Yes...the Treatment. You men-folk know what I mean...I now have a plutonic friend...you know what I mean, of course..."I just want to be friends."

I'm devastated, because I've been played. For a long time, I was under the impression that it was a "I'm not ready for a relationship..." but it was a lie. The truth wasn't "not ready for a relationship." It was "I just want to be friends..."

I found out tonight, when I asked to define the situation...she's now ready to have relationships with other people, but not me...with me, she just wants to be friends. There's apparently also another person...possibly her Ex, I don't know...

She won't be honest about that, of course. She won't tell me there's another person, though I've known for a while she's got another interest...if it's not her ex, then it's someone else, and she's been being deceitful...that is unacceptable.

I wish people wouldn't be so deceitful...and I wish I didn't have a platonic friend now...every minute I spend with her I'll think about what might have been...but can't be, because now I'm "just a friend."

And I know full well, there is no recovery from being given the Treatment. It's over...all my time is wasted...I was waiting in vain... :(

This, too, shall pass...

I'm sorry.

What do you want now? Will you satisfy with being her friend or do you still hope for more, or will you stop seeing her altogether? I'm sorry if I'm being too nosey, I mean I don't know you at all. It's just that I once was in a somewhat similar situation.

Yes, I really understand that you wish people wouldn't be so deceitful. I couldn't agree more!

Once again I'm sorry if I'm asking too personal questions.

I don't know what to do...I want to be her friend...I'll take what I can get...I wish there could be more. We live in the same dorm, so I can't just stop seeing her altogether...and I wouldn't want to do that anyways. I'm happy every minute I'm with her...but I've got no chance now that I've been given The Treatment...no hope...

I lose again...

Yes...the Treatment. You men-folk know what I mean...I now have a plutonic friend...you know what I mean, of course..."I just want to be friends."

I'm devastated, because I've been played. For a long time, I was under the impression that it was a "I'm not ready for a relationship..." but it was a lie. The truth wasn't "not ready for a relationship." It was "I just want to be friends..."

I found out tonight, when I asked to define the situation...she's now ready to have relationships with other people, but not me...with me, she just wants to be friends. There's apparently also another person...possibly her Ex, I don't know...

She won't be honest about that, of course. She won't tell me there's another person, though I've known for a while she's got another interest...if it's not her ex, then it's someone else, and she's been being deceitful...that is unacceptable.

I wish people wouldn't be so deceitful...and I wish I didn't have a platonic friend now...every minute I spend with her I'll think about what might have been...but can't be, because now I'm "just a friend."

And I know full well, there is no recovery from being given the Treatment. It's over...all my time is wasted...I was waiting in vain... :(

This, too, shall pass...

Keith,

I'm so sorry. Have you ever considered that she may need to just kiss a few more frogs before realizing Prince Charming was standing right before her all this time? I gave my biggest ali, best friend, loudest voice, strongest supporter, lover and my most adoring fan the "treatment" twice before I woke up one day and thought "OMG I really love that old fart".

There is the just right girl out there for you who keeps asking why am I always getting the "treatment".

I can't be that patient...I've been on her for months...waiting...and I was waiting for her to say she was ready to have relationships again...the first time she said "I'm just not ready to have a relationship yet..." which I took at face value...and I kept at it, hoping that when she was ready for a relationship, it'd work out...but it didn't...it was all a trick...and now I'm just a friend...

I ask if that can ever change, and she says "I can't tell the future." ... neither can I, and I don't like wasting my time and my emotional energy...but that's exactly what I'm doing if I stay with it...but if I don't stay with it, I'll forever be bothered by what might have been...and she won't even give me the chance right now... :(

And what's worse, as I think about it, is I don't know where to turn now...because the same girl is also the only person I trust here...she's my shoulder to cry on...hell, she's the only person who's seen me cry in years....I don't want to talk to anyone else about it because I know what will happen, and it will just get back...they're all her friend before they're my friends...I know that...I'm not sure anybody here even likes me, instead of just tolerating me...except this girl...she's my friend...and the only person here I trust...

But I can't cry on her shoulder because that would be more painful than not crying at all...I just wish I could have my arm around her shoulder for one minute...that would be bliss...and yet I'll never get that...it's a lost cause...

