View Full Version : warning pathetic whining read at own risk, or, Abi's Psych Diary


Abi
04-22-13, 02:35 AM
so

im depressed, hav been for months but idnt realise it... haven't ben sad, in despair, or suicidal like in past. just completely lacking energy, non functional, totally unmotivated, absolute anhedonia - give me 10 million dollars and it wouldn't help...

physically ill, nauseous... may have oral infection... going dentist tmr after ages of procrastination.

anxious, panic attacks, angry; paranoia setting in.

irritated at self and embarassed for needing to whine.

anonymouslyadd
04-22-13, 02:37 AM
I don't think any of this is pathetic or whining. You're suffering.

Unmanagable
04-22-13, 02:41 AM
Hope you get some relief soon, Abi.

(((Hugs)))

ginniebean
04-22-13, 03:02 AM
(((((hugs)))))

Sometimes medications poop out, could that be part of it?

We're here for you abi.

stef
04-22-13, 03:28 AM
take care of yourself! if you have some oral infection it might make you feel slightly ill...

isn't it strange, that we often all put in this disclaimer - on a support forum for us - that we are "sorry for whining"?

it's like we are conditioned to say this bc so many people,even well intentioned, just don't understand what we're dealing with on a daily basis.

midnightstar
04-22-13, 04:36 AM
You're not whining Abi, you just need support and understanding :grouphug:

Lisa_Mac
04-22-13, 04:46 AM
Sorry you're feeling bad Abi. Sending you lots of positive energy.:) Although I'm feeling pretty miz myself.:( That kind of depression is horrible. :grouphug::grouphug:

Love
Lx

Gilthranon
04-22-13, 06:09 AM
Yeah awful you feel this way.

You should do some you really like that doesn't require effort and afterwards do something physical that boosts neurological activity.

Like stef said, innit curious that on a support forum we excuse for 'whining' ?

I say we impose another rule - Forbidden to excuse for explaining what troubles us if we need to discharge a load.

Good thing you unloaded the heavy weight ! Hope you feel better soon !

Fuzzy12
04-22-13, 06:19 AM
((((((((((((((((((((((((ABI))))))))))))))))))))))) )))

I'm so sorry you are feeling low. I think that physically being ill can make your mood even worse. Have you seen your doc about this? Maybe a change in meds or dose might help?

You are not whining of course. Read my posts, I'm the master whiner!!!!! :rolleyes:

Huge hugs and good luck at the dentist.

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

doiadhd
04-22-13, 06:26 AM
I been drinking for months to cope with those symptoms,
but then when I dont,down down. . .even when I do drink
it takes a long while and most of my money to cope.
Hope you feel better soon brother!
Have you been able to eat properly with infection?
Sometimes that can bring us down if not eating well,
which I never do. Been down last two days,pretty bad,
missed work today,made me more down. I like last post
about something you enjoy,I going on fifa play station in a bit,
then then next part exercise,think I,ll think about tidying flat,hopefully will.
Maybe tomorrow. . .oh did they give you anti biotics,think that what they do
that to make sure they can operate,work on you if needed,or infe action will spread,
hopefully tom afterward you may get some form back. I may need to eat also.
We want happy go lucky abi back,winking smiley face,

Abi
04-22-13, 06:34 AM
doi :)

i can't drink anymore because i drank so much i now have a fatty liver and if i continue i will get alcoholic hepatitis.

can't eat properly for weeks, most food makes me disgusted. nausea/vomitting/stomach cramps, i just eat toast or sandwiches.

can't MOVE to go to dentist or doc but will go tmr.

i took a course of antibiotics a coupla weeks ago.

sarek
04-22-13, 07:39 AM
We are here for you Abi. I hope you know that. And technically the word is not 'whining' its 'venting'

doiadhd
04-22-13, 07:57 AM
Sorry bout the vomiting,that's how it started for me. . .that is horrible,but I knew exactly what creature triggered it. . .sounds like your creature was the booze,mine the ex. . .I did stop throwing up after couple of weeks,had to stay away from my ex creature,well done. . .smoke helped me though,oh and anti vomit pills,stick em under your lip,worked well. . .and the valium,not so much anti d,s as they made me poop,especially when unable to eat. ..not sure if helping,after reading your post,it made me feel slightly less abnormal,excuse the pun,as in we in same boat,even though you at one of thee worst points. . .up and down I go like a yo yo. . .one for luck yo. Hope I can stay this way now,not frustrated to much or down to much,it,ll change soon,for me. Wow,self awareness,where the f. You can do it abi! Just read the sex poll! Cheered me up,but now a little frustrated that I not getting any regular,its addictive! I try to move in there once the one eyed monster takes a peak. Jesus,what wrong with me lately

Amtram
04-22-13, 10:22 AM
Sometimes all it takes is for one thing to go wrong, and it makes us start thinking about all the other things that are wrong, and it snowballs until everything is wrong.

