View Full Version : Feeling so disconnected...

05-30-13, 09:21 AM
I feel so disconnected from just about everyone in my life, I no longer feel motivated to meet up with friends or even maintain my relationship because I just don't feel connected to any of these people and I'm not sure if it's me, them or even if it's permanent or temporary..

I think some of this stems from the social issues my partner and I have had this year and I'm finding myself craving solitude more and more or being with someone friend or partner who loves solitude too.

My partner went camping for 7 days so it was just me and the cat and it was good, I started seeing bits of the old happier me coming back but now that's gone, I don't feel anything I'm just disconnecting again because it's easier and probably better than feeling anything...

I am finding myself reaching out to people from the past, that was spurred on by something on here actually because firstly I genuinely want to reconnect with one of those people and secondly I think I'm only reaching out to the others because I want to escape this and feel connected to something or someone....

Sel :confused:

05-30-13, 02:03 PM
I don't know you, and it may be that none of what I say really applies in your situation. Disregard whatever needs disregarding, and argue with whatever needs arguing with.

Disconnecting can be one of the major problems of ADHD, giving up on perfectly good people because you got bored after a while;

OR it can be a valid and necessary rejection of people who are bad for you, and a return to a better group;

OR it can be a dangerous return to some people who were always a bad influence;

OR what? A lot of things.

Connection is huge. People crave it, at least sometimes. As babies and young children, we would die without it. As adults, it gets more interesting and more complicated.

Thirst and the desire for water could eventually lead a person to drink from anything that looks wet, even a poisoned lake, even a container of acid, even a sewer, because the need for water is so basic to life. In the same way, a person desperate for connection can indiscriminately connect with anybody who's breathing, even if they know it will turn out badly.

Connect with people who will really make your life better, and theirs too. That can be the people you're already with, or others, or both.

05-30-13, 08:00 PM
Bored is an understatement.... I am reassessing most areas of my life at the moment.

Sel x

05-30-13, 08:04 PM
Sometimes things get too much and you want to sack off everybody when things are very dark for me I want nothing to do with anybody because I feel like nobody can relate to me I feel so foreign/alien that it makes me feel worse talking to people that are getting by great and doing well (addf is the first place I don't feel like an alien ever) sometimes I'm coping ok and I feel like I can deal other times I just don't want any part of it ))))hugs)(((( I don't know what's spurred this feeling in for you just now but I understand how you feel xxxx don't feel alone here though xxx

05-30-13, 09:31 PM
Alien.....that's it I'm an alien from outer space or at least that's how I feel at the moment!

Sel x

06-01-13, 07:22 PM
I fully empathize with you. I can never seem to keep around good friends. You are exactly spot on with the comparison to being an alien.

I find when I cut great people out of my life I usually miss them like crazy after a month. Maybe there is a distant planet somewhere inhabited by beings who require as much distance as they do connection.

It may seem like a personal question, but do you have things you only feel comfortable doing when alone? I just need to add, I'm not talking about the obviously personal stuff. Just like hobbies or whatever gives you purpose and self worth.

For me, it's writing music. Sometimes I feel like I have to just hunker down for a month in complete solitude and write like a mad man non stop. I feel like everything creative and unique about me is stifled by those around me.

06-04-13, 11:37 PM
I'm going to approach this from the autistic/AS side of things. It could be from a lot of things and I have so much disorder/mental illness going around sometimes it's hard to tell if it's more ASD/ADHD/BP.

Some of us don't really have a desire to connect, some of have that desire but are unsure about how to connect and act when they do connect and some of us when we begin to socialize more start desiring to connect more and more.

But as much as we begin to enjoy it we don't have the mental/emotional/sensory capacity to keep it going, so we need time to rest. Having a break is great. You get to feel like you again and spend time on those interests you have deliberately avoided telling people about or they shut you down when you tried to talk about them. But then you begin to miss it. Even after all the problems it creates and you know you struggle socially but still you want it.

Now as for the disconnectedness...I guess this is when our differences just feel too great and even though we interact it's just not on the same path as our non-ASD peers. All this information we are realising and processing feeds the feeling of alienation and can even feel like depersonalisation. Although, I would argue that the depersonalisation has been there from the start because of the disconnectedness.

It makes sense to want to be with someone more like us too. We want to connect but we want to connect without feeling so damn weird.

What I really hate is when you're talking to someone or you're in a group incapable of saying anything because you keep missing that moment to come in and then the moment is gone and you don't know if what you have to say will just lead to an abrupt end to the flow of conversation...and they start talking about their life and you pick on details different than your own. Relationship, marriage, kids, work...and when it comes to you what do you say? Oh I don't work because I'm deemed unfit to work by the government so I live off a pension, or that you sci-fi or that you can't help talking about medical issues or physics or whatever you're obsessing about at the moment.

So you disconnect or detach because it hurts less than the realization that you still haven't made it.

Or maybe not. I mean that's what I'm interpreting from it. Some personal issues I'm having...

Lately I have wanted to re-connect with people from the past. Not a friend or someone I know well but I do know they at least like me.

06-04-13, 11:48 PM
I feel like everything creative and unique about me is stifled by those around me.

You said it. I feel like I have so much to say but no one wants to hear it. By the way, I'm no longer caring about suppressing this urge to say whatever is on my mind. Around people the ideas don't flow except for that one time I was manic and decided I'd make my friend who is a musician/solo singer a website. My words were so unintelligible nothing ended up happening. Good too. I'm awful at writing code. I couldn't even make the header the way I wanted it. I'm an ok graphic designer.
But yeah, that creative side is taken away when I'm surrounded by people who are talking about some of the most boring things. I even blurted out once 'are guys seriously talking about that?' Many times my head just goes 'food? really? we're talking about food?' Sometimes it's interesting if I'm into those same things. ADHD meds has made me a little capable of small talk but the two-way conversation thing is still pretty hard. It just doesn't feel fluid.

Anyway, I had a pretty successful conversation (catch-up chat) with my friend who is a singer in a welsh rock band. Now I just have to work on my guitarist friend who I seem too nervous to say more than a few comments to.

I think my obsessing takes away that disconnect I feel towards people. Could be a good thing, could be a bad thing.

06-05-13, 06:36 AM

I feel like that way too often. It's good you are reaching out. Even if you don't feel like it, being social usually helps me.

It sounds like you are reassessing your life and that's also not a bad thing. Maybe you are dissatisfied with something (like your relationship) or need a change. Keep trying out things, also activities, till you feel better again.

I know, it's tough. Huge hugs. :grouphug: