View Full Version : Am I Being A Hypochondriac?


passthedolce
01-29-13, 06:02 PM
I'm a bit of a hypochondriac, and the 'power of suggestion' works very literally with me. I thought I've had many disorders in my life as a result of my anxiety and hypochondriasis. I'll spare you the long backstory!:D

My girlfriend was getting really tired of my inability to focus. Always missing the turn when driving, only to get defensive when she rightfully comments on how I'm 'the worst driver'. At restaurants, I would have to search for my menu choice again while the waiter took her order. They would stare awkwardly at me, while I asked dumb questions about sides that didn't exist.

I'd feel the anxiety of having to hold onto a customer's words at work, and look to stimuli outside of our conversation because it was absolutely not-stimulating. Social interactions were also met with trepidation because I knew I wouldn't be able to fake interest in the other party long enough, or trick myself into enjoying it. Everything at work was boring: done it a thousand times. Doing anything required of me felt more physically taxing than exercise. After countless arguments, nearly getting into a bad accident, I decide it was time to see my doctor...

I was ecstatic when my doctor wanted to put me on Adderall IR when I finally had the ambition to see him about my inattentive ADD. I knew the efficacy of the medicine would far exceed caffeine (which at the time I was taking like a self-prescribed medicine to prove to myself that it's ADD and I need to see the doc). The doctor gave me the usual speech about the med--when to take, how much, what to expect, yada yada... Then he mentioned that amphetamines can precipitate episodes of mania... I mentioned above that I was a hypochondriac, and would easily say that I exaggerate any normal side effect or symptom of anything.

I've been on adderall IR for 4 months now. It has been both wonderful and a bother to me. It can have the tendency to bring out my OCD and I may obsess over something trivial now and then. Currently, I'm wondering if I have a very negligible condition of bipolar/cylothymia or if I'm worrying again.

I read over and over the descriptions of mania, hypomania, mixed states and agitation, to convince myself that I don't have biploar. No matter how many times I've read it, or have taken self-test for it, I still don't believe myself. So, I'm asking you guys, what you think?

The self test said I had at most a mild depressive disorder/nothing at all.

I've never had hypomania in my life (even being 4 months strong on adderall).
I never have problems sleeping. Occasionally, if I've had alcohol or caffeine before bedtime, I may wake up with restless legs (happens off adderall too).
I have had depressed states in my life (off adderall) lasting up to several months--once in adolescence and once during a breakup with a 3-year relationship.

I will say I go through phases while on adderall. For 3-4 days I get irritated easily, feel as if I need to quit my job (with logical reasons of desiring higher education, manager being a complete *******). I will also feel, during this time period, that I need to leave my girlfriend and start over (truthfully speaking, I've been broke ever since we started living together despite her being an equal financial contributor. she's a bit jealous, insecure and as a result I have no more guy time or rarely if ever). These feelings will peak and generally I awaken the next day feeling much better. As if the sleep I has was magical. I'll feel more energetic, and very confident in my decision to pack my things and leave current life to start anew. I will have planned my exit strategy and all (still keeping current job until new/temporary one comes up). A couple days later, I'll begin to feel anxious and slightly depressed at the thought of leaving my girlfriend. The thought process goes from 'what I will be doing when I'm gone' to 'what she will be doing...how sad I may make her feel..having to live alone with her two dogs.)

I'll feel pretty guilty over the fact that I've decided to be so abrupt with up and leaving her one day. Then my attraction for her comes back and then my idea of needing change (whether I truly and actually need it or if I'm being a coward) isn't as pressing. Because, after all, my desire to leave would be backed up completely with no knee-jerk reactions due to me ruminating over it and planning every detail out.

This 3-4 day period doesn't always result in me feeling the need to leave this life and start anew. It can happen whether on adderall or off. I've never done anything stupid except act slightly cold or bored at work/past employers or past girlfriends.

I'm wondering if it's anything to worry about, or if I may lay my worries of being bipolar to rest. Thanks guys, I apologize for the length of this thread!

chsguy88
01-29-13, 10:19 PM
I'll just start out by saying I'm not bipolar, nor am I some expert on the topic.... but based on what you're saying, I'd probably go with saying you don't have bipolar. Like you said you were depressed one time when you were younger, and then when you ended a 3 year long relationship, and you also have never had a state of hypomania. So that being said, it doesn't really seem like you have either part of the bipolar spectrum. So def don't think that's the issue.

Again I'm just a 24 year old guy, not a doctor or med student or anything... just know what I know from doing research on my own psychiatric issues, but I'm thinking its more a case of OCD than anything, and some anxiety. Primarily due to the obsessing you do on occasion over your relationship.

It sounds like you're getting a thought in your head, and while they may be thoughts everyone gets, you obsess over them. Thinking every now and then about leaving your girlfriend is one thing... planning an exit strategy, making a mental list of every reason you should leave her, thinking of what you could do without her in your life, what she would be doing without you in her life, if she would be lonely with just the dogs, etc. is another thing. I used to do the same thing, like to the point where sleep would be the only thing that would actually stop my brain from obsessively running through all these different scenarios of should I do A or B...

