View Full Version : So ashamed


midnightstar
01-04-13, 05:09 PM
I'm so ashamed of my body at the moment, I feel so ugly and unattractive and feel like even my own family and friends turn away in horror.

Anyone else feel like this?

String
01-04-13, 08:48 PM
I've felt something similar before. I don't know what to say except something that sounds a little trite. But it really isn't trite. It's true.

This feeling will eventually pass!

It really will get a lot better than it was when you made this post. Promise. Hang in there. And remember that everyone has beauty.

Oregon
06-05-13, 02:34 AM
I've had body issues for years, it all started from an overweight kid. No matter how much weight I lost over the years, I've always felt like that "fat kid". Heck, I still feel that way.

Try to be positive, or do things that'll boost your mood. I'm in the gym 5-6 days a week, and even if it's just doing something light (walking on the treadmill, light weights), I still feel more positive about myself. I think it could help you too. :)

Fuzzy12
06-05-13, 06:32 AM
Yes, sometimes I feel guilty for subjecting other people to my ugly, fat self. The interesting thing is that I only feel ugly when I'm depressed. When I feel good, I like the way I look (and think that others too...).

I guess, you know this, but I'm pretty sure that other people don't think that that you (or I) are repulsive. We are usually harshest on ourselves and our view of our appearance is highly biased.

On days I feel ugly, what helps is to put a bit more effort into my appearance. Nice clothes and make-up. Or wearing a smile, it can make all the difference to your appearance.

Raye
06-05-13, 06:59 AM
Gaining a mass amount of weight in a year ( my pdoc suggested it could be allll the meds I've tried this year) sure makes me ashamed, but not to where friends and family turn in horror... sorry you are going thru this :grouphug:

Blanched Dubois
06-05-13, 08:09 AM
yeah i think as woman we are all able to relate to this - i had already turned away in horror of my family myself - so if they turned away from my quasi-moto-ish-ness i hadn't noticed LOL!
but seriously, if you feel 'ugly' - or 'ashamed' you are comparing yourself to others you think are 'pretty' etc - meh - who could blame you? we're surrounded by the air brushed pix of 'models' who look like poo without makeup and airbrushing on magazines

do something for YOU...to make yourself feel pretty...get together with a good girlfriend and do your hair different - start cutting 'white food' out of your diet if you want to lose weight without trying too hard ( white food is 'dead' anyway - sugar-white bread-pasta- these carbs can make you feel lethargic, gain weight etc

but you know where beauty comes from so you couldn't possibly be any less beautiful than you are here - such a hugely loving, sweet and caring friend - with a gorgeousness that cannot be faked!!

You are a beautiful woman and so do what real beauties do - love yourself!!!

i don't like my nose and i'd love some new boobs LOL ( i would never do fake boobs but i can dream of what they used to look like before i breast fed lol ) i do like my eyes and so find somethng about you that you DO like and focus on that...

remember - you can change your appearance if it brings you pain...you can't make an ugly person beautiful if they're ugly inside - you don't have that issue <3

and i'm fairly certain NO ONE is turning away in horror in your family - if you 'see' them doing this - wow i'd get a brown lunch bag, fill it with dog poo and put it on fire on their front door step - ring the bell and run

LOL!! you may not feel pretty by this but you will laugh a whole lot

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Fraser_0762
06-05-13, 08:13 AM
I'm so ashamed of my body at the moment, I feel so ugly and unattractive and feel like even my own family and friends turn away in horror.

Anyone else feel like this?

I've felt that way my whole life.

I have dreadful facial skin full of redness and scars that will never go away. But I already looked terrible before I started falling apart.

Now i'm starting to put the weight on big time. I've always been relatively skinny, but it seems i'm beginning to store more body fat now.

The worst thing is when people close to you tell you that it's "all in your head", but you can clearly tell that they're lying to make you feel better.

dvdnvwls
06-05-13, 02:44 PM
Have you ever turned away in horror from a person because they're fat? I haven't.

