View Full Version : I think my friend ED is back :/ (may be triggering)

03-07-13, 01:05 AM
Hey guys, i've been holding out on making this thread for a while because it means i'm actually accepting somewhere outside of just my own head space that i've got a problem so here it goes;

This past year has been insane as some of you guys know, expelled from uni, losing my apartment, financial problems to the max and now still homeless at the same time as being declared unfit to work by my consultant and in the last 5-6 months becoming a full time carer to my grampa and to top it all off with a mouldy cherry leaving my abusive ex of 5 years im feeling a lot more worn down and tired than my 23 years on this planet might suggest (well thats it in a nutshell)

As some of you might know i battled anorexia as a teenager, i was at a bmi of 16 and almost close to hospitilisation at my worst, now every clinician i have seen has suggested that the anorexia the ocd and my years of battling depression and anxiety has been the direct result of under-treated ADHD and comes secondary to that diagnosis as well as the other co-morbid LD'S.

But's back, if im being honest it started creeping back in September, completely uninvited...when i started dex i initially had a bit of trouble eating and lost quite a bit of weight , i've been lying to myself and blaming the dex on my lack of eating but really it's not that at all anymore its my stupid brain....really my dark old friend ED has crept back in, it's like that little bit of weight loss in the beginning from the dex made it spring back to life.

it never truly disapears it waits lurking for things to get too stressful in life and hello ED, my f**ked up way of dealing with emotional pain kicks in....i haven't eaten in about 3 days :'(, my period is getting light again, my clothes are all getting too big for me and people are starting to notice....

i so don't want to b here right now and i catch myself going to that place i've been avoiding for so long where i feel my ribs poking out a bit more or my hip-bones and it makes me happy, i'm obsessively weighing myself..without wishing to declare any numbers and be triggering to anybody im only about 14lbs away from underweight again

i want so desperately to get on top of this now before i get stuck in the trap of having my and i just don't know what to do :(

03-07-13, 02:16 AM
Wow Flory good for you for posting, I know it must be hard to admit it but you are very brave. What did you do before to help? How did you avoid being hospitalized?

03-07-13, 05:36 AM
Poor flory! (((((hugs))))). I know alot of people slip back into their ED ways when under stress. I know I used to. ED's are a way of control. Your life being in chaos, or early trauma can trigger (IMO) this dormant condition. For me, my theory was I always had an ED hanging around, just never manifested itself. In middle school and high school I struggled with being overweight and in order to cope with my nutty life, and fit in. I sort of "researched" an ED and wham! I had one. I am lucky I guess because that period of food restriction/bulimia was very short lived. I quickly went the opposite way into overeating because it was more comforting to me, and I believe the mood altering and comfort that happened with food, made it my new coping mechanisim. If I controlled what I ate, how much and when, then in my sick mind, I was protecting myself. Getting treatment for my adhd and bipolar helped me alot. I began treament for both of those things over 10 years ago. Good for you for posting this. I hope you are able to get treatment of some kind but I know finances being what they are it may be next to impossible. Does the UK have clinics or places that offer free/low cost ED treament? If so I urge to consider it. Girl, I cant have you dying on me! What would I do? Its good that you told us though, we are only as sick as our secrets.

03-07-13, 05:43 AM
(((((((((((((FLO))))))))))) :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

I'm so sorry Flo. With everything that's been going on, it's no wonder that your body is reverting to old defense mechanisms, destructive and unhealthy they may be.:(

I know what you mean about the Dex triggering your ED. My first anti depressant and now my mood stabiliser killed my appetite too. But the starvation was entirely me. I was so excited to lose a bit of weight, appetite or not, I couldn't make myself eat. it would have felt like "wasting" the "gift" I got from the anti depressant (or mood stabiliser).

I've got no advice really. Have you seen someone about this? Please don't try to battle it on your own. There is help out there. Could you try to have a decent, wholesome breakfast at least or if you can't eat solid food, maybe smoothies or juice would help, at least for starters?

Keep posting. I know, it's not easy and hats off to you for having the courage to make this post. :grouphug:

03-07-13, 10:12 AM
good for you Flory youve got both hands on the handle of youre situation and I agree with the girls(dont tell anyone I have an Image) you are worthy you have not quite

you have always seemed to be a bit of a spitfyer ( the fighter plane thatwon the battle of briton) posting and the discription says you have the correct head-brain workin N thats a big big pluss

these girls and all of us are behind pullin for you so look over yr shoulder N give us a WINK OO forgot the hugggs

03-08-13, 09:32 PM
last time when i had full blown anorexia nervosa i was waiting a whole year before i was even seen by a specialist :( im wondering whether this is something i could deal with if i get this adhd behavioural treatment through ? i've been trying to use meal replacements a little again...but it's like this horrible negative thought pattern and its gotten louder and louder...dont know whether to try and ditch the scales again or give them to and my scales have relationship problems

03-08-13, 10:12 PM
Picks FLories scale up and punt kicks it out the front door where it bounces off the storm door puts a dent in in before it goes flying out on the porch in 10 pieces.Mutters moms gonna kill me for this one :D Ensure,shakes instant breakfast,You need something w alot of calories.Your under alot of stress and im sure stimulants dont help ones appetite.I know I use to be on them when i was 10 I was only 52 pounds I was bony maroney ribs