I am a non-ADD woman and have been in a relationship for 6 months with a guy that has ADD and is on Ritalin. He told me from the onset about his ADD, and was quite honest about the negative and positive sides (which I have seen the best and worst!).

I am not trying to change him, I just want to understand and support him, since I have never known anyone with ADD.

When he recently moved out of the country, we communicated primarily via IM, spontaneously, 2-3 times a week. But, I got the impression this spontaneity frustrated him, though he's always kind and never rude about it.

Last month, he wanted to stop IM, and only use voice chat, since we were obviously growing closer to each other. He told me he preferred to devote a certain afternoon (about 5-6 hours), once a week to me, like a "date". While I am ecstatic he has unwaveringly committed this time to me, I am missing the connection with him during the week.

I have a few questions...

Is this just hyper-focus?
A coping strategy?
I feel slightly compartmentalized, am I off base, given the situation?

I haven't said anything about this, yet. I want to be very sensitive, not critical, and am trying hard to understand his needs before I approach him in this. I have already confronted him on a few things, so that isn't a problem for me.

Thank you in advance.

Maybe it's just a guy thing?

A guy thing? I have no idea what that means.

A guy thing? I have no idea what that means.
It means that "any" man may feel as yours does. It most likely is not ADHD based, just a guy thing........you know, they can be different to us :)

From a guy's point of view, IMing ****'s. I find it very frustrating and lacking in REAL communications. I'd take it as a real complement that your guy is willing to spend 5-6 hours once a week talking to you vs 2-3 IM sessions per week.

How is he with using email ? I know I can write a lot better than I can verbalize. How about using email to fill in the gaps ?

just my 2 ¢

Many people with ADHD depend on routines to stay organized. Perhaps the spontanety of the IM'ing is disruptive to his daily schedule. Maybe you could suggest setting up a short mid-week chat.

It sounds to me like he's just trying to stay organized.

Voice for me is preferable to IM, its sooooo much more personal.

I agree with KarenC. This way he can plan for it and make sure it happens and his other days can be more streamlined. I don't think its personal...more like efficient!

As an ADD'er I find it incredibly frustrating when I'm on the computer and someone just pops up and wants to chat...instead of hurting their feelings I will talk to them and not get my tasks completed. I'd say he's doing his best to function without hurting you. Do your chat which by the way is great 5-6 hours I'm impressed you'd only have my undivided attention for maybe 2 hours tops. You can alway's use email in between chats and if your missing the connection during the week just ask for a note on your pm list letting you know he's healthy and alive ...you can always claim I worry about you all the way over there.

THis is the best thread I have read! Thank you all! I am sitting here reading and thinking - this is EXACTLY what I am sturggling with. The perspectives you share about interrupting..staying organized...all of that is SOOO helpful...I am so glad I found this forum!