View Full Version : Were any of you bullied growing up?


gorebs
01-14-13, 09:36 PM
More and more, I start thinking that a lot of issues I face are from growing up. My family moved a lot, so I went to 9 total schools. Eventually, I stopped making friends and that opened the door for a lot of bullying. I pretty much said 5 words all day at school.

Now, when I was out of school..that was a whole different story. I was very energetic and joked a lot at church (my dad was a preacher, could be an issue too lol). I went through a bad relationship for a while. Then when I flunked out of college the first time, I got really wild until I got married. I drank and "smoked" a lot.

As of the moment, I'm a confused people pleaser who is very inappropriate at times. I'm trying to be so many people that I end up creating multiple moods and personas. My wife just thinks that this is my quarterly ritual of trying to get off my meds.

TheNarrator
01-15-13, 12:28 AM
Guys picked fights with me but probably because either A. They knew I would fight or B. I never backed down and always fired right back verbally no matter how big or bad the kid was!
But then again I got a huge rush out of fighting, and enjoyed getting punched.

Btw- love the big lebowski

Crazygirl79
01-15-13, 12:46 AM
All the time and it's happening a little bit at work now too....

Selena

crystal8080
01-15-13, 01:10 AM
Elementary school? Constantly. It was a nightmare. I had no control of my emotions and people would make me their puppet. They thought it was hilarious how easy it was to make me mad or to make me cry.

Zaashy
01-15-13, 02:43 AM
Most of my schooling career, started way back in elementary school. My head was slightly larger than normal and I was skinny so I was called alien. Now I grew into my head, I'm 190 pounds of muscle and a very short temper.

GeordieDave
01-15-13, 04:41 AM
I lived in France for 5 years. I got a lot of name calling. But I've always been told to stand up for myself so eventually backed off, had the odd name calling. They called me roast beef as I was English... Weird one I know. Then when I moved back to England I got called French frog haha.. I couldn't win. When I moved back I did get jumped on a by 4-5 other lads much bigger than me a few times but eventually that stopped, only happened about 4-5 times but I just got back up and walked away.

andy78
01-15-13, 09:16 AM
I would absolutely identify myself as being bullied as a kid by my cousins. Not sure if that applies to me currently. But one thing has remained that people make fun of me now as when I was in school.

Fuzzy12
01-15-13, 09:24 AM
Not really. There were a couple of years in school when my class mates were not very nice to me but I wouldn't call that bullying. Thankfully. I didn't deal very well with people not being very nice to me so I don't know if I could have coped with proper bullying.

Do you think that bullying might have triggered your bipolar disorder (as in either a depressive or a manic/hypomanic episode)?

tipoo
01-15-13, 09:46 AM
Yes, there was one in primary and one in grade 4. Apart from that, not really, but that may have left me overly meek the rest of the time in school.

TheChemicals
01-15-13, 10:58 AM
I was a bully in elementary. I was just really hyper and tended to **** other kids off.

In high school, anytime anyone said something i didnt like, i felt i was getting bullied. For the most part, i was well protected by friends in school--- no idea why, i was a dick....

gorebs
01-15-13, 12:18 PM
Thanks thenarrator. Fight Club happens to be my favorite all time, so kudos to you too!

AlterFuzzy, yeah. I do think that has a lot to do with it. I have always been too scared to talk in school. Maybe because I moved so much that I gave up on meaningful friendships there. Outside of school, it was totally different. People liked me and thought I was hilarious. So I would go from extremely quiet and scared to energetic and daring. My final year of high school, I was at a new school. The first day there, a couple of thugs tried to rob me but I stood up to them. Every day, certain guys would call me gay and tell me that I didn't belong at their school. I'm not gay, but I was a smaller guy who tried to dress nicely. On top of that, I am in the Deep South around rednecks. Lol

ezridax
01-15-13, 12:40 PM
My DH was bullied, by peers as well as one of his principals and his fifth-grade teacher.

The principle locked him in a closet for 4-5 hours when he was in 1st or 2nd grade (not sure exactly).

The teacher selected him at the beginning of the year as her "scapegoat" for everything, mocking him and verbally abusing him and encouraging-- even condoning-- the rest of the class to do the same. Even though he finally told his parents about it and they stood up for him and fought for the teacher's expulsion from the school, stupid "tenure" got in the way, and she was allowed to teach for two more years, doling out the same abuse to other students.