Sounds like you're anxious about dating someone who may keep you from doing what you want to do, or anxious about your job performance or having to deal with your manager that you don't always get along with; which in turn makes you think of just saying screw it all... Even though you can justify leaving your gf or job, you have anxiety about actually doing it which that causes you to obsess over the topic.

I mean, that's how I see it at least..... Definitely wouldn't say you're bipolar though. I'm going to go with OCD and anxiety, which can easily be treated with an SSRI. Are you on any other meds other than the adderall? I'd definitely suggest some Lexapro, I'd almost bet ya that would help the situation tremendously. I'm on effexor XR now, LOVED lexapro though when i was on it... switched a while back though bc it was like a 40 dollar copay, now its available in generic though. Goodluck man and keep me posted... hope I helped ya out some in the "i don't think its bipolar" department lol

Fuzzy12
01-30-13, 08:15 AM
I'm no expert but from what you've described it doesn't necessarily sound like bipolar disorder. However, I never in a million years suspected that I might be bipolar (though I've always been convinced that my mom is) till the anti depressants exacerbated my already strong mood swings and induced several episodes of hypomania.

What makes you think that you might be bipolar?

The best would be to get evaluated by an experienced specialist. Bipolar disorder occurs on a spectrum and can present in different ways in different people. As far as I know, you need to have had at least one hypomanic or manic episode (not induced by medication) to be diagnosed with bipolar disorder though.

sarahsweets
01-30-13, 11:40 AM
One thing to remember about diagnosing yourself through internet checklists is that they are so easily related to yourself you end up thinking you have the disorder that the symptom checker generates. I was concerned about some abdominal pain once. The internet came up with possible diagnosis that ranged from appendicitis to testicular tumors...interesting considering I dont have b*lls.

passthedolce
02-03-13, 03:51 AM
Im far too familiar with symptoms sounding like they all apply to you...to the point where you are doibg circles around yourself and it ends up being a wild disorder hunt.

The only thing that makes me worry is, im having relationship troubles. Ive already decided how to end it and the aftermath. Im just afraid that I may regret it deeply once it the confidence and logic "disappear" overnight and im left with only myself to blame. It boils down to: ive never been someone in life with consistent confidence or if not confidence at least a belief system that i hold true. I waver all the time. One day i hate my job. Ill spend a whole week planning an exit strategy. Then, ill wake up on the right side of bed, have a good day, and get reminded why im there in the first place. End of job resentment... until the next time (which is usually tied to how my boss is treating me and if.i feel like my life is going no where sorta thing)

chsguy88
02-07-13, 06:38 PM
Im far too familiar with symptoms sounding like they all apply to you...to the point where you are doibg circles around yourself and it ends up being a wild disorder hunt.

The only thing that makes me worry is, im having relationship troubles. Ive already decided how to end it and the aftermath. Im just afraid that I may regret it deeply once it the confidence and logic "disappear" overnight and im left with only myself to blame. It boils down to: ive never been someone in life with consistent confidence or if not confidence at least a belief system that i hold true. I waver all the time. One day i hate my job. Ill spend a whole week planning an exit strategy. Then, ill wake up on the right side of bed, have a good day, and get reminded why im there in the first place. End of job resentment... until the next time (which is usually tied to how my boss is treating me and if.i feel like my life is going no where sorta thing)

Seeing a therapist would probably help. Since you said yourself you have confidence issues, therapy can be a huge confidence booster. Just find one you feel comfortable with and you're set.

Still think some Lexapro, or another SSRI/SNRI would help you out tremendously with the excess worrying and obsessing over these things. Mention it to your psychiatrist, and if you're getting your adderall from a GP, I would ask for a reference to a psychiatrist. Best to see someone who specializes in psychiatric disorders.

crystal8080
02-07-13, 08:48 PM
I remember questioning if I had bipolar disorder. No one thought I fit the description. Same goes for me as it does you. You have to have a qualified doctor sort it out for you.

Start a mood journal and see what transpires. Its what I did, and I brought it to my first visit with my psychiatrist.

Idiota
02-08-13, 05:59 AM
I've actually experienced mania after having severe depression and then I slipped back gradually into severe depression. I didn't realize it had been mania until I stopped feeling like I was on cloud nine with tons of energy. I had brushed off everything negative while manic even if it wasn't in my best interest at the time and ended up in serious trouble. Now I'm back to my default normal self and it sucks because I'm still an inattentive moron and my access to medication is even more restricted because I've told my psychiatrist about mania.

Anyway, yy uni psychiatrist who prescribed the anti-depressants also didn't want to listen to my talk about inattentive ADHD. He brushed it off as just me not being cut out for university. **** him. I mean, any kind of work requires attentiveness even a retail job, or you're going to get fired. I also have motor skill issues that preclude me doing anything that involves me doing physical labor because I've literally hurt people when I've helped them move. Haven't been able to get real help on that either because I was just treated like a normal clumsy person. I recently got held up by police because I was walking in a funny fashion and they put my arms behind my back and searched my pockets because they thought I was on drugs. I've gotten nothing done after graduating, which I barely did after taking 2 classes in the summer.

You're lucky you didn't have mania.