Raa
01-19-05, 08:23 AM
1-18-05
6:22am
___Took 20mg Adderall
20 minutes later
___Slight headache (nothing I need to take anything for). More pressure than pain. Not migraine-ish.
2 hours later
___Headache still around, off and on, barely there, still don't need anything for it.
___Feel quiet in my mind, but not too quiet.
___Feel mellow and calm, can still feel "positive" feelings
___Feel sort of stoned, but just a bit-- like "over focused" (maybe just have "good/normal" focus??).
___Distracted a bit when driving, overfocus on things (like a leaf tumbling in the road). REALLY paying attention to stuff. Not like Straterra, though- perhaps this IS "good/normal" focus?
___Don't feel like talking, LOL!
___No fog in my "fog spot" behind my eyes in my brain
___Feel like my eyes are open REALLY WIDE.
___Feel good!
___Don't feel anxious, feel a little on the sleepy side, but motivated.
2 hours, 15 minutes
___Took Advil Migraine, headache was annoying and distracting me, but not overwhelming or anything.
___A bit of chills, COLD hands and feet
3 hours later
___I feel great!
___Still have the "tornado" of thoughts in my head-- just further back in my mind, quieter. But, I am still able to access all those thoughts.
___I feel a sense of well being-- not "high" or euphoria or anything, but just *fine*
___I feel sleepy, but motivated. I am figuring out this means-- CALM, and maybe "normal"??
___It is like I have put on a pair of prescription glasses!!! I look at the world and can see the sticks on trees, things I never noticed before driving through town. I had therapy this morning, and I walked in, pointed to this GIANT tree plant with Christmas lights on it and said, "Oh! That's new!!" Nope. Always been there. It is *just like that*-- like I put on a pair of glasses. The world does not look "fuzzy" right now. (I actually went to the eye doctors about 10 years ago to have my eyes checked b/c I had this feeling that I did not see things correctly, and maybe it was my eyes?? Now, I know it just was/is a processing problem.)
___I feel like I have easier access to my emotions. Usually, it is like I have to go through a maze to connect thought to feeling. Today, I thought of something and immediately started crying. So easy to just feel.
___***The most amazing thing****--- I can HEAR how fast I talk. Suddenly, today, I was completely and totally aware of my rapid speech. I asked three people if I was talking normally (for me) and they said I was (Scholl, Jeff, and therapist). I could not freaking believe how fast I was talking. It was AMAZING. Usually I only know I am talking fast b/c of mirroring-- I can see in other people's body language (or they just tell me ;-) that I am getting really hyper with my speech. I CAN HEAR AND PERCEIVE MY OWN SPEECH!!!
___So, I can see that the Adderall is not going to help slow my speech at all. BUT-- if I can hear me, and know what I am doing, I can actually do something about it!
___Slight dry mouth (no big deal)
___Seeing a bit of "trails"-- but once in awhile, and not bothersome.
6 hours later
___Feeling tired, like a mini, mini crash, wanting caffeine
___Slight chills (called doc about chills-- nothing I can do about them but hang in through them).
___Feel calm
___Dry mouth, but also have not had anything substantial to eat or drink today yet
8 hours later
___Starting to yawn, but still feel ok
___A touch of passing anxiety-- like the end of a caffeine buzz, no big deal
___Strongest heartbeat, sort of pressure in left arm (like when I take migraine med). Not worried about it.
___Very slight headache
___Feel good, though!
9+ hours later
___More of a headache, but still don't need to take anything
___Still feel happy I took the Adderall
11 hours later
__Still feeling ok.
__Slight headache
__Getting my work done.
12.5 hours later
__Every so often (3x) it feels like my head is on a descending plane (like that little "drop" planes do). Nothing dramatic or bothersome, though.
__Nagging, slight headache, but not bothersome
__Husband says I am irritable (but, I don't feel particularly irritable).
__I feel fine, just a little tired- normal for 7pm, but still feeling like I can get work accomplished.
__Appetite is fine.
14 hours later
__Low grade anxiety and short of breath a bit. Nothing too much to deal with (very PMS-like). Went away fast.
13 hours later
__Feel fine! Feeling back to my regular self.
__Slight headache. But won't need to take anything before bed.
__Sleepy that is typical for 10pm.
__Can feel the fog returning in the front of my brain.
__Husband still reporting major irritability on my part (I don't feel irritable still).
24 hours later
___Slept great! No trouble falling asleep, staying asleep. Really typical night for me- dreams the same, woke up the same as normal.
