What do you think? Perhaps your personality is a relatively independant one, self sufficient. But do you think having ADD makes you more dependent on others? Are you needier? If yes, does this bother you? Or is it a healthy need of others? If no, what sort of things help you rely on yourself and not others? Do you wish you were more one way or the other?

For me, I think having bipolar and ADD require a certain amount of cooperation and understanding from those around me. I was reading about the women's liberation movement when this popped into my head. I am not a wife and stay-at-home Mom because I can be nothing else, because I need a man to take care of me, I chose this path, willingly and lovingly. I wonder though, had I had the tools needed, or the knowledge of my condition to get help for it, would I have persued other things first? Would I have a fall-back position so that I would not be dependent on my husband financially speaking? I think I would have. I feel that I held myself back (and was partly held back) because of my inability to cope by myself with a, then, mysterious condition. Maybe not ADD per se made me more dependent, but the lack of resources and tools, or the ignorance of using them. Not just financial independence either, but in general.

i have always been very independant.

things that help me are, knowing who I am and what i want i life. i set small goals that I know i can reach. After i reach them then i set new ones. it helps keep me focused and in gives me a feeling of control and of independance. I don't feel the need to rely on anybody else to shape my life or tell me what to do next. i think that because of my independance i can be to independant to the point of making the other person feel that i don't need them to still be happy. This is something that i would like to change.

What do you think? Perhaps your personality is a relatively independant one, self sufficient. But do you think having ADD makes you more dependent on others? Are you needier? If yes, does this bother you? Or is it a healthy need of others? If no, what sort of things help you rely on yourself and not others? Do you wish you were more one way or the other?
But do you think having ADD makes you more dependent on others?

I think a lot of adult with ADD have been raised to have a negative images of themselves, not always for bad reasons, but i think a lot of people did not know what to do with us lol. So no matter how nice they could have been, we still saw that we were different. And i think that low self-esteem start building in us early. Some people with low self esteem will never be dependent on others, and some will. I think at that moment it depens on your backgrounds and personal history and how you dealt with things in the past. But i would think that the majoraty will be dependant on others at one point or another in there life. But again that goes with ''normal'' people to.


Are you needier?
Yes at one point in my life i was. Because all my younger years , i always had this need to help others, no matter how , when ect. I was feeling it was my duty to serve and to protect others. The problem came when others did not think they needed to be served and protected LOL. I wanted to be everything to everybody. I needed them , or i was nothing.


what sort of things help you rely on yourself and not others?


With years and my own life experiences i think and mostly the more i love myself , the more i did not need others to have a sense of self worth. I know i am an incredible giving happy person. And i learned when and where to give this overwhelming energy. Not everyone is able to cope with it, now i realize that LOL, after many many bad experiences with it. Accepting totaly who i am , and thinking that i am a great person, is i think the first key to start to rely on yourself, just try it.

Digitl who really really should get going lol :eek:

I'm one of those "over-apologizers." and a "people pleaser", as well. I apologize for stuff that doesn't even make any sense--most recent case was that I had an appointment with the lady who runs the pre-school my son now attends. I wanted to interview her, learn about the school, the policies, the tuition, activities, etc. So anyway, I got there and she was busy with something else and kept me waiting for like 10 minutes, and then when she was finally ready for me I apologized (sincerely) for interrupting her schedule. This made no sense, as I would obviously be supplementing her income and am thus an asset who should be treated with resoect (in other words, she should have been careful to be punctual and not keep a potential "customer" waiting.)
She was very perplexed by my blurted, somewhat reflexive apology, and after the interview, I was, too.
It wasn't such a big deal, though, that she made me wait--I enrolled him anyway, and he's happy there.
My friends always nag at me for apologizing for stuff, though, and asking if it's alright to do something when I've known them for years and have been to their houses a zillion times (to this day, I still ask, "Hey, is it okay if I get a drink in the kitchen?" or "May I use your restroom?")

About the people pleaser thing, I tend to compulsively do stuff for other people/loan money to people without a second thought. I guess I trust people too much, or that's what my husband says. This habit of needlessly doing people favors has gotten me in trouble before, from never being paid back quite a sum of money that I've loaned, to being raped in my car because I gave a friend of mine a ride home when he was drunk.:rolleyes:

I don't know what it is. It's concurrently humorous and pathetic, basically, according to those who are close to me. (Save for the rape incident, of course, which is not funny at all, and quite disconcerting, to say the least. Definitely the worst case of my over-trusting, people-pleasing, favor-doing thing ever.) Assertiveness therapy has helped a little, but perhaps it will never be entirely resolved--my husband theorizes that it's just an ingrained part of my personality, programmed by my parents or something. Whatever. I don't know.

Chrys

I can be extremely needy. Before my dx and meds, I couldn't drive or leave the house. Can't get much more needy than that! LOL I was afraid to make phone calls. I was afraid of EVERYTHING.
Now that I'm better w/ medication, I'm still needy in the love department. I don't really know if I'm more or less needy than others, I only notice that I ask for more than men give. That must make me needy! :D I love affection. Pretty much I can sum it up by saying I love intensely, and I guess I want it back the same intensity.
~Susan

I'm needy and will admit to it..especially in the affection department. I love with all my heart and expect that in return. Someday it is going to happen:) I am needy in the friends department too..can never have too many friends. Right?? Thanks Egirl and Minn, and Eboy! and all of ya here on the forums:)

Would say I am needy due to my own securities wich stem from bad self image ...goes round and round.... I am veey needy for affection...make me feel secure, but I learned that just any affection does not mean security. still i like to touch alot and have learned to be more 'normal' to those around me. show restraint so forth...