Get your mouth taken care of. That's a start. It could be causing the stomach upset, too, from swallowing the bacteria or infected fluid. Feel better, my friend!

immabum
04-22-13, 04:28 PM
doi :)

i can't drink anymore because i drank so much i now have a fatty liver and if i continue i will get alcoholic hepatitis.

can't eat properly for weeks, most food makes me disgusted. nausea/vomitting/stomach cramps, i just eat toast or sandwiches.

can't MOVE to go to dentist or doc but will go tmr.

i took a course of antibiotics a coupla weeks ago.

Hopefully you can force down some vitamins/fish oil/probiotics or something to balance out your poor diet. I know when I got sick...I had zero appetite -but the lack of proper nutrition just magnified my crappy mood/lack of energy at the time. I went with smoothies....easy to make and can pretty much hit most of the nutrients you need.

Chronic pain can also mess with your mood....so hopefully once u get your dental abscess/pain taken care of, you'll feel a bit better.
Take a shower for a temporary fix to get your ***** out of bed...it helped me(hey u gotta go pee eventually right?)
Hopefully you have the energy to not combine the two things *peeing in the shower* but whatever gets u moving :p
Hope u feel better soon!

BellaVita
04-22-13, 05:41 PM
:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

immabum
04-22-13, 05:50 PM
You mean the decreased toilet flush frequency of males vs females? :p
http://256.com/gray/toilet_seat/

doiadhd
04-22-13, 06:01 PM
Hey,no pressure about tom,if don't g o don't go,that's how I roll.
Oh and remember-no golden showers. . .unless second party involved.

I gotta get off that real crappy dating,proper nt site. . .I,m not paying any ones phone fund,not even me own. . .guess that's why I only get to see real ruff chicks naked. Should really pm this b.s.

Feel lot better after dentist though,made me stop eating like a rabbit for start.

Your a good man,who cheers this place up!

Hawutwut
04-23-13, 01:00 AM
Sorry to hear you're going through all that, really awful. :( Hang in there, and hope you can make it to the dentist and get some improvements soon.

Abi
04-23-13, 01:02 AM
update: slept 14 hours

woke up miserable and panicky

took meds, had some sandwiches

feel a bit better but still basically like sh~~

Abi
04-23-13, 03:52 AM
further update

felt very fatigued and sleepy despite sleeping 14 hours

cancelled dental appointment

then started jonesing for a drink

after 15 mins procrastination, dressed and went to get drink {lets ignore the fact that i just jumped off of the wagon for now ;)}

i DID NOT feel weak when walking to liquor store

i DID NOT feel fatigued

i DID NOT feel borderline-agoraphobic about leaving the house

my depression and anxiety DID NOT go up - they went down, it's a beautiful mild day

The NAUSEA did STAY, and I almost threw up once along the way

So, clearly all this fatigue and weakness and tiredness is psychosomatic

It's an excuse to not do things I don't want to do.

{nb. amount of walking for a round trip to the liquor store is the same as for a round trip to the dentist, except the latter has a short bus ride in between.}

thoughts?

dvdnvwls
04-23-13, 04:07 AM
"Excuses" is judging yourself more harshly than necessary. Puts you in the position of being a "bad person", who then feels worse for being "bad", and then has to make even more "excuses".

Maybe if, instead of "excuses", you see this as "internal conflict that needs understanding and a comfortable and useful resolution", you won't have to beat yourself up so much.

sarahsweets
04-23-13, 06:15 AM
Oh abi...dont beat yourself up too much. You're worth more to me than you'll ever know.

Abi
04-23-13, 06:21 AM
oh abi...dont beat yourself up too much. You're worth more to me than you'll ever know.

<33333

Abi
04-23-13, 06:22 AM
"Excuses" is judging yourself more harshly than necessary. Puts you in the position of being a "bad person", who then feels worse for being "bad", and then has to make even more "excuses".

