07-05-03, 10:37 AM
Is there anything to help an ADHD child with not being so easily frustrated? If my youngest- Darrian walks into the room and so much as hums a tune- Ashleigh my ADHD child totally freaks out! Yelling at her & the likes. How can I approach Ashleigh with tact so that she doesn't feel that I'm always taking Darrian's side and that I'm not playing "favorites"?
I hope I can help a bit here. I have a 6 year old who has ADHD symptoms (although her diagnosis is attachment disorder, lots of the stuff is the same) and she reacts hugely to her 2 year old sister. Can you tell me the ages here, and what you normally do to intervene?
07-09-03, 07:05 PM
Jane, actually my daughter was originally diagnosed with Attachment disorder when she was 3 1/2.. that was a struggle in a half- I can tell you that. Firstly I would recommend some type of counseling- for yourself & your family. Last I knew, medication was not an option- it was pretty much just go it your own. Now on my experience with my daughter, there were a few things that we did. Because standing her in the corner didn't work- she would physically hurt me- I would hold her down... here's the way I did it. (It doesn't seem so inhumane when you are going through the motions. And remember, what works for one, does not necessarily work for all!) I would sit on the floor- legs spread so she could sit between my legs. Keep all sounds off- tv, radio.. anything. Keep distractions away! Also... put your leg over her legs, 1 arm over her arms & 1 arm on the forehead to restrict from motion. Ashleigh would kick me & slam her head into my chest when I would stand behind her in the corner. (I did that because she would not stay there.. I needed to make sure punishment was enforced) I really had no other options- The arm on the forehead, I incorporated because she would still slam her head into my chest & that hurts! Sit there for a couple minutes- do not talk, just sit through it.
Remember, consistency is everything- that child is looking for you to make sure that everything is okay. I don't know if yours was an adoption issue or if the child underwent some type of trauma that caused the attachment disorder, but if it was a trauma- I would definetly not recommend spanking at all *although I do not believe in spankings for my kids* My outlook has not made sense to some, but this is how I feel. If a child has been through trauma- to a kid they see hitting, or hurting.. what's the difference to that child between being hit or being spanked? So I would seriously not recommend that.
Get as much family support & friends to support you. That way you can keep your sanity & remember- things will get better as long as you approach it steadfast.
I remember sitting in the bathroom praying so many nights because Ashleigh would do such horrendous things to her sister that I just couldn't handle it. It was absolutely dreadful.
With attachment disorder, kids get angry.. resentful- but they are hurting inside. Keep trying to reach out to that child. Remind them time & time again that you love them- don't give up. It took a while for me to be able to hug & kiss Ashleigh- but she eventually turned to accept my affection & now thrives on it as a 7 year old.
I think really what the key is- patience, support, remembering that child needs you & will get to a point where you will see a happy kid again, be consistent- stand firm, counseling, & lots & lots of love. Otherwise, as far as siblings are concerned- you are going to have to monitor them together. We had to monitor Ashleigh w/Darrian quite a bit- almost like she was under survelance... it's not easy- but you almost have to.
I don't know if this is going to prove helpful to you... as I said ,what works for some, doesn't work for all.
Otherwise, look for websites relating to Attachment disorder. There are quite a few out there.
The battle is not over until you let it. The overall result with patience & love will be wonderful! Give yourself a pat on the back. I've been there, done that.. still having a hard time with the girls. Take one day at a time though...
email me if you would like
07-09-03, 07:17 PM
oh, and an afterthought.. that was what I did until after the attachment disorder seemed to dull away- with time she got to be pretty good as far as her not abusing us physically & she was able to respect attention- now that she's older- well, that's another story altogether. So as far as your attachment disorder thing- there ya go. Darrian is now 4 years old. Both girls. Good luck to you