When rejected physical touch I take it personally but as I said I am learning its okay and doesn't neccessarily mean anything.

I am needy that my wife needs to handle the bills and certain other aspects.

And when I am over sesitized i should add that I am done...can't be touhched (hugged leaned on whatever) immediately. So in a way I am needy in my requirements.

I am dependent on lot many factors to find my self-worth..I wouldnt find myself without internet and egroups such as ours..Net helps me communicate with people with less anxiety than how much I feel in real world and I am able to share, care more without burning a hole in my pocket.

feeling dependent comes from upbringing, environment..I was surprised to read that Caine is so independent..and to find many on our group who are so surefooted and ableminded...where as i feel clubfooted and so unsure of myself even when i am giving, sharing, loving.

how did you manage to free yourself Digitl of the dependency? was it because of meds? I am not on meds so i just hope to learn a lifeskill or a technique to rise above this issue which plauges me life with a hole in my heart, pocket and depr.

I feel for all and I see myself in them..esp if are they in need of them..I am reminded of my childhood and how vulnerable I was then and how noone saved me from the abuse..so I feel i must help everyone come to their true worth..even though I myself havent come any close to who I am..

I guess dependency is a vicious circle..so long as one wants to be dependent one meets people who'd abuse this trait or tie one down to this begging of love..thats why I am learning ways to be independent..though I feel its a moment to moment choice..as we can not outgrow ADD..we can only manage it better, smoothly with time.

I am amazed to see people like Tara and others..and hope to be able to do as good as them.

I feel your pain chrys..because i have been there..i was wondering if i could find you or anyone in here to work out on this issue in group in here or in private..we can share and colearn a lot and can do better than learning alone. Just hope to find someone to work out these issues.

Love,

Nachi

I find myself in a constant battle of independency and needing someone there all the time. I prefer to suffer for a while (as the urges come sporatically) than to succumb to my neediness.

i think there's a difference between needing someone and placing a burden on that someone. wanting/appreciating/loving another person from the bottom of your heart and soul is not a bad thing. while i am very capable of managing life on my own, that doesn't mean that i want to have to do it forever. and that doesn't mean i wouldn't like the feeling of knowing i could allow myself to need someone....but no more than he was allowed to feel that he needed me. if the road i am destined to walk doesn't include the above, i have no doubt that the road will still be a fulfilling and educational one. lonely sometimes? sure. but loneliness can teach one a lot about who they are and much more importantly, why they are that way. i like the lessons learned on both the peaks and in the valleys.

don't misunderstand me.....a cool guy who appreciated the ride that comes with a goofball like me would present a ton of awesome revelations, too. but if that never comes, i figure i've got plenty of material to chew on for quite the while.

so, no i'm not too needy. yes, i'm independent. but what i really believe is that what many people view as an unhealthy level of need is actually, in the right relationship, an exceedingly healthy expression of love. the problem arises when one tries to force on another what simply was not meant to be.

quite the ramble, but my honest opinion....

I did not know for sure what type to pick.. chose depends on the person, but in reality it is me it depends on. I have always been known as very independent yet find myself always yearning for someone to be around. Also, if someone is there, I can find myself becoming too needy and then I get scared that I may loose myself again and stop.
I just feel it is dependent on how I am feeling right then...

I think I am needy, but I'm so afraid of showing it. I don't fair well in the 'rejection' category, and I feel if I show that I need someone, and they don't appreciate it, it hurts too much, so I don't show it.
It would be really nice to let my guard down and trust that one day someone would appreciate it and not look at it as a deviant trait.
It has everything to do with self esteem, and being shell shocked from past rejections, in one form or another.

Actually this question fell on me pretty hard. All my life I have wanted to be able to take of myself... myself. I didn't want to depend on anyone. I just finished reading Women with ADD and in it she mentions that we have to face the facts we need help to run our lives better. We need others to improve our quality of life. That didn't set well with me at all!

Actually this question fell on me pretty hard. All my life I have wanted to be able to take of myself... myself. I didn't want to depend on anyone. I just finished reading Women with ADD and in it she mentions that we have to face the facts we need help to run our lives better. We need others to improve our quality of life. That didn't set well with me at all!
Yeah, ouch. I don't like that. I want to believe I am strong enough, resourceful, capable, that I don't need others to hang on to or take care of me. Aside from the fact that as human beings we all need others at one point or another in our lives, but I'm not talking about what I perceive as "normal". I'm talking about the extra ADD stuff. Remind me, help me, follow up on me, help keep me motivated, encourage me repeatedly because my self-esteem is so incredibly low. I want to run my life, keep things organized, do what I need to do without having to rely on my husband to "take care of me". I think this is at least part of the reason I want to change the bad habits and cope in a healthy way with what I've got. The flip side of being dependent on someone else is the wear and tear on the someone else. My husband worries, he has more on his plate if he has to help me. Even he sees me as needy because of the ADD and bipolar (and shotty self-esteem, and insecurity, and lack of motivation, etc etc etc).

I feel like I am not needy at all. I try and be very self sufficiunt.