I have always been brutally open about myself to others. No censor. Even people I just meet, I tell my most intimate secrets to. My biggest failures. My hugest flaws. I've always always done it. I figured I did it because I - for one - have no censor, and also want to feel people's acceptance for who I am. But almost always, after my conversation where I blurted my guts to someone, I regret it instantly. As I walk away I'm kicking myself thinking, "Now they think I'm crazy! Why do I DO that?? They don't tell ME their private horrible secrets!" I think I'm actually trying to get people to like me by exposing myself so openly to them. Relationships don't work that way, especially friendships, it makes people think I'm crazy.
My psych told me that I should hold back, as self protection. I've never done that in my life. I don't want to keep secrets about me inside where they will eat me up and make me think that if people knew about it, they would hate me. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I CAN hold back.
Is this a common trait among ADDers? Do any of you blurt out risque things you've done to your coworkers? Past drug or alcohol problems? Past abuse you've endured? Crazy stupid impulsive things you've done? If so, do you often regret it? I've had it used against me before by telling the wrong kind of person (a backstabber). She had issues of her own and loved to stir up *****.
I guess I just want people to know all the horrible things I've done and love me anyway, so that I can love myself too. Acceptance. Since I have a social phobia of being judged, I'm desperate to find people who know the real me and like me in spite of it, or maybe even because of it - that I'm willing to be so open and honest. I always viewed it as me being strong by exposing myself openly to others, that it was weaker to be afraid and hold back. Kind of an "Accept me as I am or go to ****" way of thinking. But now I realize that's not my real motivation. I was begging for acceptance for my flaws (which are 90% of who I am) so I could love myself. I've been open with my family about all my mistakes in life (although they didn't return the openness) and now I regret it horribly. I can't take it back out of their minds and I feel they look at me like I'm a freak. I wish I had pretended to have it all together like they do. I have found out things about them that are just as bad as what I've done, but I didn't find out through them. Why didn't they share there's with me when I told them mine?? I never understood that. It's my instinct to do that to make the person feel better. I can hardly stand to be around my family now because I feel like they're judging me, thinking of all the things they know about me. I'm the black sheep, always have been. But I've always told them so that's probably why. Maybe they learned by listening to me do it, not to do it.
I will shut up now otherwise I'll go on forever thinking and writing about this.

I have told more than I should many times. I tend to feel that i know a person more than i really do very fast. This leads me into saying more than I should. Later I say to myself "Why did I say that they barely know me?". i am getting better at not blurting out everything, but it's like I want to tell them about me, and i really don't know why. I have never really thought about the reasons for it.

I'm not really wanting people to accept me, i just feel to close to people to fast. Then i say more than I should. I'm sure it has gotten me into trouble at some point, and probably will again.

oh well, i can just state my name and nothing else, that should help in keeping my mouth shut.

Here's my theory on that.

I was in therapy for a long time for sexual abuse/rape stuff. A long damn time.

Now, we all know that with each therapist, you have to start from the beginning, tell them the entire story, and at each session, tell them everything that's happened since you last saw said therapist.

So you just might become accustomed to revealing personal information at the drop of a hat, because you were expected to do so. Think back, those of you who have been in therapy: did it seem weird at first telling a total stranger all this personal stuff about you? Generally, for most people, it does. But in time, one gets accustomed to it. It becomes normal.

So my theory is that, even though I've been out of therapy for a while and am considered to have "conquered my memories of the past," (for the most part) I once in a while find myself telling a total stranger rediculously personal stuff that they really did not need to know and that an average person would only have told their closest friends.

What do you guys think of my theory?

Chrys

I have told more than I should many times. I tend to feel that i know a person more than i really do very fast. This leads me into saying more than I should. Later I say to myself "Why did I say that they barely know me?". i am getting better at not blurting out everything, but it's like I want to tell them about me, and i really don't know why. I have never really thought about the reasons for it.

