View Full Version : Talked to music teacher--not good


JenE
12-12-12, 07:18 PM
First I had a conference with his 3 core teachers who indicate he is fine academically. They all said he has some focus issues and likes to talk but nothing they can't work with. They has no issues with him.

He did have an incident at recess. Some boys were trying to get the ball from him and some pushing happened and the other boy punched him. He's fine but will have to talk to Asst Principal tomorrow. Hopefully he won't get into trouble. :(

Then talked to music teacher on phone. It was apparent from the start she was not willing to work with me. Her position is he is in 5th grade and needs to behave. She basically said she would only do class work with his class from here on since he can't behave (so the rest of the class suffers). She was very negative and defensive. They will be doing desk work tomorrow. I suggested she might want to change his seat if talking is an issue. I tried to be positive and upbeat. I made suggestions, asked for input and basically hot the door slammed in my face at each point.

I plan to go unannounced tomorrow so I can see how he behaves and the environment. I honestly don't think he can succeed in this class but I don't know what options I have. I'm afraid to pursue anything and risk making things worse for him.

Lunacie
12-12-12, 07:39 PM
Jen, I don't remember if your son has an IEP or a 504 Plan?

If not, it may be time to look into getting one to make sure teachers like
that music teacher don't marginalize and neglect your son.

Spacemaster
12-12-12, 08:27 PM
What a lazy teacher.

That poor little guy! On top of all the trouble with the teacher, now he has to face other classmates, who might be ticked off at him, for having to do desk work now.

Is she trying to shame him into good behavior? That's the only reason I can think of, for making the whole class suffer. Ever seen the scene from Full Metal Jacket? Private whats-his-name screws up, and the whole group suffered. Later that night, they beat him with bars of soap in a pillowcase. Not like that would happen to your son, but it seems like the teacher is relying on other kids getting on your child's case, in hopes that he'll shape up.

I would definitely bring that up with the school administration.

JenE
12-12-12, 09:03 PM
Thanks everyone. No he doesn't have an IEP or 504 but I'm seeing that is our next step. I've got a lot of research to do. And I'm concerned about middle school next year. I'm sure we'll be better off having something in place now rather than trying to set it up the start of next year.

And I think it's ridiculous to change the curriculum. We haven't even tried to develop a process. She says he's been a problem since she started teaching there (this is her 3rd year). I told her I was totally unaware of ANY issues in music class until these last 2wks and one previous issue earlier in the year which we had chalked up to too low a dose.

DH doesn't want him pulled from class but honestly, I'd prefer it. I don't see any way to succeed in that environment. The only thing I can see to do is to have a meeting with more than just the two of us. Someone else needs to be involved. I guess the school counselor since she sets up the IEPs/504s.

I am definitely going to go observe tomorrow. I'd like to try to listen from the hallway and see how it goes and go in if there seems to be a problem. Don't know if that will work and it will probably PO her but oh well.

I was very honest with her that I agreed his behaviour wasn't acceptable. But I don't think she is giving him a fair shake. He said last week about the arms in his shirt and flapping, she never told him not to. She said she didn't because she didn't want to call him out in front of the class and have him not listen to her because the prior wk, he wouldn't listen then when she told him to go to the office, he refused. I told her that he was confused since she didn't tell him not to. Her response is well, do you think it's appropriate behaviour? Well, of course I don't but I'm not a 10yr boy with ADHD.

I know i have to advocate for him and I totally will but it scares me that it will just make things worse for him. And I'm starting to ramble and sound like a broken record so thanks for listening!

Spacemaster
12-12-12, 09:58 PM
Wow, it sounds like that teacher has a personal problem. I'll wager she's one of those "ADHD? BAH! he's not disciplined" sort of people.

That arms in the shirt thing isn't exactly great behavior, but it's not a huge deal. Good grief, he IS a boy, ADHD or not. Gawd, I'd probably do something like that.

It sounds like SHE is the problem. The other teachers seem to be pretty OK.

