Heh if it is societies rules...I DEFENITLY DONT wanna grow up....I'm an ADD Kid...there's so many normies mind that I can play with :D

Cant say what I want ...good insight Mel;) auntchris

can't say what you want??????:confused:

not ready to talk about it...I am still scared to say how I feel. auntchris:confused:

Well auntchris, then posting that you at least liked the message is a great first step. Gotta start somewhere.

Lots of good insight in this thread. I think for me I have to keep the part of me that is irresponsible and undisciplined, and the part of me that is "young at heart" seperate. I tend to lump them together, but after reading this thread I can see that they are not necessarily the same thing.

Foggy Phil

thanks for the encouragement...it is hard for me to talk about how I really feel inside. I like that "young at heart. " I am very sensitive and take things personally and literally. I dont know why but I was alway sensitive as long as I can remember.
I am afraid of the things that Draga wrote apply to me. What she wrote was very wise and honest and insightful. I am not blaming anyone how I am feeling I am afraid no one will like me . auntchris

Foggy Phil

thanks for the encouragement...it is hard for me to talk about how I really feel inside. I like that "young at heart. " I am very sensitive and take things personally and literally. I dont know why but I was alway sensitive as long as I can remember.
I am afraid of the things that Draga wrote apply to me. What she wrote was very wise and honest and insightful. I am not blaming anyone how I am feeling I am afraid no one will like me . auntchris

Auntchris it is not important that others like you. YOU have to like you. It's hard, but YOU CAN do it.

Auntchris it is not important that others like you. YOU have to like you. It's hard, but YOU CAN do it.

Ty, digitl u said a mouthful in just one brief sentence :D

that is all correct, but IMHO, since we are all social beings, after all, it is still very important to be reminded and remind others from time to time, even in adulthood, that we/they are valued and important. Many individuals did not receive this reinforcement when they were infants/children/teens and beyond. Possibly they were rejected by family and peers. These old messages can linger and still haunt us. [me included]

just a thought...

I know I have to like myself...am struggling with it esp since I dont see any good things in my at the moment. How can ya I? Ya right Digitl I did get alot of emotional understanding as a child and now one really does now.

I am having a hard time getting thru this hump it is a major one. auntchris

I know I have to like myself...am struggling with it esp since I dont see any good things in my at the moment. How can ya I? Ya right Digitl I did get alot of emotional understanding as a child and now one really does now.

I am having a hard time getting thru this hump it is a major one. auntchris
Chris, I am sure you know that you have to like yourself. It certainly not the easieast thing to do. But i know that it is feasable. And i know that YOU can do it. NO matter how much of a hole you think you are in today.
You know Chris, it does not matter how you were raise, that you did or did not have encouragment as a kid or that you were abuse ect. What matters is NOW. It is useless to try to wonder why you think like that, why certain things happenned to you in the past, or why some people treat you this way ect. What is important to know is that right NOW you are not happy and you do not like yourself. You certainly CANT change things that happenned in the past, and if you are waiting for some people to come and apologize for what they did to you, theire is a good chance it wont happen. So really when you think about it there is only one person you can count on to give you all that you need, and guess who it is......yes YOU CHRIS.
YOU are the most important person, and you are the number one person you have to think about first, so you can give any kind of real felt love to anyone else.
I know you are probably thinking, ''YEAH right so freaking easy to say, you dont know what i have been thrue in my life ect.'' No i dont know , and i dont have to know. Because their is not 1000 ways to start to like yourself, There is one and it's starts NOW with YOU. No it's not easy, you'll probably will have to work at it, everyday freaking day of your life, but i promise you it does get easier, and it does work.
First i suggest you change psy, if you dont feel comfortable to talk with to her/him about EVERYTHING. We dont feel ok with everybody, and i am sure others who have followed therapy will tell you the same thing. You need to be able to talk about everything.


I will tell you what i did, you can use any ways that works better for you. But One of the first step I took to change my way of thinking about myself. Is i wrote on a piece of paper everthing i liked and did not liked about myself. YES the not like was more full. I think i wrote maybe 2 thing in the like section. Just be honest it does not matter how many thing there is. After look on the not liked side, and one by one read what you wrote, and think or write exemple of why you dont like that about yourself or why you think it's bad. After take that list of exemples, and one after the other, look and ask yourself if you truely can change that behavior. Some you will be able to,,some you wont be able too. Because of ADD/ADHD or other physical problem you have. The one you CANT change, try to look at it in a different way, exemple, i am very hyper, i cant change that, i personaly do not want to take meds for it. I use to be so tired all the time, because i thought i move to much ect. But i actually realized i was tired of trying to control it. So hyper was on my cannot change paper, how did i start to look at it in a positive way. It actually does have good sides lol. I love having this energy inside of me, and not fighting it all the time, actually made it more easy to live with, if that is possible. You may say, ok hyper can be accepted but what about others and the effect it can have on others. WEll you know what, hyper is a part of me as much as my hair, or eyes ect. If some people dont like that about me, i certainly wont feel bad, if that is all their are able to see from me, then they are not worth me wasting time with. Whatever , you cant change accept it as being just like any part of your body Chris, and learn to use it, in a positive way. If you are interested in other way i did , i would love to tell you more about it.