I have turned away in disgust from a person who smelled bad.

I have turned away in fear from a person who was acting in a way that seemed like a threat.

But a fat person is just fat, not horrifying. I do feel strange and uncomfortable around a person who is so big they have trouble standing up or moving, but I don't expect this describes you or even close to you.

I have had several friends and acquaintances who were fat (and I mean really fat, not just "a bit overweight").

One is a high-powered businessman-type guy. I worked with him every day for a few weeks, and I went for dinner with him once. Being with him was perfectly normal. The first time I met him, I didn't notice how big he was, because as soon as we met we got right to work. The next day I showed up again, and things were a bit more relaxed so I had time to think - and I thought "He is REALLY fat!" And... that was it. He was fine, he was normal, I was comfortable sitting with him and enjoyed working with him, he was a good person, and I hope I get to work with him again some time.

Another is a singer/actress. She's tall, she's beautiful, she's really fat. I am an average-height average-build overweight man, and she is much larger in every direction than I am. :) She is happy and attractive and people love to be around her. She gave me a big hug once or twice, and it felt good and normal - I would go back today for another hug if I could. :)

Last example is a friend of mine who was average weight and then suddenly got fat. I noticed, and I wondered what went wrong. I knew something wasn't right, because he seemed very unhappy. Well, it turned out a lot of things had gone badly for him, he was doing a lot of therapy, his life was a mess, and (I guess but he didn't tell me) he probably needed some kind of antidepressant that added to his weight gain. I was uncomfortable around him - not because he gained weight, but because he seemed "not himself" and I didn't know what to do or how to help him even though I really wanted to.

SV650rider
01-12-14, 11:46 PM
I've always had to battle my weight and feelings about it. The people that disgust me are judgmental, bigoted, egotistical, etc. Extra weight only means the inner beauty is a little deeper.

sarek
01-13-14, 04:45 AM
I know feelings can not be easily reasoned with but I will try anyway.

The real value of a person is in how much empathy they have, how kind and compassionate they are. And when it comes to kindness and compassion, you Star are an Olympic champion. So for me you will always be a winner.

Corina86
01-13-14, 12:30 PM
I've felt like this for years and I still feel ugly once in a while.

But, just like dvdnwls said, I never turned away in horror because of how someone looked. I have a friend who's severely obese and she has huge issues, both health related and emotional, because of that. I still care about her- a lot actually. She's awesome from all points of view. And trust me, family too loves no matter what. Maybe they are worried about your health, but no sane person would ever turn away from someone just because of looks.

I won't deny that I always wished I was prettier, since, after all, humans can be very shallow- I was bullied for years for my looks, but I've learned that I like and hater others almost entirely for what they are, not for how they look. Why should I think differently of myself?

Fuzzy12
01-13-14, 12:49 PM
I've b put on so much weight in the last 3 months and now I feel so fat, ugly and stupid. Not that these three things are related in any way, which should tell me that my feelings are not an accurate representation of reality anyway. I know when I'm in a hgood mood I'm a lot more confident about my appearance as well. Right now though I feel ugly, both inside and outside. And I know it's but like anyone cares or treats me differently based on my appearance. Still..

midnightstar
01-13-14, 01:27 PM
I've b put on so much weight in the last 3 months and now I feel so fat, ugly and stupid. Not that these three things are related in any way, which should tell me that my feelings are not an accurate representation of reality anyway. I know when I'm in a hgood mood I'm a lot more confident about my appearance as well. Right now though I feel ugly, both inside and outside. And I know it's but like anyone cares or treats me differently based on my appearance. Still..


