View Full Version : Newbie needs advice!


ADTR10RH
05-06-13, 01:38 PM
Hello everyone, my name is Rob, I'm 19 years old and I have AD/HD. I've also been diagnosed with Dysthymia and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I'm only taking 60mg Vyvanse, once a day, for my AD/HD, to keep myself on track while I'm at school. I've been taking them since my senior year of high school but ever since my first semester in college, I've had extreme difficulty holding back my impulsive behavior... Last Friday, I took an extra vyvanse pill just so I could stay up, drink with my friends, and impress this girl. I've always been able to drink 12 to 16 beers a night (regardless of whether or not I took my meds) and be drunk but still fairly coherent. I'm an average size young man but have a deep genetic history with alcoholism; I don't know if my tolerance is so high due to that or just because I can naturally handle a lot.

But anyways, last Friday, I drank (on a full stomach) a 12 pack and became extremely hostile, sensitive, and a pathological liar. I put my phone in my back pocket (I never put my phone there) and later, went around questioning and blaming my close friends about my "lost" phone. Sooner or later I found it and then, some one commented about the size of my forehead. Sober, this normally doesn't offend me, but this time I became enraged and had to force myself to walk home and calm down. Eventually I fell asleep and woke up the next morning feeling a dysthymic symptom. I felt as though I lost something extremely important to me but I couldn't pin point what it was, I began to think about my future and started to really question where I was going to go in my life and whether or not I'd make it in this struggling world.

So I came to the realization that I should not drink while I'm at school (because I think I'm slightly agoraphobic around people and environments I'm not used to). Sunday night rolls around and my symptoms have yet to wear off. So I decided to casually drink my way to a relaxed state instead of a drunken state. But drinking only made it worse and I became very anti social, not even looking at or talking to my roommates of all people. I've learned to hide my emotions and put on masks to hide who I truly am but that stress of keeping my true self secluded within my mind has become a heavy load to cope with and I've begun to slip. Even though I've been hiding in my dorm room almost every hour of the day, the few times when my friends come over have all been full of questions about how I'm doing and if anything is wrong with me. I don't know what to do because I haven't told anyone up here that I suffer from a handful of disorders and the thought of telling just one of them puts an inconceivable amount of fear in my head.

I'm tired of living under my skin and having to who I really am, but, if I try exposing my true self I fear that all of my friends will see me as a creation full of everyone else's flaws, a collection of everyone's mental problems, so to say. I'm just scared of being judged (as you readers have probably already figured out). Can anyone offer some advice or similar experiences?

sarahsweets
05-07-13, 05:10 AM
If you dont have an alcohol problem, you are well on your way to having one. Drinking to get drunk frequently is one sign but having a high tolerance just means you will need more and more to get that feeling. The "reward" associated with getting drunk will drive you to keep drinking to get it, which because of natural tolerance, will mean you need more. Your behavior while drinking sounds negative. When alcohol causes negative effects, it is usually a sign that it is a problem. If you cant force yourself to not drink, or make a decision or promise to not drink but do anyway, is a pattern of addiction. I am not saying you are addicted but I am saying that your patterns of drinking can lead to addiction and addiction is a disease that will ruin your life.

redpanda
05-07-13, 04:58 PM
Are you seeing a counselor? That might help. I don't know about your school, but a lot of colleges have counseling services for their students that are either free or relatively inexpensive.

I agree with Sarah that you are going down a bad path with alcohol and with taking extra Vyvanse, but you are not in so deep that you can't get out. That is way it is important for you to get help now, before you get into bad trouble. Once again, I would recommend your college counseling service if one is available; they tend to be very experienced with substance abuse and social issues like you are describing.

I don't know what to do because I haven't told anyone up here that I suffer from a handful of disorders and the thought of telling just one of them puts an inconceivable amount of fear in my head.
I know how hard it is to tell other people you are having problems. For me, it helped to realize that I can tell someone I am having problems without giving them a detailed description of all the problems I am having. If there are certain parts you would rather keep secret, you can, and letting them know even a little bit might make you feel better.

Also, it is important to pick a person that you can trust not to blab to everyone, and when you are ready to confide in them, make sure that they know they should not repeat what you are saying to anyone.

I'm tired of living under my skin and having to who I really am, but, if I try exposing my true self I fear that all of my friends will see me as a creation full of everyone else's flaws, a collection of everyone's mental problems, so to say. I'm just scared of being judged (as you readers have probably already figured out).
I am not sure what you mean here, but I think I can related. I am very sensitive to hearing people criticize other people because I can see the same traits they are criticizing in myself, so I always wonder if they criticize me like that when I am not around. Or I think about how much they would criticize me if they could see what I am like on the inside, when I am not putting on an act to hide what I am really like. I try to remind myself that no one is perfect and that if other people are critical, then it is their problem, not mine, but it still gets to me sometimes. :(

redpanda
05-09-13, 08:44 AM
BTW, if you don't get any more replies here, you might try posting in the "Adults and ADD/ADHD" section. There are a lot more people who use that section on regularly and could give you advice.