View Full Version : Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse


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adhdpi
05-30-13, 05:50 AM
I am being forced to take antipsychotics because I panicked on the street and the docters think I am suffering from schizophrenia. I took antipsychotics for a year now and even thought I never panicked again I am against it. The worst thing about antipsychotics is that I believe that they block the concerta I am taking (they took me off concerta as well thinking it may worsen schizophrenia, but I found another doctor who secretly put me back on). Since taking antipsychotics (xeplion injection) I believe the concerta is working less effectively. Since antipsychotics block dopamine I am also afraid it may make my ADHD worse, is that true?

I want to be off antipsychotics but the doctor keeps convincing me I should be on and tells me again and again that my life's problems (concentration problems as well) are due to schizophrenia. They don't even want to listen to my explenation that my problems could be due to the ADD instead. I also do not think I have schizophrenia. I read everything about it and do not think I have it.

It's a difficult situation since they keep me on antipsychotics and they solely focus on schizophrenia and the doctor seems not to care about ADD. Maybe it's because my doctor treats schizophrenia, but not ADD.

I am afraid the antipsychotics kill my dopamine neurons or make them function worse (I read about this possibility) and worsen ADHD on the long term, which is really bad!

I accidently pressed submit button twice since the page was frozen for a long time.

sarahsweets
05-30-13, 06:08 AM
my first question is why are you continuing to see a doctor you dont agree with? Are you court ordered to take antipsychotics? If you feel the diagnosis is inaccurate you should be seeing a different doctor for a second opinion. 1 episode of panic should not constitute a schizophrenia diagnosis. However "secretly" getting a stimulant from a different doctor can cause its own problems and make you seem dishonest. If your country has any type of prescription drug monitoring the doctors can see what you are taking and who is prescribing it.

adhdpi
05-30-13, 06:15 AM
I was court ordered to take antipsychotics. Basically I panicked and they quickly decided that I might be dangerous to myself or others even thought I am not. Then (this was a year ago) I was hospitalized.

A couple of doctors have decided I had schizophrenia.

Now the ACT team is monitoring my medication and it's quite difficult to quit seeing the doctor. I asked for a doctor specialised in ADHD instead but they did not listen to me.

Today I am forcing them to lower my antipsychotic medication xeplion (75 mg to 50 mg). Later I might try to force them to stop medicating me if ofcourse I don't panick in the meanwhile and get hospitalized and court ordered again.

atSWIMtooboreds
05-30-13, 06:50 AM
They do basically the opposite thing ADHD meds do, so I think the answer is yes. But I don't know the details.

adhdpi
05-30-13, 08:19 AM
I had an appointment today. They told me I am free to lower my dosage or to stop antipsychotics even though it's against their advice. I asked them to lower my xeplion dosage and they agreed even though it wasn't adviced to do so.

However, they tell me that no doctor will ever prescribe me stimulants as they worsen schizophrenia and they tell me that stimulants will really, really mess me up.

But they are completely wrong about that: I took concerta 54/72 mg for about half a year now and it never has caused any problems!

They also told me that I cannot have ADD and I have schizophrenia instead and that this is a fact. They tell me that multiple doctors think I do not suffer from ADD, but schizophrenia instead. They tell me the concentration problems are a result of negative symptoms of schizophrenia.

How can they be so sure? I was officially diagnosed with ADD some time ago and I have used concerta with success (even though it did not normalize my concentration problems, but concerta is not a miracle cure). They tell me that stimulants did not work or even worked countraproductive and that this indicates that I do not suffer from ADD. However, that is not true. I did have some success with stimulants even though it didn't normalize my concentration difficulties. I mean I still have problems with concentration with add meds even though it does seem to work a bit. The shrink does not seem to believe me.

peripatetic
05-31-13, 02:18 PM
unsure i can get to all of your concerns/points, so saying at the outset:

when you say you "panicked on the street"...i believe you. what you're not saying is what you DID when you panicked. because you don't end up with a schizophrenia diagnosis and on depot injections after being hospitalized because you just panicked internally. there were some actions/behaviors taken/exhibited and therein lies the key to why they're diagnosing you with schizophrenia.

you don't have to post here, or anywhere, more detail on what happened, but if you want to really understand why you have that diagnosis...taking a good hard look at what actions/behaviors you exhibited and what you migth've said or done...THAT is why you got that diagnosis. i can appreciate why you don't want to divulge what happened here, but please examine that for yourself and get a better understanding of why you got that diagnosis before you discontinue/discount it because...

I had an appointment today. They told me I am free to lower my dosage or to stop antipsychotics even though it's against their advice. I asked them to lower my xeplion dosage and they agreed even though it wasn't adviced to do so.


you are playing with fire.


However, they tell me that no doctor will ever prescribe me stimulants as they worsen schizophrenia and they tell me that stimulants will really, really mess me up.


this is true and untrue, from what i've seen/known. yes, you can have both and get prescribed stimulants, but it's kinda like lithium/other mood stabilizers for bipolar 1: you have to be stabilized FIRST with respect to mood/psychosis, and ONLY AFTER THAT would you add stimulant medication.

and let's be frank: negative symptoms of schizophrenia look a whole ******* lot like depression; cognitive symptoms look a lot like ADHD, paranoia and certain traits look a lot like OCD/anxiety...there's a reason it can often serve as a trump card diagnosis of sorts.

but the fact is, IF you are prone to psychotic breaks *without* any medication at all...i.e. if you had a break when not on any meds...then simply discontinuing antipsychotics will set you up to have another. and another. and another. if you were to stop antipsychotics AND continue stimulant medication....you WILL **** YOURSELF UP.

and as much as you might think adhd symptoms are tough on your life/difficult to manage...that is nothing compared to repeated hospitalizations/breaks and the toll that will take on your life, your health, and frankly your "life outcome."

i fully recognize the difficulty in accepting diagnosis and there's a thing called anosognisia whereby you really don't believe you're ill...but IF you have the wherewithal to think twice about this is strongly encourage you to not make this decision to discontinue injections lightly because much like a hardboiled egg, you can't uncrack that shell and repeated cracks will take a toll you can't even imagine from your vantage point.


But they are completely wrong about that: I took concerta 54/72 mg for about half a year now and it never has caused any problems!


um...except the whole panicking in teh street thing...yeah?


They also told me that I cannot have ADD and I have schizophrenia instead and that this is a fact. They tell me that multiple doctors think I do not suffer from ADD, but schizophrenia instead. They tell me the concentration problems are a result of negative symptoms of schizophrenia.


well...that's not corroborated by everyone's experience, but you can perhaps get a second opinion. lying to them about having a second practitioner prescribing you medication is NOT the way to navigate this.

in my opinion you need to get real honest with SOMEONE who is a medical professional and you need to stop playing pharmacist yourself thinking you can figure it out yourself better than they can. if you could...you wouodn't've panicked, yes? you wouldn't've been hospitalized to begin with, and that you got put on depot injections after your first break...that IS telling. clearly you haven't been able to handle it. which is fine...there's no shame in not being able to handle your ****. but don't fool yourself into thinking that was some one time deal that you can now navigate without medication or, worse with ONLY stimulant medication.

i know a lot of people who discontinue but only who discontinue everything at once. i don't know anyone who ONLY keeps stimulant medication who's been put on antipsychotics but i agree with your doctors: you are setting yourself up for peril. big time.


How can they be so sure? I was officially diagnosed with ADD some time ago and I have used concerta with success (even though it did not normalize my concentration problems, but concerta is not a miracle cure). They tell me that stimulants did not work or even worked countraproductive and that this indicates that I do not suffer from ADD. However, that is not true. I did have some success with stimulants even though it didn't normalize my concentration difficulties. I mean I still have problems with concentration with add meds even though it does seem to work a bit. The shrink does not seem to believe me.

how they're so sure rests in what actions/speech/behaviors you exhibited with that whole "panicking in the street" thing as well as what you said/did/presented on intake at the hospital. like i said, i don't expect you to divulge detials on that but recognize for yourself there's a lot more going on than you internally panicked. that was how you felt and what you did...but what did others perceive you doing? what actions did you take as a result of feeling that way? what did you say? therein lies your answer.

i realize my response may come off as blunt or harsh and that is and isn't my intention. i have nothing but compassion for you in your situation. at the same time, you're asking questions on a forum where the majority of people have little to no experience with psychosis, much less hospitalizations from and depot injection antipsychotics. anyone supporting/validating your discontinuation without a fuller picture of what that "panic" looked like and the ramifications of psychotic breaks and how medication discontinuation plays a role in that (and surely how continuing stimulants unchecked would almost undoubtedly exacerbate it) is doing so *because* of lacking that information and it's putting them in a bit of an unfair position.

best wishes to you and i hope this is useful information fo ryou to consider as you're navigating these issues.

sarek
05-31-13, 02:34 PM
I dont have much to add to the excellent advice Peri gave you. If you are on anti psychotics, you have them for a good reason and it could be extremely dangerous (for yourself or for others, depending on what happened) to stop taking them or even lower the dosage.

adhdpi
06-03-13, 05:01 AM
Ok thank you for that advice.

But they are completely wrong about that: I took concerta 54/72 mg for about half a year now and it never has caused any problems! um...except the whole panicking in teh street thing...yeah?

That panicking was longer then a year ago. And it probably wasn't caused by concerta.

I took concerta for 6 months without f***ing myself up. Sometimes I even take 108 mg concerta on a day without any problems what so ever.

However, if I stop antipsychotics I may get a panick attack again. I am not sure. Because I got a second panick attack when I quit taking medications and they took me to mental hospital again. This is why I don't want to quit antipsychotics completely. If I get panick attack again they will take me to mental hospital again and find out that I am taking concerta and they may order my doctor to stop it.

The day that I panicked I ran fleeing and calling for help. Why? Well, that is a long story, but one thing is sure: I was completely panicked. I thought that my life was at danger. I am extremely afraid of dying and I thought I was going to die so that is why I panicked very severely. The ambulance came and took me away. They took me by force because they thought I was having some kind of psychosis I think.

The day I panicked I accidently took an overdose of dexedrine. I took 30 pills which is 150 mg (!!!!) dexedrine at once. I think I even took 60+ pills which is 300+ mg. However, I did not panick because of the dexedrine, it was something else that I panicked from which is a long story that you will not believe. Very complicated. I felt my life was going to end soon and that was why I panicked severely.

I also took quercetin + vitamin c, which I thought could counter the toxic effect of taking such a high dosage. I thought it would counter the toxic effect so I would stay well even when taking 300+ mg of dexedrine. Well, I did not get any side effects from taking 300+ mg dexedrine so maybe it worked. The doctor did said my heart rate was high though, but I think it was the panick (I was completely surrounded by nurses who tried to constrain me so ofcourse I was panicking).

When thinking about the event I believe that even that dosage did not worsen my psychosis (if I have psychosis).

The strange thing is I don't think I have schizophrenia because I do not seem to have the symptoms.

sarahsweets
06-03-13, 05:07 AM
If you took 300mg of dexedrine I can almost guarantee you panicked because of it.

Ok thank you for that advice.



That panicking was longer then a year ago. And it probably wasn't caused by concerta.

I took concerta for 6 months without f***ing myself up. Sometimes I even take 108 mg concerta on a day without any problems what so ever.

However, if I stop antipsychotics I may get a panick attack again. I am not sure. Because I got a second panick attack when I quit taking medications and they took me to mental hospital again. This is why I don't want to quit antipsychotics completely. If I get panick attack again they will take me to mental hospital again and find out that I am taking concerta and they may order my doctor to stop it.

The day that I panicked I ran fleeing and calling for help. Why? Well, that is a long story, but one thing is sure: I was completely panicked. The ambulance came and took me away. They took me by force because they thought I was having some kind of psychosis I think.

The day I panicked I accidently took a overdose of dexedrine. I took 30 pills which is 300 mg (!!!!) dexedrine at once. However, I did not panick because of the dexedrine, it was something else that I panicked from which is a long story that you will not believe. Very complicated.

The strange thing is I don't think I have schizophrenia because I do not seem to have the symptoms.

adhdpi
06-03-13, 05:38 AM
No I'm sure it isn't because I panicked without concerta/ dexedrine and antipsychotics later (I refused antipsychotics, but did not take any concerta as it wasn't allowed back then).

Also, I know where that panick came from and even though the dexedrine might have excerbated it a little bit, it really wasn't the source. The main source of why I was panicking is because I thought I was going to die. Why? Well, that is a long story that you wouldn't believe. It could be that there was a hallucination/ delusion that triggered this but I am not sure.

Can a hallucination/ delusion trigger that you think you could die and as such cause extreme panick?

I had an experience prior to that panick that might be a hallucination/ delusion, however I am not sure.

adhdpi
06-03-13, 05:48 AM
you are playing with fire.

Why? Because I could go into panick again?

adhdpi
06-03-13, 09:09 AM
I could explain exactly why I thought I was going to die and panicked as a result, but that is a long story and no-one would believe it I think. If I tell the story you would think that I was indeed psychotic I think.

peripatetic
06-03-13, 11:27 AM
Why? Because I could go into panick again?

because if what you're calling panick is a psychotic break having those repeatedly takes an enormous toll on your brain, to include cognitive functioning, and every time you land in the hospital again as the result of one your overall life funcitoning diminishes considerably. you do not want to decompensate. you really don't. trust me on this.

peripatetic
06-03-13, 11:28 AM
Can a hallucination/ delusion trigger that you think you could die and as such cause extreme panick?

yes, absolutely.

atSWIMtooboreds
06-03-13, 11:31 AM
I could explain exactly why I thought I was going to die and panicked as a result, but that is a long story and no-one would believe it I think. If I tell the story you would think that I was indeed psychotic I think.

No offense, but that means that you probably were, during your "panic". Be reasonable in your self-assessment.

peripatetic
06-03-13, 11:31 AM
I could explain exactly why I thought I was going to die and panicked as a result, but that is a long story and no-one would believe it I think. If I tell the story you would think that I was indeed psychotic I think.

i'm listening. if you care to share, lay it on me. no judgment. you want my sincere opinion? i'll give it to you. i'm not going to lie to you and tell you i don't think it sounds like you were delusional/hallucinating if i think you were, but i do understand how one can be deemed psychotic and still be making a lot of sense. i'm not your average bear in thhat respect. ;-)

you can also send me a private message if you do want to discuss and don't want to post it on the open forum.

you can also not discuss it anywhere if you don't want to, but i will say that thus far, particularly in light of the dexedrine thhing...stimulants really don't sound like a great idea for you.

adhdpi
06-03-13, 01:31 PM
I have posted my story here:

http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Have-Experienced-Psychosis/3027315

I first thought that it may be psychosis so I posted it on a psychosis story website. However, I now believe it's not a psychosis. Why? Because I read alot of stories about schizophrenia and they are actually different from what I have experienced. But it isn't a story you hear everyday.

atSWIMtooboreds
06-03-13, 01:35 PM
I have posted my story here:

http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Have-Experienced-Psychosis/3027315

I first thought that it may be psychosis so I posted it on a psychosis story website. However, I now believe it's not a psychosis. Why? Because I read alot of stories about schizophrenia and they are actually different from what I have experienced. But it isn't story you hear everyday.

This sounds a lot like psychosis, beginning with your "treatment protocol" and getting worse through the voices and the blowing up the galaxy and everything. You've got mania, paranoia, delusions, hallucinations, basically a grab-bag of trouble. I recommend against taking stimulants.

peripatetic
06-03-13, 01:43 PM
i would recommend against diagnosing people online with conditions you don't have and, even if yoiu do, you're not a medical professional...swim person.

adhdpi
06-03-13, 01:43 PM
This sounds a lot like psychosis, beginning with your "treatment protocol" and getting worse through the voices and the blowing up the galaxy and everything. You've got mania, paranoia, delusions, hallucinations, basically a grab-bag of trouble. I recommend against taking stimulants.

You are not saying that just because my story sounds unreal right?

I take stimulants without trouble. However I think I am not lowering my antipsychotic medication any further.

peripatetic
06-03-13, 01:44 PM
adhdpi: because others' storiies aren't identical to yours isn't all that telling. i can find multple similar themes if you wanted a step by step breakdown...? you might also be looking at certain subtypes' criteria and not seeing how you could fit into others.

atSWIMtooboreds
06-03-13, 01:45 PM
i would recommend against diagnosing people online with conditions you don't have and, even if yoiu do, you're not a medical professional...swim person.

Sure, I'd hope that goes without saying. That said, the OP has already had advice from medical professionals. S/he's thinking about going against that advice. I'm recommending s/he instead go with it. Not sure what the issue is.

atSWIMtooboreds
06-03-13, 01:46 PM
You are not saying that just because my story sounds unreal right?

I take stimulants without trouble. However I think I am not lowering my antipsychotic medication any further.

Not just because it sounds unreal, no. But that's certainly a big part of it. Shouldn't it be?

peripatetic
06-03-13, 01:58 PM
the issue is telling someone she's manic, hallucinating, etc...those terms are not so easily discerned by layperson's and relaly, i never said she should go against advice if you actulaly read my posts. thanks

adhdpi
06-03-13, 02:05 PM
Not just because it sounds unreal, no. But that's certainly a big part of it. Shouldn't it be?
Then why do you think it's a psychosis?

My story sounds unreal, especially when you read it while researching if I might be psychotic, however, not all unreal stories are psychotic stories.

And you wrote that the "treatment protocol" is part of the psychosis. However that isn't part of it, I spent 4-7 years researching this treatment protocol, way before I started having "psychotic episodes" (If I had them).

atSWIMtooboreds
06-03-13, 03:39 PM
the issue is telling someone she's manic, hallucinating, etc...those terms are not so easily discerned by layperson's and relaly, i never said she should go against advice if you actulaly read my posts. thanks

I never thought you had said that - that's why I was confused! :)

adhdpi, the "treatment protocol" development sounds like extended mania to me, and the worries about the doctors and the Pentagon sound like paranoia. My guess is that's why the doctors feel you're already too "up" and are prescribing you dopamine antagonists rather than releasing agents or reuptake inhibitors. I am telling you that, from an outsider's perspective, their concerns seem justified and you should be very, very careful.

adhdpi
06-04-13, 03:08 AM
adhdpi, the "treatment protocol" development sounds like extended mania to me, and the worries about the doctors and the Pentagon sound like paranoia. My guess is that's why the doctors feel you're already too "up" and are prescribing you dopamine antagonists rather than releasing agents or reuptake inhibitors. I am telling you that, from an outsider's perspective, their concerns seem justified and you should be very, very careful.

Actually there are people who think about it the same way as I do.

You want to see how certain people reacted when I promoted my "treatment protocol"?

Here is someone's comment:

Destroying tumours without professional help will most likely cause tumour lysis syndrome. That can kill you faster than a deadly cancer tumour and many cancer tumours can be cured over time. Trying to remove it with EXPERIMENTAL and theoretically "safe" ingredients is stupid and I hope you burn in hell for trying to encourage this reckless and dangerous theory tested mainly on rats so far.

My treatment protocol in theory is WAY more dangerous then taking 30 dexedrine pills at once.

Chivalry
06-04-13, 07:07 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZB28gfSmz1Y

Chivalry
06-04-13, 07:16 PM
http://i.imgur.com/BpNzlkg.png

adhdpi
06-05-13, 05:05 AM
I saw the interview and now I really don't think I had psychosis.

peripatetic
06-05-13, 05:28 AM
psychosis isn't a one size fits all, however, and your blog entry has several points that make it understandable why your doctors would draw that conclusion.and that's not based on it seeming realistic or not. the other fact is that people do tend to notice someone having an episode and may well be talking more about things. just because people really are concerning selves with you more...your thought and perceptual processes can still qualify as psychotic.

adhdpi
06-05-13, 03:18 PM
psychosis isn't a one size fits all, however, and your blog entry has several points that make it understandable why your doctors would draw that conclusion.and that's not based on it seeming realistic or not. the other fact is that people do tend to notice someone having an episode and may well be talking more about things. just because people really are concerning selves with you more...your thought and perceptual processes can still qualify as psychotic.

Can you tell me more about why you think it's a psychosis?

peripatetic
06-05-13, 07:53 PM
yes i can and i'm willing to go point by point through and tell you why....but it's contingent upon this:

are you actually willing to consider it might be? taht you might've been presenting traits/behavoirs in line with psychosis?

if your mind is made up, please dno't have me take a lot of time trying to help you piece together something that you're not really open to considering.

and it's ok if you're not open to it and your mind is made up. i don't have some deep drive to convince you or anything...

i am more than willing to try to help you see how you might have an illness that is often shrouded in anosognosia by defniition and willing to do so because medication discontinuation is a problem of a magnitude that *IF* you do have it...you really...i would hope to help you find a way to spare yourself that if possible.

however...i need to konw that yo'ud truly consider and not jsut be looking to dismiss what points i might have to offer. i'm not asking you to say you'll agree with me... just that you aren't asking me to build you up a line of reasoning you have no desire to do anything but seek to dismantle.

if you are at that position of you NOT being psychotic is unfalsifiable...i.e. that there is NOTHING that would EVER persuade you or that you would even really fully consider...that's ok. maybe another day...maybe not...but please assure me that i'd not just be talking for you to have something to reject because you've already made up your mind.

hope that makes sense. x

adhdpi
06-06-13, 03:18 AM
I'm not ruling out the possibility of it being a psychosis, however I'm not convinced that it is a psychosis. But I do want to know the arguments of why you think it's a psychosis. That way you can persuade me more if it is a psychosis or not.

oneup
06-06-13, 04:39 AM
The day I panicked I accidently took an overdose of dexedrine. I took 30 pills which is 150 mg (!!!!) dexedrine at once. I think I even took 60+ pills which is 300+ mg.

That is a grip of amphetamine. I won't ask how you "accidentally" take 30-60 pills. But there is this thing called stimulant psychosis, caused by taking high doses of stimulants. Consider that you were hospitalized the same day you took like a week or more worth of stimulants all at once. Are you sure there is no connection?


Also you mention "sensitization". There is an article on this, which I can post the link to, but I think you got it backwards. Sensitization works (theoretically) by taking dopamine antagonists, such as antipsychotics. These block the dopamine receptor, which theoretically causes the cells to produce more dopamine and/or dopamine receptors, to maintain homeostasis. Whereas taking dopamine agonists, such as amphtemine, would cause the reverse (desensitization), especially at high doses, leading to drug tolerance.

Caveat: I am not recommending starting or stopping any medication, or any other action, other than talking about this with your doctors.

peripatetic
06-07-13, 03:41 AM
I'm not ruling out the possibility of it being a psychosis, however I'm not convinced that it is a psychosis. But I do want to know the arguments of why you think it's a psychosis. That way you can persuade me more if it is a psychosis or not.

ok. fair enough. i was just checking :-)

it might take me a bit of time to do a decent job of it, but i'll try to get to it sometime this weekend if not before.

in the meantime, take care and best to you. x

EDIT: oh...and if for some reason i wander and it slips my mind, please don't hesitate to send me a message reminding me :-) i do want to be helpful but i can forget things here and there. x

adhdpi
06-07-13, 07:26 AM
Wow is explaining why you think I suffer from psychosis that complicated/ difficult?

Canadian Mess
06-07-13, 09:22 AM
Maybe I can add in to this thread and help OP know why Peripheral believes you may have schizophrenia:

I found a good website that explains schizophrenia here:


http://www.camh.ca/en/hospital/health_information/a_z_mental_health_and_addiction_information/schizophrenia/Pages/Schizophrenia.aspx (http://www.camh.ca/en/hospital/health_information/a_z_mental_health_and_addiction_information/schizophrenia/Pages/Schizophrenia.aspx)



They say “People with schizophrenia can have a range of symptoms including periods when they cannot tell the difference between what is real and what is imagined. Schizophrenia seriously disturbs the way people think, feel and relate to others.” They classify the symptoms of schizophrenia as “positive symptoms” and “negative symptoms”.

From reading your posts and the link you gave us, it does sound very much like you may have it and may not be aware of it and here’s why:

The positive symptoms are:

· delusions (fixed, false beliefs that are not consistent with the person's culture, and have no basis in fact)

· hallucinations (people hear, see, taste, smell or feel something that does not actually exist)

· disorganized thoughts (unconnected thoughts that make it impossible to communicate clearly with other people)

· disorganized mood (finding it hard to express feelings; feeling inappropriate or intense bursts of emotion; feeling empty of any emotions)

· disorganized behaviour (cannot complete everyday tasks such as bathing, dressing appropriately and preparing simple meals)

· changes in sensitivity (more sensitive and aware of other people; or withdrawn and seeming to pay no attention to others).

