View Full Version : Question re austism, aspergers, adhd


SquarePeg
02-05-13, 09:38 AM
I can get more from you guys than the net, there are a couple of you that seem to know a heck of a lot about this.

My question is that my 17 year old daughter has been diagnosed with adhd PI but I know she has other issues, not enough to get a diagnosis of autism or something else but I just wanted what anyone thinks.

She doesnīt understand double entendres, or jokes very well, however basic and childish they are. She is very literal.

Her vocabulary at a young age was very advanced. I would say something to her and she would then change the words but with the same meaning. I said once "I canīt play your tape because the player doesnīt work" and she said "the cassette player is broken, must get it fixed".

She appears to lack empathy and/or sympathy. This was apparent from a young age but I just thought that it would develop eventually. I know babies and young kids lack this and that they copy responses rather than feel empathy, which comes later.

She doesnīt make eye contact, but stares at peopleīs mouths whilst they are talking.

She isnīt a tactile person, she can respond to social advances and behaviours but never initiates them (same as me).

She had a talk at school about feelings etc and she told me she was pretty sure that she didnīt feel any of those things they talked about, she knows she is different.

She never cries or gets sad at films (the rest of the family do), she used to stare at me intently if I cried at a film because it was completely alien to her.

her very good friendīs mother has had cancer recently. she visited her mother, took her flowers, comforted her friend but today when I asked her she said because she knew she should do that, she canīt actually put herself in her friendīs place at all.

She has always gotten angry if I am sick, she is very intolerant of illness (I think she is scared that she canīt cope if I am ill).

she is very fearful, the slightest threat or thought of threat sends her body into panic, sweaty palms etc. She can be walking somewhere dark but with a large group of friends, including big strong boys, and be fearful.
She doesnīt seem to be able to feel safe, she sense threat everywhere, she even gets sweaty palms watching TV, like if someone is shut in a box or something.

Concerta has helped a lot with anxiety, she doesnīt get panicky as much.
She gets anxious if she has to talk to people.

She likes her own company, she likes socialising as well but is quite happy on her own.

She says she gets very bored of people quickly (I donīt know if this is an excuse because she has changed her friends a lot, she says they turned out to be not very nice). she loves chatting to different interesting people online. (I do monitor this).

Her on line friends include a girl from China who hates her dad because she has to practice violin 8 hours every day, a boy who has been thrown out of his home by his parents because he wants to become a girl, she finds them very interesting.

THe friends she does have tend to be around her own age, some younger and some older. She is very naive and trusting, she canīt "see" any bad in people until itīs staring her in the face. BUT she is good at sussing out non friends, like my friends or her brotherīs friends, I suppose people she doesnīt have a relationship with.

I suppose her closest friend is her cat, she loves him to pieces.

She hasnīt had a real boyfriend, she doesnīt feel the need to be with anybody. Loads of boys like her but she is never attracted to them, and these are nice caring boys (not the horrible *****y bratty girls that her brother seems to attract!).

Any ideas please.

I know she is not a happy bunny at the moment and wants to go back to the UK, I think she will be just the same over there once the novelty has worn off.

Fortune
02-05-13, 09:50 AM
My question is that my 17 year old daughter has been diagnosed with adhd PI but I know she has other issues, not enough to get a diagnosis of autism or something else but I just wanted what anyone thinks.


Fracturedstory can probably give a more detailed answer than I can regarding each point you brought up, but given what you described:

Your daughter sounds like she might be on the spectrum. Why do you say she doesn't have enough issues to get an ASD spectrum (Asperger's or otherwise)?

I mean, I am not saying anyone here can diagnose your daughter, just that her problems do sound significant enough that it would probably be worthwhile to look into having her evaluated.

SquarePeg
02-05-13, 10:24 AM
Fracturedstory can probably give a more detailed answer than I can regarding each point you brought up, but given what you described:

Your daughter sounds like she might be on the spectrum. Why do you say she doesn't have enough issues to get an ASD spectrum (Asperger's or otherwise)?

I mean, I am not saying anyone here can diagnose your daughter, just that her problems do sound significant enough that it would probably be worthwhile to look into having her evaluated.
Yes, Fracturedstory and Lunacie have a lot of knowledge. Itīs just from what I read on the net that she doesnīt seem to have enough traits, or Iīm hoping she doesnīt.

Iīm just wondering will she ever have empathy, she can manage to say and do the right things in a lot of situations but she can never put herself in someone elses shoes.

Fortune
02-05-13, 10:38 AM
Yes, Fracturedstory and Lunacie have a lot of knowledge. Itīs just from what I read on the net that she doesnīt seem to have enough traits, or Iīm hoping she doesnīt.

