it seems impossable for me to make new freinds , the main problem i think is add related where its hard for me to focus in on what others are saying constantly distracted ,meds seem to help some. the other is forgetfullnes i just once would like to rember someones name. the other is i seem to relate to women better than men , seems odd , is it wrong to have freindship with with the oppisate sex . and just that. HELP.

I have exactly the same problem you've described. I find it hard to make new friends and harder to keep the few likely suspects around. Either inattention, boredom or the lack of confidence. I'm either too reserved or too forthcoming. Too accommodating or too critical. Too insecure or too arrogant. And most of the people I get close to are women too (it's easier to focus when the subject is attractive, isn't it :)) but inevitably I muck that up. I thought until last week that this ineptness was just a matter of personality.

The meds are certainly helping. It is easier to pick up the phone and call someone I've ignored for months. Easier to make plans for further than 12 hours ahead and actually act on those plans, instead of cancelling at the last minute.

And I realize more than ever that both I and my girlfriend (who is also ADD) need close friends because we have been putting too much pressure on the relationship with the expectation that the other will fill ALL of one's needs. So, Todd_d, I second that. HELP

Hey guys don't be so hard on yourself's. Making new friends is not impossible but you will have to put more of an effort into it then the average person. And no I'm not talking out my business end I had a lot of the same issue's as both of you have discussed and I've found ways to overcome some and make up for others.

Many ADD'ers will probably get mad over my post but you can force yourself to pay attention when you really want to. If you want friends then your going to have to make them feel as though they matter. Be kind and considerate and treat others with the respect you want to be treated. Let them know your incredibly bad with names and while you can't remember their name you will for some unkown reason recognize them on the spot you do not have to go into ADD the minute you meet someone.

Something in this person has attracted you and gave you the impression that you could become friends. What was it? Focus on that. I often find myself attracted to women like myself who are insecure or over stressed due to jobs, kids, husbands, houses to clean I can spot someone needing a joke a mile away. And to be honest most of my friends were met in the grocery store I'm actually a shy person and very insecure so to over compensate I'll chat up anyone who will listen and I have a joke ready at all times. Others are attracted at first to those who can make them laugh and feel comfortable enough to be themselves nobody likes pretending to be someone their not.

ADD'ers are often known for their good deeds. A lot of us make up for our lack of social skills by giving back to the community for putting up with us. I am very good at coming up with idea's for fund raisers and volunteer at the local fire department and police station along with my children, we've made a lot of friends thru those organizations. I've also made a lot of friends thru my support of domestic violence groups and rape advocating. So, what interests you? Do you like to use your hands? Talk? There are a lot of charities looking for people with a boundless energy supply and quick thinking skills. And to be honest those are the kind of friends you want to have, the friends I've made thru charity work seem to be more forgiving and thoughtful to my needs as well as their own and most generally have issue's themselves.

I have friends that I eat with. Nothing more nothing less. We just don't like eating out alone and the topics discussed vary from housework to politics.

My advice is start small, make one friend and keep that friend then move on to making another. You can't please everyone and not everyone is going to love you. Identify your strengths and weakness' and try to figure out were you fit in. Do you like physical sports? join a basketball team, my newest friend is someone I posted for at the post office...I don't like walking alone so I just on a bad day put up a sign saying I walk for excercise on these days at this time and next thing you know there's a new mom in town following me and I'm not sure if she sped up or if I slowed down but right now we are in the process of getting to know each other and as Pooh would say "it is so much better with two then one."

Good luck guys I'm sure you'll do fine,
Cherity

You will need to get involved in a lot of stuff like, even stuff you don't normally do. Read the newspaper and popular magazines. If you do those you should have a lot to talk about and lot of ways to find similarities with others.

I'm with ya Futz, always good for a laugh, I prefer to entertain people, and for putting up with me I want to save the world and help everyone.

While I'm not too bad at making one or two friends my problem is keeping them over the long term. I don't know what to do after a couple of arguments and lack of meeting of the minds. I forced myself into a friendship (9 YEARS LONG!). We didn't hit it off at first, and quite a bit of the time we loved each other but I definitely gave her too much control. I won't go into it much, it was a religious thing, but in the end I couldn't stand her. I'm a bit more rebellious and trust my gut more now. Now I've had a great friend for 4 years and I'm feeling uncertain about things. We've had two major disagreements in that time, but they hang over my head. I don't know how to let go of conflict even though I try. I see my faults but sometimes (not very often) I'm right about something. Now I'm feeling the tension. I think, but am uncertain, that it's coming from her, but it could be both or all me for that matter.

This has happened plenty. We moved practically every year in my elementary school years, and friends came and went pretty quickly. Conflict is not my specialty. This friend is very important to me but I have an inkling that she's judging me pretty harshly. Maybe I'm judging her more harshly. Confronting her or bringing it up is uncomfortable, I mean, why rock the boat, there may be nothing wrong or if there's something wrong she'll just deny it. I feel like I've dropped down a peg or two on her priority board. I've done some changing and I don't think she likes it.

Sorry, I talk too much when I'm having a bad day. Yes, already.

I really have a problem with being friends with normal people. My friends are depressed, angst-ridden or just plain wierd and we take turns being nuts and supportive so it works out. But I'd like to just learn to chill with some regular person and enjoy their company. I seem to be able to do this only after two drinks and before the fifth. :o

Are there classes for small talk?

lol we just had a thread on small talk and I jokingly instructed the class.

I'm honestly not sure I can small talk but it's easy for me I have kids and tend to associate with other parents. Kids?

todd d. One of the things that works for me with names is to repeat the name. I don't always remember to do it but it works quite well when I do! When I'm introduced I respond with "Hi (insert name), I'm glad to meet you.

Chel I hope things are picking up for you.

I like what Futs had to say.

Focus on what's good. I have a lot of energy tied up in negative thoughts and I don't think that's helping.
Cheers! Ian.

I need a course in how to make and keep friends. I seem to want them do bad it never works out.

I really have a problem with being friends with normal people. My friends are depressed, angst-ridden or just plain wierd and we take turns being nuts and supportive so it works out. But I'd like to just learn to chill with some regular person and enjoy their company. I seem to be able to do this only after two drinks and before the fifth. :o

Are there classes for small talk?This post is so great, it could almost be an aphorism.
Seems to me that growing older is actually a euphemism for growing apart (from the rest of humanity).
Why is friend-making so much more uphill with age ?
I have a theory : -
I'm a great person and everyone else is a schmuck !