View Full Version : Please help

03-20-13, 12:46 PM
Last resort I am turning to help from a forum ..
I have a son who is 11,
Always had issues at school he found the work hard and asked for help a lot the teachers would get short with him he was told off a lot the head teacher said to me maybe you should think about a different school !
,so I sent him to what i think of a highly sought after school
Still issues arose with him i stated i feel my son is different to other kids

He also stated he feels like a weed in the middle of a flower field
He taps a lot and has head ticks and can be bad tempered ,
He told me he feels different he has every sign to follow the ADD
The school got funding for him to assist with him at school
He progressed worse was being sent home early every day !]

They decided to send him to a school called the pru to be assessed
It's quite far from wear I live so they send a taxi for him
I was told they would asses and deal with his behaviour ,he would not be sent home for acting out as they have plenty experience with children like him
Today I get a call saying I have to pick him up I stated how I'm as supposed to get there my reply was or we may have to call the police !,
I managed to get there gets my son in the car he is crying he eyes out
Bare in mind he never ever cries no matter what !,

He's telling me this guy teacher grabbed his arm and pulled him into a time out room he said it hurts mum looking on his forearm I see a red mark in the shape of a thumb !, I said we'll what did the other teachers say he said it was just him and and guy the other staff wear seeing to kids having dinner in the other room
I rings this pru school I had a young lady state has your son ever lied !
I stated my son has no reason to lie about this ,
She carries on this would not of happened saying my son was punching the wall
And that would of caused it ( what on his fore arm !!)

She's going on I ask was you in the room she said part of that time yes
She would not give me a straight answer for anything
Some one else came on the phone stating the condition they think he has
Will make him lie. , that broke my heart I no he is not and has no reason to lie about this ,

I wouldn't mind if he was being restrained but the guy is even denying
That he said My son walked into the time out room
My son states he refused to go in and was pulled hard ,
I'm devastated my son does not trust no one as it is
He cried saying he was told he would be safe there
I threatened to call police so the school are now deciding to investigate
I no this will get washed over and my son will be made out to be a lier

He's petrified to go back ,
I'm crying my eyes out thinking I've agreed to this
I don't no what to do or who can help

03-20-13, 02:39 PM
Hi, I'm so sorry you are going through this! I can't imagine how hard this msut be for you. But rest assured, there is help out there for your son. It's just the matter of finding someone who is wanting to help you and your son. Personally myself.. I think schools need to be given training or some sort of basic lectures regarding ADHD. My school were terrible. From the age of 15-18 I was very aliek your son. got expelled and got angry at teachers etc... I did grow out of the 'Hyper active troubled teen' once I matured.

Your son is still young, there is still time to get him the proper help and the support he needs so he can manage in school. I would go to your GP and simply explain all of this to them and they should help you get an appointment with an ADHD specialist or it could something else causing this issue.. If they don't think he has ADHD you can insist them to refer you to one or even a psychiatrist will help.. If I'm correct.. there is a law which states if the patient asks they have to refer you.

Have you ever took your son to see a psychiatrist? Might help to find out whats causing this anger.

I see you are from the UK. It took me over a year to get an appointment and get diagnosed with ADHD. If money is not an issue then you can go directly to a private specialist.

Sorry I'm not much help. I'm still in my very early diagnosed days. Your thread has brung back memories so thought I'd try my best to help.

Don't give up! It's normal you're worried. Shows that you care! Good luck!

03-22-13, 08:26 PM
Thanks for the reply
Yes my son has been to see psychiatrists they said he should not be there ,
My doctor and school put him forward to be tested with cambs
Who refered it back saying they don't do testing anymore
Some other place do who I did contacts who also told me they don't do testing
It's been a joke the school didn't have a clue what to do
So they ended up sending him to this school to he assessed ,
This is wear the incident took place with the guy who marked my sons arm
Apparently he apologiesd to my son yesterday saying sorry I don't realise my own strength
( and he works with kids ! )
This problem with my son has been ongoing since he was 7
He is now 12 it seems so hard to get him assessed
The school he is at now are trying to tell me he has autisum
There's no way , I've read both autisum and ADD he has every trade of ADD
he only has a few of autisum so he may even end up with a wrong diagnosis
It's driving me and because I no my son wants help
Can I ask how do you feel as a person with ADD
Do you feel different and how did you no you has this
I want to no what it feels like ?
Regards Claire

03-22-13, 10:33 PM
ADD and autism sometimes seem to be related. Some people seem to have part of ADD and part of autism at the same time. It's possible that your son might have something like that.

