I am 23 years old and I was diagnosed with ADD about 15 months ago. While there was a momentary enlightened period where many questions about my behavior in life up to that point were answered, I have since come to the realization that even with medication, my life is no more on the right track than before I was given the news of my lazy brain.

Even tho I've been told by Docs that my intelligence is higher than average, I barely graduated HS and simply lost interest in college. I currently have no job, no education and still live with my family. All jobs (about 15 already in my lifetime) I've had start well and than my performance rapidly decreases along side my interest level. No matter how hard I try, the focus and determination that was present before I undertook the job disappears in a matter of time. Bosses give me this confused look all the time that says "I know this guy is smart, so why did he just do something incredibly stupid?"

I am very entrepenurial and come up with great business ideas. However, all the medication in the world can't keep me focused enough to go through with any of them. Anxiety has been a major problem for me for the past year due to my lack of personal and professional progress in my life. The anxiety than in turn makes the ADD 10 times worse.

I've had these momentary periods where I felt the world was my oyster and I was hellbent on some personal plan I had made for myself to get myself moving. These plans are effective for a matter of weeks before my focus on that plan begins to fade away.

I feel so defeated I don't want to do anything anymore. I wish I could just give up and tell the ADD "you win!" Has anybody else ever felt like this? I'd love to hear from some people who can relate and were able to overcome these things.

Sincerely,
Sad, lost ADDer

Thoughthopping,

What are you taking for your ADD, are you taking anything for your anxiety, and have you been tested for depression? Sometimes more things are in play than just the ADD, and sometimes they each need the others to get treated before they can get better. For instance, if you have ADD and anxiety, it's not abnormal for neither one of them to respond to treatment seperately, but if you're on treatment for both they can both get better, both respond to their meds then.
I am 40 and only recently got diagnosed with ADHD, along with many emotional disorders as well. I knew there was always something wrong with me, but as far as the ADHD went, I thought I was just incredibly stupid. Like you, it turned out I'm not only not stupid, but there's intelligence hidden away down there. LOL
It's awful hard for me to stick to a self/life improvement plan (or any plan for that matter) for very long. I don't think I'd ever make weeks like you did. I don't know if that's an ADD trait, or if norms can be that way too.
Yes, like you I sometimes feel like giving in to my ADHD. Still working on the right med dose to fix me. Sometimes I wonder if there just isn't enough help to fix me enough. And it's such a pain, and so much money being thrown away in meds and therapy. BUT, if I go back to the way I was....well...that's just not an option. Might as well just lay down and die then. You are young, you found out fairly early in life that you have ADD, you don't have to be a ****up most of your life before finding out what's wrong with you. Don't give up. Get tested for depression if you haven't already, and other emotional disorders too, and get on anxiety meds if you're not already.
That's my advice, not that I have any right to give it. Just hate to see people suffer like I did for so long, and I don't want you to give up. You have the stuff in you it takes to build a great life - intelligence, creativity, drive.
I've got my anxiety, Major Depressive Disorder, agoraphobia with panic attacks, social phobia, derealization, PTSD and OCD under control now, I'm not going to give up on getting my ADHD under control too. And if you give up on getting yours under control, an old lady will have been stronger than you. :D

Hi,

I agree with the advise given you by E Girl. I am very similar too because I have had panic attacks, anxiety, PTSD, OCD tendencies, depression and just now dx'd w/ ADD. The ADD did not become apparent until the others where worked on and gotten control of. Once those layers were peeled away it became obvious that I have ADD. I am in my 40's and like E Girl I am not giving up yet either :)

You got a lot of time ahead of you to make some good decisions and choices for your life if your in your early 20's. Heck, I feel like I still have lots of opportunities. If not then I am looking forward to when I am old enough I won't care whether I can concentrate or not! I can stare off into space and enjoy my rich imagination!