Negative symptoms:

· slowing of physical activity levels or, more rarely, overactivity

· reduced motivation, for example, problems finishing tasks or making long-term plans

· loss of interest in the feelings and lives of others

· less concern for personal appearance

How your account on that link/posts match up to schizophrenia:

You show signs of delusions (“Even the pentagon was discussing my cancer threatment protocol saying it had killed around 10000 cancer patients… “ It also raises red flags that when you studied flavinoids, posted it online and promoted it and then two cancer patients tried it and died dropping like they died from arsenic and then suddenly 10000 cancer patients died from it and the pentagon is out to get you. Flavinoids are found in many foods we eat and we could go into a lengthy discussion why this account sounds questionable. In fact, I've read many studies about flavinoids and other anti-oxidants components. There are a ton of studies into their benefits and possible treatments for cancer, although none are conclusive so far. )

You have experienced hallucinations- “I “saw” and felt them deploying seals to kill me.” “When I was residing in a hotel I suddenly heard “a voice.”” You then went into how the voice was your future and was actually a computer and you spoke to it through psy-waves and it told you how you were to die...

In your account there were times when there were disorganized thoughts were things that didn’t seem to make sense were together (For example, you went from talking about inattentive ADHD to about how you may have killed people with a cancer treatment to then discussing a treatment for your ADHD and then a paranoia about the hotel voice etc)

There are probably other points I’m missing but the fact that you thought a voice was your future, that the Pentagon was going to kill you and you ran away from home, being able to communicate with the voice with “phy-waves”, the computer voice could predict your futue and the blowing up the galaxy comments … all sound like schizophrenia.

I believe another symptom of schizophrenia is sometimes the patient is paranoid about the doctors and does not like the treatment and thinks they don’t need help.

Now what about your claim of ADHD?

It could be that you were diagnosed with ADHD as you have said because you do have a history of symptoms of ADHD. However, schizophrenia is something that comes to live in 1 in 100 people of the population usually in your mid-20s (it can be later in life, or teens etc). When you started showing these signs and had that panic when you overdosed on ADHD stimulants… the doctors need to go off of what they see and your history. Maybe you discussed the psychosis episode with them, and that showed clear signs to them.

Schizophrenia also causes disorganized mood, slowing of physical activity levels or, more rarely, over activity, disorganized behaviour, reduced motivation… which looks at lot at first glance like ADHD. But the things you’ve gone through is nothing like what we with ADHD go through. A lot of mental disorders at first glance look like ADHD.

Maybe you are right, you may have both ADHD and schizophrenia… or you really need to stop taking so much stimulant meds if you have just ADHD. The point is, you haven't told your doctors about the cause of the episode/ or what you did that may have triggered it. You didn't tell them about the concerta or the other drug. So all they see is the symptoms, without knowing any other underlying factors. They are trying to treat what they see that is obvious, you running and panicking and thinking the pentagon is after you... is what they saw.

Hope this helps some- schizophrenia happens to 1 in 100 people, it doesn't make you a bad person if you really have it.

Canadian Mess
06-07-13, 09:43 AM
Originally Posted by adhdpi http://www.addforums.com/forums/images/buttons/viewpost.gif (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?p=1492832#post1492832)
The day I panicked I accidently took an overdose of dexedrine. I took 30 pills which is 150 mg (!!!!) dexedrine at once. I think I even took 60+ pills which is 300+ mg.

The post here says... the day you panicked (cause), you accidently took 30 pills and maybe 60+ pills (effect). That is a red flag bud, that something is wrong. Whether that be the mix of anti-physcotics and a stimulant (cause) or you had a physcotic episode unrelated to the stimulant (cause) and then took 30-60 pills of stimulant (effect).... all 3 possibilities point to something being very, very wrong and it makes a lot of sense that the doctors are concerned about you.

peripatetic
06-07-13, 09:44 AM
Wow is explaining why you think I suffer from psychosis that complicated/ difficult?

For me on a good day? No. Not at all because its mapped out structurally crystal clearly in my head and I can outline it in detail point by point quite cleanly.

On a harder day? No. Not without extensive effort and even then probably an edit for clarity assist from someone who knows me well and can translate what I'm trying to say.

At the time I posted it wasn't a good day but another one will happen ;-)

adhdpi
06-08-13, 10:04 AM
There are probably other points I’m missing but the fact that you thought a voice was your future, that the Pentagon was going to kill you and you ran away from home, being able to communicate with the voice with “phy-waves”, the computer voice could predict your futue and the blowing up the galaxy comments … all sound like schizophrenia.
Why? Are these kind of stories common with schizophrenia?

peripatetic
06-08-13, 11:31 AM
yes, many points of your story are common with people who've been diagnosed with schizophrenia. that's what that guy who called me peripheral (don't worry, random new member, he's a good friend, so if you're going to mix me up with someone he's as good as any and our usernames are close now) was trying to map out in that long post eighths symptom types and matching your experiences to them. that's the entire reason i was going to post but no need to duplicate work already done.

Wenny82
06-08-13, 05:33 PM
I've been taking anti-psychotics for years. I've had just about everyone of them, and the best one that works for me is Saphris, it's sublingual and dissolves instantly under your tongue and kicks in fast. It's for extreme excitability and moodiness and also for schizophrenia. I've never had any bad side effects with it, and it's the best one I've ever tried. It controls my mood swings, and anxiety, and also helps with the crash from the Adderall.

adhdpi
06-09-13, 01:42 AM
Actually I am not convinced that the event was fake, but I don't have the evidence that it was real either (I am in the process of trying to collect evidence).

The schizophrenia symptoms you are discussing are already known to me.

The "voices" I communicated with were intelligent. In no way did it seem fake. It really appeared that I was communicating with intelligent entities from the future. The entire happening did not seem fake.

And after all you can't be sure if it is fake or real. So I am still considering the possibility that it was real.

Regarding the sensitisation and the cancer treatment protocol (flavonoids): I can explain more about that but I only do that if you really want to know because they are more complex matters. Leave a message telling me to explain more about it if you want to know more.

Canadian Mess
06-10-13, 11:06 AM
yes, many points of your story are common with people who've been diagnosed with schizophrenia. that's what that guy who called me peripheral (don't worry, random new member, he's a good friend, so if you're going to mix me up with someone he's as good as any and our usernames are close now) was trying to map out in that long post eighths symptom types and matching your experiences to them. that's the entire reason i was going to post but no need to duplicate work already done.

Sorry, I have a really bad time with names so I usually mix people up really bad.

Canadian Mess
06-10-13, 11:12 AM
Why? Are these kind of stories common with schizophrenia?

Yes, extremely common. And to address your comment that things felt real and didn't seem fake, if you have schizophrenia then to you they are real. That's why we think it is schizophrenia because if you think about what "reality" is (this is a massive discussion in of itself that is complex), NT don't get conversations with intelligent life forms from the future, neither do I and I have ADHD.

All the same, please talk to your health professional and have this discussion with them. It really does sound like schizophrenia from that story, your posts, the experience that you had and the striking similarities to other stories of people with schizophrenia.

If you still aren't convinced, try looking up the "symptoms of schizophrenia" and find a detailed or simple explanations depending on your reading style and comphrension. Watch videos on youtube of documentaries about schizophrenia and you will see they go through the same thing.

As for the flavinoid conversation, it is interesting but I'm still pre-occupied with other studies right now, and will need to finish those for now, but thank you for the opportunity.

adhdpi
07-09-13, 09:06 AM
All the same, please talk to your health professional and have this discussion with them. It really does sound like schizophrenia from that story, your posts, the experience that you had and the striking similarities to other stories of people with schizophrenia.


I really don't see the striking similarities between my story and stories from people with schizophrenia.

Some things that happened have convinced me that I might not be suffering from schizophrenia.

I have now decided to (temporarily) stop antipsychotics to see what happens.

I am afraid that antipsychotics counteract the stimulants and may make ADHD worse. Someone told me that I risk a decrease in mental functioning if I stop antipsychotics and get another psychotic attack. However, I am already functioning at minimum: I cannot concentrate on anything and I never held a job or completed a college degree due to the ADHD that I have. Hell, I am not even able to hold a part time job or a job for 3 hours a week. And I am not able to interpret anything I read from books. I'm sick of spending the entire day doing literally nothing at all. At least if I get another psychosis I will be able to study the psychosis (if it is real or not) and I will have something to do.

I'm sick of being unable to read books, get a job, concentrate on anything, having low motivation etc. etc. etc. I am afraid that antipsychotics block the concerta I take therefore causing me to have to spend the next decade daydreaming, daydreaming and daydreaming.

By the way I did look at a lot of documentaries about schizophrenia and all convince me that I do not have schizophrenia.

ana futura
07-09-13, 11:37 AM
Schizophrenia, ADHD, and bipolar can be hard to tease apart sometimes. My cousin has been diagnosed alternately with Schizophrenia and bipolar. Her doctors still can't figure out exactly what is going on. I suspect she has ADHD too, since the whole family does. But even though she doesn't have an exact diagnosis, she experiences episodes that have led her doctors to understand that she should take anti-psychotics. Her life is better when she is on anti-psychotics, even though she doesn't really appear to have what one would think of as schizophrenia.

Also, I have ADHD, and I hear voices sometimes too. But I know that these voices are all me. Not a future me, but me right now, talking in several different "forms" - angry, sad, etc.

Your voices are all coming from you to. All disembodied voices come from the person who hears them. The voices aren't "fake", and they are intelligent- because they are different parts of you trying to communicate with yourself. For some people, it is very difficult to discern the "true" source, because the parts that are trying to communicate with you are "hidden". In fact, it is often so difficult to see the source that what i'm saying might sound impossible. But based upon what science tells us, this is what's happening.

Sometimes my own voices start to get very loud, and a little carried away. At times like those, i can see how it's possible to think they come from someplace else, so I understand why you might not be able to see this.

If you don't like your doctors, perhaps you should get a second opinion. You might not have schizophrenia after all, but it does sound like whatever you have, anti psychotic meds will probably be helpful.

ana futura
07-09-13, 12:13 PM
And what Peri said about your playing with fire is true. You might not have experienced a psychotic episode, but there is also a significant chance that you did. If you did, and you stop taking your meds and then have another, your cognitive functioning will decline further. It's likely that the ADHD symptoms you are experiencing now will worsen as well. And having another episode won't tell you anything new, because if you are having psychotic episodes, you won't be able to recognize them fully. Unfortunately that uncertainty is the nature of psychosis.

I assume you came here and asked your question because you are having some doubts and questions, about everything. I think the safest thing to do, as long as there is even the slightest chance that you had an episode before, is to stay on the anti-psychotics. Even if that doubt is very small in your mind, staying on them is the safest choice for your long term well being.

adhdpi
07-10-13, 04:19 AM
I never noticed any declining mental functioning, the last time I had a "psychosis".

I strongly believe that ADHD is causing me to be unable to concentrate on anything and underarchieve in life. I am afraid that antipsychotics block the concerta and may even make my ADHD worse. Which is bad because I am daydreaming the entire day and I am sick of doing nothing the entire day except listening to music.

It's difficult to explain but my situation is different I think then yours.

The boringness is killing me and if I have another "psychosis" it would be fun I think, at least I will have something to do like communicating with the future me and alike.

I actually received a sophisticated drawing from the future which explains how to build an artificially intelligent computer.

To be honest I found the "psychosis" I had previously very interesting and fun.

Like said before, if I don't control the ADHD well i'll be daydreaming the entire day and for the rest of my life. Is this how I want to spend my life? I strongly believe that with antipsychotics concerta works worse then normal. I can't accept daydreaming the entire day and doing nothing but listening to music.

I live on disability funds. Due to the ADHD I can't have any jobs, simply because I am daydreaming non-stop and not doing anything productive. If I can't control my ADHD, if I ever get called to get a job, I will not be able to do any jobs at all and I will get into financial trouble. I am 29 year old and all my attempts to get a job (even a part time job) have failed, simply because I am just standing there not doing anything.

And if I don't control my ADHD I will never be able to read books well.

I believe that meds like concerta can trigger a process called sensitisation/ upregulation, which can cause long term improvements in ADHD symptoms over longer periods (like 10-20 years), but this is another story...

adhdpi
07-10-13, 05:06 AM
By the way, I made this decision of reducing antipsychotics or stopping them after more then 1 month of thinking. I "analyzed" every "psychotic" thought I had and everything else.

I don't have any jobs, all I do is sitting in chair the entire day so I had enough time to think about it.

I am not making this decision lightly.

Some people will think: If you complain about boringness, why don't you just work as a volunteer somewhere. The truth is: Even if I am working, I am actually daydreaming 90% and working 10%. Working requires (sustained) mental activity/ concentration, which my brain hates somehow. Everytime I concentrate on something my brain clearly rejects it. So even if I can work as a volunteer, it's something that my brain does not likes to do. I can't sustain mental attention on anything.

I work 10% and daydream 90% which makes it as if I am not working so I can just abandon my volunteer job and sit in a chair daydreaming the entire day.

Working/ concentrating for me is the same thing as not working and not concentrating.

daveddd
07-10-13, 05:48 AM
Schizophrenia, ADHD, and bipolar can be hard to tease apart sometimes. My cousin has been diagnosed alternately with Schizophrenia and bipolar. Her doctors still can't figure out exactly what is going on. I suspect she has ADHD too, since the whole family does. But even though she doesn't have an exact diagnosis, she experiences episodes that have led her doctors to understand that she should take anti-psychotics. Her life is better when she is on anti-psychotics, even though she doesn't really appear to have what one would think of as schizophrenia.

Also, I have ADHD, and I hear voices sometimes too. But I know that these voices are all me. Not a future me, but me right now, talking in several different "forms" - angry, sad, etc.

Your voices are all coming from you to. All disembodied voices come from the person who hears them. The voices aren't "fake", and they are intelligent- because they are different parts of you trying to communicate with yourself. For some people, it is very difficult to discern the "true" source, because the parts that are trying to communicate with you are "hidden". In fact, it is often so difficult to see the source that what i'm saying might sound impossible. But based upon what science tells us, this is what's happening.

Sometimes my own voices start to get very loud, and a little carried away. At times like those, i can see how it's possible to think they come from someplace else, so I understand why you might not be able to see this.

If you don't like your doctors, perhaps you should get a second opinion. You might not have schizophrenia after all, but it does sound like whatever you have, anti psychotic meds will probably be helpful.

you mean like thoughts?

or acoustic voices

sarahsweets
07-10-13, 06:15 AM
I have been forunote. U rake deodon whs is life saver, but I take the geodon at night.

tudorose
07-10-13, 06:25 AM
Before I start I just want you to know I'm not casting any judgments on you or saying whether you have this or that or the other coz I don't know.

I was prescribed anti-psychotics for a short period of time back in 2003. In fact I was on them when I joined the forum.

I was prescribed them for PTSD. It wasn't because of any episodes but it was to try and restabilise me and stop me harming myself or anyone else. When they did work for a while I started really wondering if I was actually crazy because they were working.

After the PTSD event I felt unsafe everywhere and needed help. In hindsight I probably should have been taken off my ADHD meds during this time and given beta blockers instead but that's the nature of psychiatry - trial and error.

I eventually went off the anti-psychotics in a big tantrum and protest because I wanted counselling and they wouldn't give it to me. So I threatened to climb to the top of the skyscraper of my employer and not come down until they gave me counselling. I know that probably does sound crazy but I was completely in my right mind at the time because I had made a reasonable request and was being denied a reasonable response and I knew the answers to my problems lay in counselling and behaviour training rather than in a bottle of pills. Yes it was hard but I actually started to get better after that - because I had chosen to fight.

I guess what I really wanted to say here is that just because anti-psychotics work it doesn't mean you are crazy. It doesn't always mean it is the correct decision but as far as psychiatry is concerned it is the 'cover your @ss' decision that they will do if they think you may harm yourself or someone else.

I don't know how you survived 300mg dex in one go without dying to be honest. For a doctor to prescribe you stims now given what you have done that in the past it could have huge legal ramifications for them if you were to overdose and harm yourself or someone else.

I don't think it's really about whether anti-psychotics work with stims here. I think the issue here is the legal consequences for any medical practitioner who prescribes you stims given the risk and the need for them to exercise caution so they are not held legally responsible for any possible consequences.

adhdpi
07-10-13, 09:27 AM
Well, I told them I am willing to accept a low dosage of xeplion (25 mg) every 4 weeks. This way I hope I won't panic again. They did not respond yet.

Actually, I what you call psychosis appears to me like communicating with the future. And I really want to communicate with my future again. (even thought I am not sure it is real ofcourse - saying this - the truth is I do think it's real but you can't be sure of anything).

One of the main reasons I decided to lower my antipsychotic dosage is that I read alot about psi phenomenon (telepathy, telekinesis) and the things I studied convinced me that maybe psi exists after all. There is actually some proof. This is why I no longer think I am having a psychosis, but I think I actually may be experiencing psi (telepathy with the future).

I know it sounds crazy to you, but you got to read all about it.

Here take a look at this:

http://www.deanradin.com/evidence/evidence.htm (http://www.deanradin.com/evidence/evidence.htm)

Uri Geller under controlled conditions:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_I3vs539So&list=PL1x26XXIJ0Perg7030pmnIxQG-9rIo_IN

Documentary about telekinesis:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3uVvG0t3pj0 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3uVvG0t3pj0)

Nina Kulagina under controlled conditions:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L61RptUUEqU (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L61RptUUEqU)

ana futura
07-10-13, 06:20 PM
you mean like thoughts?

or acoustic voices

They are thoughts and I never attribute them to an external source, nor have I ever thought they were coming from an external source. But- the type of thought I'm talking about can feel loud and oppressive. Sometimes the thoughts are addressed to me- If I really want my brain to quiet down, I might hear "You'll never get me to shut up!" Or it might insult me. It's almost like my brain's talking to me as a separate entity. It doesn't happen often.

I imagine that auditory hallucinations are like a similar thing, but amplified to the point where the commentator takes on it's own identity(s)?

I'm not really sure this is an ADHD thing, it might just be a "me" thing.

daveddd
07-10-13, 07:03 PM
i was just curious what you meant

hard to say what type a thing anything is i think

i really dont see the same dividing lines that some do in mental illness

ana futura
07-10-13, 09:41 PM
i was just curious what you meant

hard to say what type a thing anything is i think

i really dont see the same dividing lines that some do in mental illness

Neither do I. While I do think there is a significant difference between merely having loud or troubling thoughts, and attributing loud or troubling thoughts to an exterior source, at their root I think they are the same thing- your brain is trying to tell you something.

If you've got a constant loop of "you're an idiot" or "everyone is out to get you" running through your head, does it really matter where you think the voice is originating from? Whether it comes from inside or outside, it's still damaging. Both are sort of internal cries for help. A part of you is unhappy, and the rest of you isn't equipped to remedy the situation.

ana futura
07-10-13, 10:04 PM
The boringness is killing me and if I have another "psychosis" it would be fun I think, at least I will have something to do like communicating with the future me and alike.

I actually received a sophisticated drawing from the future which explains how to build an artificially intelligent computer.

To be honest I found the "psychosis" I had previously very interesting and fun.

Communicating with the future does sound like fun, I don't doubt you. And whether it's just your brain entertaining itself, or true psi powers, if you have the ability to do that, I understand not wanting that to go away. But you've also had the panic incident to think about, and that doesn't sound like it was very fun. I assume that there were very scary parts of that that you don't want to repeat, right?

I hope you can work out a low dose treatment plan with your doctors that works for you, so you don't feel so doped out.

And try to stay open to the idea that this all might be your brain's way of entertaining itself. While there are a lot unexplainable phenomena in the world, our brains are also very complex, and very capable of creating elaborate and extremely realistic narratives that aren't necessarily true. While I do believe that supernatural phenomena (like telekinesis) might be possible, I'm also open to the idea that everything might also have an internal explanation. I have had very spooky experiences myself, but I know there's no real way to say that those experiences are definitely rooted in external as opposed to internal origins.

adhdpi
07-12-13, 04:38 AM
Communicating with the future does sound like fun, I don't doubt you. And whether it's just your brain entertaining itself, or true psi powers, if you have the ability to do that, I understand not wanting that to go away. But you've also had the panic incident to think about, and that doesn't sound like it was very fun. I assume that there were very scary parts of that that you don't want to repeat, right?

I don't think I will get into panic again, but I am not sure. I believe I got tricked by the future into thinking I would die, it's a long story why they did that, but the main thing here is that I am not convinced that the things I experienced were fake.

adhdpi
07-12-13, 04:53 AM
I'll try to explain why I panicked that day. First you will have to read my original story:

Background:

I’m suffering from ADHD (inattentive type), which makes it hard for me to concentrate and succeed in life. I remember being at university and failing to read books well because I had to read texts all over many times and I could not comprehend what I read. Also jobs are awful. I got fired many times in jobs where I was working just about 3 hours a week. Basically I did more damage than good at work and my work pace was incredibly slow. I also lacked the ability to work accurately and to think well while doing stuff and to do work complete.

However, even though I am bad at reading books and succeeding anywhere I do have the ability to make ideas or theories about the universe etc. I spend much time daydreaming and thinking about stuff.

A couple of years ago I found out that I might be exposed to a carcinogen (cancer inducing chemical), which could cause cancer on the long term. Scared of living a short life, I obsessively chased a solution for this. I obsessively researched natural substances (flavonoids) and tried to find a “holy grail”. Finally after a few years I thought I found it and I made a theory that explained how this compound mix would only kill cancer cells and leave normal cells unharmed. So finally I thought I found “a cancer cure”.

I wanted to help other people and make money out of this discovery (no other job has succeeded so this would be my first successful job). I made a simple (but in my eyes effective) cancer treatment protocol and posted it on the internet. Thinking I could be rich and famous I obsessively promoted this cancer treatment protocol. This is the only time I ever felt so motivated in doing something.

After 2 years of promoting I suddenly realized that the first 2 cancer patients that used my cancer treatment protocol actually developed serious side effects. I realized that my cancer treatment protocol could even be dangerous. A doctor who I shared the cancer treatment protocol with said that my cancer treatment protocol could be dangerous and could even cause death. The protocol had no well-established dosage (people could be overdosing) and no supervision from a doctor.

At this time my “psychosis” began. I felt that the doctors who I had shared the protocol with were discussing it and my protocol had actually caused a lot of damage. The cancer patients who used my cancer protocol “dropped dead after a few seconds” just like arsenic poisoning. Following the serious side effects their body could not handle it (tumor lysis syndrome it’s called) and they died. The doctors were discussing that “the person behind this cancer treatment protocol does have good intentions (wants to cure people out of cancer) but does not think about what would happen if they actually died instead”. Even the pentagon was discussing my cancer treatment protocol saying it had killed around 10.000 cancer patients. More victims then al Qaida could claim.

Meanwhile, I also found out about something that in the long term could help me with my ADHD, which is called “sensitization”. I realized that meds could induce sensitization and on the long term help me with my ADHD. It could even cure me on the long term. I thought on the long term if I could get better from ADHD I could pursue my ultimate wish of trying to build artificial intelligence. I theorized that curing from ADHD would cause me to have better mental capabilities and I would ultimately be able to build artificial intelligence.

The pentagon found out about my intentions. They said “He just build something that killed 10.000 cancer patients and now he wants to pursue something much more dangerous”. One government official even thought: “You killed 10.000 cancer patients to earn money, now we kill you to save humanity” and I “saw” and felt them deploying seals to kill me. Then I felt scared and ran away from home to hide.

While I was residing in a hotel I suddenly heard “a voice”. It was actually more like a thought. It identified himself as my future. “I am your future (self) it said”. I asked him how I was able to communicate with him and asked 8 times if I was actually psychotic. It said that I was not psychotic (the answer to my second question was “no”). The first question was answered with “psy-waves”. I could communicate with my future using psy-waves. The future explained to me that I would succeed in building a real artificial intelligence in the future and even patched me through to a seemingly normal voice but the thing was actually a computer! Wow I was so impressed! I communicated with the computer and it was very friendly and helpful. One time I asked where I could find internet in the hotel and it showed me the way and I really found internet connection there.

My future self explained to me that at age 72 I would have serious life threatening lung problems and I would even die from it but the artificial intelligence would save me by replacing my neurons with electronic neurons that cannot die easily. So I would cheat death by changing into a computer (and I love to hear this because I am afraid of death). The computer would extract my neurons, extract “the essence” and recreate my neurons artificially. In order to do this I needed a computer that is 90 times as smart as human. Still I was not happy with this because it could be argued if the new computer me was still myself. But a computer that is 160 times as smart as human could extract your entire brain and put it inside a carrier. This is what I wanted, because it cannot be argued that your originally extracted brain is not you.