He was bullied by peers on a regular basis, until finally his dad took him aside and taught him how to fight back. The next time a kid picked a fight with DH, he punched him hard in the face and those kids never bothered him again.

I know all these experiences have greatly affected his self-esteem, though he has fought it all his life and now has at least a modicum of confidence. Before these experiences (particularly with his fifth-grade teacher) my MIL says he was very outgoing and sociable and friendly; after the abuse, he became much more introverted and quiet. It's like he lost the H in his ADHD, even though he's been officially diagnosed as combined type, and the H still shines through in rare moments.

keliza
01-15-13, 02:38 PM
I was bullied pretty mercilessly in elementary and middle school, yeah. I was quirky, spacey, left class and wandered around school a lot, and I looked different than most of the kids in my grade (very tall and skinny, red hair, freckles, braces, glasses, all that). I also spent a few hours a day in the gifted class, which made me a target for my non-gifted classmates when I was back in regular class. Don't get me wrong, I had a lot of friends, it wasn't a social skills problem. It was just that this particular group of bullies seemed to take issue with me for whatever reason. I got picked on, called names, pushed, had my lunch stolen, all of that.

Near the end of middle school, though, 8th grade I guess, I started to fight back. I know my impulsiveness got worse as I hit puberty in middle school, which accounted for more of the H/I type symptoms rearing their head. Instead of biting my tongue and walking away when people made fun of me, I turned around and gave it right back to them. If you messed with me or my friends, you'd get it right back, and probably worse than they gave it. I got into a few fist fights as well, but my teachers never punished me for it - I think they were just glad I was finally standing up for myself and not letting other kids pick on me anymore.

By the time I went into high school, the bullying stopped. I guess it was because I was finally confident enough (and impulsive enough) to dish it back out, and they knew I wasn't an easy target anymore. If they picked on me or my friends, they ran the very real risk of getting told off or punched. I never had a bullying problem in high school at all, and honestly I actually became quite well-liked. Not one of the "popular" kids by any means, that wasn't my social scene, but I had friends in all different social groups, nobody seemed to have any issues with me at all. I was a class clown and people liked that. So it all worked out in the end.

sarahsweets
01-15-13, 02:50 PM
I was bullied. What saved me was the phrase "f**k off". All the 5th graders went to tell the teachers about me and left me alone.

dogluver358
01-15-13, 03:08 PM
I was picked on mercilessly after I moved to a new school in the elementary years. My group of friends were the "rejects". The fat one, the one with the unibrow, the one in SPED (and she was the sweetest person I've ever known), and me the one with the thick hair that stuck out. The "cool" group wore ribbons in their hair and they were horrible. Same way through middle school at the same school.

I wasn't picked on too much in high school because I just avoided people. A little bit because I was friends with someone from another country. And I learned to tell people to shut the f* up.

The strange thing is, a particular girl who made my life a living hell all through the 8th grade went on to the same high school as me (Catholic school). We graduated about 12 years ago. A few years ago she sent me a friend request on facebook. I couldn't understand it. Why?

I hated those years. I was miserable, depressed, cut myself. I liked my first Prek-8 school. I had friends and switching schools was when the trouble started. I still don't feel I'm good enough.

I went to this one college where there was no disability services center and I get to get accommodations from the dean of each department since they had apparently never had anyone who needed them. I was told by one professor after I started school a month late due to a hurricane (trying to catch up on physics, calculus, organic chem, and german after missing a month of school!)...she told me I was "slow" and "stupid" because I needed extra time. She gave me different tests than everyone else and graded me harder. Some of the people making "A"s in her class couldn't do the tests she gave me! I reported her, but she denied it and the university believed it. She's still there. I really dislike that witch.

mad83
01-15-13, 04:00 PM
Since 2nd grade, then my parents turned on me. My brother constantly threatened to kill me.

I made whoever I could scared of me.

Andi
01-15-13, 04:37 PM
It has been said to me that if you weren't bullied, you were possibly one of the bullies. I thought about it and to be honest, during one of my "mood swings" I did pick on people, sometimes fairly mercilessly. Few wanted to pick on me because I have a vicious, hateful mouth and older brothers. Besides, nothing you could say or do that my brothers didn't say or beat into me. Because of them, it took a lot to make me cry or become upset.