K,

I really like you and don't feel I have the information to intrude on your personal life. I'm not going to give you advice on what you should do just maybe a reminder. I know it hurts like hell right now I've been there so I can definatly empathize with your feelings but haven't you ever thought...THIS IS IT, SHE'S THE ONE? before only to find out your wrong? Didn't the pain reside? Right now there doesn't feel like any hope but like you've told me before why beat a dead horse? Move on K the lady of your dreams is there and she's pretty lonely too. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.

That totally SUCKS Keith!

From a mouse of a woman's perspective, though I have to admit it's really difficult to tell a guy you're not interested. I can remember, oh no I'm telling back in the day stories...anyway

it's easier to hope you can just keep on being the friends you are than having a guy say 'what's up?' 'are we gonna be a couple or what!'

Could be worse -I've known too many folks that play each other for gifts or to make someone else jealous.

Worse case scenario sounds like you have a friend and maybe sometime in the future when you come across someone else you can get this babe's opinion about your new prospective mate-won't that be a kick in the pants.

I know this won't help much but there is someone out there who's more compatible with you and when you do find her you'll just appreciate her all the more.

See, that's the problem...no, I haven't ever thought that before. Not once...I've always been afraid...because every time I've ever tried at all, I've been betrayed, or shut down, or denied...and I can't blame anyone for that, because I'm horrible and I know nobody wants to spend time with me...that's fine...I just thought...this is the first friend I've had this close...and I deluded myself...

It's just another of a long line of failures...perhaps I should become celibate...at least then if I failed I'd get something out of it...

That totally SUCKS Keith!
I know this won't help much but there is someone out there who's more compatible with you and when you do find her you'll just appreciate her all the more.

This is what they say, isn't it? But I have no reassurance of that...and if that person is out there, how will I know? See, it's been 18 years and there hasn't been anyone "compatible" with me yet...and the ones I thought might be compatible...one betrayed me and used me, and the other has now given me the Treatment...so it seems like anyone who I am interested in is going to screw me over...and unfortunately, I'm a male, so the burden lies on me to try and start relationships...I don't have any hope because I don't have a reason for any!

Keith how old are you?

Eighteen...and I'm 0 for 2 as far as "even getting someone to say yes to trying a relationship."

I'm proud to say I have no failed relationships because I can't even HAVE any...and what's worse, is I can't blame that on anyone else but myself! Everyone around me...everyone I know, everyone I've met, all my peers, all my friends are either in relationships, or are recovering, or, worst of all for me, are planning a different one deceitfully while pretending something else...

ahh 18 I see...probably your first love?

I'll never forget my first love, I was 16. he was every girls dream guy or so it seemed. what he turned out to be was an enigma of my imagination something only i could see. everyone tried to warn me but i wouldn't listen...nope not me cause i knew him. turned out i was wrong. i never thought i would ever love again not me nope i was done with all the bs but now i've got a husband who thinks the sun rises because i tell it to.

aww Keith the pain your feeling right now is heartbreaking. big hugs

First love, sure...the thing is, this isn't some stranger or some person I'm smitten with but never talk to...she's my best friend, and now I've been given the Treatment...and I'm so sad that now best friend is all she'll ever be to me. Worse yet, she doesn't even reciprocate that...she's my best friend, and I'm not one of hers...I don't know how to meet new people and I hate just approaching people I don't know...I'm screwed...I don't even know where to start...I'm lost, and the only person I could talk to about it just gave me the Treatment, LOL. I'd feel uncomfortable asking her about it...but maybe she can help...I dunno...ugh, I don't even know why I posted...

because the last thing anyone with a broken heart wants is to be alone. to be the only one who knows what it feels like. K. my very best male friend was also my second and longest love next to my husband. your friendship hasn't ended but it's changed and that is scarry business...learning how to be friends all over again.

When you pursue someone you never know what the end will be. You psychologically agree to pursue it without being certain of the result. You know if it turns out well, its worth the pursuit. You know if it does not turn out well, you will be bummed out. But knowing all that, we still pursue, because it is so incredible when it works. Besides, loniliness sucks! So we continue to pursue, knowing most will end quickly, some will end after a long while, some will end very slowly over a period of years, and a handful or less will not end for decades. The odds are against us everytime we pursue, but we go forth and do it anyways, in hopes that the short term benefits are worth it and in hopes that we are onto one of the longterm ones. Psychologically, though, we know its a gamble before the first moment.

