I'm just wondering if anyone else is like this..stupid social and have a reputation of being a social butterfly, but also so anti-social that friendships fall apart? I do that a lot..when I go into a new situation with new people I sort of decide before hand or when I first see them if I want to be friends with them or not and then either make no effort or dive right in. I love people, I love talk to anyone, and having lots of friends is great..but sometimes I am just happier to not talk to anyone I don't already know well. I am usually perfectly content with the smaller close group of friends I have, and even moreso I often focus on one or two of the closest, but other times I want to expland my social circle. Does anyone else do this?

Yes, I tend to do the exact same thing, Will go out and talk and hang out with strangers all night. Then can turn around and be just as anti-social as social. I have had people say oh, your so sweet.... And I'm like ..Trust me I can be just as hateful!!! I have my moments, it's hormones. when my estrogen is low, Anti-social, and need more progestrone... I have gone out to eat by myself at fancy eating places,wild clubs that I'd dance at for hours by myself and never talk to anyone, I can be ready to go shoppin, make a list an all go out to do it and then all of a sudden, people are getting on your nerves and you don't want to talk to anyone;.... So I end up going home, before I finish my erronds. Then other days, I'm givin helpful hints to the stranger in the hair isle>>>LOL My moods like these are leaning way more to the anti-social. It just takes to much effort thes days to get out what i'm thinking.

Keys: I do the exact same thing! Life of the party when I get there with numerous invitations as a result. The problem is getting there. And all of my excuses are related to my lack of organization and money.


Never have anything to wear. (This is a true statement. Not a pathetic clothes horse whining about having to wear the same outfit for a third time!) I HATE clothes shopping!
My house is a disaster, so I can never reciprocate with an invitation to anyone!
My finances....as bad as my house.
Can't "go out" because I have put off completing a prior committment to the last minute again!
May live in the same zip code, but I'm no where near the tax bracket of everyone that I know and associate with.
Etc. etc. etc.

You just have to make time to be social.

this is typical ADD adult type of behavior and its not very unusual. Your moods fluctuate a great deal when you have ADD...sometimes you are very talkative, want to socialize with people, and sometimes you just want to do things on your own and not be bothered. It sucks when you don't have really good friends, and WANT to socialize and talk to people..especially when you are a single person in there 30s..(this is my dilemia right now).

I wouldn't say "anti-social" in this case. I would say "introverted." Anti-social implies actually going out of ones way to harrass and harm people. However introversion simply means that an individual gains strength from their own thoughts and from being alone, instead of from social situations.

While I would disagree that mood fluctuation is a symptom of ADHD, it is somewhat common...

The thing is this: introverted personalities do not do well in today's extraverted society. Social gatherings and interpersonal skills are absolutely necessary in society today, and therefore even introverts need to be socially capable.

Some people can "turn on" a social mode, which takes a lot of energy to maintain. While they may be able to remain social for days or weeks on end, there comes a time where it simply can't happen anymore, and the introvert has to "retreat" into their own mind for a while.

For extraverted individuals, this can be very confusing. If someone is appearing social, then suddenly hides in a shell of their own mind, it can be percieved as being angry, mean, or depressed...when in reality the case is simply that the introvert burned out and needs to mentally "rejuvenate" in their own mind.

Oftentimes, the amount of time required to mentally recuperate is related to the amount of time spent being forcedly extraverted. If an individual has to be extraverted for 2 weeks, they may spend up to a week avoiding people entirely, staying in their apartment, etc. If they must be extraverted for 2 months, it may take a month of avoiding social situations to recuperate.

For an introvert, being social and staying around large amounts of people is very, very mentally exhausting. Recovery time is essential for the introvert to remain psychologically sound.


P.S. it should be noted that despite being more prone to it, introverts do not necessarily have social anxiety or agoraphobia. However, forcing introverts into extraverted behavior without allowing ample time to recover can cause the development of social anxiety disorder. Individuals with social anxiety disorder are far more likely to be introverted personalities, however, that can change upon remission of the disorder.

For an introvert, being social and staying around large amounts of people is very, very mentally exhausting. Recovery time is essential for the introvert to remain psychologically sound.
and to be able to re-emerge, at a different time, feeling intact. *Bingo*

KMiller---Thank you for such a great and informative insight...
I've learned something new about myself.

Thank you for sharing this. :cool:

I definitely have similar type issues. I am very talkative and outgoing, can strike up a conversation with anyone-very friendly. But I am not fond of large groups and crowds-I can easily feel overwhelmed. Although I'll go to malls, I don't particularly care to go to them and deal with the scores of people walking around. I also feel bombarded with all the items and stores all in front of me. I much prefer going to stores one at a time. But then I've had my fill and just want to get out of there. It's part of the irony of the ADHD. Bubbly & extroverted, but at other times like being away from people because it's just too much to focus on. I can get somewhat withdrawn at times too. Guess this all comes with the territory. ADHD is among other things about inconsistencies and gaps/blinks in attending and focusing, so it seems to make sense that at times we can process better, while other times, enough is enough.