I'm not really wanting people to accept me, i just feel to close to people to fast. Then i say more than I should. I'm sure it has gotten me into trouble at some point, and probably will again.

oh well, i can just state my name and nothing else, that should help in keeping my mouth shut.Caine, That is exactly how I feel most of the time

I always tell myself that I am just not going to say anything to anybody. I am still waiting for me to follow through with that promise!!

i think you are right with some people about the therapist theory. it just becomes second nature to them.

As for me i had never seen a therapist until 3 months ago, and it seemed hard to tell her everything for some reason. Maybe I felt that i was going to be judged by her because she is a therapist. I did end up telling her everything, it just took some hard work on her part. Don't know why.

i think you are right with some people about the therapist theory. it just becomes second nature to them.

As for me i had never seen a therapist until 3 months ago, and it seemed hard to tell her everything for some reason. Maybe I felt that i was going to be judged by her because she is a therapist. I did end up telling her everything, it just took some hard work on her part. Don't know why.
Me too! I had never had therapy at all until a few months ago and she's the only one I've ever had a problem spilling my guts to! LOL I guess it's because I KNOW she's there to judge me in a way, and can never be my friend. Plus....I'm trying to keep it a secret from her that I'm crazy. :D That scribbling on her notepad while I'm talking makes me very self conscious of what I'm saying. Like "Straight from her notepad to God's book of sins!" or something. LOL I don't want my foibles documented ANYWHERE. God I'd pay so much to get a look at that notepad......
I'm learning to open up to her though. I figure I'm paying her so I should really talk. There are some things though that I will never tell her. Things I have no problem telling anyone else. I'm not really getting my money's worth with her and I know it's my own fault, but I have to be able to face her again. She knows pretty much the basics of my life, enough to have made her cry when giving her a quick runthrough of just a few parts of my adult life. She said through tears, "OMG! You're life is SO FULL OF PAIN!!!" I thought to myself...."Oh man, I'm really in trouble. When you make your THERAPIST cry, you know your life sucks. I'm never gonna get better if just that part of my life hurts her so much". THEN I started to LIKE her and so wanted her to like me too! I told her I was starting to clam up for that reason. I wanted to appear normal to her then. LOL She thanked me for telling her. Therapy is so dang hard! I prefer just talking to E-boy. He's honestly helped me more than all of my other therapists. He's kind of magic that way. And he knows all my crap and loves me anyway.
So, back to topic. Do you think this oral purging is an ADD thing? Or could it be a result of sexual abuse? Lack of impulse control?

I feel the same way. Jeez even on this forum i do LOL.. sometimes i will answer a thread about a personal thing that happen to me. Ok sometimes it may be heavy for some people. But in my mind if i say it, it's cause i dealt with it, it's over and that's how i dealt with it. Then i feel like i left and put a bomb,,,and after nobody answers back on that thread. And i think jeez even on the freaking internet you cant make friends LOL..Nevertheless It does not stop me from sleeping at night anymore lol. I use to lose sleep on what people thought of me. I know i wish if i had people telling there bad stuff , maybe i would not have felt such like an horible person part of my life.. And also i think i want to show people how really open and non judgemental i am .

Digitl who think deep down , its again that endless NEED to be accepted and loved for who we are, weird or not. :)

Amen Digitl...

E-girl:

"I thought to myself...."Oh man, I'm really in trouble. When you make your THERAPIST cry, you know your life sucks."

I know what you mean, man. Made mine cry once, too. Then you're like, holy %#*&! This person sees how many people with how many traumatic memories every day, and has for how many years, and I seem to be upsetting him or her this badly? Man, my crap must be even worse than I thought! Heck, I made a male therapist tear up. The gender stereotype just flew straight out the window on that one. I ended up comforting him! :)

Chrys

Yeah! isn't it AWFUL! I thought, "I'm DOOMED!!!" hehehe

It isn't comforting to make your psych cry. It makes you think you're screwed.