I don't know if pulling him from the class is advisable. She'll have won, and he'll get the message that when something is really difficult or sucks, we just pull out. That teacher needs to be taught. You're obviously showing that you are trying, and she isn't working with you. Any teacher worth their salt won't dismiss the parent and refuse to work with them. She sounds like a total b****

Content ID
12-13-12, 12:22 AM
WOW! What a horrid thing for that teacher to do! You know teachers are so quick to point fingers at everyone but themselves. I hope you and your son figure something out. Teachers are supposed to be there for the Students regardless of how distracting they are and to be frankly honest your son doesn't sound like he's a problem in class. All the other teachers are fine with him but that one isn't would definitely bring that up with administration to see

Ms. Mango
12-13-12, 09:08 AM
She's decided she doesn't like your kid. That's her prerogative, but she doesn't get to stop acting like a professional as a result.

I would try to find someone at the school (administrator?) to intercede and get her to change her tactics. What she is proposing could lead to other students bullying your child in retaliation.

JenE
12-13-12, 09:18 AM
Thanks everyone. I definitely am going to have to do some type of intervention and involve more of administration. Does anyone have any experience with this? Do you have any suggestions of strategies to help his behavior in class? I'm thinking it might be best to have the counselor or one of the county behavioralists observe for a few wks to see what is going on and make suggestions. At the very least, perhaps an aid in the classroom to help redirect him when needed while we figure something else out.

And don't get me wrong, I by no means think his behavior is always good. But it just seems that she expects him to be perfect which he'll never be.

I'm just sick about the whole thing.

cillovely
12-13-12, 02:50 PM
That is just awful! I feel that some of my son's problems that have happened are the same thing. A teacher or someone in charge who just didn't like my son and thinks ADHD is a bunch of bunk. He was kicked out of the afterschool child care program for kicking someone, but NOBODY saw it happen. His preschool teacher from last year gave me a pep talk at a special ed meeting the other night about the same thing. Becuase our children are "active" they sometimes get singled out for things that they didn't even do. I wish he still had her as a teacher, she understood and could work with him better than anyone this year has. Probably becuase she has a daughter with it and she's also trained more than the other teachers in this field.

Get the IEP/504 in place. According to the special ed meeting that I went to in my town last week, it's the best way to "cover" these situations. I just signed the consent form for my DS today to get his in place.

sighduck
12-13-12, 04:41 PM
You know teachers are so quick to point fingers at everyone but themselves.

In my experience on the other side of the classroom, this is only the case with a small group of bad examples of what teachers are.

LynneC
12-13-12, 04:45 PM
Thanks everyone. I definitely am going to have to do some type of intervention and involve more of administration. Does anyone have any experience with this? Do you have any suggestions of strategies to help his behavior in class? I'm thinking it might be best to have the counselor or one of the county behavioralists observe for a few wks to see what is going on and make suggestions. At the very least, perhaps an aid in the classroom to help redirect him when needed while we figure something else out.

And don't get me wrong, I by no means think his behavior is always good. But it just seems that she expects him to be perfect which he'll never be.

I'm just sick about the whole thing.
Jen, I don't have any experience with this exact situation, but I wanted to ask, do you have anyone in admin (guidance counselor maybe?) with whom you have a good relationship and who knows your DS?

If yes, I would ask for a meeting with that person and the music teacher. If all his other teachers don't seem to have the same issues in the classroom, it's apparent that it's this particular teacher. I would not hesitate to bring this up in a polite way, with someone else present, along with any suggestions that you have written down about how to best manage your son when he is distracted or distracting others.

If no, I'd ask the principal to sit in. He seems like a pretty stand-up kind of guy, and was willing to listen to you before.

As an aside, I can't believe that she said that she is making the kids all do desk work because YOUR boy can't 'behave'. That's a crock of BS...

You know the thing that really sucks is, it's music class. It's supposed to be fun, for crying out loud...

Drewbacca
12-13-12, 09:13 PM
In my experience on the other side of the classroom, this is only the case with a small group of bad examples of what teachers are.

Unfortunately, it only takes one (for good and for bad) to determine a child's fate. A good teacher can pave the way for a lifetime of questioning and learning while a bad one can fill a child with self-doubt, mistrust of adults, and self loathing.

Rebelyell
12-13-12, 10:06 PM
And just when I thought music and art was too set one free and lead to freedom of expression?

sighduck
12-14-12, 06:19 AM
Unfortunately, it only takes one (for good and for bad) to determine a child's fate. A good teacher can pave the way for a lifetime of questioning and learning while a bad one can fill a child with self-doubt, mistrust of adults, and self loathing.

fortunately i've experienced that an exceptional teacher can often correct damage done to a child much easier than a terrible teacher had caused damage