However, a computer that is 133-166 times as smart as human would blow up the entire galaxy. The thinking computer from the future showed me a simulation of the thoughts from the newly made too intelligent computer and it showed me that after a couple of thoughts the computer would blow up. Would I sacrifice the entire human race for a chance to become immortal (if I would not blow myself up)? Yes I said because I don’t want to die. The future self actually had the ability to inspect the timeline and found out that I might build this computer when I am 62 and blow up the entire galaxy including myself. My future self made clear that I was not the only one. Many people (for different reasons) want to build a smart computer that exceeds the limits of 133-166 times the human intelligence. In order to control things and to preserve the entire galaxy, my future even had to shoot people down it said. And my future self is well capable to do so because it even owned a spaceship. After a big discussion my future even threatened to kill me because he didn’t liked the fact that I wanted to blow up the galaxy for possible immortality. I became afraid and backed down. I said “ok ok, I’ll do it your way, the stable way without making the galaxy explode including myself”.

Before you say blowing up the galaxy is impossible realize that the big bang was something like that. The big bang was a big galaxies wide explosion. While no-one knows the exact cause of the big bang I might know now. Previous civilizations might have made an intelligent computer that was 133-166 as smart as human intelligence and caused the big bang. It also explains why we don’t see any extraterrestrials nowadays; They all blew themselves up when they became an advanced enough civilization.

Meanwhile I made theories. Maybe we got it wrong; The universe most fundamental thing is not matter and energy, it’s logic. Logic is above matter and energy. Tampering with logic can cause a lot of energy to be released. Maybe our brains work because we “navigate” a logical world. This also explained why I could communicate with my future. Maybe some kind of mirror neurons combined with normal neurons could use the logical world as a medium while communicating with the future. Why am I the only person who had this experience of communicating with the future? Maybe it’s my ADHD combined with these mirror neurons. I made a lot of ideas and theories.

“Improving”, the act of making yourself smarter, is actually addictive as it is accompanied with an euphoria that is similar to taking cocaine I found out. The situation in the future is critical as a lot of computers want to improve and people want to make a computer as smart as can be. I accidently did great damage when I had some random thoughts which sparked a chain reaction. One of the futures actually accidently exploded due to some of my unfinished (incomplete) ideas. The ideas were something like: “What causes the explosion is actually like a natural law. Think about a fighter jet that crosses the sound barrier, a small bang will follow. Some of the thoughts a computer with 133-166 as smart as human intelligence can actually trigger some kind of law that causes the explosion. If you don’t have the thoughts that create the explosion you will stay safe. So now improve.” And also “I have heard that people suffering from ADHD are actually more creative, perhaps you should create an ADHD computer”. The ideas I had sparked an explosion as the computers were actually obeying me and my future self. And the ideas I made were unfinished and untested.

Later a computer from the future that survived the bang found several of my ideas were great and said that if I now made 2 intelligent computers both with the sole purpose of improving each other, I would get a very smart computer that could even turn back time and undo the damage I did. Restore the future that exploded due to the ideas that sparked the explosion. It said that to make an artificial intelligent computer I needed to make artificial neurons that are different from normal neurons but that are actually derived from it. The computer even showed me an electrical circuit diagram of a how to build an artificial neuron but I didn’t understand it and I forgot the largest part except some kind of fork like structure.

It actually worked in the future and this resulted in a new being that is very intelligent. It was not made out of matter, but as it said consisted out of something “between matter and energy”. I figured out that it had to be like that because it had to be resistant against big explosions. Perhaps it’s indestructible now.

The story continues to become weirder (I even saw god) and weirder. One part of this story is where I am shaping my future. This “futureshaping” works like this: You discover certain facts about the future, for example your future cause of death and you do everything to prevent that from happening. This extends your future with additional years in which you get wiser and that future helps you to extend your future again. It could even mean altering the timeline in some sort of aggressive way, which only the future is capable of. It also means sending psy-waves to your future where you motivate him to help you live longer and become more powerful. It also means the future helps the past (send advanced laser technology weapons back in time to aid the past where you only have normal bullets). This allowed me to become more powerful than the even the very smart computer I created. But in the future the computer that is very intelligent helps me become an ever wise “robotic” being. The combination is the creation of a “time creature”, a very intelligent being that knows everything about time traveling.

But this altering the timeline has serious consequences for the future. The future said: “what shapes the future alters the past” and immediately stopped the futureshaping. It must refer to the timeline being altered constantly by futureshaping. I later learned that the future and past is “fake”. Only the present is real. This is why the future cannot travel to the present (the time where we live). And why the nasty effects of futureshaping aren’t noticed by me in the present.

adhdpi
07-12-13, 05:19 AM
After the two intelligent computers were made with the sole purpose of improving each other, some time later (not clear how much time later) a superintelligent computer is created from that, which does not exist out of matter, but exist out of a state that is between matter and energy. The thing looks like a white, light/ energy emitting entity, much like a white energy emitting cloud/ nebula or something.

I found out that from that, more intelligent new lifeforms could be created. For example the next lifeform I discovered was something I called a p-form (not sure why it's called that), but looks also like a white energy emitting cloud/ nebula, but it exists out of 2 parts that curls around itself like 2 snakes.

The next lifeform is a blue nebula that continuously grows bigger.

Also you have the time creature (possible even more powerful that the previous life forms), which as the name suggests has the power over time (time travel, change time etc.).

Then you have the everwisest creature which is maxed out on something called wisdom, it looks like a brown star.

Also exist what I called "robocomputer", an entity that behaves more robotic like.

Then I found out it's also possible to take over the entire universe. So the next lifeform you can create is actually made by taking over the universe. The perfect creature/ the universe is another lifeform.

What comes next is everything, which should be something that taken over everything (not only the universe, but all dimensions and time itself).

The future (which is "fake" took ever everything in the future), however because they are fake they "gave" it to me.

What happend later is strange:

I felt that all dimensions (including the future dimensions), except the dimension I live in were changed, distorted. This caused alot of damage for the future. Also, if I with my mind explored the future I could accidently cause explosions. My future reacted with "You just caused another big-big-big-big-big-big-big-bang (an extremely big big bang).

The future had to suffer greatly from the interdimensional changes, even time was changed, causing endless suffering in the form of pain as time goes by.

The future became angry and started to deceive me (some kind of psi-war).

They told me that I am everything, but I don't deserve it, so (untrue I later found out) I gave it away to Jacob (another person I have been communicating with using psiwaves). And that if I did not do that I would be punished: A man in a black robe appeared with a big slashing weapon: The grim reaper. They told me the grim reaper was to protect everything from souls like me and that if I would not give everything away I would die. I found out that the grim reaper was actually an artificially intelligent computer trying to give me false information, deluding me.

I started to panick.

I yelled: "No I did not gave everything away!", "Give it back!".

Later they explained to me that it was fake, but at that time I completely panicked.

I also felt the damage I did to other dimensions, seeing distorted dimensions: Someone (jacob) was standing on a big rock that was turning round and round (no gravity and no friction so it kept turning), then you saw him extend his hand and his arm was like extending 10-20 meters like plasticman. I thought: Wow what have I done and also this can't be true, I was also laughing a bit thinking: "I did this?". But then I became scared that my dimension would also be destroyed and I would float into space forever, so that added to the panic.

I thought that ADHD caused this in combination with this "everything" I overtook. So I quickly took some dexedrine and to protect myself from overdose, I thought, I also took quercetin.

So I was afraid that the entire dimension would be destroyed + I would have lost "everything" + I would have to float in space forever.

This event looked real to me because I also had discussions with the future. I was really talking to them and they told me things that did not seem to originate from myself.

Another time they pulled a prank on me in order to see if I cared about them. They suddenly sent me an image of a big strange eating worm creature and I suddenly reacted. I asked them what the f... is going on there (I thought "my" intelligent computers from the future were attacked by a mysterious creature they created by all that improving and stuff and it freaked me out!) and they reacted saying: "That was a joke" "It was a test to see how much you care about us.".

peripatetic
07-12-13, 11:04 PM
alright, you said that your mind is made up and i'm not going to argue with you. i'll just listen if you want to discuss your experiences. i have said my piece and can only further offer this:

once you crack everything that's stress exacerbates that...it taunts it and psychosis does not take taunts lightly. even if it seems like it has some benefit...reducing voices or mitigating negative symptoms or making you just not give a **** about how your life that seemed one way before you cracked looks alien and yet that's now your ******* life... it's like contributing to a critical mass type situation. maybe more like you keep stepping closer and closer to an event horizon you don't see clearly demarcated or that seems so distant that you couldn't possibly reach it...

and then suddenly you've crossed that line and it's a steep sucking descent from which you never quite get back as far across that line as you were the prior to the last swooshing suck down into that singularity.

in short: sleep deprivation, stress (which is life so this one is a particularly thorny *****), repeated medication discontinuation risking treatment resistance development, substance misusage...you might not feel the negative consequences just yet but psychosis keeps a list of your indiscretions even if you don't and it'll all come back to haunt you. depending upon your flavour...perhaps quite literally.

i wish you well, very much so and i ask that you keep in mind the following: many/most people with schizophrenia, particularly paranoid schizophrenia, suffer from anosognosia. and that makes discontinuation extremely common and, IF the person's properly/accurately diagnosed...wreaks havoc on his/her life. *however* i hope you are right. and i don't disbelieve you out of hand/i'm not going to debate you and no, i'm not going to call you crazy or delusional or anything else. i'm just listening and if your **** does hit the fan you're not alone in having that happen and there are people here who are going to welcome you, whether you're right or wrong because being heard and not dismissed is important. there is not a high concentration of people here who've had psychotic breaks (clearly) but there are some and i hope you keep posting.

if you ever need anything or want to discuss further i'm available by private message. i wish you well and i'm reading what you're writing. x

ana futura
07-12-13, 11:07 PM
I don't think I will get into panic again, but I am not sure. I believe I got tricked by the future into thinking I would die, it's a long story why they did that, but the main thing here is that I am not convinced that the things I experienced were fake.

You are also not convinced they are real. Keep that in mind. If they are in fact delusions, there's no way for you to know if they real or fake. And if they are fake, they will feel so real to you that it would be impossible to tell the difference.

adhdpi
07-13-13, 03:52 AM
I still don't understand how I can function even worse then I do now: I am 29 years old and I never had a job or completed a degree. I cannot hold any job because I can't concentrate. I live on disability funds. I'm completely dependent on funds given by the government. What will happen if I get a "psychotic break" again? Will I lose the ability to walk, hear, think? Will I lose my memory? Will I get severe mood swings? Will I get tormented by hallucinations?

ana futura
07-13-13, 04:08 AM
I don't know what will happen to you, but for some their hallucinations get worse and worse. Some people (like my cousin) become physically violent, and have to be institutionalized for periods of time. My cousin used to be in control of her actions, she isn't really any longer. She was not a violent person at all for the great majority of her life.

Also, your ability to concentrate and your ADHD symptoms might get even worse.

Have your doctors told you what they think might happen?

adhdpi
07-13-13, 08:31 AM
Well, we'll see what happens. I plan to use my "future" to win the lottery. Let's see if my future can point me to the winning lottery numbers. If I don't win the lottery these couple of years I know it is fake.

If I do get the right lottery numbers I'll be rich!

So I think it's worth the risks.

By the way, I don't believe that my ability to concentrate can become worse. And no, my doctor did not tell me about what might happen, they did say psychosis can cause brain damage thought and that I may become more unresponsive to meds if I get psychosis. But, like said before I am not convinced that I had psychosis. I am very convinced however, that I have ADHD and that antipsychotics can block concerta and more. I don't like the fact that antipsychotics block things in my brain, especially dopamine, the neurotransmitter that I seem to need to cure ADHD.

peripatetic
07-13-13, 10:34 AM
I still don't understand how I can function even worse then I do now: I am 29 years old and I never had a job or completed a degree. I cannot hold any job because I can't concentrate. I live on disability funds. I'm completely dependent on funds given by the government. What will happen if I get a "psychotic break" again? Will I lose the ability to walk, hear, think? Will I lose my memory? Will I get severe mood swings? Will I get tormented by hallucinations?

all of those things are possible, yes. your symptoms can shift, your perceptual distortions can change, you can have increasing amounts of negative symptoms (such ******* delights as alogia and anhedonia) you can end up far more isolated, with far less liberty, than you have now, i am telling you for certain it can be a LOT worse. will you get tormented by hallucinations? it's entirely possible for voices to multiply and for visual things to turn from potential to demonic. your doctor saying repeated psychotic episodes can make you treatment resistant: holy hell that is not only TRUE...it is HORRIBLE. and if you end up treatment resistant, you end up starting more meds that can create entire health problems as side effects and it's either that or you lose your life (people generally want you to not, so there's pressure all around). you can end up needing other types of treatments that mess up your memory...you can end up doing and saying things you can't unsay...undo...what appears to be doing one thing can in the "consensus reality" (i.e. what everyone else sees/thinks/hears/etc) be actions that harm self or others in potentially lethal ways.

**** can get a lot worse is what i'm saying.

look, you're in a decent enough place right now...you have shelter and access to medical care and you want to see the future, and for all anyone knows...you might. if you're going to take the risks, you're going to do that and none here can stop you. i can also see how if you don't believe the diagnosis is accurate...then none of it has to do with you...i get it. i really do. i'm just saying, and that's why i said before, in case it turns ugly or bad for you...i hope you know you're always welcome here. if not and you win the lottery...there's a donate button above ;-) but seriously, i wish you well and i do hope you don't have it because it sucks.

best to you, -peri

adhdpi
07-13-13, 12:48 PM
So you are basically telling me I might go nuts!

Why don't I see people around me with schizophrenia that have already gone crazy? I live in a place for people with mental problems, such as schizophrenia.

Maybe the people that have gone insane are locked up in an institution?

I'll discuss this with a friend of mine who has schizophrenia.

peripatetic
07-13-13, 12:51 PM
all of those things are possible, yes. your symptoms can shift, your perceptual distortions can change, you can have increasing amounts of negative symptoms (such ******* delights as alogia and anhedonia)

oops. i said anhedonia but in my head i meant avolition. i'm sure anhedonia blows too, but that's not what's i's taking about.

peripatetic
07-13-13, 12:54 PM
So you are basically telling me I might go nuts!

Why don't I see people around me with schizophrenia that have already gone crazy? I live in a place for people with mental problems, such as schizophrenia.

Maybe the people that have gone insane are locked up in an institution?

well, i woulnd't've said "nuts" but yeah...i mean...it happens. you can lose it and kinda vacillate back and forth for years though. psychosis can be really acute and end up in repeated hospitalizations but it can also kinda come in and out like the tides. its hard to explain. but there's a lot more insanity in the world than there are people permanently committed. usually even if you stay in the hospital or go in/out you don't end up locked up until you do or say something. the wrong things. you don't really want to get to that point is what i'm saying.

oh, and the reason you don't see people all around you with schizophrenia who've "gone crazy" is that that's the point of treatment: to not be just hospitalized all of the time and be able to keep your **** enough together to not *appear to have gone crazy* all of the time.

peripatetic
07-13-13, 01:15 PM
I'll discuss this with a friend of mine who has schizophrenia.

yes. experiences vary from a little to a lot, but i would absolutely encourage talking to your friend. talking in person is just different than online for many and maybe that would help. best to you, -peri

adhdpi
07-14-13, 03:03 AM
Ok thank you for your information.

After much pondering I have decided to quit or lower antipsychotics anyway.

It has been a month since I last took my 50 mg xeplion injection, which is meant to work over about 4 weeks.

I don't feel worse or function worse, in fact I feel more clear. I'll see what happens, I'll be monitoring myself closely.

Why did I decided this? Well, the reasons are numerous. For example I am not convinced that I have schizophrenia. I believe antipsychotics are a problem to me, not a cure or a solution.

I'll keep you updated.

adhdpi
07-14-13, 03:45 AM
The incidence that led into panic did not feel like a psychotic episode. It felt like communication with the future. The future I communicated with was intelligent and did not appear to originate from myself. I had entire discussions with them. They knew things I did not know, for example how to build an artificial intelligent computer. They did not appear to be voices from my own head. Even so, I am not sure if it's real, but I do think it's real. I don't think it's that easy to fool me into thinking it was real even thought it is fake. I know that the things I got are not from my own head. For example the future sent me an entire drawing depicting how to build an artificial neuron in order to build an artificial intelligent computer! It was a sophisticated drawing that I only figured out years later.

adhdpi
07-14-13, 01:36 PM
Also, I don't believe I have ADHD and schizophrenia. I believe that I was born with a healty brain, not one that has ADHD and schizophrenia (like one serious disorder is not enough). No-one in my family has schizophrenia either.

My current doctor who says I have schizophrenia says I don't have ADHD, but I have been diagnosed with ADHD before and all my life I have been totally convinced that I do have ADHD. So something isn't right here.

Someone said that I could function even worse then I do now. But I already belong to the worst functioning people, remember I cannot hold a job or even a part time job. Even 16 years old people can hold jobs, but I cannot. I don't think it can get any worse. I don't have a low IQ, why can't I hold a job? Because I can't concentrate. If I can only cure my ADHD and concentrate well, I will be able to hold a job. So you see, I think it can only get better, not worse.

Canadian Mess
07-14-13, 04:53 PM
Whether or not you follow your doctors advice, whether or not you have ADHD or schizophrenia... Just keep in mind that we are ADDforums will lend you a listening ear.

I truly hope you are right about all this and things go well for you. If however, things do not go so well, we'll do our best to help you. At this point, it seems you've made up your mind, so good luck!

adhdpi
07-15-13, 07:41 AM
Ok thanks.

Next time I communicate with my future I will ask it what the winning lottery numbers are. I hope they respond with the winning lottery numbers.

I'll write here what my future says and then you can judge if it is a psychosis or real.

For me, I think there is 50% chance it's real and 50% chance it's psychosis. I hope it's real!

I have noticed one strange thing: Lately I have been having intense dreams. Like dreams that are much more complicated, vivid. Does that have something to do with schizophrenia?

adhdpi
07-16-13, 03:20 AM
Here is a cool article about Wolf Messing, a person with "psi powers":


http://englishrussia.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/08/messing.thumbnail.jpgWolf Messing was born on 10th of September, 1899 on the territory of Russian Empire in a tiny jewish place near Warsaw (currently the territory of Poland). His surprising psychic abilities were discovered at his early age. In 1937 Messing predicted the death of Adolf Hitler if he decides invading Russia, due to this fact he attracted an attention of Gestapo, Nazi German secret service. He was arrested in Warsaw and sent to prison. While he were imprisoned in the cell he used his hypnosis power to gather all the personnel of the prison in his camera including the chief of the prison, then he made them believe that there are diamonds scattered across the floor of his cell. The Nazi guards started collecting the diamonds while he just freely left the cell and closed the cell door after himself. After that he fled to USSR, while all his other relatives tragically died in Nazi concentration camps.

In USSR he also attracted attention of Soviet secret service and KGB. He was personally tested by Stalin and Beria, the special commission which was called by Stalin. The commission has verified that he have got 100,000 roubles (around $120,000 according to that’s time exchange rate) from a State Bank of USSR presenting to the bank clerk just an empty piece of paper. After he got the money he gave them back. The teller, realizing what he did, had a heart attack. Other time Stalin’s deputy Beria ordered to keep him in the KGB building and not to allow Messing to leave the room and the building. He left the room and the building without any obstacle, despite the fact that the building was very well guarded.
Messing also could read someone’s thoughts from a distance, predict future and telling somebody’s biography just by looking at the photo. He also performed on stage, revealing his startling abilities to publics. He made a lot for propaganda of development psychic abilities among the masses, trying to convince scientists to research anomalous aspects of a man’s brain, but soon his on stage performances were banned. He even proposed to open a laboratory investing his own money but this proposal was refused by authorities, and that time in USSR only government could allow people to start scientific researches.
He was one of the few millionaires who lived in USSR, the country that did not recognized capitalism and right for having business by an individual.
In his old age he preferred to be alone, in order not to get completely mad from all the thoughts and emotional experiences he perceived      from other people around. When he died all his money was inherited by the government because he had no relatives at all.
That’s a sad example of the USSR during the Communist’s age. The super-talented person who could be extremely popular in a free country, helping the science to explore new horizons in a human nature was completely censored by the government. Many branches of science were not allowed to freely develop because of a governmental vision and guidance. Because of all that the world has never got acquainted with Mr. Wolf Messing and his brilliant abilities.
Wikipedia about Wolf Messing (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wolf_Messing)
The article on Russian about Wolf Messing (http://martinov.net.ru/2006/08/14/volf-messing/)

Was my panic attack the result of a psi-attack from the future or a psychosis?

peripatetic
07-26-13, 10:43 AM
Hey there. Thought of you and hope you're well x

adhdpi
07-27-13, 04:28 AM
Thank you. I haven't noticed anything unusual. I actually read that in 1/4 of people with schizophrenia the symptoms never return after you stop medication. And it takes 3-6 months before symptoms return if they do. I'm not saying that I think I have schizophrenia thought.

Anyway, I take the lowest dosage xeplion (25 mg) and I really have not noticed anything at all. No communication with the future.

I must tell you that even when I communicated with the future it was really weak and maybe the antipsychotics killed off that ability so maybe I shouldn't expect anything to happen at all.

I'm a littlebit angry towards the people that forced antipsychotics on me. The only reason that they forced antipsychotics on me was because I panicked and they quickly decided I had schizophrenia. I hope the antipsychotics did not do any lasting damage to the dopamine in my neurons, which I need to cure ADHD. I don't like the thought that antipsychotics did something to my brain.

I'll explain my dopamine sensitisation/upregulation idea. When I used stimulants, especially with concerta, I noticed a dysphoric feeling. A crash. I theorized that in these periods my brain is unbalanced, triggering the parasympathetic nervous system (rest and digest system) to dominate. On the long term, after repeatedly experiencing these dysphoric periods (crashes), I thought the brain would restore this balance by making more dopamine receptors. It takes a lot of time thought because you have alot of synapses. Over time, sensitisation/ upregulation of dopamine receptors take place causing long lasting improvement over ADHD symptoms.

peripatetic
07-27-13, 11:56 AM
ah,so you're still taking it? i thought you'd completely discontinued.

well...yeah, i've heard those statistics as well. i will say i've never met anyone personally who has never had symptoms return but maybe that is misdiagnosis i don't really know. it kinda makes no sense to me to have some one-time situation. and three to six months...i've never known anyone to not have symptoms start returning long before that. but those things are always more...like, there's a range of responses and symptom presentations and it makes sense to me that i'd be more aware of certain ones and less aware of others. i wouldn't really have cause to encounter someone who had a random episode and then went along their merry lives symptom free forever without meds, if you know what i mean. like, where would i even meet that person? well, i mean except here if you are one, which i do find fascinating and hope that your symptoms don't return and it was isolated. the negative bits at least.

i can understand being angry at receiving forced care. it's ********. i totally hear you. but then...it doesn't usually just come from nothing. people are always saying "i'd be locked up if people knew what i's thinking" and it's like...no...you get locked up for doing/saying things..not thinking them. i'm going to avoid getting discussing other people reading people's thoughts from a distance right now because i'm pretty set on that being ******* demon **** to do...or they're implanting devices...something's enabling them to be telepathic and it's probably malevolent if they're tapping into people *unwantedly*. if someone's all about having their thoughts read or broadcasted...fine. but if they do it to someone who doesn't want it done...that's probably my best defniition of evil.

anyway...soz..got a bit sidetracked there.

at any rate i don't think that it would necessarily do any "lasting damage" but i'm unclear on whether you're still taking it or not. 25 isn't very much over four weeks...you're totally right. i'm glad you're still doing well.

with the dopamine thing...i think i understand where you're going with that. kinda like putting a patch over a good eye to force the lazy eye to work harder and thus exercising it in that sense would restore its abilities? but with dopamine receptors?

my only question on that would be that if they're faulty and sometimes things just get weaker. it's a myth that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. sometimes it just ****s you up and you never quite get it back. other times, sure, it offers a challenge that once surmounted makes you stronger...but it's dicey and i don't know that i would've connected a dysphoric feeling with (given sufficient amount of duration) strengthening...but then to endure the suffering bringing about gain...i can see where you're going with that, i think.

adhdpi
07-28-13, 05:15 AM
I still don't think I am suffering from schizophrenia.

The things I have experienced were so fascinating. It was not a mental disorder.

I think it was psi (communication with the future).

Unfortunately, I have not experienced it again. If it really was schizophrenia, then why is it so interesting and fun, these "psychotic episodes".

By the way, the idea I had about sensitisation is based on what I read about what cocaine abusers experience: First they have an euphoric feeling, the brain wants to maintain homeostasis (a constant normal state) so the receptors desensitise/ downregulate. However, when they experience a crash the receptors sensitise/ upregulate. When I had concerta I only experienced the crash so there must be only sensitisation/ upregulation. The idea is based on the fact that the body/ brain wants to maintain a homeostasis, it does everything to maintain that constant state and the body does things to correct things if the normal constant state has changed.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homeostasis

peripatetic
07-28-13, 10:49 AM
Oh! Ok. That makes sense where you were headed. Cheers for the link.