I'm still friends with one girl from high school and she says that yeah, I could definitely be a mean girl and it was best to be on my good side but most people still liked me and wanted to be my friend...don't understand why but I do recall people attempting to be my friend and most of the time I didn't want to be bothered by it. Not saying that I wasn't congenial but even today, I prefer people being acquaintances over "friends." I've never really had the energy or desire to manage a friendship, especially with other women. Most guys I'm friends with I can go weeks, months without talking and once we reconnect it's like we've never stopped talking and they're not upset with the dry spell; a lot of girls aren't like that.

ezridax
01-15-13, 04:41 PM
I was bullied. What saved me was the phrase "f**k off". All the 5th graders went to tell the teachers about me and left me alone.

And now we know the rest of the story.... ;)

TheNarrator
01-16-13, 03:51 PM
It has been said to me that if you weren't bullied, you were possibly one of the bullies. I thought about it and to be honest, during one of my "mood swings" I did pick on people, sometimes fairly mercilessly. Few wanted to pick on me because I have a vicious, hateful mouth and older brothers. Besides, nothing you could say or do that my brothers didn't say or beat into me. Because of them, it took a lot to make me cry or become upset.

I'm still friends with one girl from high school and she says that yeah, I could definitely be a mean girl and it was best to be on my good side but most people still liked me and wanted to be my friend...don't understand why but I do recall people attempting to be my friend and most of the time I didn't want to be bothered by it. Not saying that I wasn't congenial but even today, I prefer people being acquaintances over "friends." I've never really had the energy or desire to manage a friendship, especially with other women. Most guys I'm friends with I can go weeks, months without talking and once we reconnect it's like we've never stopped talking and they're not upset with the dry spell; a lot of girls aren't like that.

Weird, you and I are a lot alike... (except I'm a guy) My brother 11.5 months older would routinely beat the crap out of me (almost daily) although I egged him on most of the time. I think this is why I started to enjoy it (actually maybe I always did). But like you, no one at school could deliver half the beating he could so I was never worried about getting into fights. I never did start fights or pick on people (I don't think, well maybe verbally a few times) but I sure as heck finished them. The funny thing was, I got in so many fights that years later some guy and I would be talking and he would say do you remember when we fought or when you and so and so fought. And I would say nope...Hahah must have been heartbreaking for them (such a highlight in their life to have an actual fist fight) and the guy they fought doesn't even remember!!:lol: I guess it was the ADD or just having had so many I lost track... Or maybe all the blows to the head....;)

Electra2
01-16-13, 05:36 PM
I was bullied a lot.
Still hurts,and I think it made me avoidant,along with other things.

Gilthranon
01-16-13, 06:07 PM
I was bullied a lot.
Still hurts,and I think it made me avoidant,along with other things.
You don't become avoidant. It's from birth like anything in the brain.

Yes I was. Never really got over the scars. Didn't speak French well and anxious passive aggressive behavior but remaining shy made me an easy target. 13/16th, 17th and 19th. Now I do stand up for myself but easily intimidated.

Electra2
01-16-13, 06:17 PM
You don't become avoidant. It's from birth like anything in the brain.

Yes I was. Never really got over the scars. Didn't speak French well and anxious passive aggressive behavior but remaining shy made me an easy target. 13/16th, 17th and 19th. Now I do stand up for myself but easily intimidated.
It made me feel very bad,I isolated in my room,scared of my classmates,alone with my toys and computer.After I started school I hated to go out and play,and tried to stay with the grown ups.In kindergarden I can't recall there was any problem with that.The bullying even made me atemt to quit school among others(...)
ADD makes it hard to stay around others too,its not that.
But bullying freaked me out ,broke my selfesteem so I avoided social settings not so much the beating as the cruel treatment

Electra2
01-16-13, 06:34 PM
Btw,I see a lot of things in common with bullying in school and socalled abusive relationships.I think its basically the same thing,
abuse at school and bullying in relationships,call it whatever you want,but the treatment and reactions is basically the same IMO.

Gilthranon
01-16-13, 06:38 PM
It made me feel very bad,I isolated in my room,scared of my classmates,alone with my toys and computer.After I started school I hated to go out and play,and tried to stay with the grown ups.In kindergarden I can't recall there was any problem with that.The bullying even made me atemt to quit school among others(...)
ADD makes it hard to stay around others too,its not that.
But bullying freaked me out ,broke my selfesteem so I avoided social settings not so much the beating as the cruel treatment
Yes I recognize. Perhaps you are. Did you get through it well ultimately ? Pretty much me during my teens. I quit 5 schools. Scars still haunt me (as a matter of fact the incident with another hyper made them all come back today). Hope you're better now.

