well, I'm new here. I've had all of the classic problems associated with ADD for many years now. Yesterday I finally begain therapy and they immideatly diagnosed me as ADD. The diagnosis itself was a huge relief and removed a lot of the guilt I had been feeling for my actions. Now I only have to get rid of the guilt for not doing something about it sooner.

As a result of my ADD my marriage of 8 years has recently become a separation. During that time I caused quite a bit of problems and grief to my wife. I didn't finish projects, mis-managed our money, you get the picture. This caused my wife a lot of pain and she finally said it's done. I was devastated and finally decided I needed some help. I've now got a lot of hope for my treatment and future quality of life but I'm afraid the damage may have been too great for my marriage. I've sent my wife a few e-mails with links to add support pages and some testimonials of people who have survived relationships once diagnosed.

Really, I wanted to get a feel for what you think. Personally, I feel that sending her this information can't hurt. It can either help us or at least allow her to get rid of some of the anger she feels.

Anyway, it's really nice to find a forum like this one. Sharing experiences is always so helpful.

Hi Brews. If you haven't already introduced yourself in the welcome forum feel free to do so and tell us a bit about yourself.

I'm sorry about your seperation. You have a lot of questions to ask yourself, and decisions to make about your treatment. I hope you find the information and support you need here and that the counselors and doctors you work with suit your needs.

Good advice from my doctors has been that the meds only get you to a starting line, you still have to run the race and find what works for you.

Do you want to get back together with her? Do you think there will be ways to reconcile with time? It can't hurt to give her the info, what she does with it is out of your hands. What you do with it is crucial.

Welcome to ADD Forums brews!

Sorry to hear about your separation. Hope with your dx and therapy things will be so much better now. Knowledge is very powerful, don't see that sending links to your wife can hurt.

I'm hoping you will share any questions and/or tools that help you during your journey.
I'd like to direct your attention to the wonderful search function on the upper right of each page. My favorite is to go to advanced search and click on the show posts button.

Quick notes that took me a while to find; calendar link above shows chat times and @ the bottom of each page as you scroll past the quick reply field are topics of similar interests that you might be interested in.

Read, search any words, topics, or questions that may interest you, and please POST!

Brews, There can't be any harm in sending your wife information to help her understand ADD. I'm sure that there is a lot of unspoken feelings of guilt on her part as well. She probably thinks there was something MORE she could have done to make it work but failed to find it.

My first impression is that you are "separated" because one or both of you are hoping that somehow it won't end in divorce.
The best advice I can offer you is to get your own life in order now that you know where the chaos stems from.
Allow your wife to get her life in order now that she knows.

Whether you split or get back together you can only control how you respond to life. Your life is what it is now. You can't go back and change it and saying "if only I'd known sooner" will not get you anywhere.

All of the roads are ahead of you and some of it is mapped out on this forum if you use the search function often. But you will still hit potholes and detours and constantly need to stop and refuel and take a pee. :D

Keep asking questions or even posting updates and always keep your sense of humor!

Welcome to the forum.

There are two ways this will come across to your wife: If you say "I think I've found out what's wrong with me and here's what I'm going to do about it", and then proceed to do it, regardless of how she receives the news, if nothing else she will respect you for it, even if she divorces you.
If it comes across as you saying "Here's what's wrong with me, now we know this you can come back and everything will be fine because i'll do something about it"...it won't work for long.
Put your effort into fixing yourself, rather than trying to save your marriage, and you might save your marriage.
I am now divorced. Separation from my wife was the hardest thing I even endured in my life.

Good luck! :)

I am going to overcome this. I'm not stopping now that I have a name and a face for my demons. The biggist thing to overcome now is the intense sadness, lonlieness and regret that I'm feeling. I'm stuck in a mode where I'm continuously projecting into the future and at this point that's pretty bleak.

I feel as though I've hurt the people I love most and caused so much damage to my life, my wife's life and the lives of my children that it's tough to move past that. Knowing that there's a reason relieves some of the guilt but I've known there was something wrong for so long and didn't do anything about it.

My psyc has started me on Wellbutrin in addition to the prozac I'm already taking in an effort to get me out of the pit that I'm in. It's working a bit but I'm pretty scared at times.

Wish me luck on my journey.

I feel as though I've hurt the people I love most and caused so much damage to my life, my wife's life and the lives of my children that it's tough to move past that. Knowing that there's a reason relieves some of the guilt but I've known there was something wrong for so long and didn't do anything about it.

Have you told her?


I didn't seek help until ten years and three kids into my marriage...much longer since I can remember that something was wrong since I was a kid. I'm starting to unlearn bad habits, but it's going slow. Without the love of my family it would be a lot tougher.

What used to be a tremendous source of frustration for my husband has turned around. Most of my ADD symptoms he finds "cute"....it was the bipolar he couldn't live with.

How old are your kids? Mine are little so they're very forgiving. They know I take medicine to "help my brain work right". Sometimes I cry out during particularly chatotic moments when I'm trying to focus on something, "Hey guys! Quiet down! Your ADD mother can't take it!" I apologized for being so forgetful and inattentive and told them they have permission to remind me of stuff. I reassure them when I've royally messed up that I'm sorry, I didn't do it on purpose and that what's important to them is important to me...then I fix it as best as I can...which at this age is fairly easy.

I tell you this because I'm hoping that with a new sense of determination on your part, proactively seeking treatment and to right wrongs, that perhaps thigns aren't as bleak for as long as they seem they will be. I hope I'm not being foolishly optimistic. I wish you well.

I am dealing with the same issues you are brews. Almost so much so that it is an exact copy. It has been 6 years for us and we are now in the process of a divorce and selling our house. I have two young boys that I just hope will make it through this better than my wife and I. It is a very difficult time and some of the answers to my questions about our marriage and who I am have been very hard to hear, but they are the truth. I have found that the more people that I talk to about what is going on the more I can find strength in myself and a way to understand that I am not alone.

I to have found that there is no going back only forward. I love my wife and hope her the best and will always feel that me and her will get back together at some point. But I can't be any good to her until I change the things that I need to change in myself first. We will just be back at this point again and that I don't want.

Letting your wife know about these forums is a great thing. I to have told my wife about these forums and have even printed off several threads that I thought might help her understand me.

For me it is part of the healing process, a way of trying to figure out what is going on and for my wife to know what are some of things that I am feeling and might not have the words to say because I am just now learning why I have done some of things that I have done or haven't done for that matter

Everything in life takes time if it is to work. Be patient and don't force things that don't need to be or can't be forced.

I was dx'ed about 3 months ago and I am still finding things out about myself with ADD. I am not going to rush these feeling but take time to explore them so that I might be able to understand them. It took me years to develop these personality traits that I have from years with ADD and not knowing it, and it will take some time to understand them and work on what I see are negative traits that have hurt me, my wife, my children and my family.

I hope some of this makes since. I have never been a good writer or very good at writing down what's in my head, since it all wants to come out at the same time.