Yah, it sucks when it ends. But it is so beautiful when it begins. Another great reason to pursue again!

Also, if it is really meant to be, you never know, it might swing back your way again. But its best to move on, and pursue again.

Hope that outlook is somewhat helpful, though pragmatic as it is!

I still know the pain! It sucks. It also recedes and allows you to meet new women soon enough.

Jonathan

I love pragmatism. That's the problem. The only issue is that it's beautiful when it begins...but I've never had a chance to let it begin. I'm 0 for 2 now...of the two people I've been foolish enough to trust enough and eventually love, one betrayed me, and the other gave me the Treatment...

And I don't know HOW to move on, or WHO to pursue! I can't meet new people. I only met these people because I came to college...if I hadn't done that, I'd not meet anyone...I don't know how, I fear it...I don't go to social gatherings so I can't meet them there, and I don't know how to do these things at classes...everyone around me drinks or smokes...that's unacceptable...ugh...

I found out tonight, when I asked to define the situation...she's now ready to have relationships with other people, but not me...with me, she just wants to be friends. There's apparently also another person...possibly her Ex, I don't know...

She won't be honest about that, of course. She won't tell me there's another person, though I've known for a while she's got another interest...if it's not her ex, then it's someone else, and she's been being deceitful...that is unacceptable.
Keith, I know you're really hurting right now, and many friends here are coming and giving good advice. One problem. It won't take the pain away, and that's something you feel a need for at this moment; psychological peace.

Keith, I can't give you that, and you know it. But I feel so sorry that you were really taken in by a woman who had no intention of being anything but a friend. Clearly she led you to believe otherwise. This is totally unacceptable behavior on her part. It is deceitful and deceptive. Does this really even sound like the makings of a "friend" to you? I am talking logically, which I know you probably can't be right now in amongst all this pain, but I hope that sometime you will look at this woman for what she is. Deceitful and deceptive. She is not, and never was worthy of your deep feelings.

You deserve better Keith. Don't settle for anything but the best. Yes, celibacy won't hurt you; in fact it might pay you to not go too intimate too fast, but I've no right to tell you how to live your life, but you made the post, so I'm telling it as I see it. I care for you as a person, and none of us likes to see a person we care for given the "Treatment". Even if you only found the "right" woman at double your age now' it's far better than dozens of "wrong" ones.

This too will pass........true? Just hugs for the hurt right now.

hmmm.. I am going to differ a little on this, and add a little possibility that the relationship didn't become plutonic out of any evil plot by any evil people. It's easy to label another person as evil, but she might be just a normal person like the rest of us. If the sparks don't fly, if one person likes another more, or if one is not sure if she wants friendship or more, there might be some delay indeciding, or deceit in trying to protect another persons feelings. Eventually the truth comes out, the decision is made. Young people might need to date a lot before they find one person they date a long time. It happens all the time. If we heard both sides of the story, her story might also bring sympathy. I think when one person likes another more than the other likes back, it always hurts both people. But that is no reason to become cynical and begin believing when a woman chooses not to date us as more than friends, that they are evil no-gooders. I don't think that would be the healthy attitude for dating.

The best medicine is to realize there are so many fish in the sea, and one or more is just right for you. Many are not going to be right for you. Date some more. Join some social clubs where you can have mutual interests with other people. Go to campus movies, campus social events, ask a friend to accompany you so you won't feel alone at these events. You might meet an extrovert who has no problem picking up the conversation or introducing herself. Or there are certainly many shy women on campus who might find a shy or reserved guy to be the best thing, once you get to know each other.

A Silly Bowling analogy to make you laugh - and think!
If you are going to be a bowling pin (a guy in search of a date), you have to be in the way of the bowling ball (a girl in search of a date), and the bowling ball is at the bowling alley (social events, classes, clubs), and the bowling pin must be willing to get knocked down and get back up many times, whenever a beautiful bowling ball is near, until he meets the right bowling ball (the hot girl who very much likes the guy acting like a stupid bowling pin) and the bowling pin then doesn't feel the need to be on the bowling lane anymore. The lesson, get back up whenever you get knocked down, keep meeting more girls, and eventually you will meet one who likes you a lot. Get it? :)

You can also go to the campus counseling center, where they regularly talk to students about problems in dating, social loniliness, improving social skills, adjusting to campus life. They are usually pretty good at it. I detect a little stress about how to get into the social life without bending your morals. There must be some religious organzations on campus, and there must be some extremely intellectual organizations on campus. You will find like minded social friends there.