Maybe if, instead of "excuses", you see this as "internal conflict that needs understanding and a comfortable and useful resolution", you won't have to beat yourself up so much.

excellent point. want to rep u but need to spread the love.

stef
04-23-13, 06:38 AM
hey - have you tried eating bananas?
(something my son can usually eat if he's been sick, first thing he'll have once he starts feeling better...)

Abi
04-23-13, 06:44 AM
Nope

But the Jack goes down smooth.

Which it didn't 2 months ago when I was dx'd with fatty liver.

Which I assume means the "damage" is reversed....

midnightstar
04-23-13, 08:34 AM
We all love you Abi, feel better soon :grouphug:

Amtram
04-23-13, 08:52 AM
Thoughts. . .go to the dentist or I will fly out there and smack you!

Abi
04-23-13, 09:27 AM
So I finished the Jack.

And went and bought Scotch. :rolleyes:

{Honestly, I'm not looking for sympathy or attention... those who know me that's not my style... I just need to "put it out there"}

ginniebean
04-23-13, 09:48 AM
Abi, You'll be ok. We're all here for you!

Dentist on Thursday.

This Thursday. :)

Abi
04-23-13, 10:05 AM
update: drank unquantifiable amount of Scotch

taking 2 Tylenol/Codeine pills. Make that 3.

ginniebean
04-23-13, 10:13 AM
Abi, please eat something, your tummy can't take that kinda strain!!!!

Abi
04-23-13, 10:17 AM
OK

xxx

Amtram
04-23-13, 10:21 AM
Stop that right now. I just realized that I can't go on an airplane for 6 more months, but I will find a way to smack you.

midnightstar
04-23-13, 12:00 PM
Abi please eat something :grouphug:

immabum
04-23-13, 01:16 PM
What if the reason behind your nausea is your liver?
You'll become a real life incredible hulk! (minus the muscles)
+ thiamine deficiency

APSJ
04-23-13, 07:16 PM
Just saw this thread. I don't have anything helpful to say, but really sorry you're going through this, and hope you're able to pull yourself out of it soon.

Abi
04-23-13, 11:35 PM
update:

passed out.

slept for about 12 hours.

woke up feeling better than i have in a while.

Fuzzy12
04-24-13, 06:44 AM
update:

passed out.

slept for about 12 hours.

woke up feeling better than i have in a while.

When I'm really down (or upset) sleeping is sometimes the only thing that helps. I'm glad you are feeling better. It sounds like you needed some rest and time off.

peripatetic
04-25-13, 12:00 AM
hey sweets. just wanted to say i love you and you are a good egg and i'm thinking of you. xxx

Abi
04-25-13, 12:24 AM
update:

slept for... i dunno... perhaps 14 hours again.

woke up extremely anxious and panicky.

took my klonopin, depakote and wellbutrin.

feeling a bit better, but still pretty unpleasant.

Gilthranon
04-25-13, 12:59 AM
eeeh I've been really helping out people lately - in life - not the forum - so I'm gonna try out you... pointless as it may seem, have you tried coffee ? Tried bringing over a real coffee pourer from the hills of Columbia ? Just read you diary, I can't come up with anything useful right now I'm afraid...

Abi
04-25-13, 08:49 AM
Ocyan...coffee makes me nauseous. I drink 1 cup max.

Okay... further update: I was having horrible anxiety and panic attacks, so SWIM gave my cat two extra Klonopins ;) ... okay, jokes aside, I'm allowed by my Doc to take the occasional extra Klonopin "prn" on rare occasions... so no misuse violaton there.

Anyway, they did not help.

So I cancelled dental appointment.

Did not help. Still panicky. An hour latter, my tooth is KILLING me, so I pop two double strength Ibuprofrens.

Tooth feels better but then the stomach cramps start. Anxiety is now gone thankfully. Possibly a peptic ulcer. Went to the bathroom 1/2 a dozen times. Took hyocine and tylenol w codeine for the stomach cramps / pain. ITs easing off, slowly...

Gilthranon
04-25-13, 09:50 AM
It sounds really horrible man... how often does this happen to you ? Did it all just start out of nowhere or has something been growing up till here ?

stef
04-25-13, 09:57 AM
have you rescheduled the dentist?
this may help some of the problems - .you're taking lots of pain meds...

Abi
04-25-13, 09:57 AM
Before I was on meds it would happen perpetually

Between mid 06 and mid 08.

