Hi, all

This is one of those, "is it just me, or does anybody else experience this" questions:

I frequently feel disconnected from. . . myself.
Like I'm watching my whole life on television, or in a movie theater.

And it's not one of those "active" experiences, like where you are yelling at the television, "NO! DON'T GO IN THERE! THE MONSTER IS IN THERE!!"

It's one of those passive, vegetative experiences-- like watching one of those reality-tv shows where you really don't give a crap about the people and the TV just happens to be on.

I freqently have to make myself STOP, and then ask myself, "Okay, what was I doing?" Or, "What am I looking for?"

Or I'll frequently be on "autopilot," where I'll arrive somewhere and not remember the journey. (This makes driving REALLY exciting. . .) Or, I'll be in bed, knowing that I have to get up but not wanting to---and the next thing I know, my body gets up without any concious effort on my part.

My counselor calls it Disassociative Disorder. Other names are Derealization or Depersonalization Disorder. But all the research I've looked at says that people with this condition will experience panic attacks, which I do not.

Any thoughts, fellow ADDers?

Hello KingRocky,
I have Derealization too. I also have anxiety with panic attacks. I can't see the connection between the two. They seem like they're both opposites to me.
When I experience derealization it seems like I am watching from above. It happens during stressfull times, like when I get yelled at. I feel totally at peace and seperated from what's going on with the two people below, just like you said - it's like watching tv. I am able to respond and speak from 'up there', in an extremely calm manner. And it seems like everything is much clearer to me up there, like I finally have my perspective right.
My panic attacks, on the other hand, are at the very end of the emotional scale. My body pumps an overload of adrenalin as if I was running from monsters. The fear (panic) feels, and is, just like if you needed to react with the 'fight or flight' response. It's hard to breath. My heart pounds hard and fast. My mind races looking for an 'escape'. And it feeds itself. My physical reactions to the adrenalin cause me to feel paniced which makes me panic even more in response.
Does that help at all?
Oh, I have severe ADHD by the way. So if nothing else, you know you are not alone in your derealization.

These panic attacks. . .

Are they stress-related, as in a feeling of being overwhelmed, like you just need to get away from your immediate surroundings. . ?

Or are they real feelings of terror?

Lately, I have been feeling more and more "full" in the evenings. I know that this is a side-effect of the Adderall, but it seems to be getting worse. I had to get up and leave the house the other night (and it was COLD outside!) because I felt like I needed to get away RIGHT NOW!

Come to think of it, ALL of my symptoms seem to be getting worse lately. Probably 'cause I'm internalizing all this stress because I can't find a freaking job, and my refrigerator is empty, and we're about to have the power cut off, and. . . and. . . and. . .;)

Interesting post...I never thought about it, but I also have the diagnosis of Diassociative Disorder and, what do you know... I also suffer from panic attacks and am ADHD!

I have found much improvement on medications..Ritalin for the ADHD and an anti-depressant for the panic attacks/depression...and it's working well so far.

My own personal thoughts on this is that the disassociation is a protective "skill" I learned to deal with the panic...if I am separated from myself the panic reaction can't occur. Of course, as you said...it can make life a bit weird and I am finding life without them (through medication) a lot more comfortable.

These panic attacks. . .

Are they stress-related, as in a feeling of being overwhelmed, like you just need to get away from your immediate surroundings. . ?

Or are they real feelings of terror?

For me they are feelings of terror. They don't have to have any cause. Sometimes my body just sends out too much adrenalin and puts me in the fight or flight mode for no reason. That's how phobias are developed a lot of the time - a person's body will dump adrenalin into their system for no reason, but their mind tries to make sense of it, so it grasps for a reason - say if the the person is in the shower at the time, his mind might then link showers to panic, and although he has no root in it, he will react to showers with panic in the future as a response to it.
But, panic attacks can also occur for reasons, usually phobias! LOL! See a link there?
But all phobias aren't built that way.



Lately, I have been feeling more and more "full" in the evenings. I know that this is a side-effect of the Adderall, but it seems to be getting worse. I had to get up and leave the house the other night (and it was COLD outside!) because I felt like I needed to get away RIGHT NOW!

My psych told me that Adderall can make anxiety. She didn't even want to give me Adderall until she had my anxiety under control, but I begged her enough to get to try it. I too have noticed it increases my anxiety. Talk to your doc about that.
And it makes me, and my 17 year old son, feel like we have no stomach anymore. LOL! It's true though! It's not just that we're not hungry, it seems like we have no where to put it. It has gotten worse for us too and we've been on it for about 3 weeks.

Come to think of it, ALL of my symptoms seem to be getting worse lately. Probably 'cause I'm internalizing all this stress because I can't find a freaking job, and my refrigerator is empty, and we're about to have the power cut off, and. . . and. . . and. . .;)
That is a lot of stress to bear, which certainly doesn't help the situation. And it might be that with so much anxiety, and the Adderall making it even worse, you won't be able to get any relief from your ADD until you get your anxiety under control. Again, ask your doctor.
My stress right now is lack of sleep. I haven't slept in about 60+ hours. But then again, the lack of sleep intensifies my severe ADHD so much that I can't think well enough to worry about any of life's problems :D It's a fair trade I guess.