Hope this helps. Hang in there! We all went through this, all guys!

Jonathan

hmmm.. I am going to differ a little on this, and add a little possibility that the relationship didn't become plutonic out of any evil plot by any evil people.

Health, I don't believe I used the word "evil".

Sparks, in my experience, either fly asap, or they don't. Period. From Keiths post, I gathered that this had not been an overnight meet up and then a "let's be friends".

I made a post on observation; and I could be all wrong, but the word "evil"? No, I don't think you can find that word in my post;)

No, sorry. You didn't use evil. Didn't mean for you to take offense or take personally. There was plenty in other posts to come to the opinion you put forth. And your opinion is just as valid as mine or any other presented. I was just concerned that viewing this in a negative light might cause more anxiety in future dating. I was a young guy once, a long time ago! And the worst thing for me was to get to bitter about dating problems. The best thing for me was to move on, keep looking, stay social, get my confidence up, etc.

Anyhow, your post was actually quite nice, even if I disagreed with the premise that the woman was at fault, and I'm sorry I misstated your position or paraphrased wrong.

Jonathan

No, sorry. You didn't use evil. Didn't mean for you to take offense or take personally. There was plenty in other posts to come to the opinion you put forth. And your opinion is just as valid as mine or any other presented. I was just concerned that viewing this in a negative light might cause more anxiety in future dating. I was a young guy once, a long time ago! And the worst thing for me was to get to bitter about dating problems. The best thing for me was to move on, keep looking, stay social, get my confidence up, etc.

Anyhow, your post was actually quite nice, even if I disagreed with the premise that the woman was at fault, and I'm sorry I misstated your position or paraphrased wrong.

Jonathan
Ah, no offense was taken!! I used to do online debating. I MUST get out of that habit:D

I suppose, in reading your thoughts here, I can see that I am possibly coming from another angle, but don't feel sufficient freedom to write what I think on an open forum.

As a guy, you probably know exactly how he feels, whereas I can only empathize.

Thank you for the kind reply.

KMiller...

2 cents from a 34 year old married man with ADD.

Gawd knows I don't know everything about love and women. But here's a few things I can be confident in saying:

1. I know your soul is being ripped open. I know EXACTLY how you feel. And trust me when I say this feeling WILL end... although I know it doesn't help much to hear that now.

2. I've met three people over the course of my life I could have made marriage work with. I'm lucky enough to have married one of them. But it took me until age 27 to find her. You're 18. You WILL meet others. Again... I know this doesn't help much now.

3. Women say they are attracted to a variety of things, but the one thing that is GUARANTEED to bring one of value to you, is to make something of yourself. (I don't just mean financially here, either.) If you want a valuable life partner, the quest shouldn't be to find one... it should be to make yourself a prize. Do that, and one will find YOU... although it may take a while. But you have lots of time, although you feel lonely now, your life IS just beginning.

(Do that, and MANY will find you, and you get to pick. :D )

4. There are over 3 BILLION women on the planet, and more of them than us. Never settle for something that isn't working for you. Right now it seems that you are the one who must chase them... that will change, the older you get, the more the women your age start to realize that most guys really ARE scum, and start to get desperate to find a really good man before they're no longer young and attractive.

K,

not to be too harsh here, but at 18 i feel you are in a position to learn a lesson that many of us wish we had learned at that age. you cannot depend on another person to define the measure of your own worth. when you approach a potential relationship with the kind of desperation that says "i need you to make me whole," it is often glaringly evident no matter how much you think you are hiding it. most people will distance themselves from that situation because it is an all too frightening proposition. it doesn't mean they are a bad person at all, though we like to blame them for the hurt we feel because it's easier than facing the truth. in reality, they cannot shoulder the burden of being involved with a person who they have rightly concluded is too needy. the truth is, they already have their own crosses to bare. we all do.

everyone wants to be loved. many of us here have made huge mistakes in the relationship department, but if we knew at your age what we know now (and i do not mean that to sound condescending) our experiences would have been much less traumatic. i wish that you could understand that you are actually in a positive place at the moment. does it hurt? oh gosh yes. i'ts absolutely devestating, as you said. but the very fact that you can learn at 18 that when a person doesn't want a relationship with you it really SHOULDN'T be so devestating is an opportunity indeed.

my hope for you is that you are able to look beyond the pain you feel is caused by her, to see the much more important issue at hand here, your own opinions as to what you're worth when you're sitting in a room and the only company present is the very worthy ME, MYSELF, and I.

take care.