I hope the new school goes much better for him soon - it sounds like it was a very bad beginning. Please also remember to take good care of yourself.

03-23-13, 09:53 AM
Yes, my son has some characteristics of Asperger's but my dr stops short of diagnosing him saying the treatment wouldn't be any different and the "label" may cause him stigma at school. But, sometimes having the diagnosis puts you in a better position as far as school accomodations. I'm so sorry you are going through this. We are in a similar position here right now. I may have missed this, is your son being treated with medication?

03-23-13, 11:08 AM
Thanks for the relies
No my son is not tested with any medication
He is currently In a school to be assessed
To see what think he may or may not have
I've always felt he was a little different
He's very Touchy , doesn't get along with children or adults
Very well , he taps things a lot !! Fidgets a lot
He can get angry very quick , can't give eye contact and can lash out
And isn't keen on touch
On the flip side he can be very funy , thoughtful at times
He will stick up for children at school that are getting bullied
Or told of by teachers lol
I don't want to medicate him I just want to no if he does have a medical
Issue so I and school can understand him more
My family just think he is naughty , teachers think he's just naughty
But when you sit down and talk to him it's so obvious he feels different
And can't understand why he can't connect to other people
They don't get him and he definitely doesn't get them
He feels no one likes him
What worries me is I am aware a lot of people and teachers see him as just naughty and he has been treated like this all his life
So to him every one he has come across has shouted restrained him
Give him attitude ( one teacher told me **** sticks )
So all his life will he be battened with people who don't understand him
With a negative attitude , that's what I worry for
I worry he will hate people :(

03-23-13, 11:39 AM
Can you pay for a private assessment? THe school canīt make assessments or do you mean that they are working with a professional person outside of the school that is able to make an assessment?

Have you taken your son to his pediatrician to get him referred for help or can you afford to go privately.

What ever your sonīs problem is he needs an urgent diagnosis and then treatment.

Kids are not just naughty for no reason, there is always a reason. He knows he is different from other kids and I think he needs help with this.
Itīs no good saying he is the same as them, heīs not but to help him understand that there are many people who are different for a variety of different reasons.
This doesnīt mean that he canīt have good friendships, join groups etc and be part of everything.
Self acceptance is very important and many adults never achieve this.

Many teachers donīt bother looking at what causes a child to be less than perfect in class and they should be working with you to try and help your son at school. Did you take a foto of the mark on his arm?

Sometimes kids do lie in order to change the truth, to make it into the version that they want. He probably wants to behave and stop fidgeting and sit still in class and be like everyone else but he is unable to do this, his body wonīt let him. This can cause children to lose self esteem and feel like they are a failure because they canīt behave in the way that they want to.

He may be afraid of this teacher or he may hate school because he canīt control his behaviour and is scared of where it will lead.

It sounds like the teacher did use force on him and this is unacceptable.

I hope your son gets the help he needs.

03-23-13, 11:42 AM
Just like you said, there are some things that sound like ADHD and other things that sound sort of autism-like. I am no expert. But he is not just being naughty, that is certain.

Your son needs a very good professional diagnosis from a psychiatrist or other medical professional. If this special school is not the kind of place with a psychiatrist on their staff, then you need to get him to see one somehow.

It might be that he really needs medication to be able to cope with his life. Please do not shut out the idea of medication - it sounds like your son is having a very tough time and he is going to need a lot of support and help.

03-24-13, 06:16 AM
Well thank you for sharing this story - you obviously have been thorough so much in trying to help your son. I'm also no expert, but I also agree with the above comments that this many be a combination of a few different issues that need to each be individually identified in order to provide him effective care. The place in which he was grabbed, is somewhere he should never return to, as they are further reinforcing in the worst way by punishing him for behavior that is beyond his control, which might cause him to isolate and/or lash out more.

I teach in the US so I don't know what rules are in the UK, but our public schools are legally required to provide free intervention assessment and individualized plans to help students with similar circumstances to succeed both academically and psychologically/interpersonally. Don't hesitate to do some digging into the rules and policies - perhaps the UK has similar rules and, if your son was attending a public school, perhaps they are responsible for both finding and funding the appropriate screening and treatment. Best wishes as you press on!