Since I've been medicated, I've had about 4 or 5 episodes like this. On average 1 a year. They last between 1 week and 2 months.

I've had dysphoric hypomanic episoded more oftern, mainly in 2010 - 2011. They are more common and last longer. I become very angry, ragey, and paranoid. They are bad for my relationships, but honestly I prefer them 100 times over these depressive / anxious phases.

Amtram
04-25-13, 12:26 PM
Dentist. Dentist. Dentist.

doiadhd
04-25-13, 08:26 PM
If you tell us time of next appointment
maybe we or someone could help
motivate you

or could someone drive you in
or keep you company there?

That helped me,they got better pain killers also!

BellaVita
04-25-13, 09:11 PM
xx

:)

Fuzzy12
04-26-13, 11:33 AM
Abi, please go to the dentist. Dental problems affect much more than your teeth (I heard somewhere). Being in pain isn't fun either and can make your depression so much worse.

If coffee makes you sick how about tea? :scratch:

Gilthranon
04-27-13, 01:36 AM
Man I don't care, I'll throw you a bone from Geneva to attract you to the dentist, you won't see it comin'. If that's what it takes to get you goin' :)

Abi
04-28-13, 09:04 AM
The infection has receded. No pain.

The depression and anxiety are still there. Very unpleasant but not intolerable.

Blanched Dubois
04-28-13, 09:12 AM
wow i love teh support for your own

Abi
04-28-13, 10:11 AM
Okay

I just ate my first decent meal in weeks.... chicken, fries, rice with veg etc.

Feel much better.

The not-eating-due-to-nausea probably had a lot to do with the anxiety and depression.

Amtram
04-28-13, 10:47 AM
But you still should go to the dentist.

Abi
04-28-13, 10:52 AM
yes. i'm going. i promise.

Abi
04-28-13, 01:42 PM
the usual happened...

the anxiety got too much... and I cycled into hypomania

EEEEEEEEEEEEEE AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Amtram
04-28-13, 03:42 PM
If we got you a stationary bike, could you just keep cycling until you got better? I'm thinking a giant hamster wheel might not be a bad idea, either.

Get over to Skype and we can whine at each other.

fracturedstory
05-01-13, 04:21 AM
I've been feeling unmotivated too. Have struggled to get out of bed for about 3 months. Some days I can get up at around 8am and that really surprises me. My next psyche appointment is at 11:30am and that might mean a 7am start for me, because of catching the bus and train to the the surgery.
It sucks. Why did I say 'yes' to it?

I started to become more anxious/paranoid and depressed. Glad to know that the not making proper meals things isn't just me.

As for dentist, it's the hardest appointment to keep for me. Well, I hardly go out. From time to time I get paranoid about my front teeth breaking and other times I just have sore teeth.

I'm new to this. I still have no idea what is wrong with me.

Anyway, I hope things get better for you.

doiadhd
05-02-13, 01:32 AM
How things?
Hypomania sounds cool,
well,sounds it. ..
Still better than bored?
Bored,I guess,will lead to depression any rod,
then guessing,the brain will try to deal with that,try to snap,
itself back out of it,by the hypomania part?
Knowing simplify these things,guess it must be second nature to me . .

Like when someone asked me about anxiety,
I said what's that. . .we both concluded,that I had it so often,
I never knew what it was,it was me. . .

Get well soon buddy!

Wrestle mania is more fun,I know,kinda the same thing
apart from one real.

Ok,work head on.

tudorose
05-02-13, 07:05 AM
Hey Abi

Sorry to hear you're having such a cr@ppy time. I know what you mean about nausea making you not want to eat or do anything for that matter. And pain totally f***s with your mental state. I know it's done that to me. It's hard to feel any joy or care about anything when it's like that. I find that codeine helps me with the nausea. I worked out after a while that the nausea was pain related. The only thing is that codeine is addictive so I try and keep it to one dose or less a day.

With food I've found that watermelon can sometimes help. You get water and sugar so at least it's something. I don't know if you get cuppa soups in SA but they can help too to replace any salt. The clear ones can be easier to handle than the creamy ones.

I hope things get better soon. It's too hard to fix the mental state when the body is running like cr@p.

Abi
05-02-13, 07:07 AM
Thanks.

Good to see you. :grouphug:

Abi
05-03-13, 12:22 PM
Update:

Nausea gone.

Stomach cramps gone.

Tootache gone.

Depression mostly gone.

Anxiety still there.