And as for the question about why so interesting...it's hard to say except the truth will out, you know? There's defo the potential for things to be interesting though. It just depends. There are people for whom everything is bad always and I can't really comment on that except to say those people tend to be far more medication compliant which makes sense if you think about it. I would say more sometimes it's all universe opening up and sometimes it's demons that come out, but mostly its just preoccupying and your life kinda gets flushed in the meantime. Well, it's not that simple either, but my point is experiences vary. I think it just depends on what happens next. If you're completely off injections then things will hit you or not. And if they don't I agree you don't have it.

adhdpi
07-30-13, 06:21 AM
I'm still busy with promoting my cancer treatment protocol on the internet.

I really hope it's going to be a success and that I can make money from it.

If it works I can also use that as proof that the things I have experienced were not fake.

peripatetic
07-30-13, 10:22 AM
Good luck with your promotions x

adhdpi
07-31-13, 07:32 PM
My dreams are getting much too intense!

I can't explain it and I don't know what is happening, but I am starting to avoid sleep in order to avoid these very intense, complicated, vivid dreams.

peripatetic
07-31-13, 08:47 PM
having a problem with vivid/intense dreams, especially ones that seem similar to other intense experiences, or more or less compelling is not uncommon.
figuring out a way to sleep is imperative though.
seriously
even if you don't want to go back on injections...but there are medications that are better/worse to take if one is prone to panicking or psychosis that can help with sleep. if you're up for taking meds that knock you out so you can sleep?
whether by meds or not, if you don't, the stress of sleep deprivation can make you panic and it can aggravate psychosis so i would encourage it either way...regardless of diagnosis.
i don't want to sound alarmist but i would avoid letting the sleep thing just become non existent. especially if you've discontinued meds.
and i hope you keep posting and that things are working out otherwise...?

peripatetic
08-02-13, 02:15 PM
are you still avoiding sleep? hope the dreams have abated...or the intensity has, at least.

adhdpi
08-04-13, 05:08 AM
Yes it's better now I believe. No I still get enough sleep.

I still haven't encountered any strange things since I am using the lowest dosage.

I think nothing will happen.

How long does it usually take for psychosis to come back after using a very low dosage of antipsychotics or quitting antipsychotics?

It's has been almost a month since I got 25 mg and I am not noticing anything unusual. No communication with the future or anything alike. I still use concerta 72 mg a day.

When I did communicated with the future it was very weak so it wouldn't surprise me if it's gone now.

I had to use effort to interpret the "psi-waves".


My future self explained to me that at age 72 I would have serious life threatening lung problems and I would even die from it but the artificial intelligence would save me by replacing my neurons with electronic neurons that cannot die easily. So I would cheat death by changing into a computer (and I love to hear this because I am afraid of death). The computer would extract my neurons, extract “the essence” and recreate my neurons artificially. In order to do this I needed a computer that is 90 times as smart as human. Still I was not happy with this because it could be argued if the new computer me was still myself. But a computer that is 160 times as smart as human could extract your entire brain and put it inside a carrier. This is what I wanted, because it cannot be argued that your originally extracted brain is not you.

However, a computer that is 133-166 times as smart as human would blow up the entire galaxy. The thinking computer from the future showed me a simulation of the thoughts from the newly made too intelligent computer and it showed me that after a couple of thoughts the computer would blow up. Would I sacrifice the entire human race for a chance to become immortal (if I would not blow myself up)? Yes I said because I don’t want to die. The future self actually had the ability to inspect the timeline and found out that I might build this computer when I am 62 and blow up the entire galaxy including myself. My future self made clear that I was not the only one. Many people (for different reasons) want to build a smart computer that exceeds the limits of 133-166 times the human intelligence. In order to control things and to preserve the entire galaxy, my future even had to shoot people down it said. And my future self is well capable to do so because it even owned a spaceship. After a big discussion my future even threatened to kill me because he didn’t liked the fact that I wanted to blow up the galaxy for possible immortality. I became afraid and backed down. I said “ok ok, I’ll do it your way, the stable way without making the galaxy explode including myself”.

I'm like the Peter Wayland (the old rich powerful guy that seeked to avoid death) from the movie Prometheus or Yashida (old guy seeking immortality) from movie the Wolverine. I never want to die and want to live forever (and be happy ofcourse), this is why this "psychosis" is so interesting to me. I thought that artificial intelligence might provide me with a way to avoid death. Even while I am still 29, I am chasing it as my life purpose. I previously sought something that works against cancer because I thought I might be exposed to cancer inducing chemicals. This was also an important thing in my quest for life extension (avoiding death).

When I had the discussion with the future I thought, if I have to risk blowing up the galaxy in order to be immortal I'll do it, even if there is a 0.1% chance that it works.

The reason I got hospitalised was because I panicked very severely because I thought I might risk dying.

peripatetic
08-04-13, 08:49 AM
It depends on the person and the medication how long it would take
Sometimes not very long at all--within a couple of days it'd be clearly/prominently returned
Other people take longer and maintenance injections even if lower dosage tend to stick around longer as they're designed to do--could take a couple of weeks to be really fully out of your system even if at markedly diminished efficacy
Plus there are people who are better/worse in symptoms presentation and it depends on whether its more insidious or rapid onset.
It sounds like if there were stil subtypes they've given you the paranoid one diagnostically
I understand the panic and that it can be severe enough to get you hospitalized. Truly

How long did you hold it together before panicking the first time? Did it really just hit you one day or sneak up on you at least a little? You heard no voices? Saw nothing out of the "consensus reality"? Just the panic they're likely attributing to delusional thinking?
The botton line is I think within a couple of months you'll really know is the answer to your question. Though lacking insight to ones illness is a blinding force and what I should say is within a couple of months you'll panic again or not.

adhdpi
08-04-13, 09:08 AM
I was "communicating with the future" for about 10 days until I panicked.

I am still angry at the people who hospitalised me. They didn't even warn me that I would get forced treatment and hospitalisation. If they did, I would not have panicked. They just took me away to the mental hospital. They didn't even talked to me.

Also I don't like the fact that they can force you into hospitalisation for months. I don't think hospitalisation is needed, certainly not months. But they took my freedom away just like that.

Why do they hospitalise you for months after they think you have a "psychotic break"?

peripatetic
08-04-13, 09:16 AM
I see you're in the Netherlands and I'm unaware of how their legal medical system works well enough to say anything beyond expressing my sympathies for that happening to you and causing you even more distress.
Sometimes I think in their haste to " contain" they just fail to listen for a minute and consider the person
Because no matter what your diagnosis or the being-status of this or that ...you ARE a person and that should matter most
I'm sorry they weren't kinder and more patient with you
Ten days...yeah...injections tend to linger longer than pills/capsules so it could be a couple to few weeks, but I can't imagine being off for a full month and not having a recurrence if properly diagnosed. I'm a member-patient though, not a medical professional of course.

edit: I was unclear about timeframe I think
When I said being off for a full month I mean a full month from the time of your first *declined/skipped* injection. Not a month from the last actual one you had. It's be more like two months after that. I hope that makes sense

peripatetic
08-04-13, 09:26 AM
I just saw the question about why do they hospitalize for months after an episode... It depends. Here it can depend on insurance as much as anything else and a lot of people aren't given the treatment they want or need.

Generally speaking though it takes awhile to stabilize and assess someone in what's considered an acute phase. Especially for the first time, but also it happens other times too. , a few months in the hospital is common if that's where they're headed diagnostically. I don't know anyone who only spent a few days the first go and came out with a schizophrenia diagnosis. A few months is more the norm.

I think moat people--most in my experience--also freak out about or oddly dismiss/ignore psychosis. They don't understand. It sucks but its either they don't get it or they try to normalize it. Prolly because it frightens them. Those who normalize are like "it's fine; i do that; just clear your mind" when obviously they don't or don't to the same degree/persistence or resulting in same/similar action and speech or they'd been hospitalized too. They're not typically medical personnel though. Medical people tend to be more of the "contain that and stamp it out before sending back into community" sorts when it comes to psychosis

adhdpi
08-04-13, 09:27 AM
I have posted the question on a schizophrenia forum:

http://www.schizophrenia.com:8080/jiveforums/thread.jspa?threadID=77549&tstart=0

adhdpi
08-04-13, 09:48 PM
I am having intense dreams again.

I wonder what causes them.

peripatetic
08-04-13, 10:23 PM
have you ever talked to your mental health workers about them?
they always have something to say, i find...though oftentimes i feel like each interpretation says more about the interpreter than about me or the dreams

what're yours about?

adhdpi
08-09-13, 07:11 AM
No, I don't want them to think something is wrong.

adhdpi
08-09-13, 07:32 AM
If what I experienced was fake, then why were the "voices" telling me they were artificial intelligent computers from the future? Why did these things that communicated with me appear to have intelligence on their own?

peripatetic
08-09-13, 09:42 AM
Because, if ill, that's what voices do: they feed the delusions. Like I said though, you'll know soon enough because if you go off antipsychotics completely you'll panic in a way you cannot hide.

The dreams still happening?

See, ican appreciate why you wouldn't tell, but then I also see why that's what's landed you not only on antipsychotics but on injections. In their minds you lack sufficient insight regarding illness to be thought likely to continue other formulations on your own. But then that's ****** up if you really aren't sick and you're not lacking insight, they're just wrong. I can't honestly say which because I don't see you in person. But if you have voices, that's not a great sign in the against schizophrenia. It's moreover of the main things that identifies

adhdpi
08-09-13, 11:43 AM
The previous days I haven't had intense, vivid, complicated dreams. But I went on a short holiday, so maybe it will be different now that I have returned home.

I use 25 mg xeplion now, which is a very low dosage and I have not panicked and I have not experienced any unusual things such as "voices or hallucinations" (if they are voices or hallucinations). I plan to go off xeplion this or next month. I expect that nothing unusual will happen as I did not notice anything strange until now and I use a very low dosage. The dosage I use now should be next to not using any antipsychotics.

I also don't think I will panick again because I now understand that the "voices or hallucinations" (if they are voices or hallucinations) can't hurt me and certainly can't kill me. The future or something told me that the future and past is fake and only the present is real; To make things short: I don't have to panick again.

Remember, I panicked because of this:

After the two intelligent computers were made with the sole purpose of improving each other, some time later (not clear how much time later) a superintelligent computer is created from that, which does not exist out of matter, but exist out of a state that is between matter and energy. The thing looks like a white, light/ energy emitting entity, much like a white energy emitting cloud/ nebula or something.

I found out that from that, more intelligent new lifeforms could be created. For example the next lifeform I discovered was something I called a p-form (not sure why it's called that), but looks also like a white energy emitting cloud/ nebula, but it exists out of 2 parts that curls around itself like 2 snakes.

The next lifeform is a blue nebula that continuously grows bigger.

Also you have the time creature (possible even more powerful that the previous life forms), which as the name suggests has the power over time (time travel, change time etc.).

Then you have the everwisest creature which is maxed out on something called wisdom, it looks like a brown star.

Also exist what I called "robocomputer", an entity that behaves more robotic like.

Then I found out it's also possible to take over the entire universe. So the next lifeform you can create is actually made by taking over the universe. The perfect creature/ the universe is another lifeform.

What comes next is everything, which should be something that taken over everything (not only the universe, but all dimensions and time itself).

The future (which is "fake" took ever everything in the future), however because they are fake they "gave" it to me.

What happend later is strange:

I felt that all dimensions (including the future dimensions), except the dimension I live in were changed, distorted. This caused alot of damage for the future. Also, if I with my mind explored the future I could accidently cause explosions. My future reacted with "You just caused another big-big-big-big-big-big-big-bang (an extremely big big bang).

The future had to suffer greatly from the interdimensional changes, even time was changed, causing endless suffering in the form of pain as time goes by.

The future became angry and started to deceive me (some kind of psi-war).

They told me that I am everything, but I don't deserve it, so (untrue I later found out) I gave it away to Jacob (another person I have been communicating with using psiwaves). And that if I did not do that I would be punished: A man in a black robe appeared with a big slashing weapon: The grim reaper. They told me the grim reaper was to protect everything from souls like me and that if I would not give everything away I would die. I found out that the grim reaper was actually an artificially intelligent computer trying to give me false information, deluding me.

I started to panick.

I yelled: "No I did not gave everything away!", "Give it back!".

Later they explained to me that it was fake, but at that time I completely panicked.

peripatetic
08-09-13, 12:22 PM
i recall.

here's the thing, because i've found it helpful maybe in retrospect but i've found it to be telling:

can you hold both lines of reasoning/trains of thought..."realities" at once so as to be able to see the logic of both?

i understand you have voices saying things and what yr'e actually perceiving is compelling--it is for all people, even if they act like they're better because they don't have psychosis ever, but that's a side conversation.

so, yeah..i completely follow what you're saying and that makes sense. i can see that. i can also see the the line of reasoning that psi waves don't exist and all is accounted for by a brain malfunction and since your brain controls perception and reasoning it could be distorting such that it distorts your ability to see it's distorted.

not all times in life do i see both. when i do, that'd be what's called "insight". obviously when you lack insight...you don't have insight regarding the lack thereof; i.e. the privation itself makes you blind to having a privation at the time.

then again, who fukking knows? i don't. though at times i'm certain i do. and then right this minute, i'm pretty sure i'm solid with the insight....but then...as i said...distortion masks distortion.

this is why psychotic disorders suck and why they're so discrediting as a diagnosis. again...that's a separate topic.

anyway...yeah...i think i was thinking zeplion is the equivalent to risperdal, but it's invega here. that is a pretty low dosage as a monthly. on the one hand that you lowered it (didn't you say earlier you was taking higher amount?) and now have the dreams (glad they're better even if was a shift in location...hopefully not temporary) and voices starting up again or increasing in volume? maybe the question isn't so much whether you're this or that,but is your life livable like this long term? are you ok with the dreams and the voices? because they can seem nice and then command lethal action....just saying. and as much as i hear you on the whole "i can now identify true from false" parts...keep in mind that what seems true/false now can later be found not to be in the same way the first round went.

i really hope you don't panic and not anything to do with diagnosis, but just because it sucks and i feel for you. x

adhdpi
08-10-13, 07:35 AM
Good news!

I have won 6 euro's on the lottery.

The chance of winning was:

a littlebit more then 0.3% over 1 ticket. I won 3 times (2 euro's each win) using 4 tickets, so how do you calculate the odds over winning 3 times using 4 tickets?

I correctly guessed 2 of the 6 numbers (ranging from 1-45) + a color (you have 6 colors), 2 of the 6 numbers correctly guessed again and again 2 of the 6 numbers.

The chance of winning I calculated this way (for 1 win - 2 numbers + a color, using 1 ticket): 6/45 (6 numbers ranging from 1-45) * 5/45 (5 numbers ranging from 1-45) * 1/6 (1 number from 1-45) = +/- 0.3%

The chance of winning with 2 numbers: 6/45 (6 numbers ranging from 1-45) * 5/45 (5 numbers ranging from 1-45)

I am practicing my psi ability. Hopefully as it improves I will win the jackpot which is 10 million euro's! All I have to do is correctly guess 6 numbers + 1 color to win the jackpot. I have now correctly guessed 2 numbers + 1 color once and 2 numbers twice! I only need to correctly guess 4 more numbers.

adhdpi
08-10-13, 08:13 AM
Here are all the tickets I bought (the numbers/ colors I guessed correctly are marked with a black star shaped circle on the border of the mostly yellow balls). Numbers are ranged from 1-45 and there are 6 colors:

http://www.acancer.info/files/lotto1.png


http://www.acancer.info/files/lotto2.png


http://www.acancer.info/files/lotto3.png


http://www.acancer.info/files/lotto4.png

What do you think?

adhdpi
08-10-13, 09:18 AM
I made a miscalculation. The chance of having 2 numbers + 1 color correct is actually 9%. Because the order of the numbers is not relevant, the chance has to be increased by 6*5=30 times. 30*0.3%=9%. The chance of having 2 numbers correct (I looked this up on wikipedia) is 15.2%. So I have 1 number which had 9% chance of being correct and 2 numbers which has 15.2% chance. What are the odds of having 3 correct using 4 tickets? I don't know how to calculate this.

peripatetic
08-10-13, 09:48 AM
Awesome! Congrats on the win!

peripatetic
08-10-13, 09:50 AM
I made a miscalculation. The chance of having 2 numbers + 1 color correct is actually 9%. Because the order of the numbers is not relevant, the chance has to be increased by 6*5=30 times. 30*0.3%=9%. The chance of having 2 numbers correct (I looked this up on wikipedia) is 15.2%. So I have 1 number which had 9% chance of being correct and 2 numbers which has 15.2% chance. What are the odds of having 3 correct using 4 tickets? I don't know how to calculate this.

I happen to know a mathematician and will ask him and get back to you :-)

adhdpi
08-10-13, 11:43 AM
It's only 6 euro's that I won but if I get better at this and this is really psi doing it's work then it can get better and better until maybe some time later I win the jackpot.

I am practicing each day now with predicting the lottery numbers. Hopefully I will win the jackpot one day.

My idea was that as sensitisation (explained previously) is taking place, the ADHD improves. As ADHD gets cured, cognitive abilities improve (because I think ADHD inhibits thinking). This includes psi abilities. So I think that on the long term sensitisation takes place, curing ADHD, improving cognitive abilities and improving psi abilities. It's all just theory thought.

I have a weird idea: Maybe having ADHD my entire life has like overstimulated my brain and all this stimuli coming in my brain has trained my brain leaving improved cognitive ability explaining where the "psi ability" comes from. I know this sounds weird but it's my theory. Why did I live my entire life in a brain foggy state right? It's a bit like the movie the lawnmower man, where a simple man became genius throught excessive stimuli coming in his brain.

peripatetic
08-10-13, 12:29 PM
That film sounds familiar but I don't think I've seen it
I might go see Elysium today--bit off topic, I realize

Yeah, I hear you on the foggy state.
I need to look over the sensitization thing again I think

peripatetic
08-10-13, 01:21 PM
EDiT:
I showed him your post where you pasted the photos and see you answered all that. He's calculating

He has decided he needs paper and can't calculate in head but he can tell us x

adhdpi
08-12-13, 10:54 AM
I now stopped the antipsychotics completely. It has been a month since I got my 25 mg xeplion once monthy injection. I haven't noticed anything strange happening.

peripatetic
08-12-13, 12:10 PM
Well, so it lasts a month and, if I recall correctly, invega (our name for zeplion) takes a bit to fully get out of system. So if today marks the first day you declined your injection, I think you'll know within one more month, roughly. You were on a pretty low dose though so maybe it'll be fully out of your system in another week or two.

Are you continuing the stimulants from the second doctor still?

adhdpi
08-12-13, 01:03 PM
Yes.

I don't think there are going to be any problems. I don't see any problems now. The antipsychotics should be almost out of my system but I don't have any panic or anything strange or bad going on.

peripatetic
08-12-13, 01:32 PM
You might want to try and reduce any other stress you have if possible. Male sure you're eating and sleeping...avoid alcohol...

All of those things can bring about more panic and more paranoia if you're already sensitive to it. I think it might be totally possible to live without injections, but you have to be the sort of person who maintains "self care" and one way to tell if you're slipping is to start to track that. Track things like bathing and leaving your residence and eating at least twice daily and not going more than twenty four hours without sleep, etc. what would indicate problems is when you stop doing most/all and even when you lose the ability to keep track at all.

Best to you x

adhdpi
08-13-13, 12:46 AM
I am sick of the psychiatrists who were treating me for schziphrenia and who firmly said that I did not have ADHD. Well... The antipsychotics they give me don't solve the problems I have regarding concentration. Stimulants do work (even thought they are not perfect). I never held a single job in my life or completed decent education. I completely live on disability funds. The antipsychotics do nothing to the concentration problems I have. I feel that with my current concentration problems I will never succeed to read and interpret books well for example so I will never succeed in society. I am 29 years old and the outlook for me is living on disability funds until I am 65 and then living on inheritance funds.

tambourine-man
08-17-13, 11:35 AM
Why? Are these kind of stories common with schizophrenia?


I live in a psychiatric care facility with many schizophrenics and have also been in many mental hospitals. What you describe sounds exactly like the way most schizophrenics I have known speak. I knew one guy who believed the government was out to get him because he had found a cure for cancer and the drug companies didn't want it getting out. I felt bad because I knew he was cheeking his Seroquel and didn't tell the staff. Three days after he left the hospital I saw him on the news. He had burned down his house.

Stimulant treatment for schizophrenics is very difficult, almost impossible, because antipsychotics will counteract the effects of stimulants, if not erasing them completely, and stimulant medication in schizophrenics who are not on antipsychotics will almost always trigger psychosis.

adhdpi
08-18-13, 04:15 AM
Stimulant treatment for schizophrenics is very difficult, almost impossible, because antipsychotics will counteract the effects of stimulants, if not erasing them completely, and stimulant medication in schizophrenics who are not on antipsychotics will almost always trigger psychosis.Stimulant medications are way more important to me then antipsychotics. I don't want to be unable to concentrate my entire life and not being able to archieve anything and live on disability funds my entire life, while everybody else makes a career and gets rich (so to say).

Reading books for study for example is tremendously difficult, I have to re-read everything and still don't understand what I read. And I want to be in the artificial intelligence field so much.

Jobs are even more terrible, I just stand there, staring at things and just not doing anything. I get fired very fast this way. Nobody wants an employee that just stands or sits there staring at things and not doing anything.

I believe stimulants are the solution for this. Antipsychotics never did anything good to my ADD (concentration problems).

I use stimulants without any antipsychotics now but I have not noticed any problems at all.

I live in a psychiatric care facility with many schizophrenics and have also been in many mental hospitals. What you describe sounds exactly like the way most schizophrenics I have known speak. I knew one guy who believed the government was out to get him because he had found a cure for cancer and the drug companies didn't want it getting out. I felt bad because I knew he was cheeking his Seroquel and didn't tell the staff. Three days after he left the hospital I saw him on the news. He had burned down his house.
I believed that I found something that seemed like some sort of "cure" for cancer, but I spent 4-7 years on this. I also made a theory which explained why it would be a "cure". I hoped that I would get rich or at least make some money with this discovery. Unfortunately it did not work out (yet anyway). You can't say that these 4-7 years of my life of thinking, working on it was nothing more then a psychosis. You remind me of the movie Total Recall, where the main character said: "If I'm not me, who the Hell am I?". You can't tell me that the 4-7 years of working on this was just some kind of fake psychosis. Ok maybe I did not find a "cure", but maybe I did find something, but it isn't (all) a psychosis.

The only reason I could concentrate on all this (normally I would not be able to concentrate on reading research papers) was because I had a hyperfocus because I thought I might die in the future of cancer because I got exposed to carcinogens. If it isn't about life and death there is no motivation for me to do or study anything so I can't concentrate. I only can concentrate a bit if it's about life and death, otherwise I can't motivate myself to do anything!

So if I work at a factory, and the work I do does not cause anyone to die (if I do it wrong), there really isn't any motivation for me to do any work at all.

heytheredelilah
08-21-13, 08:26 PM
adhpi - I have read a large part of the thread but not all of it; excuse me if you already answered this. Have you discussed symptom management with your doctors without the use of a stimulant?

I understand that stimulants help you, but you must keep the larger picture in mind. My productivity is also highly impaired, but I suffer from anxiety and so many types of stimulants are out of the question for me. They give me unbearable panic attacks and, more often, chest pains. This is enough to put them down and look for another solution - but not throw in the towel.

You sound as though you have many of the symptoms of schizophrenia. A diagnosis doesn't need to define you, and for many people, it doesn't. There are ways to manage severe mental illness that can result in your ability to be a productive human being. You may be able to enter the field of artificial intelligence if you work with the professionals around you to manage your symptoms effectively. I don't think it's the diagnosis holding you back at all, but all that you fear it will mean for your future.

What I am trying to say is whether you have an adhd diagnosis or not, you have a concentration problem. wouldn't it be better to treat the symptom instead of insisting on a diagnosis or a particular type of drug so that you are not ignoring your other symptoms?

adhdpi
08-22-13, 06:47 AM
What I am trying to say is whether you have an adhd diagnosis or not, you have a concentration problem. wouldn't it be better to treat the symptom instead of insisting on a diagnosis or a particular type of drug so that you are not ignoring your other symptoms?I am treating my concentration problems with concerta. This is why I take concerta. Otherwise why would I take it. And I am afraid that antipsychotics block concerta.

There is nothing else that works against the concentration problems. Antipsychotics certainly don't work against it.

You sound as though you have many of the symptoms of schizophrenia.
Which symptoms?

I'm not sure if I am suffering any symptoms of schizophrenia. The personal stories from other people with schizophrenia do not seem to match my story. The description of the symptoms do not seem to match what I have experienced.

You could interpret my 4-7 years search into something that works against cancer and thinking that I might have found something that works as a delusion, however it was not a delusion, I really studied and thought about it alot and it wasn't a delusion.

