comes in with a grave look on his face and tells you that you have a serious disease. Fortunately, it is "curable" so to speak, but you had to know what was wrong before you'ld take action to get well.
So, as you learn more about ADD, I think you'll find that lots of pieces of the puzzle of life will begin to fall into place, and everything will begin to make a lot more sense in the months to come.
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PS, I battle with depression, too.
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[QUOTE=exeter]Where I am now in my life, if I felt that way, I would go to my psychiatrist or therapist or best friend (who also has ADD, lol).

It sounds like you might benefit from You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Crazy, or Stupid?. Check it out, good book.

~~~
Wow. That was a funny thing. Your best friend also has ADD. My best friend does too and funny .. he pretty much diagnosed my accidentally, lol! But he has been a wonderful addition to my life.


And about the book. Is it by the author you mentioned?

:o

Thanks Much Ian!!
I Think Your Right.. Here Is A Good Place To Start.

It's kind of like I give myself permission to be less than the superb human being I wish I was...and sometimes it works for me.

You hit it right on the nail man.. oooffff I feel that way like almost every single moment. I try not to .. yet I do. I know what you say has to be right. I have such a hard time accepting it though. Like my best friend and I.. he means the world and I definately don't like making him sad or feel stressed due to my own high anxieties of the world, you know? Well, he always says - as do others- I am so positive and so on and so forth. I am so not feeling it on the inside. It is like. I just wish someone would be able to look into my eyes and see it ALL!!..

i've struggled with severe high functioning deppression all of my life. for the most part the vast majority of ppl don't even see it in me..even at my worst i manage to make other ppl laugh with wit...and be successful at completing things like: work....
ANOTHER ONE FOR ME?!! SHEESH..
ahhhhhkkk.. I have this problem with that.. like everyone always says I am such a positive person. HOW????
I mean I try to because I want that for others.. POSITIVETY.. yet no.. I so wish I could see it and actually identify with it on a regular basis.

I get the impression that the sudden education in ADD that you've just received over the last week or two is overwhelming you.
This seems to be pretty common; people spend years of their lives just trying to cope and vaguely wondering "What the H is wrong with me?", but never really getting the question to the forefront of their conciousness; instead, its just a shadow in the background.
So, I'd say that you're in the process of finding out where you are, and, it can be very confusing, very frightening, very bewildering. It's like having everything that's familiar and comfortable in you life very rudely disturbed--just when you thought its about to get better, it seems to get worse.
------------------
PS, I battle with depression, too.
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YOU ARE VERY INTUITIVE .. THANKS FOR IT. That is my complete and utter explanation of what happened to me yesterday(words in bold)

I am very much so starting to find out many helpful hints. I have so benefitted so far from joining in the forums here.

PS, Have you figured what can assist you in winning that "battle with depression, too" ?

Charismasdream, welcome to the forums!

Ok I suggest we play the 'what if' game, in a positive way instead of most of our (my anyway) normal/negative ways.

What if your life was perfect...what do you seeing yourself doing or how do you see yourself acting then?

This is hopefully helpful because if, like me, you see yourself giving money or comfort to others you CAN do that now. You can find a charity, especially at this time of year and volunteer, soup kitchens, read a story to children in a hospital, there are so many needy folks out there.

I myself am trying to heal and be strong enough some day to help sexually abused children...don't know how yet. I cannot even deal with a child's story without falling apart @ this point in my life-can't even watch news, most days. I am determined to get there someday.

If you feel comfortable enough share a goal with us.

If not know you are welcome and I loved your entro "so don't be fake" there was no way I could pass that line up;)

Hugs woman thanks for reaching out.

If you feel comfortable enough share a goal with us.

If not know you are welcome and I loved your entro "so don't be fake" there was no way I could pass that line up;)

Hugs woman thanks for reaching out.
Charlie,
I see you are a mother of three? Well, I have 3 as well. lol I can only give a mother appreciation for even trying to get out here and help herself and others at that.
My goals?? huh? lol j/k
I have a couple of goals.. more than "normal" people.. lol *loud loud laugh**
But well I really am going to start school Next month and super excited about it. I think school was a wonderful place to utilize this brain to where it wouldn't have the time to move backwards or feel low.(for me it was anyway)
I have a superb goal.

To find myself completely and be complete so that I can give out me..."COMPLETE".
*can you comprehend?* :o

Charismasdream,

I'm not sure I totally comprehend your comment about finding your self completely.
Just seems like we'll always be in a learning/searching phase.

So my new question is how do you imagine you will know when you reach this 'complete' finding yourself stage?
Or are you just seeking to be more comfortable with who you are now?

Schooling sounds fantastic what a great gift to yourself!

Charlie,


I loved that part she played in that movie "scrooged" btw..lol:D

But yes you know, it is somewhat not possible for me to be an actual complete.
I think my version of it is more of ..yes, feeling more comfortable and understand myself more openly than now. And well, having a spouse and knwoing we will work through things knowing ourselves first.. before trying to know eachother.

I want to be able to be real when I say " hello, how are you today?".. versus saying it with racing sad and confused thoughts in my brain at once.

[Charismasdream]
I want to be able to be real when I say " hello, how are you today?".. versus saying it with racing sad and confused thoughts in my brain at once. [/QUOTE]

BINGO or tah dah something we CAN work on together

Sorta/kinda feel like I'm working on my 'stuff' thru forums with you:) today.

I've noticed there are FEW folks that truly seem sincere when they ask 'how are you?'.

I was wondering myself about this a while back.

Is this an 'art' or developed skill?
There are maybe 3 people out of 100 of my co-workers that seem to totally come from a centered 'place' within themself and when they speak, even a quick hi, how are ya? seem like they truly focus on the individual.

IF anyone has any ideas about how to go about practicing a certain 'thought' or whatever to learn how to project this truly caring feeling I'm all ears.

"Stuff" huh? lol

Well, all I really want out of that is to be completely sincere all the time. Even though it may not be taken in a good way. I do tend to explain later. I don't want to lie to people. Yet I always recieve this really cool " you are such a positive person shannon" .. yet can't always feel it inside.

Let's work on that shall we..? lol

*um... only if you go first lol j/k*:p