You are definitely not ugly <3

If you are unattractive then I look like the back end of a bus

Fuzzy12
01-13-14, 01:47 PM
Well you don't. I know v that and I've got proof :)

I had something to eat, am feeling slightly better overall so b I'm not feeling that ugly anymore or rather right now I'm well fed and I don't care. A full stomach can work wonders :lol:

Sigh I guess beauty lies in the eyes of the observer and that includes your own eyes judging your own appearance.

avjgirsijdhtjhs
01-13-14, 02:07 PM
Disclaimer: Some of these "facts", I say may not be facts at all (I'm claiming right now to NOT be an expert), and could be debated\corrected\showntobeincorrect, by someone that's really educated in this stuff, like a scientist, nutritionist, etc that really knows their **** on this stuff, but I'll just state everything like it is 100% perfect fact, and you can look into it if you want.

Getting fat can be looked at as a hormonal problem:

Insulin combined with macronutrients (carbs, protein, fat) is what makes you store fat.

What happens to a type ONE diabetic (type ONE diabetics have pancreases that do not make insulin) that eats tons and tons of food, but takes no insulin? They start wasting away, and die looking like an anorexic - fat stores nearly depleted, and very little skeletal muscle. They won't get fat no matter how much you feed them. --------------------- (A similar example is people with acromegaly (gigantism). People with a normal growth hormone signaling won't develop gigantism, no matter how much you feed them.)

Carbohydrates cause the body to release insulin (exceptions that I know of - sugar alcohols, look up both soluble and insoluble fiber).

Protein causes a release of insulin, but not to the degree of carbs (supposedly they either (gram for gram???? - not sure) don't cause, or don't cause to nearly the same degree the pancreas's second wave of insulin secretion.

Fat causes NO release of insulin.

One thing to keep in mind though that insulin is also one of the satiating hormones (well as long as it doesn't overpower the glucose in your blood combined with the body's regulatory glucose increasing effects, and cause your blood sugar to drop too low, then you'll be ravenous and in feeling INSANELY RIDICULOUSLY bad (and not just in a hungry way!) if it gets really low, but not so low that you pass out, or pass out and die)... ....Also supposedly protein is the most satiating macronutrient, and fat is the least, though this is debatable, and that is definitely a blanket statement (different strokes for different folks\metabolisms\situations), and plus are we talking on a per calorie basis, or gram for gram?...

Maybe now you can see why it's not as simple as first law of thermodynamics calories in vs calories out. Different macronutrients have different metabolic effects (go read pages 10.5 to 11.5 in the paperback version of the book "Fat Fast" - I'll look in copywrite stuff and see if I can photograph and post this, probably would need permission, or maybe I'll quote it in a bit, maybe). If you're dependent on carbs for energy in the few (or less than a few) hours after a carb heavy meal and get tired and hungry when it wears off this is not a good thing. You may get energy from the carbs, but if you get a mild blood sugar crash (or for those that don't check their blood sugar - if you notice an energy crash\letdown), then keep in mind that the insulin response from high carbs and\or protein is to STORE CALORIES. People THAT GET SUFFICIENT RESTORATIVE SLEEP (lack of sleep raises ghrelin and lowers leptin, two appetite regulating hormones (ghrelin increases hunger, and leptin lowers hunger, though these hormones are far from that simple - definitely leptin isn't!)), often find that a ketogenic low carb diet (ketogenic low carb diets are also dependent on you moderating protein, otherwise the excess protein slowly gets converted to glucose, and ketone production goes down (get a blood ketone meter)) KILLS their hunger, sometimes within a couple days, or it may take longer for sufficient keto-adaptation (and hunger lowering) to kick in. Okay, so (very) low (and keep in mind that there's glycogen in the meat you're eating) carb, and moderating protein is called a Low Carb High Fat Diet (LCHF). Useful info might be found from guys like Stephen Phinney and Jeff Volek, Gary Taubes, Peter Attia, Ron Rosedale, Jack Kruse.

