View Full Version : Afraid...


momoftoddlers
07-12-03, 05:01 PM
Well, I'm glad to say that I'm going through therapy myself. I have another appt next week thursday.

My counselor - poor man. I think he thought that I was normal when I first walked in- then I opened my mouth. LOL

So here I am. He talked to me about things to help me- like a treatment plan. So here he's talking about all these things that are like greek to me... and personally I don't know what to think about it.

Thinking about it, I've never really opened up to a counselor. I mean, not as far as getting treatment. What I've done is basically vented about my life- What to expect?

I don't know what to think, I mean, I really do want to get treated for this. I mean, it is really important for me to feel "better". But at the same time, I'm really scared of what is going to happen. If I'm going to feel stupid.. and expecting that nothing is going to come out of it anyway. I'm probably looking at it a lot different than it is.. I'm hoping that I'll come out of it looking at things a little brighter.

I so badly want to feel "normal" again. I am so tired of this stuff that I've been feeling. So where do I go from here?
And better question.... how do I get the motivation to drive me to where I need to be??? I have 0 motivation for much of anything.

Janet

Tara
07-13-03, 05:00 PM
I think therapy is really tough thing for ADDers since many of us want instant results. Therapy is an on going process. Sometimes it can takes months or even years for a client to really notice benefits.

Opeing up to a therapist is hard too since we have spend to much of out lives trying to cover things up or be somebody that we aren't. I was really hesistant to open up about things to my therapists too. Then I figured he's been doing this for decade so I'm sure he's heard a lot of worse things.

I think no matter how great a therapist may be he/she can't really help us unless we open up.

My advice is to hang in there and let your therapist know your fears about therapy.

momoftoddlers
07-13-03, 05:36 PM
I'm trying to read a book right now.. You mean I'm not lazy, stupid or crazy? I think that's the title. I've gotten a few chapters down already since last night.

I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm the same way. Everything has to be done yesterday. I don't want a long process. I want to have to go through a lot of stuff, but I know I will probably have to. It's hard feeling as if there's something wrong with you... at least that's how I've always felt.

I will let him know about my concerns.. my counselor seems to be very nice & everything... it's just hard after you've gone through so much in.. well, 15 years time- opening up that HUGE can of worms is a little difficult to maintain comfortability about.

Our meeting this next thursday should hopefully prove eventful... hopefully all goes well.

Also, I applied for family medical leave at work- I don't know how soon I should hear back about it. Hopefully soon.
Would like to get the ball rolling.

Thanks!
Janet

smooch
07-18-03, 10:54 AM
Momoftoddlers~

I applaud your strength for both going to your therapist and opening up on this forum! You GO girl! :D

As someone who's been to so many different therapists, I know how frustrating it can be to deal with all the gunk inside. I've tried to think of my therapy journey as an excavation: there's a lot of dirt in the hole I feel like I'm in, but I also have to believe there's a priceless treasure that I'm going to find--ME!

You are right to expect some terrible encounters with the "worms" that will come out of the can, but you should also expect a bunch of wonderful encounters as you learn about yourself and deal with--and get rid of--those "worms"--or at least learn to deal with them.

Never forget you are a beautiful, gifted woman. Of COURSE you're gifted--you're an ADDer! :D

Please let us know how else we can support you. :)

momoftoddlers
07-18-03, 07:10 PM
You know, I appreciate you for saying the things that you did... it made me smile to see that.

It's hard - I mean, I went to my therapy appt & yesterday I felt pretty good to go, but today, well... it's been very hard.

I got very stressed out this afternoon & just felt like it's hard getting back to myself. I really feel like I'm overwhelmed with everything that I'm doing & having a hard time dealing with responsibilities, children, organizing, finding time to chill out & just relax. Work is so hard for me right now because I just can't seem to find how to go through a normal day & not feel completely overwhelmed with everything that's going on around me. I don't know how quite to explain it- it's just tremendously stressful.

Trying to get that big ole' can of worms out there- well, when I was talking to the therapist- he was telling me different things to try & I kept coming back by saying- I have to totally retrain my mind set... that's not easy. It's not fun. It's irritating that I couldn't grow up right the first time!!!

I hold a lot of inner resentment towards myself because of this- my kids are going to suffer the consequences because I can't get myself motivated & I keep going into spurts of depression that just is so hard to cope with from time to time.

Living life has been very difficult- and yes, as my therapist has said- I have tried to utilize. He said that with the things that impact your life - whether good or bad- try to see the good side of it. See how it changes you for the better & learn from it. Don't just mull over it because if you do- you're never going to get where you need to be. You're going to fail over & over again. And believe me- failure is not something that I am willing to swallow over & over again.

I deserve a lot better, my husband deserves a lot better, and my kids deserve much than this.

I go to church & when I talked to my pastor- he said that I need to release some of that to my higher power (in my belief setting- God) Now because my husband doesn't believe in - what I consider God, I tend to be ashamed & probably don't do what I should be doing. I try to every once in a while- but it seems like I'm kind of ashamed to do it. Part of it is because I want to deal with it on my own. I know in my case- there have been times where I have talked to God to help me- and he has come through for me- but I don't want to keep asking because I don't want to feel like I can just pawn off my stuff all the time & expect everything to happen= which I know it won't all the time. Especially if you're asking for the wrong reasons.

I talked also about Barriers. It seems as though there are so many barriers. Like you're at the bottom of the mountain looking to the top & trying to figure out how the heck you're going to get up there.

I know I'm at a down point today, and I apologize for being so - flustered through this. I've had a really rough day today & just needed to vent.

Thank you!!!!! You guys are so good to me. I appreciate all the heart felt responses to my messages. It's just so hard to keep your chin up sometimes when you just feel like things are not going where you want them to.....

Janet

joanrdtobe
07-19-03, 10:51 AM
Well Janet -- perhaps you're not where you want to be right now...but there must be progress, right? I mean you certainly must be further along than where you were, say a year ago, right? If anything is different, it's that 1) you are in therapy now and 2) you are a member of forums now...these things were not in your life say a year ago, right?

I also believe in talking to God -- a higher power. I think God is generous and doesn't feel pawned on or that our motives for asking for things may be off. I just don't think that God thinks that way. I think "He" wants us to talk to Him no matter what and for whatever reason and to ask him for whatever we need. And trust that we will get what we need in His perfect time....