View Full Version : emptiness


Fuzzy12
04-04-13, 09:59 AM
This has always been a huge problem for me. Right from early childhood on, I remember struggling with chronic feelings of emptiness. In my childhood and adolescence I constantly looked for meaning and purpose in my life. It used to drive me crazy living without knowing why, without any faith, reason or anything to hold on to. Now, I guess, I've pretty much given up, not only on ever finding an answer but even on seeking one.

Emptiness and boredom. Of all my mental states those are the worst because there's nothing I can do about them. Yes, I can fill my life with more empty junk, activities, desires and aspirations but at the end of the day I know that they are insignificant and trivial. Nothing matters. Not really.

I wonder, if the mood stabilisers make these feelings worse. Actually, I wonder if my mood lability might be a coping mechanism to deal with emptiness. Feeling anything, no matter how painful or upsetting is better than feeling nothing. If I'm depressed at least I can wish to feel better or I can dream of being dead but when I feel empty, there's just nothing.

someothertime
04-04-13, 10:42 AM
1:39am here ... feeling pretty empty and bored too ...

Same room
Same mess
Same thoughts
Same clothes
Same computer
Same wishes
Same regrets




Same life...


Meds made me active ... diagnosis gave me alotta hope .... kinda crashing :(

See what tomorrow brings I suppose ...

Fuzzy12
04-04-13, 10:44 AM
1:39am here ... feeling pretty empty and bored too ...

Same room
Same mess
Same thoughts
Same clothes
Same computer
Same wishes
Same regrets




Same life...

And what if you don't care which room you are in or how messy it is, what you are doing or could be doing? What if you don't have any wishes and don't care about your regrets?

What if you can't even be bothered with dreaming about a better life let alone actually changing your existing one?

What do you then?

someothertime
04-04-13, 10:48 AM
That is ******* raw fuzz...

I guess I would hug someone and cry

I don't have anyone to hug...

So I guess I'd just wanna cry

Fuzzy12
04-04-13, 10:55 AM
That is ******* raw fuzz...

I guess I would hug someone and cry

I don't have anyone to hug...

So I guess I'd just wanna cry

I don't want to cry. I don't need to. I'm not even feeling that depressed. I'm not feeling great either of course. I don't know how to put it. I'm just feeling empty, I guess. Maybe this is how normal people feel but they just don't over think it. I mean, it's not like anyone else has a reason to live.

Oh by the way -> I know, it's not the same as a real life hug but still -> :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

someothertime
04-04-13, 11:02 AM
People revere a state of nothingness.

Close your eyes, imagining every thing in the world except you;

-Waves crashing
-Wind blowing through trees
-Critters stirring

Fuzzy12
04-04-13, 11:42 AM
I guess, if I really didn't care about what I was doing, if it really was all the same, I could be working as well. I guess,I still care for doing nothing. After all, if I suddenly became productive, I'd have nothing to whine about. Now, what's the fun in that??? :rolleyes:

Twiggy
04-04-13, 12:19 PM
I also have that feeling of emptiness, I've had it since I was a child. It's the worst feeling in the world.
But it lessend a little when I almost got into a fatal car accident. I wonder what can help get rid of this empty feeling.
I don't have a job nor have much to do most of the days.

keliza
04-04-13, 02:47 PM
When I become depressed I get that vacant, empty feeling inside. Looking back now, I recognize that a lot of the dangerous things I did in high school and college were in part motivated by my chronic emptiness during those episodes. I needed to feel something, even if it was bad, even if it was scary. I just needed to feel something.

If you're having that feeling chronically, outside of depressive episodes, that's very symptomatic of borderline personality disorder rather than bipolar disorder. Emptiness is a common depression symptom, but if it's happening all the time, even when you aren't depressed? More of a BPD experience. But I don't know, I'm not a psychiatrist. Something to think about, though.

When I feel that way now I try to be more intentional about "feeding" the emptiness. Instead of drugs, alcohol, car tricks, dangerous situations, etc. I try to exercise hard, engage in extreme sports, something that will get my adrenaline pumping without putting me in actual danger. Sometimes the adrenaline rush helps, at least for a little bit. There's no quick fix, though, unfortunately.

The only things you can really do is try to identify where that feeling comes from (if it has a source), keep talking to your psychiatrist/therapist, manage your medications, and live through it.

emily848
04-04-13, 03:49 PM
This is a short thread, but may be helpful for you ("How does your faith help you?"): http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=141910

In some states of mind, there's nothing that can bring you out of it, though.