Electra2
01-16-13, 06:41 PM
Yes I recognize. Perhaps you are. Did you get through it well ultimately ? Pretty much me during my teens. I quit 5 schools. Scars still haunt me (as a matter of fact the incident with another hyper made them all come back today). Hope you're better now.
I hope the same for you!
:grouphug:
I try to not take crap any more and defend my self or leave if possible.
For some reason my memories from the time is so blocked up that its hard to access them...

PQLICE
01-16-13, 08:01 PM
Just do not make yourself a target.

ezridax
01-16-13, 09:41 PM
just do not make yourself a target.

bully!

Amtram
01-16-13, 10:34 PM
Don't blame the victim. There are things you can learn that will help you in social situations and that will help you defend yourself. However, the solution to bullying is to teach the bullies that their behavior is wrong and unacceptable.

PQLICE
01-16-13, 11:31 PM
bully!

hahaha :D No... I was bullied by kids bigger than me. (locking my pad lock all the time, to pushing me, etc...) I just got on there good side by being nice as always to everyone or stayed away from them.

gorebs
01-17-13, 03:17 AM
Don't blame the victim. There are things you can learn that will help you in social situations and that will help you defend yourself. However, the solution to bullying is to teach the bullies that their behavior is wrong and unacceptable.


How exactly? I'm not an assertive person by any stretch.

Gilthranon
01-17-13, 08:15 AM
Don't blame the victim. There are things you can learn that will help you in social situations and that will help you defend yourself. However, the solution to bullying is to teach the bullies that their behavior is wrong and unacceptable.
Yes on the other hand if the victim becomes the butcher - the victim of this butcher isn't responsible so the original victim should channel his frustrations ;)

Amtram
01-17-13, 12:10 PM
Hence, mad cow disease!!

Amtram
01-17-13, 12:11 PM
How exactly? I'm not an assertive person by any stretch.

It depends on the bully and the type of bullying. There's no absolute answer.

ezridax
01-18-13, 03:29 PM
hahaha :D No... I was bullied by kids bigger than me. (locking my pad lock all the time, to pushing me, etc...) I just got on there good side by being nice as always to everyone or stayed away from them.

Thanks for clearing that up. Sorry about my earlier comment. It did seem kind of suspicious, it being your very first post on these forums and I thought you might be a "troll" trying to rile people up. And it did seem like you were trying to point blame at the victim for making himself a target, as if the kid sitting alone on the school's front steps were asking for a punch in the nose...just seemed like the kind of mentality a real bully would have...

I'm glad you were able to stay on peoples' good side and all. It's not that easy for some, though.

scatterbraingrl
04-26-13, 04:24 PM
In elementary school, I thought I had it pretty well. I made friends easily, I got good grades, I excelled in a few activities, & I didn't feel socially awkward. But as I got into middle school, it wasn't as easy to make friends because I wasn't 1 of the cool kids, so I became a loner. I wouldn't say I was bullied that badly, just picked on by a few individuals. I buddied up with my best friend in MS/HS when we were in 6th grade due to 1 of these girls picking on me, & my friend stood up for me & told her off. I think the thing that hurt the most was just being ignored & people acting dismissive, even when I was trying to act like others that didn't seem to be ignored. College was basically the same experience... people acting like they were too good to talk to you & just ignored you, even when you tried to be friendly with them. So what was the point in trying to reach out to people if they just ignore you? Luckily, I did find the right friends through it all or else I would've been even more of a loner than I already was & still am. I think I managed to avoid being bullied because I'm strong-willed, don't let people intimidate me, & if I have to, I'll give them "leave me alone" looks if they seem threatening & they get the hint. In general, people seem to like me on the surface, but once they get to know me, I guess my disorders run them off... so I just keep my distance with most people. It's not necessarily a direct form of bullying, but I think being ignored can make you feel bad in similar ways.

Flory
04-26-13, 08:18 PM
I was a hyperactive impulsive little girl suffice it to say the other little girls didn't like me much school was bs constant fights bullying exclusion etc the day I got expelled permanently was the best day of my life ;)

mctavish23
04-26-13, 08:23 PM
Yes I was.

But that was then, this is now.

tc

mctavish23

(Robert)

Rebelyell
04-26-13, 09:11 PM
Yes i did,the sad part about it was the teachers either looked away n let it happen ,made excuses thats how kids are or blamed me for letting it happen.

