View Full Version : Checking in.....


crystal8080
10-29-12, 12:17 AM
Hey everyone, thought I would check in, haven't been around much.

I've taken a dive in the other direction now...I'm back to the depressive symptoms. Starting to make sense of it all at least, getting tuned into my cycles and recognizing patterns. My brain is a fog, its really hard to concentrate again.

My anxiety is absolutely through the roof. There is a cold running through the family and I cannot take it. My son is whiney, kids arguing......its making me irritable, I am not coping well. My whole body went into a state of anxiety, I had a nap in the chair. I really had to get it through to my husband that I am not able to control it. He was going to our other house and offered to take him with him for the night- he is coming back again tomorrow anyway.

Our daughter stayed, she has school tomorrow I am ok with handling that. I had a very difficult time when she did not want to go to bed since her brother was not there and she would be upstairs by herself. I did not have any patience to be the kind person I wanted to be, to give her the tone to make her think everything was fine. The best I could do was tell her she had to go to bed. Its hard to not have a Mary Poppins button, one that I can press at any time.

I have been busy reading some other bipolar sites/forums since it seems that is my major problem. I've tried reading the cyclothymia forums, they are sparse and low in numbers and it seems like no one else is taking medications so I'm not finding it useful. I like the people here. So I thought it was a good idea to get a post in here and maybe ask all of you how you are doing this evening.....

nanners
10-29-12, 12:35 AM
Oh Crystal. It sucks to have a rough night like that. I am sure you are an excellent mama and a few rough nights here and there are just fine. We can never be Mary Poppins, so we shouldn't even compare. I think it is really great that you know exactly what is going on with you. Even if you feel like you aren't dealing in the way you would like to be, at least you are aware. That is huge.

Big hugs and I hope you wake up to a better tomorrow. <3
:grouphug:

crystal8080
10-29-12, 02:16 AM
All I have to do is get her ready for school and take her to the bus. Then I have the day to myself.

I don't know how to make myself be happy. I don't have that switch. I have never had it. My only way of coping has been to be alone to gather myself back together and wait it out. So when I am under pressure and not able to do that, all I can do is clench my teeth and try hard to get through it until I can.

Raye
10-29-12, 05:27 AM
Since being medicated for bi polar with a med called Lamictal, I have never felt better in my life Crystal. My moods were this way, everyday: low for a few days/weeks, then extremely low for a few days, and back and fourth. It was a never ending cycle of depression, and along with ADD I it made it worse.

It's only been 2 weeks since I've been on this med, but after years and years of being depressed and having severe depressive episodes , I just generally feel better, actually almost happy I think.

Sorry to hear you are down. I know what it's like to be a mom and go thru what you are going through. Are you taking any meds for the cyclothymia?

SquarePeg
10-29-12, 09:36 AM
:grouphug: Sending hugs to you. How old is your daughter? Does she understand that sometimes you arenīt well and canīt be the mum you want to be?

When you know you are going down like this try and get your husband to do all he can to ease the pressure, donīt try and manage everything by yourself. If someone offers to help you, take it. If you really need a hand, ask. Itīs better for everyone in the long run. Even someone taking your daughter to school and picking her up.

My son is really good when Iīm ill, heīs 14 and really helpful and concerned but my daughter who is 17 hates it if I am ill or not able to cope. She becomes very angry and unsympathetic. We have spoken about this and she actually really gets scared and worried that she will be faced with an emergency and canīt cope. she is a bit of a worrier. Her dad works away but she knows exactly who to call or where to go in an emergency.

Hope it passes soon.

crystal8080
10-29-12, 02:35 PM
I was stabilised on this medication, only having minor swings until my daughter started kindergarten. It was too much of a disruption in my routine I suppose. I feel like by the time I can catch up to my mood it changes again, its been extremely exhausting.

I get up at 6 every morning to get her ready for school, and even though I don't have problems sleeping, I find it hard to go to bed. I want to stay up and do stuff in the house while the kids are asleep.

I tell the kids I'm not feeling well. They understand all too well about sickness unfortunately. Dad has Crohn's. Her best friend (also 5) was diagnosed with Colitis. Took her on the Run for the Cure for breast cancer. She probably thinks everyone is sick.

SquarePeg...I am also like your daughter at times. When my DH is sick I am unable to deal with it. Sometimes we just have to stay away from each other and take care of our own problems. I hate when he's feeling well and starts taking on lots of work...im waiting for his next flare up and me trying to deal with everything.

I'm not feeling as irritable, but my anxiety has not gone away. I have had a nice relaxing morning, done SFA, and I'm still riddled with anxiety. Not mentally, all physical. I sure hope it passes too, because its such an uncomfortable feeling in the body.