KMiller,

I know what it's like when the people you see as you're best friends don't see you as such a close friend. It was like that for me during a good portion of my teenage years. I was so happy when I met a girl whom I not only saw as my best friend, but she saw me as her best friend too.

Is there somewhere, besides college where you could meet new people?

When I was in highschool and had no friends there I joined a group that was going to set up an amateur musical, and I found some friends there, although it seemed like they were more important to me than I was to them, but anyway they were my friends.

What great advice from waywardclam! Awesome, excellent! True. Listen.

Jonathan



KMiller...

3. Women say they are attracted to a variety of things, but the one thing that is GUARANTEED to bring one of value to you, is to make something of yourself. (I don't just mean financially here, either.) If you want a valuable life partner, the quest shouldn't be to find one... it should be to make yourself a prize. Do that, and one will find YOU... although it may take a while. But you have lots of time, although you feel lonely now, your life IS just beginning.

(Do that, and MANY will find you, and you get to pick. :D )

4. There are over 3 BILLION women on the planet, and more of them than us. Never settle for something that isn't working for you. Right now it seems that you are the one who must chase them... that will change, the older you get, the more the women your age start to realize that most guys really ARE scum, and start to get desperate to find a really good man before they're no longer young and attractive.

Just an update for those who care...apparently Monday she got back with her Ex. She hadn't told me, and I found out by stumbling upon it. Honestly, I'm ok now...except that I'm upset that I didn't hear about this...I'm not upset because I'm a plutonic friend...I'm upset because it appears she doesn't trust me as much as I trust her...that's a big problem with me, and I will need to work that out. I need to feel like I'm trusted...heh.

hi Kmiller.
your situation sounds alot like something I went through. It was a little different in that my fiance was cheating on me. When I found out it hurt real bad, and I was in tears for along time. See, I thought I loved him, when actually we were in love with who we use to be good friends in juniour high and high school. We never let that relationship grow and mature as we had over the years.
I had a good therapist who guided me through my grief and anger. I just want you to know that time does help. I know it sounds corny, but it the truth. Talking to someone really helped me to get through the hard stuff. And yes, there were a lot of tears, and it is okay to cry know matter who you are. Remember you are deserve to be happy. Here is a saying that my sixth grade teacher told me: "To thy own self be true." Think on it and it will help you answer question you have running through your mind. Honest. I hope this helped. auntchris

Wow. Did I lean alot here.

I'm a female dating an ADD'er. He's told me we're only "friends" also. Yet, we go out as a couple, do things together as a couple. EVERYTHING. He tells me "I'm trying to turn this into more than a friendship." Then why does he give the impression we're a "couple." I don't get it. He says one thing - and does another.

After hearing that, I went out on a date with someone else and he didn't talk to me for 5 months. What's that all about?? He says "friends", yet gets mad and doesn't talk to me for five months. I don't get it. I try and understand, but I don't know where he's coming from.

Once, and only once did he admit to a RELATIONSHIP. And that was after a couple of beers and he was relaxed.

I'm sorry, when you're just "friends", you don't go out on dates, you don't hold the others hand. What are we suppose to think?? Where is the logic and thinking in the ADD'er coming from. I want to understand - I need to understand.

Will someone explain it to me. Why the "friends" "treatment" thing when obviously there is something there??

HELP!!

Oh, one more thing.

If all he wants is a "friendship", then why doesn't he seek out a male counterpart to be his friend??

He says I want more than a friendship - hey, I'm only following HIS HIS HIS lead. He holds my hand, I hold his back. He kisses me - I kiss him back. When we're intimate, he tells me to lay and cuddle with him - that he wishes he didn't have to leave to go home.

What is that?? What is he telling me?? "Friends" with benefits?? What am I suppose to believe?? I'm only good enough when HE'S ready for a relationship. Or is it a relationship sometimes and other times it's not??

