01-02-05, 05:24 PM
A few weeks ago I was coming out of my home and I saw my ex-bf (he has add) driving down my street. He and I have not really had any time with one another in person since our break-up six months ago (our break-up was even done on the phone) we've only seen each other once at a party. Anyway when he saw me he quickly turned off my street and went onto another street (I don't live on a major street). I did not act as if I saw him as I was shocked and didn't know what to do. He called me on Christmas day and left me a message to wish me a happy holiday. I was surprised. But my issue is that I have tried to reach out to him with little to no success in the past. I don't understand how I am to react to the way he acts towards me now especially since its very random. I did not call him back, but instead e-mailed him to wish him a good holiday and to let him know i received the message. What do you think of his actions???are they associated with add, or something else? And I guess that by saying "I want to do the right thing..." I mean that I don't want to discourage him but I don't want to reach out to receive nothing in return as far as a response from him (negative or positive either way it would be nice to get a response), its tiring for me to keep reaching out. Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
01-02-05, 10:20 PM
Is there a favorite place or hobby you use to enjoy together?
um other than um
Anyway my thought is maybe sending a gift card, ticket to something you think he'll enjoy and ask him to let you know if he'd like company spending it, or to give you feedback on this new ____ health spa, bowling alley, restaurant, whatever he might like.
Here's a guys perspective about online dating, maybe you could ask his opinion about online dating services if that is, you are interested in starting up again.
Developing an online dating identity doesn't have much to do with your people skills, rather it's more about your present life situation. If you work 55 hours a week, go to the gym, take care of your house, and walk your dog every day, then once you add up the numbers, there isn't much free time left to meet new people. On the other hand, women who use these services often try to find their Prince Charming that will get to know them before thinking of landing them in bed. In a way, online dating offers the possibility of two people getting to know each other before thinking of the pleasures of the flesh; it cuts through the skintastic innuendos and gives way for dialogue. And that, my friends, is what decent women are in search of.
...you get to cut through all the first impression red tape and move straight to the questions that matter. Are you single? What do you look for in men? What kind of relationship are you looking for: friendship, casual, romantic?
list of why you should click your way into a new relationship:
It's a lot cheaper than a date.
The woman forms an opinion of you based on your personality before judging your looks.
If she gets annoying, you can log off.
You have time to think about the right answers to her questions.
It's an easy way to meet people, especially if you're a shy guy.
No face-to-face contact. In other words, you can scratch yourself, eat pizza and watch hockey while chatting with her.
If you're not a good-looking lad, you can at least charm her with your writing skills.
You get to meet women from around the world.
<LI>You can be with several women until you find your perfect match. So I suggest you take a look at some of the online services, create a profile (keep it realistic if you want women to respond), and wait to see how many chiquitas will fill up your inbox of love
So maybe it's a little, just a smidgen deceitful, no wait a minute you WERE thinking of using an online dating service, remember charlie told you the goods about it?;)
01-02-05, 10:25 PM
well we use to just like to spend time together, we just go to different places and talk alot. why do you ask?
01-02-05, 10:54 PM
Coffee shops, book stores, art exhibits?
Just thinking along those lines for a gift certificate or a special 'happening' performance that could be something you would both enjoy.
Brainstorm, what would be the ultimate place or happening he would not pass up?
He still seems pretty ambivalent. He avoided seeing you in person then left a message when there was a good chance you'd be out.
You've acknowledged getting his message. It seems to me you've done enough at this point. The ball is in his court.
02-02-05, 10:05 PM
I don't have any advice for you, but I gotta say that what you describes sounds very familiar to me. Overall, I'm pretty rotten in the relationship department (no boyfriend right now, mainly my friends are aquaintences, my "close friends" all live in other states (which adds to my trouble in maintaining the friendships). In all my personal relationships (with friends and boyfriends), I think about them frequently but I don't do very well at keeping up my end of the relationship. It seems like I only remember to call when it's too late to be making a phone call (so I don't call). I forget birthdays. I buy cards for holidays, but don't get around to sending them. My actions (lack of action) gives the impression that I don't really care. But at the same time, I think about my friends all the time. I mentally plan out solutions to their problems, I wonder how their jobs are going, I wonder how their family is, I hold them dear to my heart ...I just really, really stink at showing it. Every once in awhile I'll remember to call or send a card, but it is all very, very random. I attribute a lot of my relationship problems to my ADD. Right now I'm struggling so hard to stay afloat that I feel like I don't have the time or energy to focus on relationships.