I am married to a man that was diagnosed about 6 months ago with ADHD (almost 2 years after we were married, although we only had to wait 3.5 years after being together for a diagnosis). Increased stressors of jobs, a home, and just living are making things very difficult both emotionally and on a mundane basis. However, I have noticed that when things go smoothly around the house, days are a little easier, and nicer.

What kind of devices, systems, organization, anything do you use to make things go smoother with household maintenance? I have tried a few things...

Chore boards - this is a dry erase board that I have posted on the fridge with all the daily chores on it. There are three for each of us. When we are done with the chore for that day, a magnet goes in the box for that chore on that day.

To Do Lists - a basic message board also found on the fridge that has all of the big things that have to happen for the week.

Having paper and pens always in arm's length - oh my goodness, this HELPS! In our house, if it doesn't get written down, it doesn't exists. Our whole motto is "have a written record." This helps us both keep out promises. I also try to have things readily accessable, like the grocery list. This is always on a magnetic pad on the fridge that has a pen right next to it. That way, if something is out, you write it on the list as right when you see it's out!

These things work to a greater or lesser degree,but am still at a loss. I think that these systems work great for me, but that maybe not so much for him. Does anyone have any suggestions? I would love to hear them!

Have you visited www.flygirl.com? Lots of folks have sworn by it. You might do a search on the ADD Forums for "flygirl" to read up on some of their experiences.

Uh, that's www.flylady.com , actually. :D

Hi Meghan,
I'm new here & to boards & am not sure if you will see this if it's been a couple of weeks since you posted it-I'm not sure how these things work. I've been with my ADD partner for 6 1/2 years. For 3 of those years we had his ADD teenage son with us. I had a very similar experience to you in that I had all these great systems that worked for me but had limited and inconsistent success with the ADDers. They were involved in setting up the system but I found there wasn't a lot of follow through for them. In the last year, it's been just myself and my husband. I finally gave in and got a biweekly cleaning woman to help manage. This has helped. The other thing that we did recently was to go through all the chores and figure out who is doing what and how can we make it more equitable. But I still find the biggest problem is dealing with things not getting done. When I give reminders I always hear "I'll do it later". And between the two of us, we can't come up with a way to deal with that. I would deal with it by saying, you have to do it before you go to bed but he has no problem going to bed without doing it. There's just no follow-through and I don't know how to figure a way out of that.

I know part of the over-all problem is that I find it hard to have the onus of initiating and monitoring all these "systems" and, frankly, am not so good at it. I find it far more work to keep on top of my spouse to do things than just doing them myself.

The next thing I want to do is try the flylady.com strategy of setting the timer for 10-15 minutes a day for both of us to tidy. Keeping the place tidy is difficult for both of us and becomes overwhelming. But I'm not good at keeping us on track with this either.

I myself am in therapy and group therapy and that's how I survive. Plus, my husband has many amazing qualities that keep me going. He also has an understanding that this is both of our problem and that it will need on-going work, so I do feel a commitment from him in that sense which I feel is really the key thing for me.