I'm very patient with him. He KNOWS I care. He KNOWS I'm there for him always - each and every time he's needed me.

I'm just confused and need to understand.

Hmm. Maybe he has some sort of problem with sexual functioning.

Coral Rhedd: - What in my post gave you that indication?? I'm curious. I will tell you why in a follow-up thread.

From my experience it really seems like a majority of women these days prefer to be serial daters than in a committed relationship. It's easier for them to bounce around from guy to guy than to have to take the time to work on building something with one individual and have to be responsible for their actions. They date one jerk and just move on to another and another. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence syndrome. When they finally do meet a nice guy chances are they might not even recognize it which is really a shame. I've seen it happen over and over.

From my experience it really seems like a majority of women these days prefer to be serial daters than in a committed relationship. It's easier for them to bounce around from guy to guy than to have to take the time to work on building something with one individual and have to be responsible for their actions. They date one jerk and just move on to another and another. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence syndrome. When they finally do meet a nice guy chances are they might not even recognize it which is really a shame. I've seen it happen over and over.
Funny, from my experience, it's men who want to date and not commit...
Maybe you and I have been both looking in the wrong places :D

Women say they are attracted to a variety of things, but the one thing that is GUARANTEED to bring one of value to you, is to make something of yourself. (I don't just mean financially here, either.) If you want a valuable life partner, the quest shouldn't be to find one... it should be to make yourself a prize. Do that, and one will find YOU... although it may take a while.
Hmmm . . . sort of a "build it and they will come" theme. I like that! :cool:
L.

Hmmm . . . sort of a "build it and they will come" theme. I like that! :cool:
L.
I completly agree also....One as to feel great about themselves to find a partner that reflects that..

Digitl who is one great prize to be won, for the right winner :D

Digitl, not that I've been looking in the wrong places, this is just an observation based on the social changes I've witnessed/encountered across major metropolitan cities of the US.

I would say maybe around five years ago it seems as if there was a women's social revolution which as a result has spurned an increasing number of women playing a role which had been mostly dominated by men in the past.

In this new environment, women are no longer afraid of advertising and realizing their sexual and social desires. Men/boys in some cases have become objects during this movement and "churning and burning" them is sometimes the result or outcome.

Two of the more popular television shows with a very large female viewing audience that exploit and promote this sort of a lifestyle are Desperate Housewives and Sex and the City. The media has sensationalized this lifestyle and women today appear to have accepted it and in some cases incorporated it in their daily lives.

Again, this is just my opinion and may not be typical in anytown USA.

Is there a generation difference here? In my middle-aged group it is the men who won't commit. My twenty-two year old daughter, however, is in no hurry to settle down. Frankly, I think people make better long-term relationship decisions when they are over twenty-five. I don't see why the standards for men and women should be in any way different.

I have three close women friends. One is married and, while she loves her husband, she hates his politics. I would say that financial security plays a role in her remaining married. Of the rest of us, we are all divorced. One is eager to find a marriage partner and has encountered nothing but resistance from the men with whom she has formed serious relationships. She is slim, attractive and looks years younger than her age. The other has three children and views her marriage prospects realistically. Mostly she is just happy to get a date. I remain quite contentedly single and absorbed in various causes and hobbies. Sometimes, I do wonder if I will feel bleak in my old age.

Not everyone needs to go through life two by two as if queing up to board Noah's Ark.

In this new environment, women are no longer afraid of advertising and realizing their sexual and social desires. Men/boys in some cases have become objects during this movement and "churning and burning" them is sometimes the result or outcome.


If i was a feminist:eek: , i would say that a lot of men had it come at them. Men in ''general'' do/did treat women as objects for a very very long time. :p

I am not a feminist tho , but imagining having a toy boy ....sounded real good, for a few seconds LOL :D

Ketten

I don't think this has anything to do in particular with "ADD". This is a problem in communicating clearly, feeling clearly, being clear. You are right, you are getting totally mixed and confusing messages. That is not in particular something "ADD".

The only person who can explain what's really going on in his mind, is him. There are a lot of possibilities as to why he is not being clear. He's the best source of information you have. If that source of information is not proving reliable, then it might be a good idea to ask yourself if that kind of communication is one that would serve you well in a long term relationship. If the answer is yes, keep playing his game. If the answer is no, what you do with that knowledge is really inconsequential as you are quibbling over a short term relationship.

