This started to dawn on me last night just before I went to bed.

All my life I've thought that I was shy. I mean really, really shy. Always scared to talk to people, etc.

But, in the back of my thoughs was this awareness that it never bothered me or made me feel uncomfortable when people talked to me. If someone spoke to me, I never had any problem talking to them.

What I've realized is that I simply don't know how to start a conversation with someone. I might as well flap my arms and try to fly.

If you ask me a question I can answer it no problem. If there is something I need to ask you, I can ask no problem, but I can't just start a conversation just for the sake of conversation, and don't do too well keeping one going either.

I'm like totally clueless as to how. It's like watching someone play a beautiful melody on a musical instrument; then you pick it up to try, but all you make is noise.

Like when a stranger starts a conversation with me, "Nice weather we're having, isn't it?" The first thought that goes through my mind is why does anyone bother to talk about something so stupid and so obvious as the weather?

Apparently I missed "Small Talk 101" at some point in life.

Friends, I'm totally clueless here. I mean, I've seen and heard a thousand people do it a thousand times in my life, but I just plain don't get it. :confused:

yes....small talk! requires lots of effort. and interest in something that is so basic. sometimes these things can be boring or maybe just unimportant. I'd rather go to a museum!

And of course starting a conversation requires real positive self esteem; kind of a belief that the listener feels/believes what you/me have to say if worthwhile or valid. to be honest, I am learning how to "talk" by making posts...and it feels like I'm taking a real risk. after all we can be open to major rejection.... great topic, Swamp

Today's first lesson.

Approaching a prospective new friend.

*rub your hands on your slacks to ensure their dry*

Walk up to the man/woman look them in the eye, smile pleasantly and offer your right hand (left if the other's right hand is missing, if both hands are missing offer your right foot) :D

Shake their hand firmly without squeezing, state your name and say "I'm not sure if we've met" generally out of good manner's they will state their name.

*smile* aww glad to meet you ...(state their first name)

The next most important thing is...were are you? A concert? bar? movie? party? These are all easy...what did you think of the concert/movie? what do you think of the band? parties are a little more tough...(remember who's party your at...I say this one because I once forgot...ADD go figure) so how do you know (insert hostess/host name here)?

Keep in the back of your mind...this person is just as nervous as I am.
If someone approaches you there's a good reason for it...they find something about you likeable it's not alway's something tangible your arua if you will.

Good luck!!

I'm a talker, I'll talk to you whether you like it or not.

I met one of my best and most furvent supporters at a grocery store. After a long day of errands and screaming kids. I just happened to notice the woman ahead of me looked like she had been thru the sameday. I leaned over to her and whispered "do I look crazy yet?" then we just started talking about our day and it went from there. Sometimes, the most off the wall thing is what needs to be said.

I like that...can i shake your hand through this screen? :D

I'm not one for small talk either. I could talk for hours at a time about something that I am interested in but I have trouble talking "just to talk". I am getting better at it though. When I was younger I would hate walking by somebody and be expected to say more then "hi". Why should I have to asked them how they are if I don't care?. Now I can almost do it with out even thinking about it.

Of course you can *shake, shake* But, I should warn you I'm a hugger too. *grins*

I love people and the more different they are then I am the better. Learning about different culture's and beliefs is what makes life interesting.

You can never have enough fans or true friends who will remind you to stop acting like an *** and suck it up.

I'm not one for small talk either. I could talk for hours at a time about something that I am interested in but I have trouble talking "just to talk". I am getting better at it though. When I was younger I would hate walking by somebody and be expected to say more then "hi". Why should I have to asked them how they are if I don't care?. Now I can almost do it with out even thinking about it.

Don't ask the question if you don't give a fig. Just say something like Hello, i'm Tara and let them take it from there. I alway's ask but then I usually want to know...I'm nosy that way though. It's not always a good thing to ask either have you ever asked someone who went into every second detail of their day? ARRRGH!!!!

I once lived in a rural ranching area. Every conversation began with the weather. Truthfully, it drove me nuts. Then I noticed my then-husband, who was not the most sociable person in the world, responded well to these openers. Folks would go from talking about today's weather to talking about tomorrow's weather to talking about whether or not it would ever rain to talking about parched grass to talking about the price of feed to talking about the price of beef to talking about the damned goverment to talking about taxes to talking about ole Joe who got audited recently to talking about Joe's wife who left him for another man to talking about morality in general or women in general (especially if I managed to look like I wasn't really listening at all).

Don't dis the weather as a conversational opener. It has several advantages:

1) It's not sex.
2) It's not politics.
3) And it's not religion.

But you can never tell where it might lead. ;)

not to mention a very long conversation :eek:

lmbo your not from Nebraska are you?

ya know guys, Swamp puppy, started this conversation but he never came back...he just left us with the small talk
and all!!!

Babay........Welcome to the club....I'm afraid to start a convo as well even online....Fear of Rejection of Kindness or Afraid of making a total Dork of myself and letting the wrong words slip at the wrong time(I made that an art form:D)...Always worry about the impression I am giving people....Gotta love social anxiety:(.

Mostly I can be the opposite when someone ask me a question(especially a stranger) I Blank on an answer and I look foolish...kinda why I rather avoid people in person as much as possible....who needs the stress :eek:

ya know guys, Swamp puppy, started this conversation but he never came back...he just left us with the small talk
and all!!!

Yeah, Whaddup with that? :confused:

Mel shy my *cough, cough*.

Mel shy my *cough, cough*.

