View Full Version : my illness makes it so hard for Drs to help


Blanched Dubois
04-29-13, 02:48 PM
thanks to the 2 moderators who have helped me not give up today...i think i might have hurt myself to stop this insanity - just getting this off my chest instead of my usual silent suffering...so if you don't want to be depressed don't read this

i find it so hard to help them help me...had to stop the vyvanse 50mg cus it just made me focus, and read for the first time in 2 yrs but jittery non stop in body so no organization. Kid has add too and depression and i got so stressed by him and the banks possible foreclosure....took the valium the doc gave 2 mg tab and swallowed 4 of them and went to sleep..for an hour...sleep deprivation should have already sealed my fate...i'm having a very very hard day.

i feel like being hospitalized so i don't have to soldier up anymore...not to mention my stenosis was hurting in sleep...it's always so hard for them and for us to go thru the initial finding out phase of what will work and mg etc...add so out of control i'm of no use to him..and he can't see me today...

now i have no focus, can't really read...can't organize and am exhausted...but not depressed which is funny to me....i'm just back to square one...in bed...helpin son when needed....and waiting....for doc to get cancellation beffore wednesday

NO Pharm can fill the 2 week desoxyn here in florida which i just heard is known as the pill place? i guess alot of abuse goes on here...in WA State i never had an issue but i was off them

Life is hard and then you try not to die lol....and it's beyond my scope of reason how i'm able to hang in here ....can't stand being around people ...

the glimmer of hope was at least getting back on a wrong add med helped me get out of house and read/write/speak again....just disappointed and agitated that today i can't get out of bed to deal with anything

this is the most weird real illness...i had it since early childhood but ballet from 4 -8yrs helped me deal until 'mother' ( abuser ) told me she didn't want me to graduate to tap dancing and i don't think a part of me was there anymore since the infant trauma....no fight in me back then

knowing all these influences gives me pause to think how come i got married and had a kid ....so there is also guilt for knowing he has to help me and that's something i never wanted

i'm also noting that the few friends i have are not calling or able so it's hard to cope...

this is now the only place i feel safe and get some comfort

a big thank you...big big thank you to all for feedback that did and does mean the world to me who's used to folks not caring

Lunacie
04-29-13, 03:45 PM
(((2wisehands)))
I was not diagnosed with stenosis, but suffered lower back pain for years,
including a compressed disk. Also had undiagnosed and therefore untreated
ADHD, anxiety and depression. I felt suicidal many times over the years.
I'm sending good thoughts that the doctors will be able to help you.

Blanched Dubois
04-29-13, 03:52 PM
(((2wisehands)))
I was not diagnosed with stenosis, but suffered lower back pain for years,
including a compressed disk. Also had undiagnosed and therefore untreated
ADHD, anxiety and depression. I felt suicidal many times over the years.
I'm sending good thoughts that the doctors will be able to help you.

:thankyou: !!!!!!

isn't the back pain with this craziness the cat's pajamas? seriously tho i send you back big warm fuzzies cus unless u have spinal pain or disk damage it's near to impossible for people to get how much that agitates the agitated in an agitated world

hope your back is not taking you down like it is me


the only thing that saved me was a close couple friends who liked my dark humor and cranky come backs.....i was a real wise *** out of pain and i wasn't arrogant just got so i didn't care anymore so i guess it was a way of reaching out

midnightstar
04-29-13, 03:53 PM
*hugs* 2wisehands :grouphug:

Blanched Dubois
04-29-13, 04:03 PM
midnight you already give me so much cake and lovies i'm gonna get spoiled

{{{<3}}}

thanks

but i'm gonna be honest i am so uncomfortable receiving comfort
and admitting all this is so against the way my sick family raised me

this is the only time ive ever gotten my story out as much
you guys amaze me and i don't blow smoke
today especially sick sick sick but the posts keep me away from me
grateful!!!