Hope that helps.

Jon

Thanks Jon. I appreciate the insight. Now, it's up to me. I have alot of thinking and soul searching to do.

Ketten

I understand how you feel, the fear and anxiety. Just remember, the more you look for love, the less you will find it. Love will find you. Don't look for 'the one.' There isn't the one. And nothing is better than the last one except the next one. I tell my female friends this repeatedly, they try to hard. Be casual about it. Try to find another female friend. You found her, so you can do it again, and again and again. Build a network of female friends, one will like you. I know it sounds trite but it works.

I did not even kiss a woman until I was 20, as for a girlfriend, my first kiss was her and she totally screwed me over. It hurt. Bad. I moved to Indiana 2 years later and ran into my next girlfriend. We've been togeth 5 years. I still fear her, she has even cheated once and I fear that. But, really what's worse being happy for awhile and then depressed if you are betrayed? Or never being happy, or betrayed but always depressed?

This is the problem with ADHD. No matter what meds or therapies we try. The only way to beat it is do it. Alone or with help. Better yet, only look for women with ADHD too, they might be more sympathetic.

Better yet, only look for women with ADHD too, they might be more sympathetic.


I have partner with more ADHD traits than I do but he refuses to acknowledge he has ADHD. I don't know maybe if you were both on meds or both off medications. I take medications and treat my ADHD, he doesn't I have been able to relate to non-ADD spouses than I ever wanted to!! So I guess maybe meeting some one who has ADD and is willing to at least admit it may be different!!!!

was there too...1996-1997 I fell in love and then............
no closure. shucks.

But then ,,,....a girl with NO puc online with a profile working at a bank ...

came along..

i replied...

she said NO!!!

I had her on my buddy list on aol.

She logged on , on sat.

We met.

And then we met april 18th 1998.

Got married sept 26th 1999.

5yrs + today.

And I have this add thing.

And she has me.

sickening , love , isnt it?

Hang in.

Door closes in my face , then re opens somewhere else.

Could happen to you!






P

:)

was there too...1996-1997 I fell in love and then............
no closure. shucks.

But then ,,,....a girl with NO puc online with a profile working at a bank ...

came along..

i replied...

she said NO!!!

I had her on my buddy list on aol.

She logged on , on sat.

We met.

And then we met april 18th 1998.

Got married sept 26th 1999.

5yrs + today.

And I have this add thing.

And she has me.

sickening , love , isnt it?

Hang in.

Door closes in my face , then re opens somewhere else.

Could happen to you!






P

:)

yes it can!


P

Hey Keith,


One of the unfortunate things about hyperfocus is that we point it at people as well as everything else. Examine your heart, are you hyperfocusing on her or are you in-love? Hyperfocusing will appear to be "in love" to a woman. She will tell you that you are in love with her and give you the treatment most of the time. Us ADDers blow the circuits on normal women. If you like her truly, then what is wrong about being friends? If she is being a jerk and just saying "lets be friends" to let herself off the hook, then she is not worthy of you. If she means it, then what are you really losing? I recomend you lose the American myth about love everlasting and finding that with some girl... You will find love everlasting in many places but you must stop looking.

Love and live in the moment and lose the expectations... The "right person" one is the worst. It is perpetuated because we are taught to say it to the heartbroken.

Don't be afraid to put your heart into the "mosh pit" of love. Yeah, you will get hurt and fall but there are always kind people to help you back up!

Finally, there is no right person for you except yourself. Once you stop trying to escape from yourself, you will find many many right people for you. 18 is a good age to be tackling this! Damn, I wish I had started then... :)

Cory

Nicely put chain. I would love to spend a bunch of time exploring the realm of not being able to obtain what you need until you don't need it any more. Or like someone smarter than me said that wisdom is something you get after you need it.

Nicely put chain. I would love to spend a bunch of time exploring the realm of not being able to obtain what you need until you don't need it any more. Or like someone smarter than me said that wisdom is something you get after you need it.
Yep, and it is almost useless to give advice (especially to ADDers :) )... but hey, just validating my own stance on things and planting a seed :) I had seeds like this planted in my psyche and they are of great importance now that they have become trees.