LMAO!!!!!!!!!! I meant in person.....If ya ever see apc around u can ask her :p

Then why would I waste my time and money coming to see you? I wouldn't allow shyness not in a hundred years. I'd talk until your ears started burning and you'd have to talk just in the hopes of shutting me up.

Ack......Ok Ok....I'm not that shy :p ......maybe with strangers YOU'RE NOT A STRANGER XOXOXOXO

And to be perfectly honest I talk to cover the fact that people terrify me. If i don't act afraid of rejection then it won't hurt right? Don't know I've never been fully rejected before. Must be the way I make crazy seem adorable. lmbo

Yes U do :D LMAO! Yes I do try to break out of the terror and talk and be friendly as much as I can....it depends on the vibe I get from them..If I get a good vibe I can yap until they begging me to shut the *bleep* up :p



SOOOOO When U coming to New Orleans ?????:p

Ummm...I was trying to think of what to say next.
:p

Ummm...I was trying to think of what to say next.
:p


How did you come to find out about the forums? What do you think of the forums so far? :)

What do you think about futs coming to New Orleans? LOL

*laughs and winks at SD* I think I would be way out of my element don't you?

:eek: naw...You'll fit right in with us partay folk:p

SD just join in anywere. there is no right or wrong answer.

What about social anxiety? I just learned this phrase; now I have a name for the endless mind circles I go around in after talking to anyone.

"Maybe I shouldn't have said that, was that rude, did they take it the wrong way, next time I see them I should mention that I didn;t mean it that way, I;ll forget..."
You know, Im sure other people don't do this stuff. But then I am always getting myself into trouble forgetting stuff people said, so that they think I don't care...

Is there a drug for this? I don't want to do it any more. It hurts.

If I came and partied would you care that I am spacey, and likely to forget stuff and I care too much and get hurt too easily? Can I laugh at weird things and chase fireflies in the dark?

I'm tired of trying to be normal.

I have no prob talking to someone on the internet via IM or whatever. But, when I geto n the phone with someone I freeze up. It not just small talk that is the prob, its just the phone in general. I too never liked to say hi to people on the street. I figured I dont know u, so why should I say hi? Right? I guess its good to be friendly, but not if not needed.

I'm tired of trying to be normal.

What exactly consitutes normal. I mean who gets to decide? I hear Jeffrey Dahlmer thought he was normal but I would not consider chopping up sexual partners and stuffing them in my frig normal behaviour. Who picks?

I hate the word normal and would forbide you to say it in my presence if I could. For one reason and one reason only...YOU ARE NORMAL!!!!!!! You are living life by your standards of fun. As long as you are not hurting anyone then they have no right to dictate what you consider fun. If you want to catch fireflys then come to Nebraska in June and you can join my children and myself in the hunt, it's something that I have never gotten tired of.

I need/wish for you to stop beating yourself up for just one second. Look back and see how important you are to fellow members of the forums and to those who love you. You have alway's posted with your heart and soul and that is what makes you loveable.

There is no such thing as feeling too much. The greatest leaders in our world felt others misery, did something about it. Don't turn your back on your heart because it's the soul of your being.

Hugs rain,
in my eyes you will alway's be normal
Cherity

p.s. Would you consider me not normal to think that I find it fun to clean? or that I had a good time tonight just sitting on the living room floor surrounded by my kids and husband playing board games...that's what I consider fun..is that normal? ;)

I have no prob talking to someone on the internet via IM or whatever. But, when I geto n the phone with someone I freeze up. It not just small talk that is the prob, its just the phone in general. I too never liked to say hi to people on the street. I figured I dont know u, so why should I say hi? Right? I guess its good to be friendly, but not if not needed.

I hate the phone as well...not sure why but I do with a passion just ask Mel. I can't wait to get off the phone but will log on and talk for hours to her via IM go figure. Probably because I sound like a hick and have to pay attention to how I talk so that she doesn't figure it out. lmbo

Why say "hi" to someone on the street that you don't even know. A kind smile should suffice.

You dont sound like a Hick...Sound perfectly fine to me and Dangit I just got a phone card..I like talkin to ya on de phone but IM cool too :D XOXOXO

Ummm...I was trying to think of what to say next.
:pum *wink-wink & more winks* your started all of this and now you can stand there (i mean sit there--unless you type while standing) and say that you have nothing to say for yourself. As others would say wadup with that? :rolleyes: do we all leave you speechless... or just :confused:

:D

...I need/wish for you to stop beating yourself up for just one second. Look back and see how important you are to fellow members of the forums and to those who love you. You have alway's posted with your heart and soul and that is what makes you loveable...
Hugs rain,
in my eyes you will alway's be normal
Cherity

Thanks.

Ummmm........

Thanks Cherity. I'm having a bad week. Christmas let down mebe?
Not feeling real good about myself.
Thanks again.

Thanks Cherity. I'm having a bad week. Christmas let down mebe?
Not feeling real good about myself.
Thanks again.

We all go to that dark lonely space inside of us. The importance is to lean on friends who love and understand you. If you can't make yourself do it in "real time" then that is what we are here for. I have two ears should you ever need someone to just listen. I really do like what you have to say in your posts and have never found myself at odds with you rain I just think that sadly we forget to tell each other that "I respect you, care for you, don't want to see you hurting" enough. Don't change to please the norm Rain because there are far more of us then of them...the world is learning to care too much, to love too hard, to never give up they're just a little more slow then most of us.

Hugs,
Cherity