View Full Version : Do I have personality avoidance disorder?


yunath
03-21-13, 04:41 AM
I was looking at the description and it sounded like me but not sure...I have inattentive ADHD so not sure if most of my problems and anxiety is a result of that.

I'm 19, female...I have a bit of social anxiety and have a hard time getting comfortable around people I'm not close with. I try to avoid situations where I'm uncomfortable...and avoid these people too, even sometimes to the point of school and work avoidance.

I have a few close friends who I am comfortable with. I am comfortable with family, too.

I have been on many dates. The bad ones I have no interest in, the good ones I ended up somehow avoiding because I don't feel good enough for them, or I start getting anxious I'll be disliked. So I'll ignore phone calls and texts..I"m horrible anxious and hate texting people I barely know and avoid the phone like the plague unless its business related.

My only 2 relationships have happened because they were really determined and fought tooth and nail to make it happen until I was comfortable with them and didn't feel the need to just run away and hide in a hole!

I have no problem striking up conversations with strangers or classmates, or flirting with guys I don't really know well. I have no problems speaking up in class or asking strangers for help. But the more I get to know them the more anxious I become and avoid them, or the more tensed I feel and I become restrained socially in fear of doing/saying something stupid, which then makes everything more uncomfortable. But I'm more relaxed towards a total stranger!

I'm extremely sensitive to social criticisms and things like that...I'm only comfortable in settings where I know I'll be liked.

I'm what people generally perceive as pretty, and for that alone I get invited to parties\to hangout\interest from people in getting to know me and talking to me wherever I go...but I get deathly anxious of getting to know people because I do feel inferior...partly ADHD sct inattentive reasons too...So sometimes I will go but only once or twice but any chance of getting to know them too well, then I'm gone.

Do I have the disorder or is this just a response to my ADHD problems and horrible family I grew up with? I used to be bullied a lot, for being unattractive, and a bit of my ADHD .issues Some social anxiety may have stemmed from that. Kind of weird how that turned out, from being the girl who got bullied by girls for being ugly and teased by boys too, to experiencing the opposite end of treatment in the past few years.

if anyone has it or had it...have you found anything that has helped?

Its so horrible and crippling my life.

dvdnvwls
03-21-13, 04:51 AM
You need to go and see a professional. Nobody on the internet can even begin to answer such a complex question.

Gamegenie
03-21-13, 05:04 AM
You need to go and see a professional. Nobody on the internet can even begin to answer such a complex question.

I agree. I can tell you from experience that it is not a good idea to be reading about all the different disorders on the internet. While it is natural to want to understand what your problem is, I agree that it is best to seek a psychologist.

I would suggest female for you since you are a female unless you are that rare type that finds it easier to open up to men.

Also, I'm not saying don't listen to whoever labeled you as inattentive ADD, but keep in mind that misdiagnosis does happen and it isn't exactly a rare mistake made. Psychology is still a relatively new science, so keep that in mind.

My question to you is, what do you think? Ask yourself where you think these problems stem from. I would think that if you could get to the root cause, you could comprehend your issues more clearly and begin to tackle something you can see instead of this hazy issue.

Also, if I was a psychologist, and I analyzed myself when I was your age, I would definitely say I have AvPD (Avoidant Personality Disorder). I was bullied in high school and felt like a misfit and I only befriended the friendliest of people.

yunath
03-21-13, 05:57 AM
I agree. I can tell you from experience that it is not a good idea to be reading about all the different disorders on the internet. While it is natural to want to understand what your problem is, I agree that it is best to seek a psychologist.

I would suggest female for you since you are a female unless you are that rare type that finds it easier to open up to men.

Also, I'm not saying don't listen to whoever labeled you as inattentive ADD, but keep in mind that misdiagnosis does happen and it isn't exactly a rare mistake made. Psychology is still a relatively new science, so keep that in mind.

My question to you is, what do you think? Ask yourself where you think these problems stem from. I would think that if you could get to the root cause, you could comprehend your issues more clearly and begin to tackle something you can see instead of this hazy issue.

Also, if I was a psychologist, and I analyzed myself when I was your age, I would definitely say I have AvPD (Avoidant Personality Disorder). I was bullied in high school and felt like a misfit and I only befriended the friendliest of people.I do happen to be the rare female who has a much easier time opening up to guys..Mostly because guys are more open with their intentions and feelings and are easier to read. Girls I noticed hold grudges but will act friendly, and I have a hard time reading social cues anyway to notice any ill feelings.

I have been diagnosed with inattentive ADHD and taking meds for it... I haven't brought it up with my psych yet because I won't see him for another two months to try out new dosage and it didn't seem as important as my ADHD issues :-( I guess I'll wait until then to bring it up, but it seems fairly pointless anyhow, since from what I read meds can't really fix personality disorders.

dvdnvwls
03-21-13, 12:49 PM
it seems fairly pointless anyhow, since from what I read meds can't really fix personality disorders.