4 out of 5, not bad.

I will be on exam leave for the next two weeks.

I'll also use that time to get my mouth and gastro-enteric system checked.

Love to all and thanks for the support

<3333 :grouphug: <3333

Abi
05-03-13, 01:53 PM
begin rant>

My mother believes I will be "CURED" of bipolar disorder someday.

Because she PRAYS.

/end rant>

Amtram
05-03-13, 05:50 PM
It's already worked as well as it's going to. . .

Abi
05-03-13, 05:54 PM
HAhahahahahahahahahahah

A, I love the way you put things in perspective :)

avjgirsijdhtjhs
05-03-13, 06:57 PM
I've taken ginger root powder on a couple more than a couple occasions to stop\decrease already existing nausea from a couple different causes, and to the best of my memory, the nausea always stopped fairly quickly. Don't remember the dose, but it was probably half a teaspoon. Also, a friend of mine tried half a teaspoon for Lorazepam withdrawal-induced nausea and her nausea stopped too.

fracturedstory
05-04-13, 08:28 AM
begin rant>

My mother believes I will be "CURED" of bipolar disorder someday.

Because she PRAYS.

/end rant>

I've had to deal with this too.

I was once prayed over to have the demon of depression exorcised from me, or whatever.

My mum just says if she can deal with her problems than I should. I'm glad I don't have to live with her anymore.

Rebelyell
05-04-13, 10:31 AM
I got some cheese for that whine:lol::p

Spacemaster
05-04-13, 10:31 AM
Oh gawd, I hate the dentist. I can sit in and be tattooed for four hours straight with no intermission, but going to get my teeth cleaned at the dentist? I'm stiff as a corpse, and I have a death-grip on the arm rests. HATE it.

I do know the effects of NOT going, so try to do it. :o Maybe you can have a sedative.

My family has come a long way in recognizing that mental disorders are a real thing.

That didn't stop my grandma from placing her hand on my head, and praying that my brain would function better. :lol:

I wish it would have actually worked. :umm1: :lol::lol::lol:

I actually get really nauseated if I haven't eaten for a while, which of course causes me to not eat.
Hang in there, dude.

Amtram
05-04-13, 11:57 AM
I'm weird about the dentist - I could fall asleep while having my teeth cleaned, put up with much more pain in my mouth than anywhere else in my body. And going to the dentist regularly means LESS PAIN!

doiadhd
05-08-13, 12:48 AM
begin rant>

My mother believes I will be "CURED" of bipolar disorder someday.

Because she PRAYS.

/end rant>

Always the diplomat!

Sorry,shouldn't laugh,but. . .so funny!

My family just ignored me. . .

Had to pray for myself,at one stage. . .probably makes me selfish.

sarahsweets
05-14-13, 06:38 AM
I pray too, but I pray for hitting the lottery. I've given up on praying for a cure.

Abi
05-19-13, 11:48 AM
Update

IT WAS BENZO WITHDRAWAL

Bad batch of Klonopin.

I know these gastro symptoms are a sign of benzo withdrawal, as I went thru a "I dont need meds" phase about 7 years back, and had the same symptoms.

Clearly, the excessive anxiety and mild depression is explained by this as well.

I refilled my prescription last week and what do you know.... all the symptoms vanished.

So no ulcer etc... I hd a nice big lasagne with cheesecake dessert yesterday and I was fine.

The tooth still needs dealing with, but otherwise, my physical and mental health is A - OK,

Thank you all for your support :grouphug:

midnightstar
05-19-13, 12:49 PM
*hugs* that's good news Abi :grouphug:

ginniebean
05-19-13, 12:56 PM
Awesome news abinski!

I'm glad it's been over!

Idiota
05-20-13, 03:41 AM
I don't have a formal diagnosis for BiPolar, but I've been prescribed Lamictal and Trileptal for it. I also had never gotten my ADD taken care of before, resulting in me barely graduating from college and it was kind of an empty victory since I knew I didn't have job prospects after. I finally got something for my inattention in the form of Wellbutrin, which is fairly weak, but he won't consider a stim. I haven't felt a difference in the two weeks I've been on it, but the dose got raised to 300mg a day as opposed to 150mg. Hopefully I feel something so I can embark on my projects because I really need to make this happen. I'm in a lot of trouble if I can't.

BlueZebra
07-24-13, 05:33 AM
Sorry you went through such a rough period. I hope things are looking up for you nowadays :)