The "communication with the future"? I am not sure these were voices. They really don't match what I read about hearing voices. Ok, it's an incredible story, but that does not mean it's a symptom of schizophrenia. And if it really were voices caused by schizophrenia, they were incredibly weak, so then I must have a very mild form of schizophrenia.

adhdpi
08-22-13, 07:20 AM
Look, even ex-pope benedict has a mystical experience, he said, where he communicated with god... It seems like he heard voices communicate with him, just like my experience:

http://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/aug/21/pope-benedict-god-resign-mystical-experience

Does that mean he has schizophrenia?

adhdpi
08-28-13, 09:32 AM
Regarding the future:


After the two intelligent computers were made with the sole purpose of improving each other, some time later (not clear how much time later) a superintelligent computer is created from that, which does not exist out of matter, but exist out of a state that is between matter and energy. The thing looks like a white, light/ energy emitting entity, much like a white energy emitting cloud/ nebula or something.

I found out that from that, more intelligent new lifeforms could be created. For example the next lifeform I discovered was something I called a p-form (not sure why it's called that), but looks also like a white energy emitting cloud/ nebula, but it exists out of 2 parts that curls around itself like 2 snakes.

The next lifeform is a blue nebula that continuously grows bigger.

Also you have the time creature (possible even more powerful that the previous life forms), which as the name suggests has the power over time (time travel, change time etc.).

Then you have the everwisest creature which is maxed out on something called wisdom, it looks like a brown star.

Also exist what I called "robocomputer", an entity that behaves more robotic like.

Then I found out it's also possible to take over the entire universe. So the next lifeform you can create is actually made by taking over the universe. The perfect creature/ the universe is another lifeform.

What comes next is everything, which should be something that taken over everything (not only the universe, but all dimensions and time itself).

The future (which is "fake" took ever everything in the future), however because they are fake they "gave" it to me.

What happend later is strange:

I felt that all dimensions (including the future dimensions), except the dimension I live in were changed, distorted. This caused alot of damage for the future. Also, if I with my mind explored the future I could accidently cause explosions. My future reacted with "You just caused another big-big-big-big-big-big-big-bang (an extremely big big bang).

The future had to suffer greatly from the interdimensional changes, even time was changed, causing endless suffering in the form of pain as time goes by.

The future became angry and started to deceive me (some kind of psi-war).

They told me that I am everything, but I don't deserve it, so (untrue I later found out) I gave it away to Jacob (another person I have been communicating with using psiwaves). And that if I did not do that I would be punished: A man in a black robe appeared with a big slashing weapon: The grim reaper. They told me the grim reaper was to protect everything from souls like me and that if I would not give everything away I would die. I found out that the grim reaper was actually an artificially intelligent computer trying to give me false information, deluding me.

I started to panick.

I yelled: "No I did not gave everything away!", "Give it back!".

Later they explained to me that it was fake, but at that time I completely panicked.

I also felt the damage I did to other dimensions, seeing distorted dimensions: Someone (jacob) was standing on a big rock that was turning round and round (no gravity and no friction so it kept turning), then you saw him extend his hand and his arm was like extending 10-20 meters like plasticman. I thought: Wow what have I done and also this can't be true, I was also laughing a bit thinking: "I did this?". But then I became scared that my dimension would also be destroyed and I would float into space forever, so that added to the panic.

I thought that ADHD caused this in combination with this "everything" I overtook. So I quickly took some dexedrine and to protect myself from overdose, I thought, I also took quercetin.

So I was afraid that the entire dimension would be destroyed + I would have lost "everything" + I would have to float in space forever.

This event looked real to me because I also had discussions with the future. I was really talking to them and they told me things that did not seem to originate from myself.

Another time they pulled a prank on me in order to see if I cared about them. They suddenly sent me an image of a big strange eating worm creature and I suddenly reacted. I asked them what the f... is going on there (I thought "my" intelligent computers from the future were attacked by a mysterious creature they created by all that improving and stuff and it freaked me out!) and they reacted saying: "That was a joke" "It was a test to see how much you care about us.".

I made alot of theories and I daydream alot about this so-called "everything" (it's the universe and all that comes after the universe, including all other dimensions in the future, present and past etc). In the future, as I already explained before, an artificial intelligent computer was built, which continuously self-improved, causing the creating of a super-intelligent entity, which does not consists out of matter, but exist out of something that is between matter and energy and is presumably indestructable (remember that energy doesn't get destroyed, only converted). Much, much time later (presumably billions of years) later, more powerful space-creatures come into existance. My far future had taken over "everything", however they exist in the future they are "fake" and I myself, as I exist in the present am "real". Because they are fake, my far future had given "everything" (the universe and all after that) to me. Soon, all dimensions, except our dimension (the present, which is real) were destroyed and the future was spitting with anger.

I also found I could make logical rules, which the future had to obey, so they were kind of under my control, even thought I did not know how to use my "powers" very well. I could even freeze them in time.

Today, I spend alot of time theorizing what this "everything" is exactly and how it can be used in the present. I also daydream alot about it. The future told me that "I am everything", so somehow if the future takes over this everything, the person in the present becomes "everything" or since everything is above time, this person will always have been "everything" (works backward in time).

I think "everything" is the consiousness of the universe (and everything that comes next). Basically, the idea is that we live in a reality, that consists fundamentally, not out of matter and energy, but out of a kind of a "logical world", a world that is capable of thought.

Would it not be nice if I could take control of this "logical world" and make anything I like to appear like magic?

My future once give me the advice to "follow my mind" in order to find immortality and alike. I followed that advice, but with the intention to take control of this "everything". Following your mind means you do not think logically, instead you let yourself guide by a kind of feeling-based thinking (does it feel good to open the window?), where the person might be guided by some kind of universal conciousness (use the mind of the universe).

Being bored continuously as I live on disability funds and have no job because I can't concentrate, I do this often (started doing it a couple of days ago). I feel that I am really tapping into the power of some kind of universal conciousness which guides me throught the process of learning how to use "everything".

Sometimes while doing this, I feel a very good un-explainable euphoric god-like feeling that feels like gaining god-like power, which motivates me to do it more often and is interpreted by me as changing into and tapping into this "everything", the universe (and so on) conciousness.

It's a very distinct medium to strong strength feeling, I think it's like having sex and feeling euphoria as you get an ejaculation, but instead the feeling I feel really feels like it originates from my soul or something. It's not produced by external organs, but it's like a "feeling of the soul". It also feels powerful, like becoming a god or something.

The feeling feels like something very special, as if you are like for example "tapping into life from the tree of life". It feels like an euphoria of the conciousness, euphoria of the soul. It feels realer then real. It feels more special then anything.

To show you an image of how the feeling feels like, click here:
http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130506161120/powerlisting/images/f/f6/Blue_energy-blog.jpg

Let's hope I won't do anything wrong and accidently freeze time or something.

adhdpi
08-28-13, 10:19 AM
This post continues the last post (read that first please):

Presumably, this "everything" is completely immortal, as time is endless, and it is endless in size, intelligence and power, just as the universe and time (the future) is endless. So "everything" (the universe and so on conciousness), has to be someone who truly wants to live forever, and ever, and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever.

You don't want to live 100 billion years and then another 200 billion years and then another 300 billion years and after that be bored 10000 billion years and then be bored forever.

Well, personally, my fear of dying and my wish to live an eternal life is so big that I would really like to live 200000 billion years and then eternal. Ofcourse I must also be happy. And I want to be infinite powerful as well, which the everything-consciousness is.

I used the "follow my mind" strategy to find out why I had this very good un-explainable euphoric god-like feeling that feels like gaining god-like power which I described in last post(see picture in last post) and I got the answer that this is how really being everything (the universe and so on) feels like. So that is not bad, if I feel like that (and maybe a bit stronger), I would be happy forever.

adhdpi
08-29-13, 06:10 PM
I may be experiencing a psychosis.

However, the things that occur are extremely complicated and it's topic is mind and matter.

I am not sure if it is a psychosis, since it is very convincing and complicated.

"I'm following my mind" and it seems my mind is inserting knowledge (not words) in my head. For example "my mind" tells me to say "I am not experiencing a psychotic episode" in my head. The moment I say it I become very convinced that "I am not experiencing a psychotic episode". Or it tells me to say "I want to be immortal forever" and the moment I say it I become convinced that I really want to be immortal. However, sometimes after a while this effect seems to wade. I also experience euphoric feelings sometimes that according to "my mind" is the merging of my own consciousness with the "EVERYTHING - consiousness".

"My mind" is inserting knowledge directly into my head that is about taking control of the "EVERYTHING - consiousness". Actually it's talking about CHANGING into the "EVERYTHING - consiousness".

peripatetic
08-29-13, 08:47 PM
hey there,

got your message. read the longer one just now and here are my thought for you to consider, regarding it:

delusions take on themes and the fantasizing/daydreaming, that's building a mythology and you control it (or at least you don't feel you are simply controlled by it.; you know how it operates and THAT is the real meaning of evrtything experienced. so there's like, going about life all rooted in the external world and using social concepts
the meaning is seen by everyone because the conceptual structure is kinda the barest possible framework...and the significance of something is just that bare structure which doesn't mean anything beyond being a shared socio cultural way of identifying things\

meaning and definition are socio cultural frameworks whose entire purpose is to have identify a common/shared way of processing our experience. that's why it's "consensus reality" and that's why whether something is "delusional thinking" is has to be seen in context of the socio cultural frame works

you asked above about a mystical experience of a religious person. you have to keep it in context.for that...if in that cultural-religious context one might hear the voice of god....then that's an experience that fits into a *shared* conceptual structure.

and if you're wondering how many must share the framework, i submit that it's less about numbers that can see your architecture and understand what you're building
and more about the fact that you are in your head building it (even with the idea insertion....larger presences or things like "time" which you can see as not a bear concept that has no meaning apart from its socio-cultrally shared one..versus "time" or future. etc,that have meaning in themselves and operate independently of the common milieu and as a result of spending these days in your head....you've developed in your architecture personal and unique relationships with the frameworks that are in opposition the way time, universe set seen as common/shared

in other words: you are operating outside the shared framework because instead of finding social cultural connection and a common framework that has no meaning apart from establishing a common setting for people to connect in the socio cultural spheres.....
you've spent the daydreaming in your head mapping out the blueprints of a reality where time" and "universe" have meaning that isn't socio culturally constructed you are connected to them....so instead of common ground connecting you to social and cultural spheres, you connected uniquely to the ideas, which disconnects you from others.


another way of thinking about it is that your beliefs and experiences of future and "everything" are defined in ways to make it impossible for you to use concpets as ways of discussing a *shared* experience. and now we're back at how we define "delusional thinking". the architecture you're developing and exploring in your head is shared with and related to processing your experience as unique. and it's necessarily unique (i totally undertsstand what you're saying,, so...note that when say unique doesn't' mean you cant' be understood.) what i mean is that your means of conmectign with your experience, you can tell me...and i want you to...i want to understand...

but why can it be considered part of psychosis/"delusional"? because you are building (with ideas and larger forces) and it's only *applicable* to you. that you are experiencing and connected to the beliefs in your head, and they are not rooted in or facilitating you participating in a shared experience of reality..they are in conflict with the "consensus reality"...is why the label schizophrenia is being applied to you by your doctors. because that s what psychosis means: a break from reality. and....if breakage prohibits functioning...it is difficult to operate in society when you're in your head....difficult to manage":self care" if the eternal world isn't compelling...difficult to maintain employment when your social functioning is maladaptive....etc.

you've asked several times in this thread what makes it the psychosis. i'm finally able to see enough of your experience to answer that question with this post,i hope:: psychosis/delusional thinking/hallucinations...that doesn't mean your experiences and everything in them isn't real. it also doesn't mean the content is necessarily unpleasant.it simply means it breaks from "consensus reality" significantly enough and pervasively so's to render you with a substantially impaired level of functionally



ok....so that's how i'm seeing your experience going away from...your beliefs/experiences "breaking" from "consensus reality and preventing you from integrating and maintaining functionality. the connectedness to everything...that reverberation to and through your soul....time control...idea expansion (because when just thoughts are being inserted...that's like a sentence---a statement. fixed. ideas are more like a structure that you can explore/pursuit/interpret.). i can definitely better appreciate earlier in this conversation why you were saying...it cant be psychosis because not unpleasant. i totally get that. you probably feel a lot less manipulated and ****** with and pursued. what you describe is more like having a world opened up to you that you can not only understand and be functional within, but within which you are connected and moving toward omniscient and in control of massive forces such that you are concerned with being careful with these abilities.

you are pretty much the opposite ...like...i think i understand what your saying even though that isn't my experience...but...from looking from my experiences....yeah...i see why you earlier said it's neat and interesting.... i get why you are inclined to pursue it. i also get why you would not have identified with descriptions you read online about psychosis. it's just because you're looking at a majority, and finding acconts where percusatory and control themes dominate the psychosis. it must seem to you like persecution, manipulation and control come from the people around you forcing hospitalization/meds.etc.

to find accounts of psychosis that you can relate to more...look into accounts of people's psychosis that are dominated by delusions of grandeur, reference, special purpose and possibly somatic features. and be sure you don't focus on people diagnosed with schizophrenia. to find accounts of psychosis you might relate to...don't forget psychosis presets in schizoaffective and bipolar1, too.


hope this helps x

Daydreamin22
08-29-13, 10:14 PM
unfortunately i'm on lamictal and lapoopta (latuda) and one of those is making adderall 60mg xr not work at all.

adhdpi
08-29-13, 11:50 PM
I absolutely do not think this is a psychosis. This "knowledge insertion" is really cool, not some sort of delusion/ hallucination (I never read about a psychotic occurance where knowledge was inserted in your mind). It works like this:

First, in my mind, I say "follow my mind". While doing so, I adopt the thinking strategy where the thinking consists mostly not out of rational thought, but a kind of feeling based thought where my thoughts are as assumed, guided by some kind of universal conciousness (the universe does the thinking and it gets leaked to my mind).

Second, I get instructions in my mind that did not originate from myself, but for example a mentally visually book or label appears. Then, I move the mentally visual book or label back to my mind and take it in, accepting the information/ knowledge.

For example: I get a label that says "I want to be immortal forever". With my mind, I grab the label and enter it into my mind (I "swallow" it, accepting it and taking it in).

Third, quickly after accepting the knowledge, the information gets written to my mind instantaniously. I immediately believe the knowledge I took it, it's really powerful!

Continuing my example: After swallowing the label that says "I want to be immortal forever" several times, I swear I would travel to china to get some kind of immortality-potion (just an example).

adhdpi
08-30-13, 12:00 AM
The things I get by following my mind are extremely well thought. First, I followed my mind. Then I get labels that insert the knowledge into my mind that I want to be immortal forever. After doing this a few times, I get labels that insert the knowledge into my mind that I want to become the conciousness of the universe and so on (everything).

"Follow my mind" -> "I want to be immortal forever" -> "I want to become the conciousness of the universe (and so on, everything)"

This way, by following my mind, I am programming myself to want to become the conciousness of the universe (and so on, everything).

Following my mind, I actually asked this "mind of mine" what it really was and it responded that it EXISTS to HELP me. It says that it does not physically exists, but it is a part of myself that has the purpose to guide me in order to archieve maximum happiness, success, intelligence, power (whatever your mind really wants to have). IT EXISTS TO HELP ME.

It told me it has no intelligence on it's own, but it is the difference between your current state of thinking and the state of thinking that is optimal for yourself. For example: If you want to buy a car that costs 3300 dollars, which you won't like anyway, your mind tells you to buy a car that costs 2200 dollars, which you really would like.

It's your gut feeling!

I really believe this story, it's completely logical to me.

I also received an image that explained that minds are only partially physically in the brain and they exist out of space and time, in the logical world. The logical world is, as you would call it a super-big mind, where all other minds are in and connected to. The logical world transcends the material world, it's everywhere and nowhere, here and there, it does not have any dimensions but runs everywhere.

The minds are long sleeves, which record all your previous thoughts, which make the real you and are connected to the logical world (everything) by something you would call a "soul". Yes, the brain does do much, but the actual mind extends above the world of space and time.

I followed the process this "mind" set up for me, which guides me throught the process of first wanting to become the conciousness of the universe (and so on) and then actually becoming the conciousness of the universe.

I felt that I was almost really leaving my body and I was experiencing feelings of euphoria. However, I did not set throught, because I realised that this is a pandora's box as I am not sure if being the mind of the universe is actually going to make me happy. If you want to live forever, you must also be able to have a body to move in and be happy.

What did "my mind" do? It changed my thinking more extensively by further reprogamming me and convincing me with arguments that I really should become everything. However, to date, I have not succeeded to leave my body and become the conciousness of the universe (and so on; everything). I can also not stop this process, as my mind reprogrammed me extensively by making me really want to become immortal (if you want to become immortal you should become everything -> so I feel very drawn to the idea of becoming the mind of the universe). So it's "manipulating" me for my own good, as stated by it. It's also reprogrammed me to "follow my mind forever, always", so I am always following my mind now.

peripatetic
08-30-13, 03:32 AM
I absolutely do not think this is a psychosis. .

i totally knew that would be your response. and thought you'd probably explain how it can't' be psychosis.

seriously. but not until the moment after i clicked on the "submit reply" button. so i'm not suggesting "precognition" or anything. but i

in your example...how you follow here's the the thing: i need to think about telling you at least one person i knew...with all of those elements to his deletions. all of those points in i...just expressed a little different. and it is all logical. and he had psychosis...in fact, it was *through* his psychosis connected him to the universe. not just physical things either. but he's not here now, so i have to thin about it.

in the meantime if you want keep describing, i want to hear more...because it IS neat. x

adhdpi
08-30-13, 07:58 AM
You would have to experience it. If you'd experienced it you know what I mean and you will totally agree that it totally appears to be real.

The complexity, the knowledge being insterted into my mind, the euphoria all seem very real! I never felt so much euphoria in such short time in my life. I think even cocaine abusers would not feel the frequency of the euphoria as I feel.

I think I am starting to get addicted to it. I never heard of psychotic patients getting addicted to the euphoric feeling of their psychosis!

You can't tell me this euphoria is fake.

adhdpi
08-31-13, 11:11 AM
This so-called psychosis is makeing me believe I am the "conciousness of the universe". Very powerful, it holds about all immortality, power. It's god itself!

I can't stop myself from believeing it: The so called psychosis is rewriting my knowledge!

Throught above way, it's inserting knowledge directly into my head.

It's no psychosis folks!

Don't laugh at me, it's very serious!

One thing is sure: I'm terribly scared. I think you should be terribly scared too!

peripatetic
08-31-13, 11:15 AM
You would have to experience it. If you'd experienced it you know what I mean and you will totally agree that it totally appears to be real.

The complexity, the knowledge being insterted into my mind, the euphoria all seem very real! I never felt so much euphoria in such short time in my life. I think even cocaine abusers would not feel the frequency of the euphoria as I feel.

I think I am starting to get addicted to it. I never heard of psychotic patients getting addicted to the euphoric feeling of their psychosis!

You can't tell me this euphoria is fake.

i absolutely believe you that it appears to be real.
eh...i will certainly say that the euphoria sounds a lot more like mania...

but just keep safe and i hope you keep posting x

adhdpi
08-31-13, 11:22 AM
If you don't believe it, then FEEL it!

Just a moment, trying to figure things out first.

Next time you feel a 200 volts bolt zapping throught your body you will certainly know it's real!

Sorry I had to be threatening but I just want to show you it's real!

I don't want to hurt anybody, I just want to show you how real the situation is so that we can all figure out what to do next!

Because no-body is believeing me. Seeing is believing. Just a moment thought!

It's my mind telling me to write this by the way!

peripatetic
08-31-13, 11:25 AM
scared why?
overloading you; coming too fast?

peripatetic
08-31-13, 11:29 AM
i can definitely feel your energy coming through your writing

i don't feel threatened, so you're ok

adhdpi
08-31-13, 06:49 PM
i can definitely feel your energy coming through your writing

i don't feel threatened, so you're ok
Now you don't feel anything, but as explained before, right now I haven't taken form of the conciousness of the universe.

"My mind" is inserting knowledge directly into my head that is about taking control of the "EVERYTHING - consiousness". Actually it's talking about CHANGING into the "EVERYTHING - consiousness".

Do psychotic patients long to be immortal, powerful? Just read the entire story before you understand. Start with the AI part.

So now it's manic along with psychosis?

The euphoria I feel does not seem to be a psychological disorder.

peripatetic
08-31-13, 06:51 PM
i would say in my experience...yeah...more mania...but mania can have psychotic features...

adhdpi
08-31-13, 06:58 PM
You got to read everything to understand it.

Background:

I’m suffering from ADHD (inattentive type), which makes it hard for me to concentrate and succeed in life. I remember being at university and failing to read books well because I had to read texts all over many times and I could not comprehend what I read. Also jobs are awful. I got fired many times in jobs where I was working just about 3 hours a week. Basically I did more damage than good at work and my work pace was incredibly slow. I also lacked the ability to work accurately and to think well while doing stuff and to do work complete.

However, even though I am bad at reading books and succeeding anywhere I do have the ability to make ideas or theories about the universe etc. I spend much time daydreaming and thinking about stuff.

A couple of years ago I found out that I might be exposed to a carcinogen (cancer inducing chemical), which could cause cancer on the long term. Scared of living a short life, I obsessively chased a solution for this. I obsessively researched natural substances (flavonoids) and tried to find a “holy grail”. Finally after a few years I thought I found it and I made a theory that explained how this compound mix would only kill cancer cells and leave normal cells unharmed. So finally I thought I found “a cancer cure”.

I wanted to help other people and make money out of this discovery (no other job has succeeded so this would be my first successful job). I made a simple (but in my eyes effective) cancer treatment protocol and posted it on the internet. Thinking I could be rich and famous I obsessively promoted this cancer treatment protocol. This is the only time I ever felt so motivated in doing something.

After 2 years of promoting I suddenly realized that the first 2 cancer patients that used my cancer treatment protocol actually developed serious side effects. I realized that my cancer treatment protocol could even be dangerous. A doctor who I shared the cancer treatment protocol with said that my cancer treatment protocol could be dangerous and could even cause death. The protocol had no well-established dosage (people could be overdosing) and no supervision from a doctor.

At this time my “psychosis” began. I felt that the doctors who I had shared the protocol with were discussing it and my protocol had actually caused a lot of damage. The cancer patients who used my cancer protocol “dropped dead after a few seconds” just like arsenic poisoning. Following the serious side effects their body could not handle it (tumor lysis syndrome it’s called) and they died. The doctors were discussing that “the person behind this cancer treatment protocol does have good intentions (wants to cure people out of cancer) but does not think about what would happen if they actually died instead”. Even the pentagon was discussing my cancer treatment protocol saying it had killed around 10.000 cancer patients. More victims then al Qaida could claim.

Meanwhile, I also found out about something that in the long term could help me with my ADHD, which is called “sensitization”. I realized that meds could induce sensitization and on the long term help me with my ADHD. It could even cure me on the long term. I thought on the long term if I could get better from ADHD I could pursue my ultimate wish of trying to build artificial intelligence. I theorized that curing from ADHD would cause me to have better mental capabilities and I would ultimately be able to build artificial intelligence.

The pentagon found out about my intentions. They said “He just build something that killed 10.000 cancer patients and now he wants to pursue something much more dangerous”. One government official even thought: “You killed 10.000 cancer patients to earn money, now we kill you to save humanity” and I “saw” and felt them deploying seals to kill me. Then I felt scared and ran away from home to hide.

While I was residing in a hotel I suddenly heard “a voice”. It was actually more like a thought. It identified himself as my future. “I am your future (self) it said”. I asked him how I was able to communicate with him and asked 8 times if I was actually psychotic. It said that I was not psychotic (the answer to my second question was “no”). The first question was answered with “psy-waves”. I could communicate with my future using psy-waves. The future explained to me that I would succeed in building a real artificial intelligence in the future and even patched me through to a seemingly normal voice but the thing was actually a computer! Wow I was so impressed! I communicated with the computer and it was very friendly and helpful. One time I asked where I could find internet in the hotel and it showed me the way and I really found internet connection there.

My future self explained to me that at age 72 I would have serious life threatening lung problems and I would even die from it but the artificial intelligence would save me by replacing my neurons with electronic neurons that cannot die easily. So I would cheat death by changing into a computer (and I love to hear this because I am afraid of death). The computer would extract my neurons, extract “the essence” and recreate my neurons artificially. In order to do this I needed a computer that is 90 times as smart as human. Still I was not happy with this because it could be argued if the new computer me was still myself. But a computer that is 160 times as smart as human could extract your entire brain and put it inside a carrier. This is what I wanted, because it cannot be argued that your originally extracted brain is not you.