She has several traits, though:

* Literal, doesn't get jokes
* You describe something that sounds a bit like echolalia (she repeats what you say, but rephrases it a bit when doing so). It probably isn't, but it caught my attention.
* She doesn't have the ability to put herself in another person's shoes
* She watches people's mouths when they talk, doesn't make eye contact
* She's not a tactile person - You didn't say whether she actively avoids being touched or if she simply doesn't seek it out (like asking for a hug).
* She doesn't identify with her emotions and can't identify them

I mean, like I said, I don't know if she has anything, but it seems like there's enough stuff here to look into what it might be, whether it's an ASD or something else. It seems to cause both impairment and distress.

Iīm just wondering will she ever have empathy, she can manage to say and do the right things in a lot of situations but she can never put herself in someone elses shoes.

And if she never does? What are you concerned about?

Lunacie
02-05-13, 11:17 AM
Your daughter sounds very much like someone with Asperger's form of Autism.

SquarePeg
02-06-13, 06:42 PM
Your daughter sounds very much like someone with Asperger's form of Autism.
Doe this mean there is nothing that can be done. I mean she can function well enough, she knows the required responses to social situations, sheīs just not feeling it. She says sheīs like Sheldon in the big bang theory (though not big headed or superior).

Another thing that I posted on another thread was that she and her brother rarely played with toys. We spoke about this today and she say itīs because she couldnīt play with anything that required imagination, which I think is another aspergers point.

Lunacie
02-06-13, 07:24 PM
Doe this mean there is nothing that can be done. I mean she can function well enough, she knows the required responses to social situations, sheīs just not feeling it. She says sheīs like Sheldon in the big bang theory (though not big headed or superior).

Another thing that I posted on another thread was that she and her brother rarely played with toys. We spoke about this today and she say itīs because she couldnīt play with anything that required imagination, which I think is another aspergers point.

Yeah, those were two of the things that stood out for me in your post.

When these kids get help at a younger age they can learn how to respond

in social situations, and they can learn to use their imagination.


Nove is 11 now and still learning how to handle social situations,

but after a lot of work with her mental health workers and therapist

she does some imaginative play with her Barbie dolls all by herself.

She doesn't like card games and board games,

she only wants to play with the dolls.

But at least now she wants others to play with the dolls with her.

When she was younger and spent all her time lining up matchbox cars

she didn't want anyone else to mess with her designs or take any of the cars.



Poor Sheldon, I think he has OCD along with whatever else is going on.

Some times it looks like Asperger's. I don't think he ever played either.

Fortune
02-06-13, 09:23 PM
I didn't really do imaginative play with toys, but I did like having toys that did things. I didn't bother to try to imagine how toys might interact with each other (how could they? They're toys) but I did have a fairly active "inner world".

I think it's too easy to see a lot of these traits as terrible, tragic, bad, etc. although I don't really see how they're such bad things. A lot of emphasis seems to be on the idea that the best thing to do is to have autistic children emulate "normal" as closely as possible, but I think that this can put a lot of pressure on autistic people in general that can lead to burnouts and shutdowns later on. What's wrong with being autistic and learning how to live in the world? Why is being as much like everyone else as possible seen as such a laudable goal?

Spacemaster
02-06-13, 10:08 PM
How impairing do you feel her symptoms are?

I don't find anything wrong with not "feeling" things like others do. She sounds like she knows the appropriate social response, so that should suffice. And besides, to what degree are any of us required to "feel" for someone? I never understood that myself. She showed up to the funeral and supported her friend, it seems that is enough.

Also, it's OK that she hasn't had a real boyfriend. It's OK if she doesn't find boys attractive, what harm does that do? I think a lot of people place too much importance on a person having a spouse and children, as if that's something a person HAS to do, or they won't be happy in life. Besides, she may have a boyfriend yet, she's only 17.

Do these things upset her? (the social/feeling thing, not the fear thing)
If she's content to be by herself, I wouldn't worry about it.
It does sound like she has a few Aspergers traits.

It may not be a bad idea to have her tested. She could get to know why she is "different", and be given tools to deal with her traits.She could get help with anxiety and feeling unsafe. Sometimes it helps a person to know "why" they behave the way they do. Have you asked her about getting tested, and how she feels about that?

Ipsofacto
03-07-13, 12:10 AM
A saying I often hear from professionals who work with Autism, is "if you have seen one child with Autism - you've seen one child with Autism".

What they are saying is that symptoms can vary greatly. If you are looking for definitive answers, I don't think you'll find them without the help of a professional who specializes in Autism.

Does she have any special talents? Many gifted children seem to have some ASD/ADHD like symptoms.

She may seem happy, but I would watch out for depression. That's about the age our son became depressed. It's a difficult age to be different.