So basically a LCHF (ketogenic) diet consists of the vast majority of calories from fat, a much lower percent from protein, and almost none from carbs. A meal might look like a smallish-mediumish chunk of meat or egg or cheese, and some NON-STARCHY vegetable(s) with liberal amounts of coconut oil, butter\ghee, olive oil, or the animal's fat (cows (as in meat, cheese, butter\ghee) don't make much omega-six regarless of what you feed them - pigs make a good bit more six than cows, and fowl fat is not low in omega-six either). Avoid vegetable oils (besides olive oil, which is about nine to ten percent omega-six (although for most beginners to the diet, it would probably be a good idea to avoid olive oil and pig for the first at least month or more, and make coconut oil (about ninety two percent saturated fat, six perfent monounsaturated, and two percent omega-six) the main fat source), since they are often extremely high in omega-six fat (nutritiondata.com), and since chronic low-grade (or more than low grade) inflammation is the basic cause behind LOTS of neolithic diseases, diseases we didn't get back when we ate what we are supposed to eat (omega-sixes are proinflammatory, and omega-threes are anti-inflammatory (carbs are very inflammatory too!), and it's probably best to keep the omega-six to omega-three ratio no higher than four parts omega-six to every one part omega-three and no lower than one part omega-six for every one part omega-three (except for beginners, who will often be better served by skewing the omega-six to three ratio more in favor of omega-three for a while, as well as keeping total omega-six intake low)). And although this may not sound like much, (ASSUMING YOU'RE WELL RESTED) there's a good chance that your hunger problems will be greatly reduced when you're no longer dependent on the (relatively) short wave of post meal carb energy, and are instead burning lots of ketones.

And as far as disease progression, prevention, and treatment goes:

People didn't get diabetes back when they didn't farm, and the fruit died in the fall and they were forced to eat a low carb diet all winter (which reversed their insulin resistance).

Polyunsaturated fats (omega-six (especially six!) and omega-three) should not make up the bulk of your fat intake, as they are very prone to oxidation. Monounsaturated fats, and even more especially saturated (http://www.artandscienceoflowcarb.com/the-sad-saga-of-saturated-fat/) fat should make up the bulk of your fat intake. Also know that the medium chain fats that make up almost two thirds of the content of coconut oil are treated VERY differently from the long chain fats that pretty much all other fats are (i think palm oil is around fifty percent medium chain, and butter around twelve to fifteen percent medium chain, and ghee about a quarter medium chain, maybe). Both the way they are treated metabolically, and their sub-nine-calories-per-gram caloric content make them great for use as your main fat source if you're trying to lose or not gain weight.

Also, (and especially if anybody's interested) I might go dig up some juicy quotes, papers, article on cholesterol (and it's relation to both dietary intake and insulin), saturated fat, medium chain fats, heart disease, inuit and their lack of scurvy and more if anyone wants, just not right now since I need a break.

avjgirsijdhtjhs
01-13-14, 02:58 PM
I guess if anybody wanted to discuss anything with my previous post on this thread that doesn't pertain to the original thread topic, then go to this thread (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=156413), where I reposted that post.

And if the original poster wants, it wouldn't bother me it this and my previous post in this thread were deleted. I bet it probably doesn't bother her, but I did sort of start a new topic and am not wanting to divert the thread from it's original topic.

someothertime
01-13-14, 02:59 PM
Yeah... I've felt it midnight... I think for a lot of us there is mental well being -> phsycal -> wellbeing... if you get what I mean...

Itsa washing machine of cause and effect... I think putting too much emphasis on the outside just feeds the dragon... You gotta lotta good stuff going on midnight...

20thcenturyfox
09-11-16, 12:35 PM
give each of you a big hug. Even if most of us have been relieved to view our ADHD symptoms as something separate from our essential selves--that can be managed, there is still a big step to viewing fat as being something separate from our selves--that can also be managed (other than through character).

Jack Kruse says obesity is a brain disease. Whether he is 100% right or not, the link between depression and obesity is obviously very strong. Despite the popular perception that excess fat is caused by lack of self discipline around food and exercise, it is becoming more and more clear that fat, especially visceral fat, is a 2-way street, creating its own cascade of self-destructive hormones and disrupted brain signalling.