Ah yes it is. and that is what got me in trouble with this guy i was dating some years back. but due to bad experience i am learning not to do it. experience in this case is a good teacher.

hmmm, it's interesting. i am by nature not a closed person, but on the other hand i have learned over time that there's nothing wrong with keeping certain things to yourself until you see how things are going to play out. the truth is, people do judge others unfairly. the only person who should have the right to judge your behavior is you and your god....or whatever, if any, higher power you ascribe to.

for me, it isn't a matter of acceptance, but more of a complete disgust with people who are disingenuous. i simply can't tolerate it and refuse to take part in it myself. that said, i probably do reveal more about my life than others do, faster. but only to certain people......i trust my gut. and i've never really regretted being truthful even though i have been burned a few times by others who were feeding me a crock of crap. actually it's been a good thing. i've developed an extremely high b.s. detector as a result!:)

as far as feeling judged by people......don't ever, ever forget that even if you gave a little more info about your past than was necessary, everybody, and i do mean everybody, has their own skeletons in the closet. e-girl, i feel for you about your family but in case you need to hear it......your family pretending they've got it all together is exactly that.....a charade. there isn't a soul on the planet whose got it all together. honestly, my experience has convinced me that the ones who go to the trouble of pretending are the ones who are screwed up the worst!!!! when it looks perfect.............RUN!!!!!!

Oh no, now I have to follow all those wonderful post!:eek:To answer your question, E-Girl I do the same thing. I meet someone, and we start talking and before he or she knows it they know my whole life storie well almost. I also get attached to someone, I put things out of contexted and with mmy feelings and the ease that I may have felt when talking to them too

I have been in and out of therapy since I was a teen for different issue with different therapist and you make a valid point, KnittingJunkie that we are so use to talkign to our therapist in that manner and be so open (I need to work on that one, I tend to shut down,when I am angry. ) that we may just do it automatically with others. To be honest, I have never thought of it in that way. Bravo.

I always feel immature in comparrision to others my own age or even younger. I know even in here I am afaraid at time that I wont measure up. I dotn know once I was told my my therapist in college I loved she was first a teacher of mine, asked my if I liked her sweater....I told her it looks good on her....but it wasnt my style. She told me I was too honest. :p

Well, I have alot to say but cant think at the momen. Good observations though. auntchris:rolleyes:

I think this kinda relates to the romantic 'love thread' about how people suffering with adhd tend to fall in love much quicker due to it raising dopamine levels. Im exactly the same when i meet someone and i like them, i taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalk !

I am always open and honest about my life...I see it as nothing to be ashamed of...yea it was bad but when you stop and actually look at all you have accomplished in spite of the bad...Hey look at it like this..I lived through it...I survived,....and still alive to tell the tale....And who knows the experiences you have may benifit someone...look at as passing on your knowledge.

It always blows my mind when I start reading a thread and realize there is one more thing I can add to the list of issues I have that was likely caused by ADD.

First of all, for me I am pretty sure this is basically part of the impulsivity pattern, not thinking before I speak, sometimes it takes the form of sharing too much, sometimes its not being able to stop talking even when I know I should, sometimes its interrupting someone else talking.

I've had to work with my therapist on this one, understanding that certain levels of relationships require different levels of intimacy: it makes sense from a safety perspective to only trust certain bits of information to someone that I have gotten to know fairly well, it also keeps a balance to the relationship when you are both sharing at the same level; if I share too much, the other person gets scared off.

It always seemed so strange to me that I would be so forthcoming with personal information and could talk up a storm which made me feel on some level that I must be an extrovert and yet if I walked into a room with a bunch of people, I always felt uncomfortable and tend to skulk around on the outskirts until I get so uncomfortable I leave. Strange!

Draga,

If only they'd listen. I've, so many times, tried to warn people that they're about to make a terrible mistake that I've made. They won't listen. I could scream! "Why won't you listen to me? I went through the terrible pain and I can save you from that!"
I guess everyone has to learn the hard way. It's really a pity. Because of our empathy, it's unbearable to watch another make the same painful mistakes we've made.
BUT, you are speaking of a different way of helping people Draga. You are speaking of helping them out of that pain. They won't listen to avoid it, but at least they'll let you pull them out. After all, that's what Angels are for.