I'm very similar in what you are describing a combination of social butterfly and anti-social. when I'm out somewhere, I'm as social as they come. making new friends, getting girl's phone numbers and email addresses, etc, etc. even at work at TGI Fridays, I have to have a social personality if I'm to be any good at waiting tables. but when I'm at home with my roommates, I go straight to my room and shut myself in there basically. why? I dunno, this is my home and I want my alone time to play some violent computer games, to chat on instant messenger, check my emails, etc, etc. when I'm at home, I have an opportunity to be on my computer and do sh*t that I want to do and need to do. I don't want to be social and partying at what I call home. it just doesn't feel right. and it puzzles the hell out of everyone how someone like me can lock themselves in their room basically and not come out unless I have to go to the bathroom, eat or go to work.

I just chalk it up to me needing my alone time and being captain socialite when I need to be. I guess I find that when I'm all super social, it happens naturally rather than because I want it to. does that make any sense?

- stan

yeahhh i know what ya mean,,, sometimes im all excited and happy to hang out with people, close friends, strangers whoever,, but then other times i dont want to be social, ill sit in my room at my computer and do things , ill write etc jsut to be alone,,, and meanwhile my roomates are out in the living room having a grand old time. they just dont understand how it is for me, alota people just think im crazy like that and dont realize with haveing add my moods flucuate ALOT. Social one min. and anti social the next ,,, ahhhh dear the things we must live with

For an introvert, being social and staying around large amounts of people is very, very mentally exhausting. Recovery time is essential for the introvert to remain psychologically sound.

I guess on this one I am the exact opposite at his point in my life. While I do require my alone time for personal rejuvenation, almost all social functions are EXTREMELY relaxing and NOT draining for me. It is an opportunity to escape the chaos of my everyday life, almost like using a drug. It is only the material preparation for these events that I find draining.

When I was in my 20's and my life was more balanced, my alone time was typically very productive and not as riddled with out of control ADD. Now, my alone time is isolating and negative and only on the rarest of occasions productive.

It seems to me that this issue takes on different aspects depending on how well the ADD is controled, vs. letting the ADD take control.

aesalon, I'm the opposite, I don't like at all to go out & be social with groups & even hesitant to get together with my few close friends but when I'm home I like having someone around, I've enjoyed married life & in college I liked to have roomates to talk to. Wife says I can be quite demanding & it exhausts her sometimes. She is better than me at playing social norms as expected at work (I don't even try) so when she gets home, she's exhausted & has zero intrest in talking & is even less interested than me to visit friends socially. We are both introverts.

Sometimes I wonder if my interest in socializing is more selfish to get my ego stroked. I'm really not extroverted at all in the sense of thriving on relating to other peoples feelings, I have very little interest in that. Not that I'm rude, I'll be polite and sometimes find it interesting to hear what other people say but never the way extroverts actually feed on putting themselves into another person's mind. It's just not how I function. I could stand to be more considerate though.

I think all people are like that to a degree. They all like to hang out and go out to places, but everybody needs alone time as well. That's how it was in my dorming experiences, at least - things can get really social at times, and at other times, everybody is in their rooms doing their own things.

Oddly enough....I've been in radio and T.V. for over 25 years. I do lot's of television commercials and recently "retired" from radio. You can't swing a dead cat around here without hearing my voice or seeing me somewhere. In public, it's as if I think I should be "on" all the time.

The point is, I'm great in crowds of 100 or 20,000. Been there, done that thousands of times. Put me in an intimate social setting and I'm screwed! I seem to immediately go into this song and dance thing that always keeps others at arms length. My mind starts whirring and it's "Showtime Folks!". I can actually see myself doing this behavior. It's as if I'm off to the side viewing myself in the social scenario.

Finally, I've had odd reactions to my behavior at concerts as I never stay for the show. Part of my duty as a jock is to organize and care for the listeners who've won tickets and passes from us on the air. We call this a Meet & Greet. I meet with the winners, explain the artists wishes and/or rules, then take them to meet the artist and get a photo/autograph. Then I show them to their seats and answer any questions. By then, it's show time so I'll head backstage. I go on and do my bit on stage, then introduce the band. I'll listen to the opening song MAYBE, then I bolt out the door, head straight to my truck, then home or wherever. Listeners have seen this and questioned me about it later. I don't take dates to shows even though I've had girls plead to see a show or meet a particular artist. They think I just don't want to go out with them, but the truth is it's painful to stay for some reason.

I wish I could turn off the big, red, "On The Air" light in my head sometimes.

this is typical ADD adult type of behavior and its not very unusual. Your moods fluctuate a great deal when you have ADD...sometimes you are very talkative, want to socialize with people, and sometimes you just want to do things on your own and not be bothered. It sucks when you don't have really good friends, and WANT to socialize and talk to people..especially when you are a single person in there 30s..(this is my dilemia right now).
I know what you mean, although not currently single. Have many friends--well, I did anyway, not entirely sure I could consider any of them friends anymore, and it would all be due to my own flaky behavior, as far as taking them up on invitations out, or just plain replying to an e-mail. I mean, crichy! How hard is it to hit "reply" and type something? You know... Like what I'm doing right now? Feh. :p

Am hoping that as I progress along with a treatment path that I'll be able to reach out to these people again. Just hope I haven't lost all of them already.