My husband and I will be getting custody of his daughter soon. She has been diagnosed with ADD/HD, mood disorder and oppositional defiant disorder. Her mother, my husband's ex, is dying of cancer and she is so violent. I dont believe the doctors have her on the right meds yet we cant get access to the doctors. I am scared of her. She has broken a foster mothers arm. What can be done? Is there hope for these children? She is feeling unwanted and unloved. My husband is an over the road trucker and we are trying desparately to try and find housing for us but there is so many issues here. I feel alone and have no one to talk to. Who can help me understand all this? My husband and I have been married for only a year. We are scared we know nothing about this child other than the times we have been around her she has physically hurt me.
Melody:(

Hi Melody,

First there is always hope for every child :). I would look into getting a whole new evaluation, and exploring a few different avenues. Is it possible that the child also has reaction attachment disorder? Is her ODD fully centered on her experiences with her mother? She must be very afraid with her mother dying and being forced into a new environment, already fearful due to her present environment. She definitely sounds like a candidate for therapy with a loving provider.

You should try to be empathethic and understanding, not fearful, and I understand, easier said than done. Children sense our anxiety and it is fuel for theirs. As she is a child she deserves unconditional love, and I know that can be difficult when the child was not born from you, but it is still what she deserves.

You don't give her age, but I would be happy to offer more suggestions to specific questions.

Hang in there and take care!

Melody,

Hang in there! There is always hope :) There are some excellent informational resources available out there to help you better understand what may be going on with your husband's daughter. I would agree with Webbie, that the first thing that you should do is find a caring and nurturing therapist. A good website to check for information on RAD - Reactive Attachment Disorder is http://RadKid.org. For more information on ODD - Oppositional Defiant Disorder, many resources are available from http://www.bigsplace.com/ODD.html.

Your profile says you're in Essex. Are you in the UK? If you could let us know, we might be able to point you towards some excellent local resources as well.

I'm sure other parents will chime in with their experiences as well, so don't despair! There is always a way!

~* BIG *~

Firstly,hiya Melody. You have come to the right place to get help .Now take a deep breath and relax.I think your priority here would be housing, I am sure that social services can help out under the circumstances, your husbands daughter needs to have security in her life in order that she can build trust and a relationship with both you and your husband. I am sure this is a daunting task for all concerned but this girl is about to lose her mother and be taken in my strangers basically ,from what I can gather. I would be looking at visiting a family psychologist to get as much information on medication and therapy for the child ,as well as some family counseling for you and your husband. Get social services involved though,they are a wonderful help in situations like this and can point you in the right directions for help,emotionally ,financially and with any other issues you have.

Thanks. I am also looking for someone who will be an email or a phone call away. The way my job is right now. I work noon until 8:30 PM and support groups are not an option right now.

Melody-

Check you private messages :)

i hate to sound stupid but how do i do that ???????
Melody

Aw Melody, it's obvious to me you are far from stupid. Back at the top of the page are the words: ADD Forums > PARENTS OF CHILDREN WITH ADD / ADHD > To Medicate or Not? > Is there help for this child? Click your mouse on the words ADD Forums That will take you back to the main forums page. Towards the top of the page will be a few different boxed area, one will be titled "Private Messages". :) Click those words and voila...you are off to the races