Flory
04-27-13, 09:06 AM
Rebs I wish I could have been your class mate we could have tag teamed ANYBODY ;)

Blanched Dubois
04-27-13, 10:21 AM
i was raised by a bully so in middle school i would beat up bullies who tried to bully disabled kids so i guess i was a bully too
weird how that works

keliza
04-27-13, 12:33 PM
i was raised by a bully so in middle school i would beat up bullies who tried to bully disabled kids so i guess i was a bully too
weird how that works

Not too weird, actually. More common than you might think. A lot of kids who are bullies become that way because they are modeling the behavior they see in their home environment. If physical violence is accepted in the home as normal, those kids will turn around and display that same kind of violence in a classroom or playground.

Of course not every bully is an abused child, there are some kids who are physically violent for a host of other reasons. Some kids act out because there is other strife going on in their home life (like parental divorce, for example). Some kids have impulse control problems (like ADHD) and their anger gets the best of them, so even a child who was never struck at home might end up hitting someone at school because they lose control. Some kids are little sociopaths in the making, and they just don't have empathy for others, that part of their brain is missing.

As a girl, most of the bullying I dealt with growing up was of a more passive-aggressive and/or verbal nature. Girls tend to do less hitting and more emotional abuse. Girls call names, make fun of other girls, exclude girls from certain activities, things like that. It's even more difficult to ferret out because a lot of the time, nobody can "prove" that a girl said something mean. Or it's not necessarily a punishable offense... for example, it's not against the rules to not let someone sit with you at lunch, so nobody can do anything about it.

I really don't know what it is that makes some girls act like that. Like I said before, I had to bear the brunt of a lot of bullying in elementary and middle school from "mean girls" like that. I think as girls get older, middle and high school, it comes from a place of insecurity a lot of the time. Girls like that make fun of other girls so they can feel better about themselves, or reinforce whatever hierarchy they've constructed in their mind. Or maybe they grew up in an environment where they were constantly degraded, so they turn around and do the same to others. I don't really know.

I can't imagine what kids have to deal with nowadays, with texting and Facebook and all these forms of social media that they have access to. We didn't have any of that when I was a kid, text messaging and Myspace (anyone remember that?) didn't even become a "thing" until I was near the end of high school. I could escape those mean kids when I came home. Kids nowadays don't seem to have an escape.

Gilthranon
04-28-13, 04:04 AM
Can't remember if I actually answered this thread but feel like being direct.

Myeah I remember some. I was in one of those B classes (literally) for the less intelligent students with larger concentrations of poor, french racaille (this has actually become a stand alone word) underground district wannabe criminal teens. It was life, not a movie and there was no epic watch your back I'll avenge myself - just reality. That school has grown since the times and one day I'll burn it. At the time I functioned differently and was too 'proud' (not the right word but didn't need pity from others) to complain and too lighthearted (as today) to let people notice. I just bottled it up, turned the other cheek (this sounds prettier than it was) and swallowed. I feel proud. I never complained, just got through.

fracturedstory
05-04-13, 08:38 AM
People tried to bully me but I just looked at them unemotionally and walked off. Later on in high school when they tried to be verbally abusive I would just say something worse about them. I had the upper hand because I was one year older and everyone else was like 'whoa, you've been in high school.' That was actually one of my lies.

But any kid that seems a bit different, too smart, or too dumb will get picked on the most.

Schitsah
05-10-13, 09:12 PM
YES. Not only because I have ADD, also because I'm gay. But of all the people who bullied me, I'm probably the worst.

keliza
05-11-13, 06:04 PM
YES. Not only because I have ADD, also because I'm gay.

Me too. When I was in high school there were no GSA clubs, no Glee on TV, no "It Gets Better" campaign to reach out to kids like me. I was mostly in the closet and trying very hard to act "normal" and just get through it. Fortunately I had a really good group of friends, so as hard as things were sometimes, I never had to feel alone. I also went to an "alternative" school so it wasn't your typical high school scene anyway, which helped.

sarahsweets
05-14-13, 06:37 AM
I say kill em with kindness. When that doesnt work, punch them. ;)

FerretLover
05-14-13, 02:34 PM
Generally no, I was just ignored by everyone. I was known as the "Mouse"

wills11
05-14-13, 09:28 PM
Minus the marriage and preacher bits, I can look at what you wrote and actually think it was something I wrote....

ESPECIALLY the part about creating different people with different moods. Wow.