View Full Version : Missing Hypomania


Fuzzy12
03-27-13, 07:48 AM
I know that that's probably incredibly stupid, but I do. So much. The meds are definitely helping. My mood swings aren't as bad. The suicidal ideation has drastically reduced, which is very, very pleasant. Unmedicated, I would swing between hypomania and deep depression (daily pretty much) but with meds, I seem to swing between moderate depression to being somewhat ok. I was hoping for it to be the other way round, I guess. Hypomania was never a problem but the depression is.

I know that hypomania is a clinical symptom, a sign of something not working correctly in my brain. Ideally, I should aim for a wholesome stable kind of happiness but I still hypomania. I miss feeling euphoric, connected, super excited. I haven't felt that way since starting lamotrigine.

I'm ashamed to admit it but sometimes I try to induce it, but I just can't. Stupid example, but you know when you are having sex and you are really aroused but struggling to climax? You are feeling good but you want to have an orgasm. It feels a bit like that now (in a non-sexual way). I feel good but I want to go over the edge to hypomania. Just feeling good somehow doesn't seem good enough.

Maybe, I'll get used to it and learn to appreciate my more stable self. I definitely, don't miss the mood swings or the suicidal ideation. Just hypomania.

I know, it's seriously stupid and immature but can anyone relate?

MellyFishButt
03-27-13, 10:24 AM
That's kind of how I felt when I was on a higher dose of Paxil. I was just numb. It was nice not to be suicidal but man it was so effing boring!!!

And good mornin Fuzz! :)

silivrentoliel
03-27-13, 04:53 PM
I'm not taking anything yet to stabilize my moods, but after kinda figuring out what my hypomania and dsythymia feel like, I totally prefer the hypomania. At least I have energy then :(

daveddd
03-27-13, 08:59 PM
if you think hypomania is fun, you should try a full blown manic episode;)

im not going to lie, ive tried to induce them in the past

silivrentoliel
03-27-13, 09:29 PM
blah, I went mildly manic on Vyvanse... it was kinda scary. Hypomania is normally either me being a ***** or me going on a crazy cleaning spree.

daveddd
03-27-13, 09:36 PM
when i have a manic episode, its the greatest feeling in the world

unfortunately when it ends, it ends with a vengeance

Raye
03-28-13, 05:32 AM
I'm not sure what to call it...although I haven't been officially diaganosed with BPD, but about 1-2 times a year I get happy, I mean really happy to the point of no reason at all.

My body is covered in cold chills when this happens...and it only last about 30 seconds.

I think people worry about hypomania because it can be dangerous for some.
Self destructive behaviors, etc.

I don't think what you're feeling is stupid. In your mind you just want the happiness that it brings. But I'm so glad the med is reducing the suicidal ideation, and that it seems the lamictal is doing it's job as acting as your 'floor and ceiling'.

Fuzzy12
03-28-13, 07:54 AM
if you think hypomania is fun, you should try a full blown manic episode;)

im not going to lie, ive tried to induce them in the past

I know. I think, I'm lucky that I've just got BP II and not I. Full blown mania doesn't sound like a lot of fun but hypomania is (thankfully, I don't get the irritable version of hypomania. If I do, it's usually more in a depressive phase).



I'm not sure what to call it...although I haven't been officially diaganosed with BPD, but about 1-2 times a year I get happy, I mean really happy to the point of no reason at all.

My body is covered in cold chills when this happens...and it only last about 30 seconds.

I think people worry about hypomania because it can be dangerous for some.
Self destructive behaviors, etc.

I don't think what you're feeling is stupid. In your mind you just want the happiness that it brings. But I'm so glad the med is reducing the suicidal ideation, and that it seems the lamictal is doing it's job as acting as your 'floor and ceiling'.

The annoying bit is that it seems to have put a ceiling on my positive feelings but not the negative ones. I think the anti depressant somewhat works on the depression but for me lamotrigine doesn't seem to. The depressive episodes are the really nasty ones. If mood stabilisers only make me less happy, I don't really see the upside as my hypomania isn't really destructive or dangerous.

But yes, the come down from hypomania usually isn't a lot of fun.

daveddd
03-28-13, 09:21 AM
I know. I think, I'm lucky that I've just got BP II and not I. Full blown mania doesn't sound like a lot of fun but hypomania is (thankfully, I don't get the irritable version of hypomania. If I do, it's usually more in a depressive phase).





The annoying bit is that it seems to have put a ceiling on my positive feelings but not the negative ones. I think the anti depressant somewhat works on the depression but for me lamotrigine doesn't seem to. The depressive episodes are the really nasty ones. If mood stabilisers only make me less happy, I don't really see the upside as my hypomania isn't really destructive or dangerous.

But yes, the come down from hypomania usually isn't a lot of fun.


No I was really agreeing with you. Hypo mania is fun. And mania is incredible.

keliza
03-28-13, 04:33 PM
It's not stupid at all for you to feel this way. I think about throwing away my mood stabilizers on an almost daily basis because I miss hypomania so much. Even some of my manic episodes have been incredible (and when they're incredible, they are INCREDIBLE). Unfortunately I tend towards irritable mania or mixed episodes rather than euphoric mania, so mania is often not a pleasant experience for me. But hypomania? That was ALWAYS a blast. I felt great, I was crazy productive, I made incredible art, I was the life of the party... it was wonderful.

So no, it's not stupid for you to miss the feeling of hypomania. But it would be stupid for you to mess with your medication or other substances to try and induce a hypomanic episode. You could unwittingly induce a whole fresh hell that you've never experienced before. Also, you're right - as pleasant as hypomania can be, it is a sign of mental illness, and the more unregulated mood episodes you have (even positive ones), the more damage it does to your brain long-term. It is simply not worth sacrificing your brain for.

This is the reason why medication compliance is such an issue with people with bipolar disorder. We miss our highs, and sometimes, when things have been stable for a long period of time, we even begin to miss our lows. Life feels too even-keeled. I feel like I was meant to live like a hurricane, and when I'm not, I feel too steady. People without bipolar disorder think that sounds insane, and maybe it is, but it's the honest truth. But I have way too much good in my life that I am not willing to risk for a couple of interesting mood swings.

Ivy0202
04-25-13, 12:44 PM
Forgive me for digging up an old thread but I wanted to ask if you think your depressive periods are made worse by mourning the manic/hypomanic phase? I really think this is the case for me. During the depression, I often obsess about the manic/hypomanic times. I think to myself: "I know my brain has the potential to make me happy and functional so why doesn't it do it?!?"

So frustrating....