Well, Dawlin, Some people you are not going to reach .....you've done your part by warning them....if they dont listen and make the mistake anyway, sometimes that is the only way will learn so u let them make those mistakes and be there for them reguardless just do me a favor flava' sav'a and ...You don't say I told ya so...*do i ever hate that w/ a passion*

Ummm...no i'm the very opposite. I reveal almost nothing to everyone I meet. Even if they ask me I will still be evasive. Now if they reveal something about them that I also experienced then I might share. I will show you mine if you will show you yours. :D

I'll bet from already chatting with me you know that answer about me :o

Milauran wrote in her post: I've had to work with my therapist on this one, understanding that certain levels of relationships require different levels of intimacy: it makes sense from a safety perspective to only trust certain bits of information to someone that I have gotten to know fairly well, it also keeps a balance to the relationship when you are both sharing at the same level; if I share too much, the other person gets scared off.
I have had to learn this too from my therapist. I think when I would share too much with people it had to do with blurred boundaries. I suffered from abuse as some of you have mentioned too and when you grow up like that, with your own personal boundaries not respected you never learn how to HAVE boundaries. I also grew up in a home where it became my job to take on everyone else's emotional needs. It was all about the other person- never about my needs so I did not learn to have respect for myself or to get what I needed in a relationship with anohter person. It was only about giving until I was compleely empty. Add that to someone who is impulsive (like myself) and I would blab everything to everybody.

Here's my theory on that.

I was in therapy for a long time for sexual abuse/rape stuff. A long damn time.

Now, we all know that with each therapist, you have to start from the beginning, tell them the entire story, and at each session, tell them everything that's happened since you last saw said therapist.

So you just might become accustomed to revealing personal information at the drop of a hat, because you were expected to do so. Think back, those of you who have been in therapy: did it seem weird at first telling a total stranger all this personal stuff about you? Generally, for most people, it does. But in time, one gets accustomed to it. It becomes normal.

So my theory is that, even though I've been out of therapy for a while and am considered to have "conquered my memories of the past," (for the most part) I once in a while find myself telling a total stranger rediculously personal stuff that they really did not need to know and that an average person would only have told their closest friends.

What do you guys think of my theory?

Chrys

I think you've got most of it down.

Yep, you are so used to therapy talking about anything is like second nature n easier than the first time to admit. Easier to talk too when you have accepted things and have dealt with it.

I'm very open about my life. Because, darn it I'm amazing and intersting lmbo ok no really. I'm open for a lot of reason's; misconceptions about ADHD, OCD, PTSD you would be amazed how many people tell me they suffer the same symptoms or how many people have told me they thought ADHD, OCD,PTSD people were crazy and could fly off the handle in a manic episode at anytime. I can fly off the handle but it takes weeks and weeks to build and I've never flown off the handle in a physical rage.

I speak of my past because I know that 8 out of 10 women have run into a potential rape or rape situation and that 6 of them never reported it, have never been given a voice and I'd say that 8 out of 10 women find a way to voice themselves to me because I'm the last person who will judge them.

I speak of child abuse because it's very much apart of my past and what has formed the adult I have turned into today.

I speak of pre-teen and teen suicide because dammit no one else has the **lls to do it. If we hide it from society it will stop...yea right and I can jump over the moon too.

I speak about the escalating violence of woman towards men; because, as a society we have a lot further to go in protecting all and giving everyone a voice.

Last but not least I'm open because I'm so tired of being someone I'm not, pretending to be like everyone else is very, very tiring and boring and stressful.

Nope, this is completely common for me. It happens to nearly every person I come across. I think it's just down to a combination of neediness, lonliness and the need to believe that some day i'll(or we'll) come accross someone who combines both understanding and honesty.