With the recent discoveries that our gut flora signal our brain via the vagus nerve, both affecting emotions and hijacking appetite, it seems to me a new picture is emerging of fat as a sort of inner devil or monster driving our feelings and actions in the present, not merely a relic of past bad decisions as most of us have probably supposed.

Again not meaning to hijack the thread, when body image is such a real source of suffering (and judgement) for so many people. But does it offer any relief to re-frame fat (and the microbes that promote it) as a sort of parasitic enemy within that you probably do need to start reining in and resisting for your own well-being? From this perspective, letting anyone (including you) merely judge your exterior is a huge distraction, if not an actual handicap.

ShurV39
03-01-17, 11:47 PM
Ive been absolutely obsessed lately with following microbiome/gut health research and brain chemistry, gene expression and body composition..much more so after developing food allergies I never had before and always being thin then suddenly gaining weight and not being able to keep it off - now not even able to stick to any sort of plan to get it off to begin with to fight to keep it off (does that make sense?)


I hope the OP no longer feels the way she did given the age of this thread

dormammau2008
04-03-17, 10:15 PM
nothng wrong with that iam doing a lot reseach on it myself microbiome there are links to that and adhd and host of other things 98% of all illnesss are realted to it as I have a very rare illness which involes the microbiome so it pays to as much information as you can

midnightstar
04-04-17, 01:39 PM
Ive been absolutely obsessed lately with following microbiome/gut health research and brain chemistry, gene expression and body composition..much more so after developing food allergies I never had before and always being thin then suddenly gaining weight and not being able to keep it off - now not even able to stick to any sort of plan to get it off to begin with to fight to keep it off (does that make sense?)


I hope the OP no longer feels the way she did given the age of this thread

I do still feel unattractive a lot of the time :o

unstableAngel
04-04-17, 06:04 PM
:confused: Did something happen or was something said to suddenly make you feel this way? We always see flaws other ppl dont even notice, we are our own worst enemy. Don't listen to that voice in your head! It lies alot!

dormammau2008
04-06-17, 12:31 AM
iam shore you look fine....id be pround to be seen with you mindnightstar hold head up high hun x

unstableAngel
04-06-17, 02:37 PM
I totally get what your feeling and empathise, but the fact is, your perfect and beautiful just the way you are! Theres only and will always be ONE YOU! Who decided what outter beauty was anyways?!? Frankly i could care less whats outside, all that matters is the inside!! I know it sounds like an overused quote but IT'S A FACT! Stupid media feeds us these lies and makes us feel unattractive etc. pfft, all that matters is whats in your heart & if people can't see that, then screw em cause theyre not worthy of your time! :grouphug:

midnightstar
04-06-17, 02:39 PM
:confused: Did something happen or was something said to suddenly make you feel this way? We always see flaws other ppl dont even notice, we are our own worst enemy. Don't listen to that voice in your head! It lies alot!

Nothing happened recently, just my brain likes replaying stuff bullies from years ago said :o

dormammau2008
04-07-17, 05:31 PM
I understand were your coming from....bulling wise....

Joker_Girl
04-14-17, 02:38 AM
I have gained so much weight it's ridiculous. I was actually pretty skinny ten years ago. I feel like I am trapped in fat. I don't feel good because of it.
Every time I try to lose weight, I am literally hungry all the time. Why am I hungry when I have all this fat? I will eat very little for a while and next thing you know, I am hogging out.
I used to have more willpower to exercise and not eat. When I was 20, I went on a diet where all I ate was lettuce and stuff like that. And exercising like 3 hours a day. Lost 30 some pounds in a month.
Now I'm too old, fat, and tired. I can't make myself exercise when I'm tired, and I'm hungry.

dormammau2008
04-24-17, 04:38 PM
have you looked at your mricobiodome I bet this is the main casue of wight gain.. worth looking at ,,,,

RextheDog
05-16-17, 05:58 PM
You had me at Inuit and scurvy. :)