I think regular exercise is the most proven, non-medication treatment for both depression and ADD/ADHD as well as a number of other issues. Especially if you can find a way to exercise that is fun for you. I love to roller-skate, personally.

I also find that taking DLPA supplements before or after heavy exercise is important or else I can actually get depressed following the initial rush. DLPA is an amino acid that boosts endorphin levels.

Fuzzy12
04-05-13, 04:09 AM
As usual, the emptiness has turned into depression. I'm so sick of this.

Well, the one good thing about feeling like **** is that I don't have to restrict the music I listen to. Normally, I need to be very careful since a lot of songs that I love have a tendency to depress me. I only listen to them when I'm depressed anyway.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vZ9YxjjHP8

I'm not at a stage yet where I can allow myself to listen to Fade to Black by Metallica. A beautiful song, my ultimate feel bad song.

Fuzzy12
04-05-13, 08:05 AM
When I become depressed I get that vacant, empty feeling inside. Looking back now, I recognize that a lot of the dangerous things I did in high school and college were in part motivated by my chronic emptiness during those episodes. I needed to feel something, even if it was bad, even if it was scary. I just needed to feel something.

Yes, that's always been the case with me. I've always wanted to feel something. When I was about 16, I made a conscious decision to take more interest in things that seemed trivial to me. I went the other way, I became too emotional, but that was still better than the constant feelings of emptiness. Even now, I think I often trigger myself into having negative emotions just so that I'm feeling something. Triggering positive emotions is difficult but it's rather easy to depress myself.

If you're having that feeling chronically, outside of depressive episodes, that's very symptomatic of borderline personality disorder rather than bipolar disorder. Emptiness is a common depression symptom, but if it's happening all the time, even when you aren't depressed? More of a BPD experience. But I don't know, I'm not a psychiatrist. Something to think about, though.I know. I keep wondering if I could have borderline personality disorder. That's what I'm scared of. I have about 3.5 of the 9 symptoms defined in the DSM for BPD. In particular,

5. recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior

6. affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

7. chronic feelings of emptiness
Maybe I'm borderline borderline personality disordered. :rolleyes:

I don't have the intense rage or anger problems, my relationships aren't the most stable but still within the normal range, I think and I don't have an intense fear of abandonment. I neither idolise nor vilify people. On the contrary, I struggle to feel attachment. When I do like someone though more than I do normally, I find myself getting almost addicted to them and I don't take rejection (perceived or real) very well. I think, this particular period of depression in parts at least is caused by the one acquaintance whom I like a lot being away for a while. I miss him and I feel bad that he hasn't contacted me. I also feel bad about feeling so bad about this. :rolleyes:

I can feel empty any time irrespective of the mood I was in just before. Emptiness always ends in a bad depressive episode but I can suddenly feel empty when I'm in a good mood as well.

When I feel that way now I try to be more intentional about "feeding" the emptiness. Instead of drugs, alcohol, car tricks, dangerous situations, etc. I try to exercise hard, engage in extreme sports, something that will get my adrenaline pumping without putting me in actual danger. Sometimes the adrenaline rush helps, at least for a little bit. There's no quick fix, though, unfortunately.
Yes, I try that. Sometimes in healthy ways but more often in not so healthy ways. I thought yesterday that I should really do some exercise to make myself feel better but I didn't. I'm just so bad at making myself do things unless I really want to. The adrenaline rush helps. It doesn't just help, it seems like I need it.


This is a short thread, but may be helpful for you ("How does your faith help you?"): http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=141910

.

yes, I remember that thread and I think I posted in it too. I think, my feelings of emptiness stem largely from the fact that I don't have any faith. In anything. I can't make myself believe though in something I just don't believe in. You know, something that doesn't really make sense to me.

demian
04-05-13, 01:02 PM
I've had lots of feelings of emptiness in the past, and usually they can drag me down into depression. I think that's common because it is a previous state or a strong indicator of depression. For that feeling of emptiness I find that the best solution is having some kind of mission in life, something to acomplish, to strive towards to. I mean, looking for a meaning in others, in the exterior. That helps because you get the feeling that you are needed, that existence, reality and your life have meaning and does actually matter. If work doesn't fill you, you could try a social or political organization. There are many options, but doing notiing, or doing stuff just for you will keep you in that state I think.

slouchpotato
04-05-13, 10:59 PM
Just what I needed, Bi Polar aswell , I get this feeling too, its not limited to BP is it? hope not, tho dont know what difference it makes now.