I also want to add we are more than whatever disorder we get pegged with. I am trying to make a real point in not dwelling on how my brain is different blah, blah blah and think about what my brain is good at. I can brainstorm circles around most people. I was in sales and did great because I have a lot of energy and drive (hyperfocus) and I like to talk. I could inspire people. I am a visionary -no follow thru but I can spot someone how is detail oriented and pair up with them. They like being with me because they can't ever come up with any ideas. Tell me more about you and I could think up lots of different perspectives on you too :)

I don't recall if you said whether you were on meds or not. I take adderall and an antidepressant. Combined they have made a world of difference.

Good luck to you and keep posting!

Great reply Fly Away. Sales was actually my last job, and I was great up until I got the promotion I was looking for. After that happened my focus quickly dissappeared and one day I plum stopped showing up to work. Good point about pairing up with someone detail oriented. I often think about starting a business and getting a left-brained friend on board. BTW, I take adderall (which i fear is aggrivating my anxiety) and just started taking lexapro a few weeks ago. Im glad to hear the combo worked for you. THanks for the post!

Hi,


Glad to help. It helps me too because I go back and forth wanting to get hung up in 'whats wrong w/ me' that I forget whats right.

Hey, I'm on the same med combination. Less than 6 months ago I was in a very deep depression/anxiety due to the PTSD. I got on the lexapro first and it was a tremendous help. I could feel a difference almost right away. I just started on the adderall about 2 months ago.

I do the 'crash and burn' thing too where I go full stream and then burnout. I am learning to recognize this tendency in me and try to pace myself or at least allow myself time to regroup *before* I crash. I have been self employed or an independent contractor in most of my jobs and this has suited me very well because it gives me some flexibility and also the opportunity to really 'hyperfocus' when I am on a roll. Again the key I think is to pair up w/ someone who is strong where you are weak and to let yourself take a break before you burn yourself out.

There are a lot of successful ADD people who are in business for themselves. I bet you'd be great!

Hey! I'm on the same med combo as you two! I take Lexapro 20mgs and Adderall XR (which just got upped to 40mgs). I have klonopin and xanax for panic attacks, but they do nothing - I think because I have ADHD. I also, like you Fly Away, very recently got dx'd! Are you two on Adderall XR? What doses? How does it help you? What does it feel like to you? What symptoms does it relieve? I'm trying hard to find the right dose/med for me. I have severe ADHD.
Susan

I am on 20 mg Adderall 2 x a day. I also take 20 mg. Lexapro but want to reduce that if I can. I had pretty severe depression due to PSTD a few months ago. I tried cutting back on the Lexapro right before Christmas but I think the timing wasn't good so I decided to wait until after the holidays and try again. I am starting to reduce it now. I have sexual side effects on Lexapro at 20 mg but not at 10 mg.


I've been on Adderall for only 2 months or less. I love it and hate (fear) it all at the same time. I think I am still not wanting to accept that I need medication! My therapist and my husband both agree the medication is working well and I should not discontinue it. I do feel more productive on the adderall. I've been able to stay on top of things more. It is not a cure-all. I still struggle with certain things. I think the thing that I struggle with the most is the feeling of 'sensory overload' that I get into at times. I have 3 kids so its pretty easy to get into overload when I am going in a million different directions with them. I think thats whst is most frustrating for me-- when the noise level goes up or too many things are going on I can't concentrate no matter how much adderall I am on! The last thing I want is for my kids to feel like I am not interested in them. That has been my big motivation in trying medication. When I am by myself and on adderall I can get into a 'groove' and get alot done. I kind of like to be on the obsessive side when it comes to work so the adderall kinds of feeds into that. I like adderall because of this. I fear adderall because I am afraid I will like this too much. I've voiced this concern to my husband, doctor and my therapist and they feel I am doing fine. I may just be worrying because I like to have something to worry about. (This is an add trait too isn't it?)

What has your experience been like?

I've been taking 25mg of Adderall XR for a little over a year now. I started taking 10mg daily of Lexapro about 3 weeks ago. Not too thrilled about what its done to Mr. Happy, but I think it beginning to ease some of the anxiety. I too am still not thrilled about having to take meds, particularly the Adderall. Something just does not feel right about this drug. I think about ceasing taking it all together and learning to cope with ADD naturally. But than again, what do I know. Many people are happy as clams on adderall and view it as a godsend. I just don't feel 100% comfortable about this drug and find myself questioning its long term effects on the brain.

