View Full Version : Doing the same stupid thing over and over again


Fuzzy12
04-26-13, 06:47 AM
I've started starving myself again. The mood stabilisers have killed my appetite and I just can't force myself to eat. On the contrary, I'm thrilled about losing weight irrespective of how unhealthy it is.

I still binge eat. Not out of hunger. I don't really know why. I don't even enjoy it. It just seems like another chore that I need to do. I binge and purge. I hate throwing up but once the dirty deed is done I feel so good. For a while.

Exactly a year ago, I did the same. That time it was Sertraline suppressing my appetite and I just stopped eating except for fruits. My hair started falling out in bundles and my periods almost stopped. At least I lost tons of weight. :rolleyes:

I'll just never learn. :doh:

mr. karl
05-28-13, 11:14 AM
I feel you. I started Vyvanse recently and the appeptite went bye bye. Awesome, I think. I exercised a lot, ate little, and lost some real weight in short time. Unfortunately, the Vyvanse had nasty side effects, so I stopped taking it. Now, I'm still trying to starve myself, which ends up in uncontrollable cravings and binging episodes that end in purging. Food was my first drug of choice. I haven't had anything to drink or any drugs in 5 years. The addictive behavior continues. When will I learn.

Raye
05-29-13, 07:14 AM
Did you gain back all the weight you lost the last time you binged and purged? If so, you know it's going to happen again so why do that to yourself?

I'd take advantage of the mood stabilizer killing my appetite and eat only when necessary. :grouphug: JMO....

Fuzzy12
05-29-13, 12:33 PM
Did you gain back all the weight you lost the last time you binged and purged? If so, you know it's going to happen again so why do that to yourself?

I'd take advantage of the mood stabilizer killing my appetite and eat only when necessary. :grouphug: JMO....

Yes, I gain the weight back every time (till I lose it again in the next "phase").

I know, it doesn't make sense but I can't seem to control it. I don't even like binge eating. It's not enjoyable. It's not like eating when you are hungry or having a tasty meal. It's just an exercise in taking in as many calories as quickly as possible. Half way through a binge, I hate and dread every bite. I absolutely hate throwing up as well.

dvdnvwls
05-29-13, 12:56 PM
You called it a chore. My definition of "chore" has two parts: not pleasant, and necessary.

In some way I think you believe that what you're doing is necessary, and that belief is over-ruling your other desire, which is to eat normally. (In your mind, I'm imagining that this belief has an asterisk beside it and is marked Very Important.)

Would you talk to a counsellor or therapist to find out what that (semi-hidden) belief is and where it comes from?

sarahsweets
05-30-13, 05:00 AM
Fuzzy, you are a very smart woman and smart enough to know the risks of this kind of behavior. You really should consider some sort of therapy or even medical intervention. I was briefly bulimic in HS ( I say briefly because I dropped the throwing up part and kept the binge part until about 15 years ago). It wasnt until I was treated for BPII and adhd as well as some other comorbids that I was able to eliminate this unhealthy lifestyle. I had an inpatient experience for other issues that were only semi related to the eating issues but it made all the difference in the world.

Raye
05-30-13, 06:45 AM
Fuzzy,

whenever I'm under traumatic stress, it kills my appetite. Knots in my stomach make me not want to eat. when I went through my first divorce I lost about 48 lbs from not eating, but ended up gaining it all back. then lost a lot of it again when I had surgery, now I'm gaining back again .

so we both know that starving ourselves will make us look great for a while... but it always comes back. :doh:

not to mention starving or throwing up is healthy.

mr. karl
06-01-13, 02:02 PM
Fuzzy, based on my experience and what I've read about the issue, ED's are a symptom of an issue. I/we do it because something is bothering me/us. For me, binging is a compulsive behavior where I'm under so much stress that a switch flips and I can't stop myself from hitting the gas station to buy a ton of not-so-good food items. So, I guess I'm echoing what others have said about looking into what thoughts, beliefs, and/or past experiences are causing the feelings that lead to the B and P. For me, meditation and the idea of "letting go" has been really important. I recommend "Full Catastrophe Living" for anyone really. It helps you think about how to think about our feelings when we are having them and in general. This has a huge impact on our emotional state. Hang in there! I really empathize with you.