NOT pointless! This is a big deal and you need to say something about it. If it's pointless to take to a psychiatrist for the reason you gave, then take it to another professional.

malaka
03-21-13, 04:46 PM
well... i was diagnosed with schizotypal personality disorder and i didn't even know i had ADHD-I... so...
strange things happened to me and i have some anxiety issues too.
seek a doctor and i hope you don't have any personality disorder LOL

deadmau5
03-21-13, 06:05 PM
I was looking at the description and it sounded like me but not sure...I have inattentive ADHD so not sure if most of my problems and anxiety is a result of that.

I'm 19, female...I have a bit of social anxiety and have a hard time getting comfortable around people I'm not close with. I try to avoid situations where I'm uncomfortable...and avoid these people too, even sometimes to the point of school and work avoidance.

I have a few close friends who I am comfortable with. I am comfortable with family, too.

I have been on many dates. The bad ones I have no interest in, the good ones I ended up somehow avoiding because I don't feel good enough for them, or I start getting anxious I'll be disliked. So I'll ignore phone calls and texts..I"m horrible anxious and hate texting people I barely know and avoid the phone like the plague unless its business related.

My only 2 relationships have happened because they were really determined and fought tooth and nail to make it happen until I was comfortable with them and didn't feel the need to just run away and hide in a hole!

I have no problem striking up conversations with strangers or classmates, or flirting with guys I don't really know well. I have no problems speaking up in class or asking strangers for help. But the more I get to know them the more anxious I become and avoid them, or the more tensed I feel and I become restrained socially in fear of doing/saying something stupid, which then makes everything more uncomfortable. But I'm more relaxed towards a total stranger!

I'm extremely sensitive to social criticisms and things like that...I'm only comfortable in settings where I know I'll be liked.

I'm what people generally perceive as pretty, and for that alone I get invited to parties\to hangout\interest from people in getting to know me and talking to me wherever I go...but I get deathly anxious of getting to know people because I do feel inferior...partly ADHD sct inattentive reasons too...So sometimes I will go but only once or twice but any chance of getting to know them too well, then I'm gone.

Do I have the disorder or is this just a response to my ADHD problems and horrible family I grew up with? I used to be bullied a lot, for being unattractive, and a bit of my ADHD .issues Some social anxiety may have stemmed from that. Kind of weird how that turned out, from being the girl who got bullied by girls for being ugly and teased by boys too, to experiencing the opposite end of treatment in the past few years.

if anyone has it or had it...have you found anything that has helped?

Its so horrible and crippling my life.

Ive never heard of personality avoidance disorder, I guess I should do some reading on it because I might have it. From personal experience with similar issues I know how crippling what you described can be. I think adhd can amplify your feelings but is not the root cause here. From reading your post its much more likely you have ingrained a false and negative perception about how you might be viewed once people get to know you and fear of rejection substantially rises to the point where you end up avoiding these situations as much as possible. Just my theory on this issue, regardless its a good idea to see a therapist to get some professional insight and tips on how to fix this. If this has been going on since childhood it will most likely take a lot of time and patience to resolve. Good luck!

yunath
03-21-13, 07:56 PM
Ive never heard of personality avoidance disorder, I guess I should do some reading on it because I might have it. From personal experience with similar issues I know how crippling what you described can be. I think adhd can amplify your feelings but is not the root cause here. From reading your post its much more likely you have ingrained a false and negative perception about how you might be viewed once people get to know you and fear of rejection substantially rises to the point where you end up avoiding these situations as much as possible. Just my theory on this issue, regardless its a good idea to see a therapist to get some professional insight and tips on how to fix this. If this has been going on since childhood it will most likely take a lot of time and patience to resolve. Good luck!
That pretty much sums up what I feel; I have major anxiety :(
I hope the both of us can find some way to improve our social problems!

deadmau5
03-21-13, 08:44 PM
That pretty much sums up what I feel; I have major anxiety :(
I hope the both of us can find some way to improve our social problems!

Are you taking any medication for your adhd? Meds cant instantly fix these kind of personal struggles, but they do offer a nice foundation to start your journey to recovery. Adderall has worked well on reducing my anxiety levels. I was previously on neurontin, abilify, lexapro, and klonopin and they hardly did anything to control my depression and anxiety, but ever since starting adderall I dont need those meds and Im free of all that brain zapping crap.

JHag19
04-10-13, 08:33 PM
Hi, I literally just joined this forum. So, my apologies if I screw up my attempt to reply to this post. Also, I don't know all the details of your situation so if I'm off base, My apologies.

What you have described sounds very familiar. Im 19 as well. I am going through the same exact thing; except, my friends haven't fought tooth and nail to maintain a relationship with me. Why should they? I'm shutting myself off from them. Anyways, what I'm trying to tell you is to hold on to those relationships as long as you can because not everyone has the determination that they possess. It feels like I have cycled through friends all my life and now I'm left with few that I don't see that much. The only difference I read is that it seems like you are a little more well off socially;whereas,I have some social anxiety, stemming from my fat kid childhood, so making friends isn't as easy as it used to be even though my fattyness is long gone. What ever this is, you are not alone.