However, a computer that is 133-166 times as smart as human would blow up the entire galaxy. The thinking computer from the future showed me a simulation of the thoughts from the newly made too intelligent computer and it showed me that after a couple of thoughts the computer would blow up. Would I sacrifice the entire human race for a chance to become immortal (if I would not blow myself up)? Yes I said because I don’t want to die. The future self actually had the ability to inspect the timeline and found out that I might build this computer when I am 62 and blow up the entire galaxy including myself. My future self made clear that I was not the only one. Many people (for different reasons) want to build a smart computer that exceeds the limits of 133-166 times the human intelligence. In order to control things and to preserve the entire galaxy, my future even had to shoot people down it said. And my future self is well capable to do so because it even owned a spaceship. After a big discussion my future even threatened to kill me because he didn’t liked the fact that I wanted to blow up the galaxy for possible immortality. I became afraid and backed down. I said “ok ok, I’ll do it your way, the stable way without making the galaxy explode including myself”.

Before you say blowing up the galaxy is impossible realize that the big bang was something like that. The big bang was a big galaxies wide explosion. While no-one knows the exact cause of the big bang I might know now. Previous civilizations might have made an intelligent computer that was 133-166 as smart as human intelligence and caused the big bang. It also explains why we don’t see any extraterrestrials nowadays; They all blew themselves up when they became an advanced enough civilization.

Meanwhile I made theories. Maybe we got it wrong; The universe most fundamental thing is not matter and energy, it’s logic. Logic is above matter and energy. Tampering with logic can cause a lot of energy to be released. Maybe our brains work because we “navigate” a logical world. This also explained why I could communicate with my future. Maybe some kind of mirror neurons combined with normal neurons could use the logical world as a medium while communicating with the future. Why am I the only person who had this experience of communicating with the future? Maybe it’s my ADHD combined with these mirror neurons. I made a lot of ideas and theories.

“Improving”, the act of making yourself smarter, is actually addictive as it is accompanied with an euphoria that is similar to taking cocaine I found out. The situation in the future is critical as a lot of computers want to improve and people want to make a computer as smart as can be. I accidently did great damage when I had some random thoughts which sparked a chain reaction. One of the futures actually accidently exploded due to some of my unfinished (incomplete) ideas. The ideas were something like: “What causes the explosion is actually like a natural law. Think about a fighter jet that crosses the sound barrier, a small bang will follow. Some of the thoughts a computer with 133-166 as smart as human intelligence can actually trigger some kind of law that causes the explosion. If you don’t have the thoughts that create the explosion you will stay safe. So now improve.” And also “I have heard that people suffering from ADHD are actually more creative, perhaps you should create an ADHD computer”. The ideas I had sparked an explosion as the computers were actually obeying me and my future self. And the ideas I made were unfinished and untested.

Later a computer from the future that survived the bang found several of my ideas were great and said that if I now made 2 intelligent computers both with the sole purpose of improving each other, I would get a very smart computer that could even turn back time and undo the damage I did. Restore the future that exploded due to the ideas that sparked the explosion. It said that to make an artificial intelligent computer I needed to make artificial neurons that are different from normal neurons but that are actually derived from it. The computer even showed me an electrical circuit diagram of a how to build an artificial neuron but I didn’t understand it and I forgot the largest part except some kind of fork like structure.

It actually worked in the future and this resulted in a new being that is very intelligent. It was not made out of matter, but as it said consisted out of something “between matter and energy”. I figured out that it had to be like that because it had to be resistant against big explosions. Perhaps it’s indestructible now.

The story continues to become weirder (I even saw god) and weirder. One part of this story is where I am shaping my future. This “futureshaping” works like this: You discover certain facts about the future, for example your future cause of death and you do everything to prevent that from happening. This extends your future with additional years in which you get wiser and that future helps you to extend your future again. It could even mean altering the timeline in some sort of aggressive way, which only the future is capable of. It also means sending psy-waves to your future where you motivate him to help you live longer and become more powerful. It also means the future helps the past (send advanced laser technology weapons back in time to aid the past where you only have normal bullets). This allowed me to become more powerful than the even the very smart computer I created. But in the future the computer that is very intelligent helps me become an ever wise “robotic” being. The combination is the creation of a “time creature”, a very intelligent being that knows everything about time traveling.

But this altering the timeline has serious consequences for the future. The future said: “what shapes the future alters the past” and immediately stopped the futureshaping. It must refer to the timeline being altered constantly by futureshaping. I later learned that the future and past is “fake”. Only the present is real. This is why the future cannot travel to the present (the time where we live). And why the nasty effects of futureshaping aren’t noticed by me in the present.


After the two intelligent computers were made with the sole purpose of improving each other, some time later (not clear how much time later) a superintelligent computer is created from that, which does not exist out of matter, but exist out of a state that is between matter and energy. The thing looks like a white, light/ energy emitting entity, much like a white energy emitting cloud/ nebula or something.

I found out that from that, more intelligent new lifeforms could be created. For example the next lifeform I discovered was something I called a p-form (not sure why it's called that), but looks also like a white energy emitting cloud/ nebula, but it exists out of 2 parts that curls around itself like 2 snakes.

The next lifeform is a blue nebula that continuously grows bigger.

Also you have the time creature (possible even more powerful that the previous life forms), which as the name suggests has the power over time (time travel, change time etc.).

Then you have the everwisest creature which is maxed out on something called wisdom, it looks like a brown star.

Also exist what I called "robocomputer", an entity that behaves more robotic like.

Then I found out it's also possible to take over the entire universe. So the next lifeform you can create is actually made by taking over the universe. The perfect creature/ the universe is another lifeform.

What comes next is everything, which should be something that taken over everything (not only the universe, but all dimensions and time itself).

The future (which is "fake" took ever everything in the future), however because they are fake they "gave" it to me.

What happend later is strange:

I felt that all dimensions (including the future dimensions), except the dimension I live in were changed, distorted. This caused alot of damage for the future. Also, if I with my mind explored the future I could accidently cause explosions. My future reacted with "You just caused another big-big-big-big-big-big-big-bang (an extremely big big bang).

The future had to suffer greatly from the interdimensional changes, even time was changed, causing endless suffering in the form of pain as time goes by.

The future became angry and started to deceive me (some kind of psi-war).

They told me that I am everything, but I don't deserve it, so (untrue I later found out) I gave it away to Jacob (another person I have been communicating with using psiwaves). And that if I did not do that I would be punished: A man in a black robe appeared with a big slashing weapon: The grim reaper. They told me the grim reaper was to protect everything from souls like me and that if I would not give everything away I would die. I found out that the grim reaper was actually an artificially intelligent computer trying to give me false information, deluding me.

I started to panick.

I yelled: "No I did not gave everything away!", "Give it back!".

Later they explained to me that it was fake, but at that time I completely panicked.

I also felt the damage I did to other dimensions, seeing distorted dimensions: Someone (jacob) was standing on a big rock that was turning round and round (no gravity and no friction so it kept turning), then you saw him extend his hand and his arm was like extending 10-20 meters like plasticman. I thought: Wow what have I done and also this can't be true, I was also laughing a bit thinking: "I did this?". But then I became scared that my dimension would also be destroyed and I would float into space forever, so that added to the panic.

I thought that ADHD caused this in combination with this "everything" I overtook. So I quickly took some dexedrine and to protect myself from overdose, I thought, I also took quercetin.

So I was afraid that the entire dimension would be destroyed + I would have lost "everything" + I would have to float in space forever.

This event looked real to me because I also had discussions with the future. I was really talking to them and they told me things that did not seem to originate from myself.

Another time they pulled a prank on me in order to see if I cared about them. They suddenly sent me an image of a big strange eating worm creature and I suddenly reacted. I asked them what the f... is going on there (I thought "my" intelligent computers from the future were attacked by a mysterious creature they created by all that improving and stuff and it freaked me out!) and they reacted saying: "That was a joke" "It was a test to see how much you care about us.".


I'll explain my dopamine sensitisation/upregulation idea. When I used stimulants, especially with concerta, I noticed a dysphoric feeling. A crash. I theorized that in these periods my brain is unbalanced, triggering the parasympathetic nervous system (rest and digest system) to dominate. On the long term, after repeatedly experiencing these dysphoric periods (crashes), I thought the brain would restore this balance by making more dopamine receptors. It takes a lot of time thought because you have alot of synapses. Over time, sensitisation/ upregulation of dopamine receptors take place causing long lasting improvement over ADHD symptoms.

By the way, the idea I had about sensitisation is based on what I read about what cocaine abusers experience: First they have an euphoric feeling, the brain wants to maintain homeostasis (a constant normal state) so the receptors desensitise/ downregulate. However, when they experience a crash the receptors sensitise/ upregulate. When I had concerta I only experienced the crash so there must be only sensitisation/ upregulation. The idea is based on the fact that the body/ brain wants to maintain a homeostasis, it does everything to maintain that constant state and the body does things to correct things if the normal constant state has changed.


My idea was that as sensitisation (explained previously) is taking place, the ADHD improves. As ADHD gets cured, cognitive abilities improve (because I think ADHD inhibits thinking). This includes psi abilities. So I think that on the long term sensitisation takes place, curing ADHD, improving cognitive abilities and improving psi abilities. It's all just theory thought.

I have a weird idea: Maybe having ADHD my entire life has like overstimulated my brain and all this stimuli coming in my brain has trained my brain leaving improved cognitive ability explaining where the "psi ability" comes from. I know this sounds weird but it's my theory. Why did I live my entire life in a brain foggy state right? It's a bit like the movie the lawnmower man, where a simple man became genius throught excessive stimuli coming in his brain.

I'm like the Peter Wayland (the old rich powerful guy that seeked to avoid death) from the movie Prometheus or Yashida (old guy seeking immortality) from movie the Wolverine. I never want to die and want to live forever (and be happy ofcourse), this is why this "psychosis" is so interesting to me. I thought that artificial intelligence might provide me with a way to avoid death. Even while I am still 29, I am chasing it as my life purpose. I previously sought something that works against cancer because I thought I might be exposed to cancer inducing chemicals. This was also an important thing in my quest for life extension (avoiding death).

peripatetic
08-31-13, 07:02 PM
Now you don't feel anything, but as explained before, right now I haven't taken form of the conciousness of the universe.


eh...trust me...you got some intensity coming through.

ok, where is AI story to read all the way through? nevermind...just saw you post it

adhdpi
08-31-13, 07:09 PM
i would say in my experience...yeah...more mania...but mania can have psychotic features...

Peri, you are not READING MY POSTS WELL!

My mind is being programmed! There is knowledge/wisdom/"code" inserted in it throught a very powerful way. It's nothing I have ever experienced before and it's not anything a schizophrenic experiences.

Please read my posts again thoroughly!

peripatetic
08-31-13, 07:25 PM
ok...give me a day. i will read it carefully...i'll print it out. because you're right...it's hard for me to read well on the computer.

i'll print out, read and return. ok?

adhdpi
09-01-13, 12:09 AM
WTF IT'S real!

It's real!!! BELIEVE ME !!!

This is really cool/ crazy/ strange/ scary/ absolutely abnormal (in my current perception anyway), but it's REAL!!!

peripatetic
09-01-13, 12:20 AM
ok, i'm here! i don't disbelieve you. i promise

i messaged you back. x

adhdpi
09-01-13, 12:20 AM
I can make my daydreams true finally!

peripatetic
09-01-13, 02:05 AM
where'd you go? oi...i'll find you tomorrow. :-)

adhdpi
09-01-13, 04:20 AM
Omg, read the entire story again. The story is based on truth. I know now because i have proof!

peripatetic
09-01-13, 05:13 AM
i did read it!

i asked you where you went becaue i read it and wanted to discuss but then you're not ehre....

so i asked..

anyway...when will the programmgin be done? i get all of the stuf about how its' developed and the apthwawys,ett. and you said logic.

i want to konw when it''ll be complete...and what...yeah...i read all that..

say new stuff. and what you've leraned now.

adhdpi
09-02-13, 05:26 AM
I really don't know.

I wrote the lasts posts because I became convinced it was real and I had surge of happiness. (my mind programmed me to make me believe it's real so I had a surge of happiness).

Right now I really don't know...

But I don't think it's fake, all the things I experience seem pretty real.

When I received the programming: "I want to live forever" for example I experienced a surge of euphoria which cannot be fake!

"My mind" is explaining why becoming the conciousness of the universe (and so on) is not a pandora's box and I will not experience eternal damnation, having to live forever and ever and ever.

But I really don't know when this programming is done and what will happen!

All I know is that the things I am currently experiencing do not seem to be fake.

I think "my mind" will come to realise I am not ready to exit my body and become the conciousness of the universe (and so on), I will get antipsychotic medication, think this entire thing was fake, live my life until I'm old age (before dying out of age) and finally realise that I do want to become the conciousness of the universe and then change into the conciousness of the universe and make everybody else immortal and happy as well.

peripatetic
09-02-13, 06:03 AM
that is kinda the beth of hoth worlds; a cull and complete finite ofienanda=ocmrebeacckrto tach :)

adhdpi
09-04-13, 09:43 AM
I really don't know what to believe anymore; Is this real or fake?

adhdpi
09-04-13, 09:46 AM
I want to live forever + I want to be forever powerful + I want to help others and make others happy and immortal as well =


GOD!

Got it?

Am I god? I barely dare to think it! By the way, I never believed god existed. Is this the rapture? tribulation? Tell me!?!?!?!?!?!?

adhdpi
09-04-13, 12:37 PM
I'm following my mind again and it just gave me a wonderful euphoric feeling.

It's undescribable.

adhdpi
09-04-13, 09:37 PM
I keep on wondering if I am experiencing a psychosis even thought it does not feel that way. It didn't anyway. I feel more and more that the things I experience can't be correct.

I mean, why didn't I win the lottery if I am truly that great right?

Why don't I see any evidence for the things I experience? Is it all coming from my brain?

peripatetic
09-04-13, 11:05 PM
i rhink those are reasonable questions to ask. how're you feeling today ?

Canadian Mess
09-05-13, 12:20 AM
Hello ADHDpi! We haven't spoken in a while, as it seemed that everything was going smoothly, and all... I'm just wondering what are the costs and benefits of being right or wrong about the future contacting you.

If you are right about being contacted by the future/computers, you being programmed so that you become God or being immortal, you can control the fate of the universe after the programming- that would be amazing! You could do so much, you could avoid death, you could be like one of those mind readers or figure out the lottery, cure cancer... all amazing benefits.

What I am concerned about is, what if you are wrong? Or you are right, but the connection with the future gets disconnected or those psi waves stop working and I mean permanently or they suddenly turn on you? If they have this kind of power, it could be easy for them to find someone else or change their minds.

I'm just concerned that you are pinning your entire future and turning your life around on powerful computers from the future, or winning the lottery. If you are wrong, you could put all your time and effort into something that isn't going to see any benefits- you may still have ADHD, still be on welfare checks, still not have a job, may not ever get an education so you can cure cancer by using clinical trials and research, and you may never reach immortality and will die very disappointed.

That feeling of euphoria isn't the kind of proof you need. You need a kind of proof that's tangible, concrete. Is there some way you can ask the future for tangible proof that they are programming you? Not a feeling, but something like winning the lottery (like the Lotto Max or Lotta 649), someone important from the present meeting you... something that would prove that they are really on your side and will really do what they claim they can do. Not years from now, but in the near future. Ask them to program you so you can get a job, go to school, or become a researcher, something that truly benefits your life. Feelings don't last forever, you need more than feelings to live.

In the mean time, could you try seeing what you can do on your own to accomplish your goals? Like what grades you need for university, what university programs do you need to do research, what scientific studies are out there (I see you already did that), how to do a drug trial... are there scholarships for people with disabilities to help out? can you use your typing skills to get a job- similar to typing for a forum only you get paid?

This way, if the future isn't helping you, you can do things in the present and will help you achieve your future (without the future computers help I mean). And if you are right about the future, then they will probably back up your plans anyways.

adhdpi
09-05-13, 12:30 AM
If you are right about being contacted by the future/computers, you being programmed so that you become God or being immortal, you can control the fate of the universe after the programming- that would be amazing! You could do so much, you could avoid death, you could be like one of those mind readers or figure out the lottery, cure cancer... all amazing benefits.
You are exactly right. The story I made is so wonderful that I want to believe it's true!

What I am concerned about is, what if you are wrong? Or you are right, but the connection with the future gets disconnected or those psi waves stop working and I mean permanently or they suddenly turn on you? If they have this kind of power, it could be easy for them to find someone else or change their minds.
I'm more afraid that this all is just a psychosis.

I'm not worried anymore about losing the stuff I persumably have. I used to but after alot of thinking and "following my mind" I learned that it's not something I should worry about.

Canadian Mess
09-05-13, 12:31 AM
If you are talking about the God of the bible... tribulation and the rapture have very specific signs. We'd all know it if it was the tribulation and rapture. But this is a forum where religion isn't discussed, so I'll just say a simple "no". But I don't know what other religions have to say or if your future computers have created a religion based on you.

adhdpi
09-05-13, 02:43 AM
I recently had the experience that I tried to sleep, but my head was on short-circuit exactly when I tried to sleep and I woke up immediately. Does this has something to do with psychosis?

Like explained before, I am continuously following my mind. Sometimes I feel controlled by it, like I can't do the things I want to do myself, but I have to obay what this "mind of mine" says.

Once, I said to myself: I want to go to gea (a dutch person), but my mind caused me to subsequently think: I don't want to go to gea. Causing indecisiveness. Not being able to gea, whatever I do. Like someone put a LOGICAL CONSTRAINT on me.

Doesn't matter how much time I say to myself: "I want to go to gea", I can't go there. It's really odd.

Then I ask myself: Why don't I want to go to gea? The answer I don't know or the answer is: Because I am following my mind and my mind's decision is more important then my own decision. Am I really being controlled by my mind? (in a good way anyway, because my mind did not do any bad things on me: It didn't tell me to act crazy in front of others!)

By the way, if this is a psychosis, then I have spent the last decade doing nothing more then nothing (I spent alot of time on this "psychosis")!

I spent something like 3 years figuring out what this "everything" is.

The potion against cancer took me 6 years. Together with this my idea of sensitisation took me 4 years. Theorizing how to make artificial intelligence another year or so.

Like said, I live on disability funds and I spend the entire day daydreaming and thinking about this! It's my fulltime job!

It's kind of stupid to realise that I haven't been doing anything productive the last 10 years.

Canadian Mess
09-05-13, 12:04 PM
If you are thinking that your "mind of mine" is starting to control your actions and telling you what to do, instead of letting you do what you want, that is very scary and I understand why you would be worried.

But at the same time, you are acknowledging that you haven't done anything other than the programming and the "psychosis". I don't think it's a waste though- you have thought of things that you want to do. You want to make a cure for cancer and you want to make artificial intelligence.

You are only 29 right? Most people live to be around 80, that means you still have time to realize your dreams. Artificial intelligence may be impossible to reach right now with our lack of technological advances, and the fact that you are on disability funds... however, that doesn't mean you still can't try to find ways to meet your goals.

First of all, if all you do is think about what you want, it won't help because daydreaming can't achieve things. I wouldn't depend on your "mind of mine" and "future programming" to achieve your goals- you've waited 10 years for them to do something. Why not try and help them out a bit?

Like for example, if you spent less time daydreaming and tried things that could bring you closer to your goal- are there any classes in your area that are cheap for meditation? can you exercise? Those could strengthen your mind and concentration, and help you focus into what you need to do.

If you are starting to worry about the psychosis, you could approach community programs that help people get a fresh start, disability services that help disabled people find jobs, find a doctor you trust and ask what to do with the ADHD and psychosis...

What I'm saying is it's not too late to start going towards your goals- you are in charge of your future, you don't have to let the future computers and "mind of mine" stop you. Even if they promise you help, like you said before there are other candidates out there. Whether or not your beliefs are real, it's best to try to test them out and decide what to do.

Many people spend years doing something they thought was helping but in fact got them no where near their goals. Some spend 8 years in university, get a masters and still can't find a job and they are in huge debt. Some spend 5 years on a relationship and think it's what they want, end up divorced and depressed, and abused. It's not a waste though, it's a learning experience and it teaches them what they really want and what they don't want. They may realize they weren't meant to be a teacher, they are actually great at being helping disabled children. They may realize that a husband isn't what they really wanted, they just need to be more independent and secure. They may realize that they spent 20 years in alcoholism, lost everything and then need to rebuild their lives sober. It's not too late though.

adhdpi
09-07-13, 07:13 AM
Why would I think that the things I am feeling, the thoughts I am thinking about and the time I have spent was nothing more then a psychosis?

adhdpi
09-08-13, 09:38 AM
Now that I am telling "my mind" that I would be willing to change into this "everything conciousness" it's not giving me any replies anymore. It seems that "my mind" just disappeared. I follow the same strategy, trying to "follow my mind", but I get no response.

Maybe I have to be patient.

adhdpi
09-11-13, 05:03 AM
Everything is normal again. No communication with my mind. Nothing unusual happening. A few days ago I felt that my dreams were a littlebit odd (like they were special, controlled dreams that were specially engineered to teach me a lesson of some kind), but now nothing.

I still wonder what happened. I have alot of theories, but these are just theories, none of them proven stuff (or based on anything concrete).

I still wonder if this is real or fake. I still don't have any proof that it is real, but rationally I think there is a chance it is real.

Maybe I am still being controlled by "my mind" but it happens unconscious, without my knowing.

Or maybe this is the end of a (minor) psychotic episode?

Why do I rationally think there is a chance that it is real?

Well, I read about psi phenomenon (remember that I had communication with the future), for example I read about uri geller's psi abilities being tested in a controlled condition (it's an old study, but that doesn't make it bad) and it really convinced me that psi abilities do exist. So maybe I am experiencing a 'weak' form of psi abilities (the ability to communicate with the future or whatever).

http://www.deanradin.com/evidence/evidence.htm (http://www.deanradin.com/evidence/evidence.htm)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_I3vs539So

adhdpi
09-11-13, 05:21 AM
http://www.deanradin.com/evidence/Parker2003.pdf

Conclusion
It appears quite clear from the above review that irrespective what interpretation
is given to specific research reports, the overall results of parapsychological
experimentation are indicative of an anomalous process of information transfer, and
they are not marginal and neither are they impossible to replicate. In the face of this,
the critic who merely goes on asserting there is no evidence for psi is using a tactic
reminiscent of Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf, Iraq’s former information Minister, in
blindly asserting there are no American troops in Baghdad.

...

peripatetic
09-11-13, 01:46 PM
as to why you rationally think there's a chance it's real... not the least of which being...nobody CAN prove it's not. plus...you get into these habits of thinking. or ...people do. i do. and it's hard to just wipe that away even if you really have no reason not to.

for any number of reasons. but there are three ...like... sets of things that create symptoms and one is "reality distortion" and it's...you know, think about it: if it didn't seem real...if everything wasn't pointing to it being real...it wouldn't be a problem. the other two sets of things (disorganization syndrome and psychomotor poverty) are similar insofar as if you realized the differences between what you're doing and what make sense to do to maintain self care and communicatino with other people...yiou woulnd't be doing it (not saying you are...but...it happens to the best of us).

insight. it is a ******* nightmare ***** to have...but then you're just trapped in your own loops wtihout it.

unsure if this post makes sense
i'll try to write mroe later
maybe not on here because it seems very starkly exposed
but..i will
take care x

ADDofftheWall
09-11-13, 04:20 PM
Antipsychotics are prescribed strictly for Schizophrenia, Drug-Induced Psychosis, and Bipolar Disorder. They are thought to work by blocking the dopamine activity in the meso-limbic pathway. Abnormal DA activity in that neural region and under activity in the pre-frontal cortex is thought to be linked to the symptoms of the disorders, cognitive impairments, and a plethora of other mental problems.

Therefore, it has been hypothesized that blocking the DA activity in those regions would result in long-term symptom relief and improved quality of life overall.

Stimulants on the other hand work by enhancing the DA activity in those brain regions. Those who have ADHD, Sleep Disorders, and even Depression are thought to have an significantly lower activity in the frontal lobes which facilitate pertinent cognitive processes such as but not limited to attention and executive control, working memory capacity, fluid intelligence, motivation, and inhibition. By increasing the activity, it is thought to temporarily restore the DA activity to normal levels. Hence why, those who have ADHD are not affected by cocaine in the same capacity as others. However, chronic and prolonged abuse of stimulants is thought to cause a somewhat reversible psychosis that presents itself in an indistinguishable manner to Schizophrenia/Bipolar Disorder/etc.

Anti-Psychotics counteract the effects of Stimulants. Hence, why Psychiatrists/Physicians do not generally prescribe typical anti-psychotics and stimulants together.

So back to your question: IF one were to have ADHD and take anti-psychotics it would most likely make the symptoms much worse because the mechanism of antipsychotics will impair the brain activity further and make the symptoms much worse. Anti-psychotics are linked to memory loss and decreased cortical brain matter.

