Hi I am new to this, my boyfriend just told me that he has ADHD. He used to take meds for it (before he met me) and then got off of them because he didn't like what they were doing. He has not been on med for a long time. I am trying to do as much research so that i understand what is going on so that i don't take things so personally that he does. 99.9% of the time our relationship is perfect and I wouldn't change one thing about him. But I have found out recently that he has been doing something very impulsive for a while now. I was extreemly hurt and couldn't help but take it as a slap in the face to me. This is when he finally explained to me his problem, and he promised himself he would get help. Now that time has passed (a week or two) everytime i try to talk to him about it....he tells me he was kidding...he doesn't have ADD. I know he does i have talked to close family members of his and it runs in his family, and also he was diagnosed with it before. I guess what i am looking for here is jsut some advice...I don't understand whats goes through his mind and such and i want to I don't want to be an extra problem in his life i want to be someone he can count on I love him very much. I have read on here that a lot of people get very furstrated with their partner, i never feel that way with him. This situation this time hurt me more than anything...but i am will to forgive, and now i just need to know what to do.

Thanks

hi girl1325: i would be honest with him about how you feel. and that you expect him to be honest with you about his stuff as well, especially all of his little add quirks, habits, impulsive things, etc. what's going through his mind is he may be a little embarrassed about the whole add thing and sharing with you is hard and so he hides and/or teases. he must understand that you will be there for him no matter what. maybe he does not get this yet in his heart of hearts.so tell him often is my suggesion.:)

Thanks Danny, I think you are definitly right on about the embarrassment factor...He seems to have a lot of pride in everything, nicest house fastest car, best this and best that...which is fine...I am a lot more low maintaince but I love the way that we compliment each other like that...i try to tell him as often as possiable that I love him and care about him, and I just want him to be happy...Is it possiable that I could possiably smother him...I find a lot of times since we had out the impulsive problem that he has lost a lot of affection...he was never REALLY big on affection but now its a noticable decrease...any suggestions on how to make this relatioship stronger on my side...or ideas to get him to seek the help he needs...

Thanks

Hi 1325: Welcome to the forums....I admire how you just jumped right in with your questions and issues....good for you! Yes I think it is possible that he might feel smothered...especially since you say he has "lost" a lot of affection. Maybe he is not ready to receive lots of affection right now because he is not able to give much....so he may indeed feel smothered...in which case what can you do? Not a lot as far as getting him to seek the help he needs. And he will probably seem even more distant if you try too hard. Its always a very personal decision to get help...and he will have to make that one for himself....To make relationship stronger, probably step back a bit, let him have a little space and allow him to come to you when he's ready to be a little more intimate....Patience, patience, patience. Meanwhile you can work on yourself, making yourself the best possible you....:) Keep writing....

Thanks Joan for taking the time to write back....i am really trying to get a grip on all this...there are just a lot of things that i don't understand and that i don't think he is ready to explain to me...He has admitted like I said that he needs help...and i have tried to show him that i don't care what meds he has to take or what things he has to do...I love him and thats what matters...sometimes i just don't think he gets that...any tips or tricks or ideas that i can do that would show him you know....little ideas that would get his attention...alot of the time i don't think he hears me talking or notices me when i am around...he always has something else on his mind...But i guess that is what having add...well if anyone has any suggestions ideas comfort help tips tricks ANYTHING please let me know

You could send him flowers OR perhaps purchase a nice journal for him OR cook him his favoriate meal. Get him his favorite cologne (I did that once for my friend and he went wild). Get tickets to his favorite sporting event or rock concert. Just little things, not necessarily ADD related to show him you care and are available.

Hi Girl,
I pat you on the back for taking the incentive to seek out info for yourself. Finding this forum has helped me greatly. All here are very informed and willing to go out of their ways to help. I am the fiance of someone with ADD and I found this place to learn ..just like you are doing....one day at a time...is how I take it...His ADD ways are what attracted me to him.....so I am here to learn more and understand more..and maybe be of some help too...cause there are the days when he feels down on himself and I want him to know I am there for him too...I understand how you feel...knowing you are not alone in a situation sometimes helps.

Beautiful response Deb.....

Hmmmm, I haven't seen "girl" back here since she became a member in July.....I wonder how she's doing....anyway, I hope she comes back to see your answer.....:)

girl1325

at the bottom of my post is a link to various ADD information

Many people have found it useful

feel free to browse and learn

Joan I didn't even read the date of her post. I thought it was a new one..lol...not doing well lately...spacey for sure! But I do hope she does come back. Btw..Joan I am around and lurking not up to posting much..but thought would be good for me today to get my eyes out of the immigration forum I am in...ADD seems alot less complicated than the INS!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!

Immigration forum???? Oh....because of -- let's see YOU are moving to Connecticut???? Or is your fiance moving to Canada???? I can't remember....silly me:D

What is "INS"? Holy moly do I feel very un-intelligent here:)

Immigration and Naturalization Service, or something like that...

Joan......Paul has it right...I will be moving Stateside. The paperwork is horrid. You must fill in every box of the mountain of non-ending paperwork right! If not..you are adding months or even years to the wait...so I am reading, reading, and reading..and asking questions...it is enough to make a sane person go over the deep end...good thing I am not sane..lol...

WRONG Deb....You ARE sane ....it's the people creating all of the paperwork that you have to complete -- that are the insane ones....

Oh well, it's happening for a reason.....:)

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.