(By the way, untill recently i've never had any sort of therapy, once again making me the exception to the rule :P)

No, I don't. It takes me quite a long time to open up, and then it has to be with epople I either know, or have come to know. In intimate relationship I am different, and am very open.

I have had all the "talk therapy", but I still don't talk about all that has happened in my life to anyone.

I totally agree. For me its especially with female friends. I give them more information than I should. I feel more comfortable conveying my emotions to women as opposed to men. I will tell a girl almost anything.

Yes, especially with women...

I've wondered if it isn't some kind of 'purge', or a dare to accept me with my flaws and all, but it feels more like it's just my way of being friendly, by showing trust and opening up and sharing stupid foibles I've done, to put others at ease.

A very distinct and odd example of this behaviour was when I was pregnant with my second child, and in my 9th month of pregnancy I found out that he had a serious condition.
I had just left my doctor's office where I had recieved more bad news - my baby wouldn't live past age 6 at the most.
As I (with a very swollen belly) rode down the elevator alone, in a daze,no tears, in shock, when a friendly man got on and said hello. I replied in a stone cold robotic voice, "My baby is going to die." He, of course, looked at me like I was crazy, and said nothing more.
I wanted to tell someone else on this world the horrible news I'd just received. I didn't want to carry it alone. I thought about the man going home to his family that night and, over dinner, telling them about the crazy lady in the elevator and what she said. It helped just a little to think that he would spread the horrible news to his family - the more people that knew, the less load I had to carry. That's an insane way to see it, but I was insane at the time. I think any woman would be in that situation.
So I wonder if we sometimes don't tell too much about ourselves in an attempt to purge like I did in the elevator that day...

~Susan

Oh my gosh, I do the same thing!! My roommate just told me the other day that the waitress didn't need to know about my teens and my cats just because she mentioned her cat who had the same name as me. Too funny!!

I'm a male and I bare my soul sometimes....seems like I do it around females I like a lot(I'm single). I'm REALLY trying to be one of those "mysterious" type of guys...I have got better the older I get though. Its weird, when I'm neutral about a female, I usually can be more mysterious, but when I really like someone(especially when I'm attrated to her) then I'm pretty bad.. I think part of it also has to do with my age, and how society expets people like my to be married, have a house, etc...I try to not let it bother me, but sometimes its hard. So in turn, I think I get a little desperate when I meet new women and then push things to fast, which is not good...this is why I revel a lot about myself and try to get a lot of things out in the open. I am getting better though.

I am terrible about this...and most of You already know tons of information about me just because I can't and or won't be quiet. I don't think I am going to apologize for this though.. I AM WHO I AM.....:) and I am quite happy and sometimes not so happy with me over this....But thats me. I am just very glad that I am in great company:) Ty all of you.....Ramblng Rose should of been my name here..LOL Anyway if this is a bad thing..so be it. I see where you are coming from Cameron..If I really like somebody that i have first met and could be potential date I ramble on and on..about personal things that really could be left at home.....I guess i feel the need to be very honest and sometimes honesty is not always best ---- especially if you purge at the mouth like I do:) Will I ever change?? I highly doubt it..no matter the outcome I am who I am. I am ADHD and it is me. Someday I am going to meet that special person that acts just like me and it will be a classic soul bearer....we should hit it off perfectly.

okay...i am terrible at reading through entire threads.... so i will go out on a limb here.

It seems to me that what you have to say is important, E-girl. You are finding your voice and energy to talk about your pain and grief and your life; real and important stuff.

I say keep talking, don't stop...let it out. hopefully you will find a trusted person who you can share this with. But do not keep it in... it all become so toxic and causes more problems.

and cry. my therapist reminds me that i must let the water wash over me. be brave, if you can. life can come back.

Thank you so much Deeperblue. In gathering up your good and bad emotions in this life you've also picked up wisdom, and your empathy basket is full. :) *hug*

and we can now feed our hungry souls again and pass it on...