___Feel sort of "hung over" today-- like my head is extra foggy, sort of dizzy, but I feel generally ok.
___Easier access to emotions, still (thought of a loved one who passed this morning and I immediately cried, etc- simply went with the feelings).
___Husband still reporting some MAJOR irritability this morning. He was getting really aggravated (and hurt??) last night and this morning by how I was talking to him. I could not see it, though. Not feeling it.
Overall--- I really liked the Adderall! It helped me to focus and not feel that desperate boredom during mundane tasks. It helped my emotions to stay on more of an even keel. It helped my vision and noticing of the world around me (instead of the whirring by blur it usually is, I guess). It increased my patience. Calmed me down. Though, my husband did say that it seemed I was talking a bit faster than normal-- he said like I am after coffee. I was really noticing my speech, too (wow!!). Overall, I felt a bit "better" on it, more able to actually do stuff during the day. I was able to meditate really well during therapy- not tough at all to just stay on task-- no constantly having to bring myself back to the meditation. Easier to just "be"-- not so much "extra energy" but plenty of "real" and consistent and calm energy. No significant side effects yesterday-- just the slight headache and very slight chills. I AM very concerned about the irritability that I don't seem to be conscious of or feeling, though. Not too sure about that. Also, the "hung over" extra fog I feel like I am in this morning. I expected a bigger "crash" coming off of it last night, more of what I heard about from others. I did not feel any "crash" at all. Just a gentle slide off of it. BUT-- again, Jeff said I was terrible to him last night and this morning, so ????
Want to do a trial when Jeff is home with me all day-- as he came home last night as the Adderall was leaving/had left my system.
~~Rachael :-)
Ps-- One thing I need to add to this is, right about the 12-14 hour mark I could FEEL the daydreaming coming back. My daughter was speaking to me and I started to drift off and daydream. I think I only noticed it b/c it had not happened all day. Also, I could feel the fog descend again behind my eyes in my brain. AND, while I was watching TV, at one point I started rubbing my eyes and complained out loud that I was having trouble seeing. And it was like a lightbulb moment! B/c I was seeing better all day, and suddenly I wasn't (I was back to my normal processing of incoming information to my brain).
6:22am
___Took 20mg Adderall
20 minutes later
___Slight headache (nothing I need to take anything for). More pressure than pain. Not migraine-ish.
2 hours later
___Headache still around, off and on, barely there, still don't need anything for it.
___Feel quiet in my mind, but not too quiet.
___Feel mellow and calm, can still feel "positive" feelings
___Feel sort of stoned, but just a bit-- like "over focused" (maybe just have "good/normal" focus??).
___Distracted a bit when driving, overfocus on things (like a leaf tumbling in the road). REALLY paying attention to stuff. Not like Straterra, though- perhaps this IS "good/normal" focus?
___Don't feel like talking, LOL!
___No fog in my "fog spot" behind my eyes in my brain
___Feel like my eyes are open REALLY WIDE.
___Feel good!
___Don't feel anxious, feel a little on the sleepy side, but motivated.
2 hours, 15 minutes
___Took Advil Migraine, headache was annoying and distracting me, but not overwhelming or anything.
___A bit of chills, COLD hands and feet
3 hours later
___I feel great!
___Still have the "tornado" of thoughts in my head-- just further back in my mind, quieter. But, I am still able to access all those thoughts.
___I feel a sense of well being-- not "high" or euphoria or anything, but just *fine*
___I feel sleepy, but motivated. I am figuring out this means-- CALM, and maybe "normal"??
___It is like I have put on a pair of prescription glasses!!! I look at the world and can see the sticks on trees, things I never noticed before driving through town. I had therapy this morning, and I walked in, pointed to this GIANT tree plant with Christmas lights on it and said, "Oh! That's new!!" Nope. Always been there. It is *just like that*-- like I put on a pair of glasses. The world does not look "fuzzy" right now. (I actually went to the eye doctors about 10 years ago to have my eyes checked b/c I had this feeling that I did not see things correctly, and maybe it was my eyes?? Now, I know it just was/is a processing problem.)
___I feel like I have easier access to my emotions. Usually, it is like I have to go through a maze to connect thought to feeling. Today, I thought of something and immediately started crying. So easy to just feel.