Lunacie
04-29-13, 04:11 PM
:thankyou: !!!!!!

isn't the back pain with this craziness the cat's pajamas? seriously tho i send you back big warm fuzzies cus unless u have spinal pain or disk damage it's near to impossible for people to get how much that agitates the agitated in an agitated world

hope your back is not taking you down like it is me


the only thing that saved me was a close couple friends who liked my dark humor and cranky come backs.....i was a real wise *** out of pain and i wasn't arrogant just got so i didn't care anymore so i guess it was a way of reaching out

The spasms were the worst! Any movement could bring on a back spasm.
Eliminating the worst stress from my life (divorce) went a long ways
towards allieviating the pain.:yes:
The sad thing is that my 15 year old g-daughter is already feeling this pain.
And I don't know how to help her.

I was the same way - a real wise a**. My GP back then said he could tell
when I was really sick, because I didn't make wise cracks. Well ... not as
often. I was in the hospital once following the flu with dehydration. None
of the nurses could get an IV drip inserted in my veins. After an hour of
being poked I told them to wait and stick their needles in my brother's
veins when he got there to visit - he had lovely large veins. :lol:

Blanched Dubois
04-29-13, 04:34 PM
The spasms were the worst! Any movement could bring on a back spasm.
Eliminating the worst stress from my life (divorce) went a long ways
towards allieviating the pain.:yes:
The sad thing is that my 15 year old g-daughter is already feeling this pain.
And I don't know how to help her.

I was the same way - a real wise a**. My GP back then said he could tell
when I was really sick, because I didn't make wise cracks. Well ... not as
often. I was in the hospital once following the flu with dehydration. None
of the nurses could get an IV drip inserted in my veins. After an hour of
being poked I told them to wait and stick their needles in my brother's
veins when he got there to visit - he had lovely large veins. :lol:

Man I bow down to you and there isn't an emoticon that can show u my face right now - you are fuNNy!!! yeah we alot alike...and i got real respect and empathy for your position with your 15 yr old - when my husband died i freaked about my son's pain...do you live with g daughter?
and how do you handle when the spasms hit...?

Lunacie
04-29-13, 05:01 PM
Ironically, it was the stress of my relationship with my hubby that caused
so much of my back pain - and he was the one who could massage my back
and get that stupid disk to go back in place. When I decided to kick him to
the curb, I was so afraid of having my back go out and it being stuck like
that forever. Of course, without the stress it stopped going out so much.

So, my daughter and I are both divorced, and I took the insurance when my
ex died and bought a mobile home for both of us. I'm helping her to raise
my two g-daughters. The oldest has ADHD, Depression, Migraines and back
pain. The youngest has Autism, Anxiety, possibly ADHD, and now Diabetes.
It would be too much for just one parent to deal with, but together we seem
to get through.

Do you have others in your life who make things better - or worse?

Blanched Dubois
04-29-13, 06:19 PM
it's good to be good to you...i'm glad you have relief in your back and less stress as you have taken on a mighty honorable load

i wish all of u the very best

Blanched Dubois
05-01-13, 09:27 AM
just got off phone ( with much effort to do anything off meds ) with corporate CVS in RI

was told after calmly explaining pharm refusing to fill script

they said that's up to the pharmacist and they could do nothing for me

CVS pharm who refused to fill this did not call my dr, did not ask for my records, and here i am with no advocacy

wonder if focalin which i was told can get filled or dex will offer relief and what pdoc will prescribe for ptsd anxiety

that's it for me

Lunacie
05-01-13, 09:41 AM
Hm ... since it's up to the individual pharmacist (that's weird), is there
another CVS that you can check with? Maybe the pharmacist there would
be willing to fill a valid script.

Blanched Dubois
05-01-13, 09:50 AM
Hm ... since it's up to the individual pharmacist (that's weird), is there
another CVS that you can check with? Maybe the pharmacist there would
be willing to fill a valid script.

yeah i called one and was told to wait for pharm to come in at 1

symptoms are hard to handle and do all this but i am trying - got to get ready to drive to pdoc for 11 appt

harder than childbirth - at least my husband who never left my side helped me get thru this....without judgements

thanks for the help i'm gonna do my best