The next time I see my doctor ill ask about this "personality avoidance disorder" and hopefully I can figure this whole thing out.

Thanks for this post. It's good to know that I'm not alone-- well, not alone in regards to this disorder,
what ever it may be.

dvdnvwls
04-11-13, 01:45 AM
I believe the correct term is "Avoidant personality disorder". It does not mean "someone who avoids personalities" - it means something more like "the personality-disorder of excessive avoiding".

BellaVita
04-11-13, 02:07 AM
No one here will be able to diagnose you.

AvP is complex and only a true professional will have the expertise in this area.

My boyfriend is suspected to have AvP (and possibly BPII).
Something about AvP that I've read about, (and not sure if this applies to all of course--I'm no expert), is that the person who has it is generally very sensitive to criticism.

It's like my boyfriend has a "radar" of some sort...Any situation where he could potentially receive criticism he immediately avoids. He has a deep fear of this, along with not being perceived well by others, rejection, and other like-things.

He often isolates himself as a result of this. He has been a "loner" most of his life. It's very sad. He's suffered with low self-esteem and intense self-loathing as well. (could be a mix with other things, as mentioned earlier he *could* have BPII.)

Not to be confused with Borderline Personality Disorder.
These two are very similar in ways, both having intense fear of rejection, for example. However, those with Avoidant Personality Disorder tend to isolate themselves to avoid it. Also, people with Borderline Personality Disorder do something called "splitting"...(not going to get into it unless needed at some point.)
Two different stories and such..anyways..(Oh, and ironically my last relationship was with someone who had Borderline. Crazy.)

Sorry if any of that didn't make sense. Feel free to ask for clarification.

JHag19
04-11-13, 02:50 AM
Any situation where he could potentially receive criticism he immediately avoids.
Thank you for sharing. What you described is exactly what I have been experiencing.

Just to be clear. Lets say that someone doesn't raise their hand even though they know the answer for fear of being wrong. Since this person has this fear of rejection, he or she starts becoming less likely to attend class as an attempt to avoid the situation altogether. Would that be characteristic of AvP?

Joker_Girl
04-11-13, 11:10 AM
I'm terribly avoidant. I don't particularly like myself, and I am not too crazy about other people, for the most part. I want to, but I'm too scared, because I will get hurt. I like to be alone, and will even avoid my family at times. I'm paranoid. I worry about "getting in trouble", and I hate getting yelled at. I will tuck my tail and run, crying, and hide, quivering in fear. The only place I've ever stood my ground is working as an RN, because once you show a moment of weakness, you are screwed. I had no problem tearing someone a new butt there, and if someone smart mouthed me or tried to get an attitude, I would not tolerate it. Not. One. Bit. I refused to end up the one to do all the work, or the scapegoat. Once you let another nurse, or a doctor, or an aide, or a lab tech gain the upper hand, you're toast. I made sure we were always on equal, respectful terms, or I would immediately call them out. I would always shoot something back.

Lab Lady, walking by desk, in front of everyone, feels the need to call me out because I didn't mark "male" or "female" on the lab ticket: "Is this patient a male or a female? It doesn't say where you were supposed to mark it!"
Me: "Gee, I don't know Lisette, you were just in there drawing blood, and his name is Bob, and he has a beard. What do you think? Why don't you go see if he has a dick!"

Dr: "Where is the patient's X-ray?"
Me: "I don't know, I thought you had it. Maybe it's hanging on the X-ray box."
Dr: "No I looked. You need to find it."
Me: "I'm kind of putting in an IV, but I will help look in like thirty seconds."
Dr: "I need it now, because I have a specialist on the phone" gets irritated.
Me: "I think it can be found at the corner of Not My Problem and I Don't Give A Sh**."

Crazy Lady: "Where is my daughter's phone?" (Daughter came in on ambulance from a car wreck)
Me: "I don't know, I will see if it is in her bag in a second, I'm trying to see if she needs stitches and clean her up."
Crazy Lady: "I need that phone NOW!"
Daughter: "Mom it was in the car, it's probably still there."
Crazy Lady, to doctor: "Have you seen it?"
Doctor: "Kinda busy right now....."
Crazy Lady, to Me: "Well! If you could have one of the other nurses go and hunt for it..."
Me: "Hell yes! Let me get our team of cell phone recovery experts right on that!"
Doctor: laughs

You only get to yell at me if you are my patient, and you are afraid or in pain. You don't get to be a turd just because you want to. Being a turd without a good reason gets you called out.

I wish I could be sassy and not a door mat everywhere else.

I avoid people who might harass or yell at me, scary situations, and unpleasant drudgery like taxes or buying stamps.