___***The most amazing thing****--- I can HEAR how fast I talk. Suddenly, today, I was completely and totally aware of my rapid speech. I asked three people if I was talking normally (for me) and they said I was (Scholl, Jeff, and therapist). I could not freaking believe how fast I was talking. It was AMAZING. Usually I only know I am talking fast b/c of mirroring-- I can see in other people's body language (or they just tell me ;-) that I am getting really hyper with my speech. I CAN HEAR AND PERCEIVE MY OWN SPEECH!!!
___So, I can see that the Adderall is not going to help slow my speech at all. BUT-- if I can hear me, and know what I am doing, I can actually do something about it!
___Slight dry mouth (no big deal)
___Seeing a bit of "trails"-- but once in awhile, and not bothersome.
6 hours later
___Feeling tired, like a mini, mini crash, wanting caffeine
___Slight chills (called doc about chills-- nothing I can do about them but hang in through them).
___Feel calm
___Dry mouth, but also have not had anything substantial to eat or drink today yet
8 hours later
___Starting to yawn, but still feel ok
___A touch of passing anxiety-- like the end of a caffeine buzz, no big deal
___Strongest heartbeat, sort of pressure in left arm (like when I take migraine med). Not worried about it.
___Very slight headache
___Feel good, though!
9+ hours later
___More of a headache, but still don't need to take anything
___Still feel happy I took the Adderall
11 hours later
__Still feeling ok.
__Slight headache
__Getting my work done.
12.5 hours later
__Every so often (3x) it feels like my head is on a descending plane (like that little "drop" planes do). Nothing dramatic or bothersome, though.
__Nagging, slight headache, but not bothersome
__Husband says I am irritable (but, I don't feel particularly irritable).
__I feel fine, just a little tired- normal for 7pm, but still feeling like I can get work accomplished.
__Appetite is fine.
14 hours later
__Low grade anxiety and short of breath a bit. Nothing too much to deal with (very PMS-like). Went away fast.
13 hours later
__Feel fine! Feeling back to my regular self.
__Slight headache. But won't need to take anything before bed.
__Sleepy that is typical for 10pm.
__Can feel the fog returning in the front of my brain.
__Husband still reporting major irritability on my part (I don't feel irritable still).
24 hours later
___Slept great! No trouble falling asleep, staying asleep. Really typical night for me- dreams the same, woke up the same as normal.
___Feel sort of "hung over" today-- like my head is extra foggy, sort of dizzy, but I feel generally ok.
___Easier access to emotions, still (thought of a loved one who passed this morning and I immediately cried, etc- simply went with the feelings).
___Husband still reporting some MAJOR irritability this morning. He was getting really aggravated (and hurt??) last night and this morning by how I was talking to him. I could not see it, though. Not feeling it.
Overall--- I really liked the Adderall! It helped me to focus and not feel that desperate boredom during mundane tasks. It helped my emotions to stay on more of an even keel. It helped my vision and noticing of the world around me (instead of the whirring by blur it usually is, I guess). It increased my patience. Calmed me down. Though, my husband did say that it seemed I was talking a bit faster than normal-- he said like I am after coffee. I was really noticing my speech, too (wow!!). Overall, I felt a bit "better" on it, more able to actually do stuff during the day. I was able to meditate really well during therapy- not tough at all to just stay on task-- no constantly having to bring myself back to the meditation. Easier to just "be"-- not so much "extra energy" but plenty of "real" and consistent and calm energy. No significant side effects yesterday-- just the slight headache and very slight chills. I AM very concerned about the irritability that I don't seem to be conscious of or feeling, though. Not too sure about that. Also, the "hung over" extra fog I feel like I am in this morning. I expected a bigger "crash" coming off of it last night, more of what I heard about from others. I did not feel any "crash" at all. Just a gentle slide off of it. BUT-- again, Jeff said I was terrible to him last night and this morning, so ????
Want to do a trial when Jeff is home with me all day-- as he came home last night as the Adderall was leaving/had left my system.
~~Rachael :-)
Ps-- One thing I need to add to this is, right about the 12-14 hour mark I could FEEL the daydreaming coming back. My daughter was speaking to me and I started to drift off and daydream. I think I only noticed it b/c it had not happened all day. Also, I could feel the fog descend again behind my eyes in my brain. AND, while I was watching TV, at one point I started rubbing my eyes and complained out loud that I was having trouble seeing. And it was like a lightbulb moment! B/c I was seeing better all day, and suddenly I wasn't (I was back to my normal processing of incoming information to my brain).