Thoughthopping, (love your name by the way!)


Are you able to pinpoint what it is about adderall that you don't like? Like I tried to post I kind of have this love/hate thing for it. My h really wants me to keep taking it because he says he sees a definite improvement. He says the improvement proves I need the med. and compares it to the blood pressure med he takes daily but the adderall feels like it changes me. I know thats what its supposed to do but I can't really put it into words. Is this somewhere along the lines of what you are feeling?

Fly Away (thanks, it was the first thing that popped into my head),

I'm not exactly sure if I can pinpoint what I feel uneasy about it for. I think a few different reasons. First of all, how can such a powerful stimulant not have longterm effects on the brain?? People's brains suffer damage from long term exposure to caffeine for crying outloud. Secondly, its not natural. I question everything that I put in my body that is not natural. Thirdly, and probably foremost, there is this nagging overall feeling of inconsistency. Do you know what I mean? It's like, I wake up in one mental mode. I pop a pill, 45 min later I'm in another mental mode. Eight hours after that, another different mental mode. It's almost a feeling of sweeping my ADD problems under the rug instead of getting to the root of the problem and making adjustments in my life naturally. Can you guys relate to what I'm saying?

I totally related to everything you just said. As a mom of 2 young kiddos it sucks when you cannot focus on them enough to enjoy them. I've always struggled with depression and the anxiety has started to increase.

Can you or someone out there tell me what exactly the Lexipro is suppose to do? I know ppl take it for depression. I tried Zoloft.. it did nothing for me. Thanks.

Skagitgirl,

My doc told me Lexapro is mainly for anxiety, but helps with OCD too and can help a little with depression. It's mainly an anxiety drug though.
I take 20mgs of Lexapro a day and it has changed my life. My OCD disappeared as if by magic, and my agoraphobia went away, I can drive, I can go into crowded stores, I can go out among people!
Now i'm not saying that my doc is right about what he said lexapro is for, 'cause he's not the world's most reliable doc, but I can attest to it's effects on me.
Oh, also, I used to fall into deep deep depressions - Major Depressive Disorder - and it keeps me from falling near that deep. Now I only get depressed to the extent a normal person would.

Thoughthopping,

I have that same uneasiness. I called my medication-- my mind control medication. This one makes me productive, this one makes me compliant..... but I also have seen how things have improved. My main concern was the overwhelming feeling I had when I had my kids coming at me from all different directions and I just had to shut down. I saw they were either going to take it personally- as in, I am too much for my mom or my mom isn't interested in me. Things would get out of hand and I would get overwhelmed so easily. For the first time in a long time I am on top of things. That feels good. I am not as stressed out and my home is running smoothly. My husband is happy. All this is very good.

I have decided I will schedule myself my ADD medication days off. I don't take adderall every day. If I can see I will have a quiet day I only take one or none at all. I eat better and I sleep and I get a chance to feel like myself on those days. I veg out mainly! :) I don't know what I'd do if I weren't a mother. I am taking the meds more for my kids so they don't have a frantic mom. But if I weren't at home I may need the meds to keep myself employable or to continue my education. My h has said he sees definite improvement in me- less impulsive, more organized, more focused, more engaged in conversation.

The 'more engaged in conversation' part makes me want to continue for the people I have relationships with.

This is still all very new to me so I am letting things play themselves out still. I can see also that I may not be able to get an accurate view of how the medication impacts me and my family. My therapist recommended I don't stop the medication yet. He said I can use this time to form good habits that I can build on later. This may be used as a boost to get me going in the right direction while I learn more able ADD.