I have PTSD, ADD and a dissociative disorder too although I am doing better now that I am on anti depressants and adderall. I had panic attacks too but haven't had one in a long time thankfully. I developed the dissociative disorder as a coping mechanism due to abuse. Its a way the mind deals with an overload of stimuli that you have no way of getting away from. I am sure all the stress you are under is compounding the ADD and the dissciative disorder. Can you get some help from a therapist or counselor? I would not of been able to do what I've done in the last 2 yrs without help. Let us know how your doing, okay?

First thing's first King,

Were are you from? If your in the state's there are many organizations to help you with not only supplemental income but food donations and sometimes there are even organizations to help with your power. Contact your local Welfare office immediatly and don't feel shame it's a hand up not a hand out, they can also help you find a job.

Yeah, there's a program to help pay the light bill, but it's typical government hoop-jumping. I actually went there to make an appointment, and they told me that I couldn't make an appointment in person, and that I had to CALL to make an appointment! WHAT THE &$^@!!! :mad:

I'm going to see my shrink tomorrow to see about upping my dose of Wellbutrin, 'cause right now I actually UNDERSTAND why some depressed people end up taking their own lives.

I'm too chicken to do it, mind you, but now I understand--and that in itself is scary enough. :eek: Yup, time to push the dosage up. I thought I could get by with 150mg. (I really don't want to take any more drugs than absolutely necessary.)

I think I'm probably the same as you, E-girl, and experience derealization in times of stress. I will internalize a lot of stress in an effort to remain calm and rational--probably not the best idea, but I don't see ranting and raving about a problem as a solution, so I just keep it inside. And I don't want to go around yelling at the wife and kids, either.

What I really need is someone to physically push me outside and make me go get some fresh air and exercise on a regular basis. :)

Just going for a walk does wonders for "brain fog," but it just doesn't inspire me enough to make me go walking every day.

Did you make the phone call?































Get off the puter and go for a walk!!! I often need a kick in the pants to get motivated myself and excercise is usually just the thing to pull me from a depressive fog. I'm thinking of you.
Cherity

What I really need is someone to physically push me outside and make me go get some fresh air and exercise on a regular basis. :)

Just going for a walk does wonders for "brain fog," but it just doesn't inspire me enough to make me go walking every day.

hi KingRocky---I know that feeling. A couple of thoughts.
**I usually put exercise on my list but quite often ignore it and say well I don't have time or.... My therapist--just yesterday-- told me that I just have to do it; every single day. Aerobic exercise everyday to eleviate stress and ADD symptoms. He was quite stern about it, insisting that this is esential to my well being. I can not avoid it any more than I can avoid getting up in the morning. It is about quality of life...

**You might post on the working out thread...
**How about finding an exercise peer body. I can not direct you to the 2 exact links but maybe someone else can help you locate them... but the exercise one is in the chit chat section... (i think) sorry :confused:

I want to second the part about getting some help and keeping at it. There are also churches that sometimes provide temporary help with immediate needs. Internalizing only works for so long and then it starts leaking out. I don't know how your will leak out, but it's not a good thing when mine does. Exercise is excellent and hard to get started with -- the buddy idea sounds like a good one. Hang in there.

As far as your first question goes: I have some mild disassociative experiences, I've had panic attacks, and of course I'm AD/HD. I'm not sure that the first two are related though.

Scattered

Just so you all know, the immediate disaster has been averted. Not losing the lights/house/etc.

And its starting to warm up around here, so I'm gonna' try AGAIN to go outside and get some exercise on a regular basis.

Y'all know how it is: you start with the best of intentions. . . and then it kinda' trails off into nothing.

But the Doc' has doubled my Wellbutrin ration, so hopefully I'll be able to keep a good attitude about it this time and stick with it. :o

Now, if I could just find a nice information technology job with flexible hours so I can be home for the kiddies, we'll be set! :mad:

Still a little pessimistic about that last one; the last tech recruiter I talked to said I was putting too many "conditions" on my employment. So, I'm being penalized for needing to be home for my children in the afternoon. :mad:


"Strong Xandir. STRONG XANDIR!!!"

And its starting to warm up around here, so I'm gonna' try AGAIN to go outside and get some exercise on a regular basis.

Y'all know how it is: you start with the best of intentions. . . and then it kinda' trails off into nothing.

But the Doc' has doubled my Wellbutrin ration, so hopefully I'll be able to keep a good attitude about it this time and stick with it. :o
"Strong Xandir. STRONG XANDIR!!!"

Hey KingRocky... I know where you are coming from as far as exercise goes. I am keeping at it and finding that I actually feel better and am able to cope with the stress in a more productive way. So good luck with it all. Can you pass some of that good attitude to the rest of us?? :p

Does your wife live at home? If so I think this is the time to take anything until you can get what you want if that makes sense. You do what you've gotta do.

Yes, my wife is here. I'm Mr. Mom, she's bringing home the bacon.

I've tried looking for local--whatever work. They look at my work history and say, "This guy is WAY over-qualified for this job," and then they hire the teenage kid.

Haven't given up, though. . .

You know there is no shame in being an at home dad although I do understand the need for another income as both my husband and I have to work. Be frank I know I'm over qualified for the job but I need the job and will work at the salary you pay a kid if it means my kids get to eat. Most people have kids and will bend a little for you. I'll keep my good thoughts coming your way.