It took me a long while Chris, but it was worth every second of the struggle to be where i am today . And i sincerely can say i do love myself, more and more everyday. I still have some issues, but i take it one at the time, and it does get easier day by day, to integrate and accept all the parts of me, and make it, into one wonderful little package that i am NOW. If ever you feel like talking i would love for you to pm me, whenever you want.

Digitl,
Oh my goodness woman. Thanks for your directness and honesty. I love ya for that. I do understand that I can't change the past...as much as I would like to I know I cant go back. Digitl you said I was the only person that can count on ME. I am having a hard time taking care of myself esp being independent. I know it has to do with my self esteem, but that has to change first before anything right? How do I care for me and count on me?

Are you talking about changing psychiatrist or therapist? I am not sure which one you were talking about. I know with my psychiatrist I get frustrated because she doesnt hear what I am saying or say thing like I am intelligent and makes excuses for me not to change meds to go to a hospital . I dont think she takes me seriously when I talk to her about my meds . She only does med evaluations not counselling. I dont think I have found the right meds either, but she makes me feel like I am doing okay when I have all these bouts of depression or whatever it is and cry . I am completely frustrated with my dr situation. I dont have anyone to talk to now cause my therapist was sick and had to quit and change to a more less stressfull enviroment due to her health. So I am again looking for someone and havent had any one for 2 month. yikes.

I know one of my problems is being honest with myself. I know too that I want others to like me so much that I end up sabbotaging it. I dont wwant to do that I am so afraid to change. It seem when I am doign good something happen, a small thign but I take it so personally cause i am so sensitive that it turns into a mountain.

I want to talk to you about the exercise and what else you did. I think it would help if I knew what otheres did to get where they are. I dont hate myself completely, I just dont llike alot of the behaviors in my and I know some of my problems are my fault to some extent and that makes me angry. My feelings hurt inside. Hun thanks so much for being you and honest with me. No one ever has in my life or spoken to me the way you did to me tonight, thanks. Chris

thanks deepblue for understanding how someone can feel. You are right on the money. I am not saying no one encouraged me inmy lifetime but not the people ya need it from. I dont ever remember being told I was a good kid or being validated only by the drs in the hospital I went to 4 yrs ago. I mean they see you in a different light. I still isnt the same even though someone said it it still feels like they had to cause its their job.
I dont know if this make sense ...auntchris

I am tryn Draga but it doesnt help when ya feel like no care to here ya after ya poured your heart out in a post...auntchris

I am tryn Draga but it doesnt help when ya feel like no care to here ya after ya poured your heart out in a post...auntchris
I am not sure if you are saying that because i did not respond to your post. And to be honest i was not sure if i should post a response here, because of the nature of the thread, or if i should wait for you to contact me instead. Maybe we can start another thread about selfesteem and how to work on regaining some part of it back. I just did not leave you back there , when i said i was here for you i meant it, or i would not have said it. Now if you choose not to contact me that is your right and i accept it..
But i have to add, that is exactly what i was telling you. Who cares how many people reads your post. It is not a popularity contest and many wont answer and maybe one will. But concentrate on the one that did. It sure wont be the last time you poured your heart out, better get use to it, it is one of the bad side of regaining self esteem. Hangin there Chrissy :cool:

Ditigl I was a vey angry person that day...and I didnt mean for it to have to do with you. My sentence should have ended after Draga's name. That statement was not intended for her either. I have problem with competion when that is all you lived with and your sister was perfect in everyway...no disabilites, straight A's, thin, well the list goes on ....I will spare ya the details....I amsorry it was not meant the way it sounded. My humble apology....auntchris

Ditigl I was a vey angry person that day...and I didnt mean for it to have to do with you. My sentence should have ended after Draga's name. That statement was not intended for her either. I have problem with competion when that is all you lived with and your sister was perfect in everyway...no disabilites, straight A's, thin, well the list goes on ....I will spare ya the details....I amsorry it was not meant the way it sounded. My humble apology....auntchris
Listen Chris, you do not have to apologize, no bad was done. You talk your mind and it is great, even if you are not upset at someone here, we sadly can only see the words and not always understand the emotions behind it. But please dont you ever apologize if that is how you felt that day. We all have bad days Chrissy baby. the only person you should have competition with is yourself.

I have one older brother and one younger sister. They could have never done wrong in my parents eyes. The had straight A's , ambitious ect. they have a life, a house, longtime relationships. But you know what i would not want their life against mine. Mine is so wonderful and rich even if i dont possess those things that would make me a ''real adult''.

I know what you mean bout being in cometion...I am always the problem...and that is how I truely feel. Just today I talked with my Dad briefly and again his words of wisdom to me hurt me deeply ...." You alway talk too much ...that is your problem." I cant tell him how I honestly feel about a situration cause I then get hurt.