I just wanted to tell you that this post was talking about some very recent, strong issues I've been dealing with and it does feel good not to be alone. I take 40 mg of adderall a day and have been for a few years. What I've come to accept is that whatever med I'm taking is not a complete cure. It's like a key that opens the door. If I don't follow through on my end, with self examination and growth, I end up suffering instead of benifiting. I have kids as well so I know the overload. I guess I figure if I'm going to be on something I have a responsibility to do the work on myself that needs to be addressed or I have no right to be taking anything because eventually the medication will fail me and then all I'm left with is hopelessness and wack physical side-effects. This has just been my experience and I'm not very good at implementing this realization all the time but when I get to this place with my medication I always try to remind myself of this and start from there. My kids do seem to be affected when I get overloaded and that brings on new problems to deal with in my head and if I don't deal with those problems and learn and make changes they just add to the load and progressively I get defeated. I don't think I've gotten a proper hold on surrounding issues in my life and that makes for trouble with my senses amplified. I think the meds mess up my intuition and that's where I pay for it. If the solution to a highly stessful problem is not easy to see, with out my intuition I make more mistakes which piles on additional stress. I hope this came out right. I guess I'm just saying make sure and do some self examination as a habbit and work to addressing your issues before they get the best of you because then it's even harder. Medication for adults with ADD is a lifesaver and creator in a sense. But unless we take the responsibility on to continue to work with it eventually we'll end up right where we started and possibly more worse off than before from feeling let down by something that initially gave us so much hope. Anyway, thank you for talking about this. It helps to hear these things.

Flyaway,

I loved reading your post. We both got treated for the same reasons. After reading your post I am even more convinced that I need to up my dose. I am having less trouble being overwhelmed by my children, but I am still not "in the conversation" as much as I know I should be and I still haven't slowed down when talking. I do realize I need to work on myself, something my therapist talks about at every visit. I try to make myself focus, but it is the "make" part that gets to me. I am also on Effexxor because they believe I also suffer from depression. I have only been on it a little less than 2 weeks and am not sure yet if there has been an improvement. Will just continue to ride it out I guess.

If anyone knows a cure for depression, please let me know, depression for over 5 years seems to be a little long, and don't want to include my aniexty that I had my whole life, I deal with this every single day. Every Morning I ask my self, why even bother, what for? what reason? what is it going to get me? and I get the same answer all the time, NOTHING!!! THIS LIFE IS NOTHING!!!!

I wish it would be over soon, ethier I get cured or a painless death, I"m fine with both.

T-Bass

I wish it would be over soon, ethier I get cured or a painless death, I"m fine with both.

T-Bass[/QUOTE]I understand how you feel. I too have been dealing with this depression for years, and I question how meds can help. I have recently begun to force myself to deal with some demons from my past. I really have never been comfortable with doctors, so I have been facing this by myself. I finally talked to my husband about these issues and felt worlds better. Still feel blue, but feel more like I can handle it.

If you seriously feel at all suicidal, seek help immediatly.

If you just feel bad, and are just venting then maybe you should try to find what may be causing the depression and seek help in dealing with it. Don't give up. There are people out there who have hit the deepest pits of h*ll, but with help made the climb back up. I know it is possible.

I will keep you in my thoughts. Best Wishes:)

I feel suicidal every single day, but I don't have the attention span to plan a way to kill myself in a painless way. So I just deal with it, this past week I've been really thinking about abusing drugs again, I had a big problem before, and depression stated and still there since I stopped, but also my dad died around the time I stopped, I smoke weed to keep me away from other drugs, but weed does nothing for me, used to make me happy and calm. Now I'm looking for the next thing, I see my doctor today, I"ll probably say all this, nothing will happen, cause no one can help me, only money can help me. Someone few days ago asked me if I wanted to buy some Oxycodone, I never tried this, some sort of pain killer with herion effects, but I never tried herion in my life, but I"m at the point, I would do anything to make me calm, I don't care if I have to stick a needle in my arm, I don't care, I can't take it, I live accross the street from a pych ward, I want to go there every night, but then I think, I have work tomorrow morning, there is no excape, no help, I'm thinking drugs, I will tell my doctor this today also, but I hope they don't take me off adderall. I feel just like my dad, he was depressed every single day, he had it all one day, then lost it, and then never was able to have it back, and died at 53. I will probably die younger, it's in the family, we are born, we suffer, we suffer more, then we deal with pain, and then die. Great Life, something to look forward to.

T-Bass

T-Bass,

I've told you before you remind me of my brother. I am very worried about you. Let me know how the doctor appointment goes.