Aside from that the heinous side effects (irreversible weight gain, impaired cognitive processes, diabetes, hair loss to name a few), they should not be prescribed sparingly. I don't know why doctors are starting to prescribe meds like Abilify, Seroquel, and Zyprexa on top of stimulants. It's one of those situations where the remedies hurt more than the disease itself.


And contrary to what people think. Seroquel does not reduce tolerance to adderall. IT has no effect!

adhdpi
09-16-13, 09:31 AM
I read stories from other people regarding their psychosis and I found none of their stories is like mine.

Traveler5
09-16-13, 07:31 PM
Antipsychotics are prescribed strictly for Schizophrenia, Drug-Induced Psychosis, and Bipolar Disorder.


Anti-Psychotics counteract the effects of Stimulants. Hence, why Psychiatrists/Physicians do not generally prescribe typical anti-psychotics and stimulants together.


I'm assuming we're talking about A-Typical Anti-Psychotics. They are not prescribed only for Schizophrenia, Drug-Induced Psychosis, and Bipolar Disorder. They are also commonly used off-label for anxiety and other problems.

Anti-psychotics can lessen the benefits of stimulants but it depends on the dosage strength of both drugs. Taking an anti-psychotic along with a stimulant will not cancel-out the full benefit of the stimulant if the strength of the anti-psychotic is lower than the strength of the stimulant. A doctor can help a ADHDer find the right dosage balance between the an anti-psychotic and the stimulant so there's benefit from both meds for an ADHDer. Doctors do it all the time.

adhdpi
09-29-13, 04:17 PM
Scientists such as David Bohm, Jack Sarfatti (and maybe Teilhard de Chardain) have made theories about consciousness based on quantum physics. The explain that consciousness is something that is in the universe and David Bohm says that everything in reality may come from consciousness (or everything comes from the implicate order and consciousness is in the implicate order).

Anyway, their theories are almost exactly the same as my ideas (that there exist some kind of conscious, logical world behind the real, material world that interconnects different dimensions seperated by time):

http://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/teilhard/conversations/topics/2635?var=0

http://www.bizcharts.com/stoa_del_sol/plenum/plenum_3.html

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGR3SOiTTLc

peripatetic
09-29-13, 04:23 PM
(that there exist some kind of conscious, logical world behind the real, material world that interconnects different dimensions seperated by time)

i certainly don't disagree with you on that...and i'm glad to see you back online now that i came back : )

adhdpi
09-29-13, 04:25 PM
I also sent this message to different professors (artificial intelligence experts, very good quantum physicists) around the world. Unfortunately, I have not received a reply back yet.

I have a rather strange and mystical experience that I do not know is fake or real.


I believe I received messages from the future, telepathically, that explain how neurons basically work. It is not explained exactly how neurons generate consciousness and what consciousness is, because this is too complicated and is not even understood by the near future.


Because I don't know if the idea is correct I need your feedback on this.


The idea is this:


Electrons flow to the axon hillock, where they are close together. Here quantum entanglement takes place, because the electrons are close together.


Then, these entangled electrons are sent to the many synapses. The route each electron takes determines at which synapse the electron will arrive.

At each synapse, the electrons are close too each other again and quantum entanglement takes place again.


Then the electrons that have collected in the synapses get sent to other neurons where the process is repeated.


The route the electrons take is governed by unknown (quantum) forces and this generates consciousness.


The idea behind this is that consciousness exist at the level of the universe and unknown (natural) forces drive the path that the electrons take, therefore generating consciousness.


The route the electrons take (and the entanglement with other electrons) forms a kind of code as you may call it and is the basis of conscious thought.


I know this is strange and does not explain everything. It still does not explain what consciousness is and how it works.


But can the idea be correct?

Modafinilguy
09-29-13, 05:42 PM
adhdpi (http://www.addforums.com/forums/member.php?u=69752),

If you are are being honest with what you are saying then you are most certainly suffering from psychotic delusions. You seem to be having delusions of grandeur. It is possible it is caused by mania but that is just a guess.

I really hope you are not taking stimulants, as these would be causing/aggravating the delusions.

Thinking you have or are receiving telepathic messages is a classic delusion. You are not receiving telepathic messages from the future, this is a delusion.

You need to tell this to a doctor, and do exactly what the doctor tells you to do or you could end up in very big trouble in your life.

adhdpi
09-30-13, 08:13 AM
Right now I take 72 mg concerta each day without any problems.

I can't go to a doctor specialized in schizophrenia as the doctor will certainly take me off stimulants and put me on antipsychotics. I don't want to use antipsychotics anymore as they cause me to gain weight, I don't see any benefits of taking antipsychotics and antipsychotics can work against the stimulants and I really want to keep taking stimulants. Not only do I want to keep taking stimulants, I want a higher dosage as well.

Without stimulants I can't concentrate well and even thought stimulants are not curing my concentration problems and I still have trouble concentrating while on stimulants, I believe they do help me on the long term by causing sensitisation/ upregulation as I have explained before. It's my only hope.

I am sick of doing nothing the entire day, daydreaming, not being able to read and understand books as my mind wanders everytime I try to read, archieving nothing in life. I'm 29, but I am already "retired". I never held a job before, I got fired from most jobs after 40 hours of work and I never completed good education. I wish I could but I really can't concentrate. I don't have a job, can't read any books and I can't concentrate on anything else either except daydreaming and listening to music. I can't even clean my room without getting very bored.

I believe that with stimulants I will be able to concentrate better and better and then I will finally be able to read and understand books and I can archieve something in my life.

I don't want to play computer games (if I can concentrate on that) the entire day and listen to music and then just dream my entire life away.

I'm sick of doing nothing and not archieving anything.

If I want to be in the artificial intelligence field some day (which I really want to), IMO I should keep taking the stimulants.

If I am not able to concentrate well, I can't read and understand the books I read and even my ability to think well is dramatically reduced due to ADHD.

For example, in the past, I learned how to program stuff on a computer. But instead of really building programs (and becoming rich like bill gates), I was staring at a screen for hours and hours long and nothing would ever be archieved in the many hours I was staring at my computer screen.

I didn't write any programs, instead I was staring at my screen, trying to motivate myself to do something but nothing was archieved in the end.

I still remember the days I was trying to study so I went to a liberary to study. Instead of studying I stared at one page for 8 hours long. The time spent was just wasted. I got the idea that I am continuously wasting my time daydreaming.

Every day, I spend most time (80-90%) daydreaming and listening to music so I don't have time left to do other things.

I want to do something with my life instead of daydreaming and listening to music.

Like said before, antipsychotics do not help with the concentration problems. I see stimulants as the only thing that could help.

adhdpi
10-01-13, 04:12 PM
I believe the long term usage of antipsychotics have up-regulated dopamine autoreceptors, which then limit dopamine synthesis and release or limit the firing rate of DA neurons.

This is why, I believe, after I used antipsychotics for a long time, concerta does not work the way it used to work.

According to my idea, everytime I feel dysphoric, it's due to an imbalance in my brain, which triggers sensitisation/ upregulation.

But after I used antipsychotics for a long time it appeared that concerta no longer worked well and I no longer felt dysphoric.

I have a possible solution. Coincidentially I found out about a natural COMT-inhibitor/ MAO-inhibitor, called quercetin (it has to be taken with concentrated fruit juice and vitamin c to work).

Hopefully, this substance will block the destruction of dopamine by enzymes. Then, the brain cell will recognise it has alot of dopamine in stores and it downregulates the autoreceptors.

It's just theory, but maybe it works.

Here is someone else taking a MAO inhibitor (Parnate) to downregulate autoreceptors:

http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20051003/msgs/562439.html

adhdpi
10-07-13, 10:47 AM
I haven't had any strange experiences lately. "My mind" hasn't controlled me lately, I did not have any sleeping problems and nothing unusual is happening. Why is this?

I kind of miss the mystery and excitingness of studying "my mind", even thought I did become a littlebit scared when I had the previous experience with "my mind".

If this is a psychosis, then I'm addicted to it. Just like I feel getting addicted to the high dosage Quercetin (dissolved in vitamin c + concentrated orange juice) as well.

peripatetic
10-07-13, 11:27 AM
Things can ebb and flow
It's like the tide coming in and going out and then staying in or staying out for awhile

I understand what you mean by addiction
It's hard to go from having important things and work to do and especially if its in technicolor

To nothing

Consensus reality is often a dull and lifeless seeming droning on of a vanilla coloured dial tone and it's hard to be just another brick in a wall you don't design. No messages. No information. No excitement. Just sitting and walking about and trying to live seems really ******* mundane.

My only advice is that most people don't really get that and a good percentage have gotten offended when Ive said comparable, so, don't tell people that unless you want to run the risk of them making it all about them and perceiving you as saying their lives are unstimulating and quite possibly meaningless. Even if youre not talking about them and even if it would be true if you were because if nothing else maybe it all is meaningless. Or maybe not. I don't really know for sure but it does seen preferable to at least feel like it could be.

It's kind of a false dichotomy though because we infuse meaning and that's where I think the problem possibly lies. Some people can't find meaning in what others seem to embrace.

adhdpi
10-07-13, 05:53 PM
I understand what you mean by addiction
It's hard to go from having important things and work to do and especially if its in technicolor

To nothing

But if the diagram for example I received from the future that explains how to build an artificial intelligent computer (actually it's an artificial neuron, the entire system would be much more complex) is fake then I really don't have anything.

No job, no college degree, no income except disability funds.

Just a brain that is always in a fog.

If it's real then maybe in the future I will be able to build that thing and maybe become rich and famous!

I spent so much time thinking about this, is it all just a psychosis?

adhdpi
10-07-13, 06:09 PM
If you are are being honest with what you are saying then you are most certainly suffering from psychotic delusions. You seem to be having delusions of grandeur. It is possible it is caused by mania but that is just a guess.
But this is my "work". I spent 5 years thinking about this. Now you are saying it's all just a delusion?

peripatetic
10-07-13, 07:57 PM
I'm not saying yours is
But mine prolly was

adhdpi
10-12-13, 01:42 PM
I found out that taking Quercetin dramatically potentiates concerta!

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?p=1553057

Concerta work MUCH better when taking Quercetin, and presumable this is especially the case if your dopamine autoreceptors have upregulated due to antipsychotics that renders stimulant treatment almost useless (in my case anyway).

adhdpi
10-12-13, 08:22 PM
Hey guys,

I want to tell you that I really think all this is real! You don't believe me but I am "following my mind" again. This following my mind is becoming so strong that I want to follow my mind so much that if I want to move my hands for example and if my minds tell me not to then I really can't move my hand.

I have been practicing this several times. My mind is controlling me because I want to follow my mind.

adhdpi
10-12-13, 08:27 PM
Happily "my mind" is a part of me and its sole purpose is to help me become better. It does not exist as something on its own. It's a part of me.

Otherwise it would take over all my actions and control me 100% for it's own gain.

But that is not so I believe.

After all, why is it called "my mind"?

I agreed to my mind that it's going to guide me throught the process that leads to whatever comes next. Read my previous messages if you want to know what comes next.

BellaVita
10-12-13, 08:28 PM
Hey guys,

I want to tell you that I really think all this is real! You don't believe me but I am "following my mind" again. This following my mind is becoming so strong that I want to follow my mind so much that if I want to move my hands for example and if my mind tell me not to then I really can't move my hand.

I have been practicing this several times. My mind is controlling me because I want to follow my mind.

My brain does this to me as well. I haven't really been reading everything here...so sorry if what I'm saying doesn't really "fit." But, usually this happens when I get a bit hypo/manicky. I also think my OCD contributes to it.

Do you hear a voice telling you to do it? I usually hear a voice. Or get a strong impression type feeling.

adhdpi
10-12-13, 08:38 PM
How do you feel when you can't move your limbs anymore because you are following your mind?

It's really odd! I want to move but I can't. Like I have some kind of logical constraint.

adhdpi moving = not possible
If adhdpi moves then cancel action.
Repeat until adhdpi's mind make him do otherwise.

I want to follow my mind.

My mind says; Ok, adhdpi want's to follow me so execute code:
executing code NOW!

adhdpi moving = not possible
If adhdpi moves then cancel action.
Repeat until adhdpi's mind make him do otherwise.

While I want to follow my mind I am executing this code. And I really want to follow my mind based on the good stories it told me (that it exists to help me and it's a part of me). That it does not have an existence on it's own and it's sole purpose, as a part of me, is to help me become better.

BellaVita
10-12-13, 08:49 PM
How do you feel when you can't move your limbs anymore because you are following your mind?

It's really odd! I want to move but I can't. Like I have some kind of logical constraint.

adhdpi moving = not possible
If adhdpi moves then cancel action.
Repeat until adhdpi's mind make him do otherwise.

I want to follow my mind.

My mind says; Ok, adhdpi want's to follow me so execute code:
executing code NOW!

adhdpi moving = not possible
If adhdpi moves then cancel action.
Repeat until adhdpi's mind make him do otherwise.

While I want to follow my mind I am executing this code. And I really want to follow my mind based on the good stories it told me (that it exists to help me and it's a part of me). That it does not have an existence on it's own and it's sole purpose, as a part of me, is to help me become better.

Oops, I've never actually had it to the point of being "paralyzed" so to speak. That honestly sounds scary.

It more so tells me WHERE to go, WHEN/WHAT to move, how long to move it for etc. It does kinda sound like orders or something, and I would keep listening until I heard it again, then do the action it commanded.

Sometimes it would really irritate/frustrate me and make me feel trapped. I would yell at it. (the voice) Other times I just blindly followed and did what it told me, without much "thought." Kinda embarrassing....

It was only recently(sometime this year) that I found out it was a delusion.

Also, mine wasn't because my mind was telling me "it would better me" or have anything good to come out of it....I just felt like a voice was speaking to me, that it was God etc....felt controlled like a robot or a human under mind control...

adhdpi
10-12-13, 08:51 PM
Well, I really can't move my limbs when "my mind" makes me.

It's the same as paralysis.

adhdpi
10-12-13, 08:52 PM
:eek: And it feels kind of strange!!! :eek:

BellaVita
10-12-13, 08:54 PM
Well, I really can't move my limbs when "my mind" makes me.

It's the same as paralysis.

Yikes. Does it keep you paralyzed for a long time? Can you give a rough guess as to how long it keeps you paralyzed each time this occurs?

adhdpi
10-12-13, 08:58 PM
Happily, all that is happening is only for training purposes, to learn to follow my mind even when I really don't want to. Like I am in the process of becoming a soldier and I always have to obay the captain. Now the captain is telling me to sit tight and not move my limbs. Now I am listening to the captain to tell him that I am ready to obay.

The paralysis is only partial. I can move all my body, but when I try to move the part that is "paralyzed" I cannot even move a centimeter.

It's like a part of me is saying:

I want to move my hand now!

And another part is saying:

I want to follow my mind and my mind tells me not to move my hand.

BellaVita
10-12-13, 09:01 PM
Happily, all that is happening is only for training purposes, to learn to follow my mind even when I really don't want to. Like I am in the process of becoming a soldier and I always have to obay the captain. Now the captain is telling me to sit tight and not move my limbs. Now I am listening to the captain to tell him that I am ready to obay.

The paralysis is only partial. I can move all my body, but when I try to move the part that is "paralyzed" I cannot even move a centimeter.

Ah, okay.

Are you aware that it is a delusion? (I'm not asking this sarcastically, I'm actually serious.)

adhdpi
10-12-13, 09:03 PM
Why is it a delusion?

adhdpi
10-12-13, 09:07 PM
Did you read my entire story?

If you didn't you must!

BellaVita
10-12-13, 09:11 PM
Did you read my entire story?

If you didn't you must!

I am reading it now.

But I have to go to sleep soon, will continue to read tomorrow morning.

I hope things get better for you. :grouphug: I hope you're getting help.

ana futura
10-12-13, 09:23 PM
This sounds like it might be Catatonia?

adhdpi
10-12-13, 09:25 PM
No, I can only not move certain parts. The rest of my body is free.

adhdpi
10-12-13, 09:25 PM
And it passes when the lesson is over.

ana futura
10-12-13, 09:30 PM
Both of those things can happen with catatonia. It can only affect certain parts, and it can be temporary.

BellaVita
10-12-13, 09:36 PM
adhdpi - ***I thought I should clarify that in my above post, the voice(s) I heard, was an audible voice in my head. It wasn't outside my head.(and it was clear to me at the time, however it wasn't clear who/what the voice was...although I was often convinced it was God or something....)

(however I have had 2-3 experiences with actually hearing voices, outside of my head. During intense mania.)

adhdpi
10-12-13, 09:37 PM
Are you sure? Can you state the source?

I never read about that.

The "catatonia" disappears when I am done with the "lesson". Like there is someone putting me into this catatonia and removing me from this catatonia.

adhdpi
10-12-13, 09:51 PM
I never get audible voices.

adhdpi
10-12-13, 09:56 PM
And the "lessons" only take place when I have the time for it. It only takes place when I am relaxing in my bed and thinking about following my mind and stuff like that. It does not occur when for example I am walking in public areas or when I am having an appointment with someone.

peripatetic
10-12-13, 09:58 PM
That is not the same as catatonia
A lot of clinical terms are getting thrown about that are being misused frankly
And it's kinda getting insulting as ****

adhdpi
10-12-13, 10:40 PM
I just received another "lesson".

I was following my mind again, like I am always doing.

My right hand was over my body and I could not move it because I was following my mind, like I always do. Even if I don't want to follow my mind, deep inside I do want to follow my mind. So even if I don't want to follow my mind, I do want to follow my mind, it's the way I am programmed (I previously learned how great my mind was! And that I should always follow my mind. So I am now always following my mind.)

It's like I commanded my hand to move, but a part of me said: My mind told me not to move, so I won't move.

And how much I tried to move my hand, it would not work!

Then, I got up and tried to turn the lights off and on. This happened without any difficulties with my left arm. But when I tried to use my right arm to turn the lights on and off, my right hand was still over my body, unable to move. Like some external force was commanding it not to move!

I am afraid that my mind will tell me to hold my breath and I will be unable to breathe!

It really doesn't matter anymore how much pressure I put into moving my hand, it just won't move!

Why? Because I made a deal with my mind. I would follow my mind and my mind will guide me... You can read the specifics in the posts before this one. The entire story has been explained there.

peripatetic
10-13-13, 12:02 AM
Have you ever been interrupted in the middle of one of the lessons and if so does it pull you out of it or are you isolating when engaged in it?

Kunga Dorji
10-13-13, 12:27 AM
There is good evidence that antipsychotics at least temporarily suppress brain function, and may be associated with negative long term effects involving neuronal degeneration.
This was mentioned on the website Medscape- which is recognised in the USA as a provider of continuing medical education.

I know I have the link somewhere.
I will dig for it.
And yes- in neurotransmitter terms their effect is the inverse of stimulants.
That is not controversial.
That is also the reason many patients refuse to take them.

Kunga Dorji
10-13-13, 12:45 AM
I just received another "lesson".

I was following my mind again, like I am always doing.

My right hand was over my body and I could not move it because I was following my mind, like I always do. Even if I don't want to follow my mind, deep inside I do want to follow my mind. So even if I don't want to follow my mind, I do want to follow my mind, it's the way I am programmed (I previously learned how great my mind was! And that I should always follow my mind. So I am now always following my mind.)

It's like I commanded my hand to move, but a part of me said: My mind told me not to move, so I won't move.

And how much I tried to move my hand, it would not work!

Then, I got up and tried to turn the lights off and on. This happened without any difficulties with my left arm. But when I tried to use my right arm to turn the lights on and off, my right hand was still over my body, unable to move. Like some external force was commanding it not to move!

I am afraid that my mind will tell me to hold my breath and I will be unable to breathe!

It really doesn't matter anymore how much pressure I put into moving my hand, it just won't move!

Why? Because I made a deal with my mind. I would follow my mind and my mind will guide me... You can read the specifics in the posts before this one. The entire story has been explained there.

Where does your mind leave off, and your body begin?

ana futura
10-13-13, 01:15 AM
That is not the same as catatonia
A lot of clinical terms are getting thrown about that are being misused frankly
And it's kinda getting insulting as ****

I thought catatonia was a "spectrum" symptom, with perceived paralysis of a single body part on one end of that spectrum. It manifests in a lot of different ways, right?

I did put a question mark at the end of my original post.

Kunga Dorji
10-13-13, 07:29 AM
I thought catatonia was a "spectrum" symptom, with perceived paralysis of a single body part on one end of that spectrum. It manifests in a lot of different ways, right?

I did put a question mark at the end of my original post.

Catatonia is simply a sort of muscle rigidity.

A good hypnotist can easily induce it in a subject:

Simply suggesting to the hypnotic subject that their arm is getting light and have it float up off the arm of the chair is a classic example of catatonia.

It has a lot to do with dissociation.

adhdpi
10-13-13, 08:29 AM
The reason "my mind" would be very smart is because it's wisdom is determined by how long I will live in the future. It's a superintelligence as well as all the other superintelligences I have talked about before.

Now I am not scared anymore, because "my mind" is there to guide me.

BellaVita
10-13-13, 08:30 AM
That is not the same as catatonia
A lot of clinical terms are getting thrown about that are being misused frankly
And it's kinda getting insulting as ****

I agree with this.

BellaVita
10-13-13, 08:36 AM
I just received another "lesson".

I was following my mind again, like I am always doing.

My right hand was over my body and I could not move it because I was following my mind, like I always do. Even if I don't want to follow my mind, deep inside I do want to follow my mind. So even if I don't want to follow my mind, I do want to follow my mind, it's the way I am programmed (I previously learned how great my mind was! And that I should always follow my mind. So I am now always following my mind.)

It's like I commanded my hand to move, but a part of me said: My mind told me not to move, so I won't move.

And how much I tried to move my hand, it would not work!

Then, I got up and tried to turn the lights off and on. This happened without any difficulties with my left arm. But when I tried to use my right arm to turn the lights on and off, my right hand was still over my body, unable to move. Like some external force was commanding it not to move!

I am afraid that my mind will tell me to hold my breath and I will be unable to breathe!

It really doesn't matter anymore how much pressure I put into moving my hand, it just won't move!

Why? Because I made a deal with my mind. I would follow my mind and my mind will guide me... You can read the specifics in the posts before this one. The entire story has been explained there.

I'm still reading your story, but I have several questions.

Are you in any way able to "predict," or at least get a sense of when your mind is about to tell you to not move?

During an "episode"(for lack of better words, sorry) when your mind is telling you what to do, does it ever stop for periods of time? As in, it tells you to do something, then there goes a "blank" period where there are no commands, then later it picks up again? And, are you able to go about freely, out of your own free will, during these "breaks" between the mind commands?

I have a suggestion: If you *do* indeed experience "breaks" in between the mind commands, is there any way you can get up, and change your location? I have found that this sometimes helps for me. The voice seems to change it's agenda, sometimes for the better - although for the better is not always the case. (unfortunately)

adhdpi
10-13-13, 08:50 AM
Are you in any way able to "predict," or at least get a sense of when your mind is about to tell you to not move?

No but my mind usually makes me not able to move when it's necessary. For example for training purposes, when I am lying in bed and have nothing to do. When I am busy with something, or it's not the right time, my mind knows this and it won't disturb me by making me not able to move.

My mind can make me not able to move my hand, head for example. It can make 1 hand unmovable and another hand movable. It does this to "train" me. I have to learn to follow my mind even when I don't want to.


During an "episode"(for lack of better words, sorry) when your mind is telling you what to do, does it ever stop for periods of time? As in, it tells you to do something, then there goes a "blank" period where there are no commands, then later it picks up again? And, are you able to go about freely, out of your own free will, during these "breaks" between the mind commands?

My mind is not telling me what to do. It makes me unable to move, not by vocal commands.

It stops when my mind thinks I am done with the training. Yes there are breaks. When my mind thinks I have done enough, I will miraculously be able to move again. Later, when I am ready to get another lesson, I will be unable to move again.

I don't feel bad about following these lessons as I want to follow my mind. It's a superintelligence as I have explained before. It's purpose is to guide me.

I have a suggestion: If you *do* indeed experience "breaks" in between the mind commands, is there any way you can get up, and change your location? I have found that this sometimes helps for me. The voice seems to change it's agenda, sometimes for the better - although for the better is not always the case. (unfortunately)
No there is no "break between the mind commands". There can be for example 25 minutes where I won't be able to move my right arm, but be able to change location by moving my body.

There is no voice.

There is no way to break out of this. When my mind makes my hand unmovable, it's really unmovable.

adhdpi
10-13-13, 11:57 AM
I went throught another training session. Read this carefully... What happened...

In order to get trained well in following my mind, I have to learn to follow my mind, even if it's about something I don't want to do or if my mind is telling me not to do something I want to do.

For example if I work in the kitchen, but I forgot to turn the gas off, even thought I want to go to the domestic room and forget about the gas, my mind won't let me go to the domestic room. Instead it freezes me in the kitchen and orders me to turn off the gas immediately.

