View Full Version : Anxious and don't know what to do (long post!)


midnightstar
04-18-13, 01:32 PM
Basically I think I'm completely stuffed when it comes to the situation that I'm in. I really don't know what to do. I don't know how to break the news to the family that I'm not coping and I need to go back to the county I was born in. I should have gone back there last time my brother was over but I couldn't bring myself to abandon the family members I care for here even though I don't like it here and know I'm a breakdown waiting to happen.

Rewind to 2010 (which is the year I left Yorkshire - the county I need to go back to), I knew I needed a break from the people I was around at the time (toxic influences), so when I got the chance to move areas I thought that was the best thing to do (which at the time it was, I'll admit that), so I moved areas then just under a year later I met someone and we were going to get married (in 2012) but he cheated on me and there was other stuff he did as well which I'm not going into on a public forum), in 2012 I had a breakdown and became suicidal (but got professional help for it and clawed my way back from the edge!)

Then June last year I got another huge knockback with recovery, Mum ended up in hospital, stepdad ended up in big trouble (unrelated to Mum's illness!), brother got taken into care (we got him back), I'm having to help care for brother and do a lot of stuff for Mum that she can't do because of her illness, I'm still getting memories of Yorkshire inviting themselves into my brain and they are not shifting when I want them to, I really really miss Yorkshire to the point where I'm actually seriously considering running away and living on the streets in Yorkshire until I turn 25 (which I know will not be a good idea!), I can't go back to Yorkshire with brother today because I've nowhere to go there (brother's having severe girlfriend trouble so I can't stay round his and girlfriend's place), I really don't know what the best thing to do is.

Any suggestions? (I've been in counselling but I didn't get on very well with the counsellor and he's the only counsellor round here)

Sorry for the long post, I've not posted the full story because I don't want to tell the full story on a public forum - this is as much as I'm comfortable saying publicly)

atSWIMtooboreds
04-18-13, 02:26 PM
This sounds like an incredibly difficult situation for you. One thing you might try to do is to separate out the issues a little bit more. When I'm having a lot of problems I often conflate them all and then just say, "Man, this is all such a big mess!" And then I end up wanting to just run away. Do you have anybody you can open up to about all this, and all this at once? I find that the following formula sometimes works when I find myself in an overwhelming mess (although I'm not sure I've ever had quite as much on my plate as you do right now; I really admire your resilience, honestly):

1. Let stress reach a breaking point and have one really, really bad night, where I just feel like I can't do anything except hurt and self-flagellate and emote and, in general, be a big ball of melodrama.

2. Have a quiet day following this. No sugar, basic and healthy foods, very little Internet, walking everywhere, no fast or loud music, no extreme emotions of any sort. During the afternoon, break down problems into subsets with possible plans of action.

3. The next day, attempt to work on one of the problems - not in any kind of hyperfocused or super-intense way, just very slowly and deliberately.

During these periods my life lacks the pizzazz and excitement that really makes it feel worthwhile for me and satisfying for my ADHD, but it ends up paying off in greatly delaying the next breakdown (which, I'm afraid, is inevitable; this is my cycle and I'm not sure I can really get by without it).

Hopefully these ideas are at least a little helpful for you (or for someone reading this), but I know that there's no guarantee they'll work. Do you want to give us a few more details on just what goes into caring for your brother and mother? That might give us some perspective on just how much you're trying to cope with and what sorts of options and resources you have.

midnightstar
04-18-13, 02:38 PM
Mum has fairly severe arthritis so she can't do housework because it causes her arthritis and asthma to flare up, brother has aspbergers (which is a form of autism) I think I spelt it wrong Idk

atSWIMtooboreds
04-18-13, 02:52 PM
Mum has fairly severe arthritis so she can't do housework because it causes her arthritis and asthma to flare up, brother has aspbergers (which is a form of autism) I think I spelt it wrong Idk

On an ADHD forum I think we'll know what you mean. So I guess you have to take care of everyday stuff like housework, shopping, etc. but for three? That sounds really difficult with ADHD; I can barely do that for myself. How much is your brother able to pitch in?

midnightstar
04-18-13, 03:16 PM
My brother isn't safe going out on his own unfortunately so if I have to go anywhere and Mum can't look after him he has to come with me unfortunately, he has to be reminded to do everything which considering I need reminding of stuff I can't always remember to remind him of stuff