Dad has always been my buddy growing up. We clicked unlike Mom and I ...and now Mom is on my case too ....tonight all I got was more abuse. I told her I need to talk to her about thing in my life a couple days ago...taking over my payee on ssd. welll that talk will never happen she is too busy with her and dad.

I have been upset that last few days and even had someterrible dreams. One was last night about someone getting hurt and I ran all the way home to get help. It is someone I care deeply about and I woke up with this uncomfortable feeling and havent been able to deal with much today....sorry auntchris

I have been reading the post especially between Digital and auntchris. Digital you have some wonderful ideas. I admire you for learning to feel good about yourself and doing the hard work it took to get you from point "A" to point "B".

auntcris------> some people are poisionus to your soal. You can LOVE them with all your heart but they are still poison!!!! One of the things I had to do and still have to maintain to keep my "sanity/self esteem in check is to "take out the trash". What I mean by this is to distance my self from people who are posionous. These are folks who never have any thing positive to say, they aren't willing to see things differently, never willing to accept responsibility for there words or actions, last but NOT LEAST blame every thing on some one else (especially me).

I had a "problem" with my S.O. behavior four months ago. I was near melt down and feeling some where between homicidial and suisidal. At 8:00am on Saturday morning I called my best friend who was SOOOoo compassionate and listened ever so patiently. That afternoon I finally became ready to call my MOM. She is rarely critical in a crisis but lacks compassion. What she lacks in compassion she has in logic. I called her when the emotional part was tolerable, because my mom loves me but she don't do emotional support well. I love her but except that as a part of who she is and SPARED US BOTH!!! That is why I called my best friend FIRST, She doesn't do logal well and I acept that as who she is but she is worth her weight in gold when it comes to emotional support. It is hard but I want people to accept me and my short coming I must realize the short comings on others. I accept others the way they are and act acordingly. I know mothers are SUPPOSED to be loving and supportive of there distraught daughters but mine wasn't equipt with that. She loves me but can't be any one but her self. When I have a problem she does poorly with emotional stuff but boy oh boy when it comes to the "action/ what I am going to do about my problem she is the one. Honesty can be hard (which is why I deal with emotions before I call her) but she feels like lying is deciet and there is no room for deciet in love even if the deception spares feelings.

Now to get a friend.....is to be a friend. But that don't mean nothing if you can't find friends. This may sound totally wacko..but wacko is a part of me but unless you are tied to children,job, obligations up to your eye balls,,,,,have you thought about volenteering or a type of ministry??? As crazy as it sounds when I get in a pit I have often found my solution in helping others. I don't mean go all out;keep a balance in your life. I mean some thing where you come into contact with people face to face three or four hours a week. Volentering #1 helps put your problems in perspective, #2 helping others a reason to feel good about your self, #3 meet people who are also doing some thing positive in life. That's where I "friend shop" places where people are into making a positive change in thier lives or the lives of others. Twelve step programs (if you are careful to stay way from game players) can be a good place to meet positive people. Hang out with people you want to be like but who don't expect you to be like them!!! Make any scense????

There is some great discussion going on here and I thought it deserved it's own thread...

Kim

:p Thanks so much for all the wonderful support. I cant believe how you all have been there for me no one has like this group ever.

I love my family dearly, I do not go to see my parent that much as I probably should since they are getting up there in age and there health is well not it use to be as my Dad reminds me. I know what they say is very hurtful and others have just told me to let it roll of my back, that is easier to say than do when it come to your family. ;)

Our Moms sound like they were made from the same mold. My Mom is not good at the emotional support at least with me. I have learned not to go to here but when there is no one else around well she is there for me. When the police have been here because a support line called the police, I called her in the middle of the night and she talked to them and came down with dad. I mean they are there in some ways but the feeling part. She had to stay with me for awhile because she promised them she would or else I was going to the hospital.

As for friends, I dont have any. It is sad to say but lately I have been keeping to myself andn staying inside not doing much unless it is a dr appt or paying bill and picking up my meds. OH getting my haircut too. Colleen is great at making me laugh. She alway ask ...how are we cutting your hair this month?

When I am going thru a meltdown or this depression it is hard for me to get our and do things. I am not trying to make excuses even though it sounds like it I just have a hard time lately getting out of bed I am so depressed. :eek:
I want to thanks you for all the support and encouragement mead823...and yes every bit of it made sense ...does this make sense what I jus twrote? auntchris:)

I am with you, auntchris :) & I understand. Keep hanging with us.

Hey the tread was moved???? Oh well where are we moved to and whats is going on?? Good thing ADD keeps me from expecting to find things where I left them because I have moved them without thinking. Some other ADD individual has been about and moved stuff around for me then promptly forgotten where. Predictible life would be such a bore!!!I think being ADD in mind body and spirit keeps me young. It also allows me to go with the flow and not be so rigid.