View Full Version : First Kiss

01-23-13, 01:24 PM
I wrote this shortly after being diagnosed. it was my first week being medicated; i forgot who i was a little.

My First Kiss
I raised my voice at my daughter today; the way she looked up at me brought me back to a time when I was not much older than she is now; I heard much of the same yelling and I suspect it didn't hurt her any less.

The yelling you hear as a child stays with you forever; but that's not all I carry with me from my childhood. I started thinking about my experiences and I have written one down.
I was 7 years old and in special ed. We had a teacher, Mrs. Weiner. She was extremely beautiful; I can still picture her but can't for the life of me recall her first name. Maybe I never knew it.

Every other teacher's class I had at that age, all I can remember is being degraded when my mind would drift.

"steven...Steven!... STEVEN!!!!"

Startled and confused I look up dumbly to find my classmates staring at me; my eyes quickly trace the booming sound of my name to a teacher at his desk; the whole class had been watching for what must have been a whole minute while I was being yelled at from across the room. Despite my scolding I am all the while undistracted from whatever was happening on the other side of the window; but now the oblivion that at first had insulated and protected me would become all at once mortifying.

Sometimes, I would try to remove some of his scowl by explaining, "I'm sorry, I just didn't hear you." It was true, I didn't hear them. But they didn't buy it. I couldn't blame them; they were quite loud; why couldn't I hear? But within ADD’s challenges and pain are also remedies; it wasn't long after a reprimand that I would find the most delightful of distractions to fill my mind.

Mrs. Weiner was very different; she would come over and put her hand on my shoulder. I'd look up at her and she would ask me a question; a whole sentence just for me. She would then bring me into a dialogue with her and then with the other kids all of whom had really great and thoughtful things to say.

In that class I was very smart. We all were.
I find myself stirring; must be morning and almost time to get up for school. Longing for my pillow all I find is a cold wooden desk; still confused but considering the possibility that I wasn't in bed, I open my eyes to an empty classroom. Unable to quite piece it all together I ask the empty classroom, "where did everybody go?"

I heard a soft, familiar and beloved giggle; then warm gentle lips on my forehead. Oh my!

Swooning and with wide eyes I look up and find the most magnificent sight above me. In my newly harmonious world I'm not phased one bit to see the stars above me as if I were below the clear sky and not acoustic ceiling. Where did the ceiling go? I didn't bother to wonder. The celling was only more interesting than my other teachers.

With my view unobstructed I see the stars dance into alignment as all becomes right and peaceful in the world. I learned that when you fall in love everything makes sense and you forget all the stress of your daily life; big problems seem small.

She was always beautiful but today in our ceilingless classroom she was an angel awash in the light from heaven as her glowing smile shown upon me.

"Go on now, you'll miss your bus!"

So I floated home in want for nothing.

That was my first kiss.

05-27-14, 12:19 PM
I've edited this up a bit,.. I think the version in my blog ( better.