I am new to this forum and could use some help! I have had ADHD for a very long time now, almost 20yrs. I am 32yrs old, and haven't a clue where I am going in my life. Just a little background so you can understand my dilema! I was diagnoised with adhd back when I was 12yrs old. I hated school and couldn't study or concentrate in class and therefore had bad grades. Even after I started taking Cylert, basically ritilin but a lower dose, I didn't do much better in school. I met my now wife back in 9th grade and she pretty much was my saving grace to get me through highschool with good grades.....we have been together since the 9th grade and she is very supportive of me. I played about every sport known to man back then. In 6th grade I had colleges looking at me for football, I got to 9th grade and stopped growing and got killed on the field so gave that sport up. I then took up my golfing on a pretty serious level, had already been playing golf since I was 5yrs old. By 10th grade I was on the golf team but my adhd perfectionism really killed things as I wanted to always be perfect with everything. I would get angry, throw clubs, bang clubs, punch my self, etc. when I would make a bad shot or screw something up that I knew I could do. I was a pretty good player and everyone told me I was excellent, of course I didn't believe that and didn't have confidence in myself. In 11th grade I had already obtained a scholarship to a medium sized college for golf. Got to the college, which was an out of town college and away from my now wife which I will call her by name from here on out, her name is Faith. I got to school and after 2 days I knew being away from her and having to travel there was no way in God's name I would pass my classes. Packed my things up and came home. I started a local technical college for accounting, hated it. Had a lot of people tell me I should try to play golf on a professional level, so I went into the golf business to make money and gave me the freedom to play for free. Worked my butt off in that business and worked pretty much 60-70hrs a week and holidays and such. I tried the teaching end of it, but hard to really make a living doing that when you were working for another teacher making good money. I quite the golf business and to fast forward things, quite golf for 3yrs and tried about 15 different jobs all of which sucked and I walked out of about 3-4 before lunchtime. I picked golf back up hoping to try and play again for a living, nothing seemed to help my attitude and confidence. I just quite golf again for the 2nd time in my life, well about a year ago to be exact. I am working only part time which seems to be doing okay as I have done it now for 2yrs in accounting, working about 4hrs a day. But the money is horrible!!! My wife and I bought a new house about 8 months ago and are extremely happy with that decision. My dilema is I haven't a clue what I want to do for a living/career! I really only know golf, but know with my adhd that it is pretty much a dead issue even though it tears on my constantly. I have tried coaching and therapy for my confidence/attitude, but still didn't seem to help me. I have been on Concerta and Lexapro now for about 2yrs. They have helped tremendous with my day to day attitude and ability to stay at my current part time job for 2+yrs now, but I am still so out in space on what to do with my life I could just scream, and have many times cause I get so confused. I have thought about law enforcement, but the dangers are too much for my wife, thought about EMT, but I can't deal with death very good......I just can't get passed golf for some reason, but know I have to because I know I am too old and we don't have the funds for me to even think about trying again........anyone with any ideas I would love to hear them!!!

Thanks
Jeff

I have a heck of a time reading large blocks of text like you've posted. If it's not broken down into small paragraphs I just can't sit through it, sorry.

I caught enough to know you are feeling a little frantic and wanted to say hi and welcome to a good resource here for those feelings.

There is a search function here that can help you narrow your search down and get to the information you need faster.

There are many many people here doing many different things to learn to cope with the lives they lead. Poke around and do some reading and posting and I'm sure you too will find some help here like I have.
Cheers! Ian.