View Full Version : I want to go outside!


BellaVita
05-28-13, 04:10 AM
I'm trapped.

A house, but can't wonder.

In a room, pacing, jumping jacks, planning, thoughts-jumping...

No, I'm not hypomanic.

I can't be.

I stayed up for days but caught sleep last night 13hrs it should be over...

:mad:

I'M TRAPPED!

AND I CAN'T GET OUTSIDE CUZ THESE NT's!!! -make me stay in a TINY room! All alone! Not even a treadmill! (Of course it's not appropriate, I understand but I WANT ONE NOW!)

I have an iPhone, bed, music & headphones, and when I do jumping jacks it shakes the whole house. :eek:

I'm doomed.

And Lamictal isn't working. :(

sarahsweets
05-28-13, 05:07 AM
Aww Bella, what does the doctor say about this situation? (((HUGS))) I feel your pain. Being BP is a unique experience that only fellow BP people are able to understand. (for the most part)

BellaVita
05-28-13, 05:22 AM
Aww Bella, what does the doctor say about this situation? (((HUGS))) I feel your pain. Being BP is a unique experience that only fellow BP people are able to understand. (for the most part)

My doctor is an idiot.

On way too many meds that contradict each other. He should have known with my first reaction to an antidepressant(1yr ago).

Or my complaints about sleep..Insomnia..Right. For four days on end? HA (and now the number of days has increased since telling him I CAN'T SLEEP!)

NOTHING can knock me out when I'm hypo/manic that he's given me. In fact they've made me WORSE and more wound up a lot! Experienced rage the other day when all I wanted was sleep. :mad:

I need to find a new pdoc...he didn't even think I was BP, prolly still doesn't.

Thanks tho Sarah, its good to have support - many hugs back to you. :) :)

BellaVita
05-28-13, 05:35 AM
Boiling. :(

stef
05-28-13, 05:37 AM
Bella this is terrible!
I hope you find the right Dr
I can't even begin to imagine not sleeping for 4 days....

BellaVita
05-28-13, 05:59 AM
Bella this is terrible!
I hope you find the right Dr
I can't even begin to imagine not sleeping for 4 days....

That's not even the record. :(

And even if I cannot physically notice it, my health is deteriorating.

BellaVita
05-28-13, 09:08 AM
I went outside.

Now what.

LOL

I sound selfish. Oh well. I'm fed up. :\

BellaVita
05-28-13, 09:11 AM
I'm bored.

keliza
05-29-13, 02:12 PM
How are you feeling now, Bella? Have you had the opportunity to talk to your doctor?

BlueZebra
07-24-13, 05:52 AM
My doctor is an idiot.

On way too many meds that contradict each other. He should have known with my first reaction to an antidepressant(1yr ago).

Or my complaints about sleep..Insomnia..Right. For four days on end? HA (and now the number of days has increased since telling him I CAN'T SLEEP!)

NOTHING can knock me out when I'm hypo/manic that he's given me. In fact they've made me WORSE and more wound up a lot! Experienced rage the other day when all I wanted was sleep. :mad:

I need to find a new pdoc...he didn't even think I was BP, prolly still doesn't.

Thanks tho Sarah, its good to have support - many hugs back to you. :) :)


What i've experienced is that you have to be *extremely* pro-active when it comes to mental health treatment. You basically have to take charge. I recommend getting copies of all medical records (find out your state laws), but here in WA State, I am entitled to all my records, every visit or I can sue.

Here, you just have to fill out a release form each time. But you also have the right to fire your pdoc. I burned through several before I got one who took my research serious and went on a route that suited me and my illnesses for a solid stable recovery *fingers crossed*.

I will say though. I highly recommend expensive pharmaceuticals.

If you are capable of managing your ups and downs with stims and benzos. In my opinion, I think it's the proper treatment for BP. Mood stabilizers seem to create emptiness. And antidepressants seem to create a haze / filter from reality.

Most of this is from my experience and lots of it is biased evidently. So if I offended anyone. I am very sorry. But I believe you can be a ADD/BP Warrior by taking charge of your situation and mental health treatment program.

Let's be honest. Most pdocs don't give a rats *** about us. Just a number on a chart.

/rant off

Hope you are feeling better now BellaVita ;)

BellaVita
07-25-13, 11:02 PM
What i've experienced is that you have to be *extremely* pro-active when it comes to mental health treatment. You basically have to take charge. I recommend getting copies of all medical records (find out your state laws), but here in WA State, I am entitled to all my records, every visit or I can sue.

Here, you just have to fill out a release form each time. But you also have the right to fire your pdoc. I burned through several before I got one who took my research serious and went on a route that suited me and my illnesses for a solid stable recovery *fingers crossed*.

I will say though. I highly recommend expensive pharmaceuticals.

If you are capable of managing your ups and downs with stims and benzos. In my opinion, I think it's the proper treatment for BP. Mood stabilizers seem to create emptiness. And antidepressants seem to create a haze / filter from reality.

Most of this is from my experience and lots of it is biased evidently. So if I offended anyone. I am very sorry. But I believe you can be a ADD/BP Warrior by taking charge of your situation and mental health treatment program.

Let's be honest. Most pdocs don't give a rats *** about us. Just a number on a chart.

/rant off

Hope you are feeling better now BellaVita ;)

I appreciate your response. I am feeling much better now, although I did recently go manic.

Unfortunately, I do not think I am capable of "managing" my ups and downs with only benzos and stims. In fact, I do not recommend this "treatment" for bipolar for ANYONE that may have the illness.

I do not think(benzos and stims) is a proper treatment at all for Bipolar disorder and will only lead to chaos. Stims can trigger/worsen episodes.
If I don't get this under control (as in, start back on mood stabilizers soon), I could slip and go off the deep end without a way to get out. It could even lead to death. (just sayin'...mania....mixed episodes....suicidal ideation...)

I'm on meds currently that are NOT suited for bipolar, and my pdoc or the lady pdoc that I am *supposed* to be seeing needs to come around and start treating this seriously.

If I want to go back to university next semester, I need to be stable.

Thanks again for your advice and thoughts.

Parterxred
07-25-13, 11:49 PM
What i've experienced is that you have to be *extremely* pro-active when it comes to mental health treatment. You basically have to take charge. I recommend getting copies of all medical records (find out your state laws), but here in WA State, I am entitled to all my records, every visit or I can sue.

Here, you just have to fill out a release form each time. But you also have the right to fire your pdoc. I burned through several before I got one who took my research serious and went on a route that suited me and my illnesses for a solid stable recovery *fingers crossed*.

I will say though. I highly recommend expensive pharmaceuticals.

If you are capable of managing your ups and downs with stims and benzos. In my opinion, I think it's the proper treatment for BP. Mood stabilizers seem to create emptiness. And antidepressants seem to create a haze / filter from reality.

Most of this is from my experience and lots of it is biased evidently. So if I offended anyone. I am very sorry. But I believe you can be a ADD/BP Warrior by taking charge of your situation and mental health treatment program.

Let's be honest. Most pdocs don't give a rats *** about us. Just a number on a chart.

/rant off

Hope you are feeling better now BellaVita ;)

I'm sorry about Lamictal:(

I have had to take utter and complete control of my healthcare. It has been a combination of many factors. It has cultivated so much knowledge. I would say it has actually transformed me. I'm always open to questions from people trying to seek legitimate care. I won't even start to ramble.

Most of it is up to you. That becomes really empowering over time actually.

I was an administrator in OB/GYN lol. Experience.