T-Bass,
I just lost my brother from a drug overdose. He has always been dealing with untreated ADD and depression. I take what you're saying very seriously because I'm in a constant state of "What could I have done to help him" thinking. I mean I just lost him about 2 months ago and he was 33. Depression and suicidal tendencies run in my family as well, along with drug abuse. How old are you? What do you do for a living? What is your life like? There is no simple cure for depression. If your at the point it sounds like your at and you really want answers, your going to need to provide us with a little more info. Depression is so personal and so lonely, it's like death. The death of your will, your hope, you soul. If you get into using it will continue to get worse and you will die. I don't know why people think death will be easier. Who knows what death will bring you, unless your one who has faith in something. But it sounds to me like you probably don't have a specific idea as to what will happen, maybe you do.
Are you looking for info on our own personal battles with depression to see if they might offer you something, are you looking just to relate with someone, or maybe you really want to see if there is a cure because the cure is different for everyone. Are you honestly suicidal everyday or is it just suicidal thoughts that you know will never be more than just a thought.
Depression with me is delt with on a day to day basis and the thought of ending it all often comes into play and sometimes it's more serious than others. But there came a point where I had to move on from that thought because unless I actually commited suicied there was no point in thinking about it. It was time to go another dirrection, put my energy and thoughts into something else. Anti-deppressants do alot for people and they might for you but for me they made things worse. I felt contolled, balanced in a permenant way if that makes any sense. My highs and low disapated and I missed them a little. No matter how harsh they could be they are an essential part of who I am. Depression is a horrible state but a lot of beautiful thoughts an revealations can come from it. People are forced to find themselves in it and they learn so much along the way that will pay off if they don't give up. You need to find a place inside where you trust your self that you won't give up and go from there. Absorb yourself into it maybe instead of fighting it all the time and find that beauty and truth that people who don't suffer this affliction will never see. This is going on too long, sorry.
But your depression can bring out something wonderful in you if dealt with and not locked away by substance or unacceptance.
I'll stop there because I have a tendency to stop making sense, I hope this came out right. You are not damaged at all by depression, it could be a gift if you don't give up on yourself and let it destroy you.
I hope you can find hope and drive and appreciation and love. I hope this didn't sound too cheesy.
Are you aloud to curse in these posts.

I don't even know what to say, I can write a book, maybe 2 or 3 books on why I don't want to live and feel forced to stay alive. But I don't know where to begin, I think about my dad who died 3 years ago, I think about my car sound system which was the only thing that made me happy before drugs, which was stolen in a paid parking lot off an inside scam which I never go money for it, I probably put a whole portion of my life into that car, it's not there cause of theifs. I also think about a girl I was once in loved with, but her ex-husband was part of the russian mob, and things got really crazy, people following me, taunting me, eventually she had to leave the country for my safety. these three things happened in one year, started at the end of 2000.

That's what started my depression, what's going on now, is far beyond what I said, cause there is no hope, I can do anything in this world, there isn't a task hard enough for me, everything is easy, don't know how to explain that, don't know really what I want to do, and what I feel are thoughts, I don't think I would go out kill myself, but a drug overdose?????? I almost died 2 times cause of drugs, yeah sure was painless, but really freaky, oh wait, 3 times, now I have to stop cause I'm feeling anxiety.

I won't kill myself, you guys will just hear me post my negative comments every day, admins can ban me if they think my posts are too harsh, cause I have no control over it, I post what I type.

T-Bass

Depending on the drug, I don't think dying that way is painless at all. Do you have any support from friends or family?
All I can say is, from what little I've heard from this thread, it sounds like drugs are too much a part of your life.
If you really want to feel better you've got to step up and do it. It won't fix it self.
(I was asking about the cursing because I always type in *@#* and then go back and fix it but I feel I express myself more honestly when I can cuss.)
Everybody has extreme and harsh realities to deal with, some more than others.
Just believe that people do understand and I hope you can find something that will assist in making you happy again.
If you ever want to talk you can Email me or post something. I'll be checking in on you.