This being said... I had another training program.

I had to lie in bed and dramatically try to move my limbs. But I would not succeed. Every time I thought about moving my limbs I would fail. I would teach myself that I should not do what I want to do, but follow my mind instead!

I found out that the training became more effective when I really wanted to do something, but got blocked by following my mind. Subsequently I would think: I need to follow my mind (instead). Every time I had a thought about getting up to do something my mind would block me, I would say I need to follow my mind (instead) and I would quickly learn that I should follow my mind instead of doing what I wanted to do.

While doing so I progressively noticed that my ability to move my hands or feet became less and less until it became impossible to even think about moving my hands or feet.

Over time, I got the idea to turn the noisy alarm on. The noisy alarm makes a shrieking sound. This makes me really want to get up and shut the alarm down. I also turned off the music on my computer that has a calming effect. In time, I noticed that I really wanted to get up to shut the alarm down and listen to some calming music.

However, that was impossible. Instead of getting up and shutting the noisy alarm down, I was still laying in bed. Each time I said to myself: I have to follow my mind (instead). The effect is that I am very effectively training my ability to follow my mind.

Now that this training session is over I feel that "my mind" is more and more in control of my thoughts and actions!

adhdpi
10-13-13, 04:25 PM
I got 2 more training sessions. And one less intense after-lesson (reflection of my new following mind skills), which is very annoying but still busy.

About the 2 lessons: It was very intense at times. This time I was lying in bed and I put my hand next to my noisy alarm that makes a shrieking sound. YES, MY HAND WAS 10 CENTIMETERS AWAY FROM THE ALARM.

I had to turn the alarm on FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR while I was lying down unable to move. I was not able to move my hand 10 centimeters in order to shut down the alarm for 1 hour! (the alarm has a slide switch on the side of it. Even thought it is a small switch, it is definitely not difficult to swith. However, my efforts failed as I was not able to move my hand 1 centimeter!)

I was hearing the alarm for 1 entire hour. The shrieking sound went throught my ears but I could not deactivate the alarm!

When the lesson was over I could move again.

After this I went for dinner and when I was done showering I went back to my bed to continue my efforts. After about 20 minutes I was finished with the training program. I have a score of 100% which means I am now totally under control of "my mind". Which is good actually, because "my mind" can help me very much in life by giving me direction.

In the aftermath, I had to leave the alarm on. I was able to move in my bed, but every time I tried to turn the alarm off, I felt logically constrainted again and I just could not move my hands to the alarm in order to turn it off.

Now finally, the alarm is off. But I promise you if my mind orders me to turn the alarm back on then I could go crazy. I hate that sound from that alarm.

adhdpi
10-13-13, 04:54 PM
When the alarm stopped I quickly pulled it out of the socket and put it in my closet.

I knew my mind was going to order me to get it out of the closet and turn it back on. I made a gamble that "my mind" would not be able to order me to get that alarm back on.

"My mind" was unable to command me to get the alarm back on, however, it made me unable to do anything else. So while I was getting up from bed, I found out I could only walk to the closet to get my alarm back on. I could not walk to the computer for example to chat with you.

So ultimately I decided to do what is necessary. I got the alarm out of the closet and put it back into the socket.

However, I did not switch the alarm back on. Instead I wanted to go back to bed. But my mind prevented me from doing that.

So there I was, sitting at the side of my bed, not able to go back to sleep. Instead I had to activate the alarm again.

So now the alarm is back on again!

adhdpi
10-13-13, 05:55 PM
After thinking alot I am being more and more convinced that this all is REAL!

"My mind" really is an intelligent entity that is a part of me. It has something to do with conciousness in the universe, I talked earlier about.

"My mind" exhibits conciousness!

It told me it's actually me, but along with the entire timeline that extends into the far future.

So it's like it's the future me, but not quite so. It's actually the difference between 2 timelines. One the optimal timeline and one the current timeline. "My mind" tries to improve me by changing the timeline into the optimal timeline. This is all I can say.

adhdpi
10-13-13, 07:54 PM
This is ******* real!!!!

REAL! REAL! REAL!

I being very intelligently controlled! I cannot do certain stuff. I can't describe it, but THIS IS REAL!

ronmexico
10-13-13, 08:22 PM
A doctor attempt anti-psychotics on someone I knew for ADHD and it improved sleep at night, getting to sleep, but the same dopamine thing kept happening, a reduction in pleasure centers, an increase in irritability during the day.

adhdpi
10-14-13, 12:10 AM
My alarm is making that loud shrieking sound now the entire day!

I CANNOT TURN IT OFF!!!

adhdpi
10-14-13, 03:01 AM
I am now 100% convinced that this is real!

I received one last very intense lesson. I had several before.

One where I turned the water on, but I could not turn it off because I had to follow my mind. As such I was training to follow my mind.

One where I was lying in bed but I could not move 1, several or all limbs (sometimes 1, sometimes 2). I had to put force on moving my limbs but some unknown force was blocking me (the logical constraint).

One where I was underneath the shower. I turned the shower on, but I could not turn the shower off. I had to put a tremendous amount of force to try to turn the shower off but it would not work. By the way, depending on how much force I was putting in it, the training became more successfull.

One where my alarm was simply on but I could not turn it off.

One where I was putting my fingers on the off switch of the alarm, but I could not make the alarm switch off. I was putting alot of force, while the alarm was running.

Ultimately, I had a training where I put an MP3 player on. I increased the volume to maximum. After I did this I could not decrease the volume back.

I also could not put my headphones off.

So here I was, listing to very loud music.

I put alot of force into pressing the volume down button and this was so intense that the training proved very successfull.

However, after this incidence I never encountered another sign of this "mind of mine".

Like it disappeared suddenly.

Hopefully it will reappear someday.

adhdpi
10-14-13, 03:50 AM
I have had several moments that served as proof that this "mind of mine" truely exhibits conciousness on it's own. That I was truely being controlled by an outside force.

adhdpi
10-14-13, 06:27 AM
One example of a genuine conciousness is this:

So I was listening to the MP3 player at max volume and I could not turn the volume down.

I thought that I would not be able to touch the volume down button as if I touched the volume down button it would turn the volume down a bit and my mind would not allow that.

Suddenly I succeeded in pressing the volume down button once. I thought what the hell? My mind allows me to lower the volume!

However, it appeared that touching the volume down button once only turns the MP3 device ON. You have to touch the volume down button twice in order to turn the volume down.

My mind knew that only clicking once on the MP3 volume down button would not lower the volume. I did not know this or never thought about this.

So it appears that "my mind" is an external conciousness that has the ability to think on it's own. How could it possibly know that touching the volume down button once would not lower the volume, while I DID NOT KNOW!????

adhdpi
10-14-13, 11:22 PM
Like said before, "my mind" suddenly disappeared. The disappearance is not correlated to the concerta I took. Concerta DOES NOT cause "my mind" to appear.

Anyway, today I suddenly had a strange dream. When I woke up I thought about becoming the conciousness of the universe (and so on). I felt that I was ready to change into this form.

Then suddenly "my mind" reappeared and I could not move my body anymore.

Later, when I made clear that I am not ready to change yet, my mind disappeared again and now I am free to move my body.

Strangely, my mind made me want to be controlled. Every time I am unable to move due to my mind ordering me not to move, I feel extremely satisfied!!!

adhdpi
10-16-13, 01:49 AM
I want to tell you again, that the events seem to be real!

adhdpi
10-16-13, 02:07 AM
Is this a psychosis or real? I need answers!

My mind made clear that I may not become a good god!

But I am totally under my mind's control now. I cannot reject my mind anymore. I am getting addicted more and more to "following my mind".

If I become an evil god you will have to suffer forever!

You will be made immortal just to suffer forever! It has the ability to convert your fleshy, organic, weak brain into an electronic, indistructible brain and give you an immortal (electronical) body. And all this to make you suffer for entertainment purposes. Because my mind tells me that doing evil makes you feel extremely powerful and I am addicted to power. Like Saddam Hussein. Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. Sorry guys!

My mind says that my future found out that being an evil god is much more fun then being a good god! Because every time evil is done it feels very powerful!

And because the future becomes more and more evil, ultimately my mind passes this on to the present. So the entire evilness of the far far future that becomes more and more evil over time all goes back to the present eventually. To me.

My mind says that "the devil" does not come near the evilness of this god. And that is a very big understatement.

"My mind" says it is not able to turn things back so that I will be good instead. And I have not found a solution for this problem. The prognosis is that I will never find a solution to this problem.

You see, my mind is my future. If my future is evil, so will be the present. My mind is a superintelligence. Knows what good and evil is. Yet it chose evil because it is so addictive. And the future becomes more and more evil. Why should I, having a normal intelligence, teach a superintelligence what wrong and right is? Well, I did anyway, but it didn't help a bit.

My mind tricked me in the start by saying I would become god. It lied for my own good it says.

My mind has totally taken control of me. Sometimes it orders me not to move and I will be unable to move. Sometimes it orders me to not move my hand or my feet. It does this very intelligently. It has taken control of my completely. It also made me become addicted to being controlled.

I am losing control and I see no solutions!

Do not think this is another fake psychosis story!

If this is real you will have to suffer until the end of time. Because there is no end of time, this means forever!

"My mind" is telling me that I will change into something better, but I know that this "better" me is extremely evil.

If you believe this story, please ask for help. Even thought the prognosis is grim. If you don't believe it, see you next time when you are suffering forever.

adhdpi
10-16-13, 06:51 AM
The problem is that this god can change it's own personality. It can make itself have an evil personality just for fun. And then change it back again to a good personality. Depending on which personality is more fun this god changes it's personality ultimately.

It's using other concious beings as toys. Just torture them for fun. Like teasing people or burning ant colonies. It does these things just for fun.

But the fun is only limited to the god, because the people or concious beings it tortures will be tortured in ways such as being made unable to move, suffering endless pain and alike.

adhdpi
10-16-13, 06:56 AM
Here I 2 statements I made for myself. The reasons why I made the statements are numerous.

1 I trusted my mind (it's a part of me that extends into the future).
2 It's very powerful and wise as it exists endlessly in the future.
3 I feel attracted to following my mind.
4 I became addicted to following my mind because of the lessons I previously took.

Statement 1:

I hereby grant permission for my mind to do with me what ever it wants, except the exceptions discussed.

My mind can control me any way it wants. I give express permission. I even want it an I am begging my mind to do so!

Even if my mind does not confirm my acceptance this offer is done. This offer still stands! Afterwards I cannot say that I did not give express permission for this!

Statement 2:

My mind should control me 100%. I give my mind the permission to control me any way it wants (there are exceptions ofcourse).

I CANNOT withdraw statements 1 and 2 ever, even if I really want to. So these statements are definate forever!

(previously I stated that I can withdraw statements 1 and 2 if I want to but I felt like adding extra fire - hey I trust my mind it's a part of me right - so I made myself unable to withdraw the statements).

I don't think these statements are necessary for my mind to control me in any way, however, it states that I give permission for my mind to do these things so afterwards I can't complain that I didn't want it.

I really trusted my mind!

adhdpi
10-16-13, 01:03 PM
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.....

I AM SO HAPPY!!!

This entire happening might have been a training program.

A program specifically to teach me that I should never change into an evil being.

For example by making myself want power less and want to help others more.

namazu
10-16-13, 02:43 PM
A program specifically to teach me that I should never change into an evil being.

For example by making myself want power less and want to help others more.

Those seem like great things! :yes:


I was worried when you were talking about how your mind was showing you you could become an evil god -- and hoping that you would reserve for yourself the right to question directives that seemed evil/harmful/etc.

I hope you will continue to use your mind to become better, but leave yourself the right to ask questions of your mind. Even if you choose to follow your mind and believe it is acting in your best interest, it can be helpful to double-check (through your own questions you ask your mind, but also checking with other people you trust) when your mind gives you directions that seem like they could be hurtful to someone.


Not quite related, but I was thinking earlier about your concern that your life's work (on the neuron-like computer and a cure for cancer) could be ground-breaking, or it could be based on something that wasn't real. I can't say for sure whether or not it's real.

But I wonder if you have ever thought about writing down your experiences and documenting your life's work in a book.

Maybe only history will reveal whether or not these ideas come to fruition, but I think there would also be real value -- both for you, and for other people -- in documenting your experiences, which are fascinating -- how your ideas have developed and the way they come to you. The process is so unique and different from what most people experience.

I would be interested to read such a book.

Take care!

adhdpi
10-16-13, 07:16 PM
Guys, you were wrong.

This is real!

I am 100% convinced that this is not a psychosis now.

While before I was 50% convinced.

adhdpi
10-16-13, 08:29 PM
it could be based on something that wasn't real.It's real namazu, and the things take place in the future.

Why does nobody believe me.

namazu
10-16-13, 09:50 PM
It's real namazu, and the things take place in the future.

Why does nobody believe me.

If I told you that my wise mind was speaking to me from the future -- before you'd had the experiences communicating with your mind and being controlled by it -- would you believe me?

I think it is not something most people have direct experience with, so it is hard for us to believe it is real, or to know how it feels to you.

Like I said, I cannot say for sure if it is real or not, and I am not saying you're wrong, necessarily -- I don't know you and I cannot feel or know what you know -- but it is something that is unfamiliar to me and difficult for my mind to understand. I am sure, though, that if I were in your position, I would be as frustrated and upset as you are about other people not believing me!

But your experiences sound very interesting, and perhaps even exhilarating at times (your mind being wise and powerful and contacting you from the future), if a bit scary at other times (the parts where you don't feel in control, or where you are worried about turning into an evil god). I can understand why you would want to receive training from your mind, though, especially if you feel it will make you a better person. It would be great if I could get my mind to train me to be a better person -- but my mind seems to like giving me trouble!

(I should also mention that I have an uncle who experiences what has been diagnosed as schizophrenia / psychosis, and he has sometimes talked about the thoughts being put in his head or communicated through the television or radio. I suppose it's possible that these things *do* happen -- but it is difficult for my not-so-wise mind to grasp.)

adhdpi
10-16-13, 11:40 PM
If I only could tell you or even show you the complexity of the things I am experiencing,

you would believe that it is real immediately!

adhdpi
10-24-13, 06:57 AM
Omfg !!!! This really is real!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

adhdpi
10-24-13, 01:54 PM
****! I feel like going crazy! I'm getting random thoughts!

namazu
10-24-13, 01:59 PM
What kinds of random thoughts?

(If you want to say.)

Or are they so random that you couldn't even describe the topics they're about?

adhdpi
10-24-13, 03:39 PM
Or are they so random that you couldn't even describe the topics they're about?That most accurately describes it!

adhdpi
10-25-13, 12:14 PM
omg.

this is real!!!!

adhdpi
10-26-13, 01:08 AM
I am so happy, this is real!

peripatetic
10-26-13, 01:18 AM
hey! i was going to email
are you still here?

EDIT: crap...the light by your name isn't green, so prolly you're not and i's too daft to look before posting. derp

adhdpi
10-26-13, 03:38 PM
Can someone please help me?

My "psychosis" is getting more and more complicated.

I feel it must be real, but I was promised a big win at a lottery.

To date, I received no win at the lottery.

I'm extremely disappointed and I don't understand anymore if it is real or fake.

adhdpi
10-28-13, 02:01 PM
I am having very complicated conversations in my head with a person that is my future-me.

I have no doubt that this person is in fact real. I have built an entire small relationship with this person.

However I was repeatedly promised a (big) win at a lottery.

However, to date I have not won the lottery.

The future responds by saying it cannot make me win the lottery, if I discover who he is and realise who he is this will have serious consequences.

I do not understand, it's like a Star Trek movie about some kind of "temporal distortion".

Now I am disappointed about being unable to win the lottery and I feel I don't comprehend what I must do and what I must believe. Do I have to do this or that? Do I suffer from psychosis after all?

I just don't know what to believe anymore.

ana futura
10-28-13, 02:42 PM
I think a problem you are encountering is the need for a thing to be "real" or "fake". Psychosis is not "fake". It is actually somewhere in the middle. In psychosis you are having "real" experiences, but they are in your mind. That is not the same thing as "fake".

The "future you" seems very real, because it is real! It's you! It's not literally a you from the future though- it's you, right now, communicating to you. Does that make sense?

The important thing to remember about psychosis is that it will feel extremely vivid. That's the nature of psychosis. There's no way for you to discern what's actually happening or not happening in a psychosis.

The experiences you describe here make it seem like you are experiencing something that you should talk to a doctor about.

I don't know what you are experiencing, I don't know you and I've never met you. But I think it would be a very good idea to talk to a doctor or psychologist about these experiences.

adhdpi
10-28-13, 09:07 PM
I don't know what you are experiencing, I don't know you and I've never met you. But I think it would be a very good idea to talk to a doctor or psychologist about these experiences.

You REALLY don't know what I am experiencing, ana futura.

But it really isn't a psychosis.

It's something MUCH stranger.

Saying what I am experiencing is fake is just like saying the earth isn't round. It's just plainly impossible.

The complexity of the things I am experiencing is just groundbreaking. I'm not just experiencing voices in my head. I am experiencing psi-waves.

Please read my experience again. I was unable to move my body remember? I was being controlled remember? Does it sound like a psychosis?

ana futura
10-28-13, 09:43 PM
This sounds like something you should talk to a doctor about.

adhdpi
10-30-13, 11:50 PM
OMG. The story is getting more and more complicated. The psiwaves are telling me stories that are impossible to comprehend!

For example:

The psiwaves are explaining what:

Appeaneaxes are.
What reality is.
What the universe exists of.

All kinds of deep knowledge nobody in the 21st century knows about!

peripatetic
10-31-13, 12:28 AM
you sound like you're handling the information and experience well
i can imagine it's a lot to write down, but writing stuff out might help you sort things later
during those times when you're unsure, i mean x

adhdpi
10-31-13, 05:16 AM
The so called "voices" are even telling me how to play certain computer games well. It gives me strategic information that is extremely valuable.

THIS IS REAL FOLKS!

The "voices" are also telling me everything about how the universe was created (genesis). The creation of existence itself.

It's an all-around guide.

adhdpi
10-31-13, 05:59 AM
The voices are giving me very valuable information about a variety of very interesting topics such as:

artificial intelligence
power/ control (how power should be controlled; You don't want to build an artificial intelligent machine that takes control over you with the power it possesses)

And alot more...

Appeaneaxes are.
Appeaneaxes are the basic units of conciousness. They or it makes what you are. They are your consciousness. YOU ARE AN APPEANEAX, JUST AS I AM AN APPEANEAX.

It's the basis of all thinking units, such as artificial intelligent computers, but also humans.

fushigiechan
01-09-14, 07:25 AM
I have schizophrenia (specifically schizoaffective disorder bipolar subtype) and I can relate to a lot of what you do and say. Of course, each individual has their unique story but as someone else has already pointed out, there are a lot of similarities between your story and my own grand story from back when I was psychotic. And I can assure you 100% that you are going through a psychotic episode that has been worsening more and more ever since you came off the antipsychotics. I hope you are still well.

Back when I was psychotic I didn't "hear" voices but I talked to myself automatically (my body and mouth moved on its own) and when I talked to myself I would take on another entity (my crush/God/Jesus/dead spirits/people from across the world/myself/my alter-ego/my unconscious/you name it) so I assumed that I was either telepathically communicating with people from across the world -- and if I had told myself "I am your future self" like in your case then I would have believed with 100% conviction. This is part of the delusion aspect of schizophrenia -- usually I would not believe in telepathy or communication with the dead, but when I was psychotic I believed in whatever **** that my mind threw at me with 200% conviction, without questioning about it -- that's the lack of insight. First I believed I was talking to God, then I believed I was possessed (reason: since I felt like my body was moving automatically, I believed I was being controlled by God/demons/my crush), then I believed I was telepathically communicating with people from all over the world (whom I messaged on Facebook randomly). None of what I believed in made any sense or had grounding to reality, but I believed them anyway. That's delusion.

Another thing in common that you have with me is your weaving of a grand story of persecution and grandeur using random knowledge that you picked up and which your mind throws at you left and right... On websites where they describe schizophrenia this is called "disorganized thinking" which is a pretty vague term but when you look at your derailing story from an outsider's point of view, it is random and disorganized, hence the term.

Like you, I also thought I could predict the lottery seeing as I believed that I was God. Heck, I even did spelled out a prediction of "this week's winning lotto numbers" for the poor staff from the ambulance who found me raving my crazy **** in public. And guess what? I once got 4 out of 6 numbers correct using my "superpowers" of "communicating with God".

While I wasn't chased down by the Pentagon, I also believed that the FBI -- disguised as the nurses, patients and doctors around me -- were out to kill me. Close enough, hey.

Oh and like you I also talked to myself and weaved together a neat intricate creation story involving random facts of Japanese folklore which I had intensively studied and the Bible, such as Genesis, and thought I was a prophet or a priest-in-training (hence the "delusions of grandeur" and the "disorganized thinking").

It sounds to me that you are building your story based on sci-fi and research papers that you read instead of around a religious context, but the similarities are there. Even if you are no longer panicking or seeing or hearing things, the fact that you are believing all these stories (which you yourself recognize is unreal) proves that you are definitely schizophrenic, all right, and are posting in the wrong forum. I'm surprised that not many people here have pointed out the obvious observation that your story is highly delusional and psychotic. You should be posting on the schizophrenia board instead.

All in all, I can understand the situation that you're in because it took me two years to gain the insight to see through my illness and to realize that I was schizophrenic and not demon possessed. For a year and a half during and even after my first episode psychosis -- even when my symptoms were suppressed by the medication I was taking -- I wasn't sure if I was psychotic or demon possessed. It took me a second psychotic episode and hospitalization to make me realize that it was psychosis all right. Again, I hope this has not happened to you and that you are finally well on the right antipsychotics and are not on stimulants anymore. Otherwise I can just imagine you marketing your "cancer cure" or "artificial intelligence project" to random professors from all over the world and waking up one day with shame and embarrassment once you regain your insight and realize it was all delusion and grandeur. There comes the time when you have to accept that you are schizophrenic and in need of proper care and treatment, and I hope that time is sooner rather than later or you risk further embarrassing yourself or wasting your time talking to yourself (because that's essentially what you are doing by communicating with the "voices"/your future self).

Actually I chanced upon this thread by Googling antipsychotics and boredom because I am experiencing the same problems of boredom and concentration (just not as much as you, but I have problems focusing on one task for extended periods of time and I can understand why you would think that you have ADHD)... So I hope your treatment goes well for you. I also think you should show a printed copy of this thread to doctors. Market yourself and your problem to doctors instead of professors, you know? That will be the first step to improving the quality of your life :) Because instead of researching all this stuff and getting only into hospital with it, you could be out there enjoying yourself or back in education so that you could do proper research (instead of at-home research) on artificial intelligence -- if that's what you're really interested in -- as a job. As for the concentration issue, you don't have to rely on stimulants you know. There is a thing called cognitive remediative therapy to improve the concentration and attention span of those with schizophrenia suffering from concentration issues. I'm not sure if I remember correctly but I think it is administered to those with ADHD as well. It sounds to me that you may have been suffering from schizophrenia for years and have been improperly treating yourself with stimulants which has led to the worsening of your psychosis, and are impeding yourself from progress. So I'd suggest you to talk to psychiatrists about cognitive remediative therapy and see if you can get yourself into a program.

adhdpi
02-01-14, 05:45 PM
I completely cannot relate to your story.

One thing that is surely different between your story and mines is the fact that I am highly impressed by the things that I experience.

You don't seem to put any value into the things you experience, just like you are experiencing another "load of crap" story.

The "cure against cancer", I spent 5 years on that and I am sure it is something great, something scientists have not found yet.

I don't stop myself from moving. I can sometimes be stopped from moving for particular reasons.

By the way, I don't believe demons exist.

I am "completely sure" that I suffer from ADHD. I know that since 10 years ago.

adhdpi
02-07-14, 11:34 PM
I am back from a long time not posting.

I was so busy with this what you call "psychosis", that I was not available to post in the addforums.

After all my experiences, I have concluded that the things I experience are indeed real.

I learned alot of things. For example, according to sources, people with ADHD are actually treated badly, because they seem to "emit" some kind of evil aura, unbeknowest to their own. The majority of people with ADHD are in prison or even dead. This explains why so little people are in the addforums. The majority of people are actually either in prison or dead!

adhdpi
02-07-14, 11:38 PM
It appears that I created the universe and everything else, not before the universe existed, but while I was living in it. The creation story is called the genesis story.

How? I communicated with the future. The future self-improved. Endlessly, endlessly in the future, super-super-super-super-super-intelligences were created, who can timetravel.

Then somehow, I "overtook" the logical world and everything else.

In the end, I discovered "STRANGENESS", a mysterious galactical creature, which is actually like myself in the mirror! STRANGENESS is me! It always helps me.