Thought I'd start a new thread on this one. I've heard this feeling described as hollow feeling, itch that doesn't seem to get scratched, something missing and I'm sure there are more descriptions.

I can totally relate to this and this symptom is the one that I have a hard time living with. It causes such an anxiety within me that I find I disconnect myself from life. I find that all I want to do is sleep, be on the internet or watch tv. Interacting with people causes me more anxiety because I feel that they are on such a different level then me. I find everyday chit chat extremely boring and so insignificant in the grand scheme of things. The people I am more drawn to are those that are suffering themselves. I feel that I have something to offer them that maybe someone else doesn't have. I can relate to them on a deeper level and seem to connect.

This has become a problem for me in my marriage. I feel that I don't connect with my husband in an intimate way which has caused a huge gap in our sexual relationship. I find that when we do have sex my mind is telling me that it's disgusting. I think this is because we are not connecting on a deeper level. Because of this I avoid sex until I feel guilty and do it because it is the right thing to do. I turn the fan on to help keep my mind distracted from my thoughts. Then I am relieved for about a week because I know he can tolerate not having it for that long but then after the week I become anxious and obsessive with the thought that he is going to want it soon. Anyone else feel this way or relate to what I am saying? I often sleep in another room because sleeping in our bed at times causes me major panic attacks to the point that I can't breath. It's easier just sleeping in another room. I know this is bad but I don't know what else to do.

This missing link that we feel inside makes me terribly sad. I'm not on medication and wonder if that takes this feeling away or not? If it doesn't then I feel that it won't be worth taking the medication or is it?

Do any of you feel like damaged goods at times? I often think that my husband deserves better and I don't understand why he puts up with me. What scares me is how much more will he be able to take?

Blessings,
Mary

I'm sorry you are going through something like this. It must be extremely frightening.

If you are not in therapy, please think long and hard about it. Your husband needs to know. He may already be suspecting, but not telling you as well.

I have learned so much in the past year (therapy).

Communication, communication, communication ....

Even though this is not a positive issue, it will still build intimacy between you and your husband. Work on this together. Only you can change yourself. You have to like (love) yourself before you can like (love) someone else. It's the hard truth.

Good luck and please keep us updated.

Tim's right.
It sounds as though you're retreating into yourself a bit - classic anxiety.
A real heart-to-heart would do you the world of good - and if it's with a professional, you'll be none the worse for it.
Ultimately, it would help to distill issues for you - so that you can address and resolve them, rather than get bogged down in viscious circles of anguish.
Good luck.
H

Dear Sweet

I can identify with your feelings in a big way. Because I am not in a relationship right now, I always have control over when and how much I interact with others. It must be hard to feel trapped on some level. I know I struggle with sustaining close-contact relationships right now. I don't know if its because they are exhausting to maintain for me, of if feeling that there is something wrong with me overwhelms me at times. The great irony for me is that I can't seem to survive without relationships. I feel like I drift, unanchored if I don't have someone to attach myself to, like you, it seems to be those people who I share my deepest feelings with that I really feel I can connect with. At some point, I think I overwhelm them with my intensity, or I convince myself that I do and sabotage the relationship.

I do think your husband needs to know that it is not him personally, it is the ADHD that is causing the difficulty. If you tell him that you really want to hang in there with the marriage but that you need to be free of some of the pressure that comes with an intimate relationship for a while, maybe he can handle it. As the others stated, therapy is critical right now for you, you need to understand that there is nothing fundamentally wrong with you, that you are just struggling at the moment. You need to get in touch with the healthy parts of yourself that seem to have gotten lost, those are the parts that will connect with others.

Good luck.

I'm sorry mary. While some of the things you described do sound like ADD symptoms, what feels more prevailant is the marriage. You cannot blame everything on ADD as it is not a magnificent curse that some others who don't understand blame you for. Instead, not working on the same level with your husband is a problem every woman out there often needs to deal with. You said that you are interested in dealing with people who are hurt. I am not sure how this ties into your marriage but I would first delve deeper and find out why you feel guilted for not being interested in more personality types.

Anyways your marriage. First, gather up your thoughts and find out if you romantically love him. If it's a little that's fine. It's something to work off of. If there is no love for your husband and you're doing this because you just feel bad for him, maybe it's time to reconsider the habits as there is no support to help the marriage. And also, please note that I'm not saying to base this off a moment's notice. Sometimes we feel very strongly and it's hard for us to judge if we love someone or not. It's safer to go off of history for this one.

You also noted that you also feel bad for not having sex. Remember that there is no right or wrong answer, and if you could fix yourself and be horny all the time that is still not going to solve the problem.

Because this issue is multi-faceted, unfortunately nothing can instantly cure what's been going on for so long. But the good news is, by observing patterns (you most likely are excellent at visual-spatial learning), observing what you want more in life, and perhaps even debunking a few myths, will lighten your perspective.

Lastly you noted that you utterly dislike interacting with people or being chatty. Rather than trying to change it, perhaps it's time to see what you can do with it. Try other forms of communication that don't involve those you're tired of. And that's another thing...if you are tired with soemthing that's all right. Don't force yourself to be perfect and just have a good time with what you are interested in.