T-Bass-

Hello, I'm the guy who originally started this thread some time ago. I was surprised to see a thread of mine that was so old back on the new posts list so I checked it out and found your posts. As you probably read in my original post, I had very similar thoughts and feelings as you do. Depression, anxiety and ADD all worked together to keep me in a hole for years. Than someone finally gave a piece of advice that was so simple it's ridiculous. You know all those negative thoughts you're having? Stop them. That's it. Just stop. Mind you that while it is simple, it is a very difficult thing to do, especially at first. Your brain, like mine was, is hard-wired for negativity. It will be quite a challenge, but everytime you have a negative thought, throw it out and replace it with a positive one. Your brain will fight you tooth and nail when you first try to do this, but stay with it. Eventually it gets easier and easier until one day you find it happens naturally. It sounds stupid, but this was the most important piece of advice I got. If you truly want to stop feeling this way and are sick of being pushed around by these feelings, you'll get tough and decide you're going to fight back.

Also, are you staying busy? Nothing aggrivates anxiety and depression like inaction. I know when I was having my rough time I wasn't doing much, allowing my brain too much time to beat itself up with ridiculous thoughts. Make sure you're occuping your time with hobbies, exercise, etc.

Do us all a favor dude and get tough. Get angry at these feelings and where they've gotten you in life. Then turn that anger into action.


"When life smacks you in the face, kick it in it's balls."

I feel better today, they gonna have a team of doctors try to figure me out, they say I may have something else besides ADHD.

They gave me SEROQUEL for sleeping, does the job, I got to work at 2PM today. I guess i have to take this earlier.

T=Bass

That seroquel will knock you out. That's an anti-psychotic, they missed diagnosed me back in the day for Bipolar Personality Disorder and put me on 50 mg's of that stuff 3x a day. I hated it. It made me severely depressed, detatched, exhausted and sometimes paranoid. It's also used for detoxing off alcohol.
What do you think of it when you wake up in the morning?

My heart racing again, I wish I have a heart attack so I can leave work. 1 year 4 months, no days off, no vacation, and I never get sick.

T-Bass

Why don't you have any days off?

Why don't you have any days off?

If I take one day off, I have to work 2 days to catch up, 20million dollar business, It's just me and another person who answers the phone, I do all the work.

I feel a little better now, I took like 30mg of adderall at once after I smoked up on my lunch break, I can focus and got 2 more hours till the weekend.

T-Bass

I am 23 years old and I was diagnosed with ADD about 15 months ago. While there was a momentary enlightened period where many questions about my behavior in life up to that point were answered, I have since come to the realization that even with medication, my life is no more on the right track than before I was given the news of my lazy brain.

Even tho I've been told by Docs that my intelligence is higher than average, I barely graduated HS and simply lost interest in college. I currently have no job, no education and still live with my family. All jobs (about 15 already in my lifetime) I've had start well and than my performance rapidly decreases along side my interest level. No matter how hard I try, the focus and determination that was present before I undertook the job disappears in a matter of time. Bosses give me this confused look all the time that says "I know this guy is smart, so why did he just do something incredibly stupid?"

I am very entrepenurial and come up with great business ideas. However, all the medication in the world can't keep me focused enough to go through with any of them. Anxiety has been a major problem for me for the past year due to my lack of personal and professional progress in my life. The anxiety than in turn makes the ADD 10 times worse.

I've had these momentary periods where I felt the world was my oyster and I was hellbent on some personal plan I had made for myself to get myself moving. These plans are effective for a matter of weeks before my focus on that plan begins to fade away.

I feel so defeated I don't want to do anything anymore. I wish I could just give up and tell the ADD "you win!" Has anybody else ever felt like this? I'd love to hear from some people who can relate and were able to overcome these things.

Sincerely,
Sad, lost ADDer
I know this is a january thread but,as you mentioned you still live with your parents,do you not want to live at home,but feel you couldn't cope with having your own place?
If so,is there such thing or something similar as supported housing where you live? :confused:
In the UK,we have supported housing,which is for people who for some reason can't look after their own place,it gives the person support and it's residents can still be independent.
Or a residential home,all depends on how they class ADHD and difficulties.

T-Bass-
Glad to hear it. Go get em tiger.