View Full Version : Marijuana, alcohol, and adderall XR.


judayxlo
06-06-13, 01:20 AM
I don't even know why I'm on here today.
I think it's mostly to get some stuff off my chest and get someone else's two cents on my life.

Anyone who likes reading long rants about strangers' lives and helping them if they can, please give me some input. =]
I'm not really looking for a lecture though, quite honestly. You can voice your opinions, but I'd rather you not get on my case about the substance abuse, please. I already know how damaging it is and that I need to quit asap, but I'm just looking for a place to rant and maybe discuss some of my problems and your problems. :P

I haven't been on these forums in over 2 years (I think, I can't be sure.)
Anybody who tried smoking marijuana will understand my memory lapses. lol.
I apologize in advance if my post doesn't make much sense, or if I'm rambling--I haven't posted on a forum in a while so I'm still in facebook mode. :P

Some history on my LIFE:
I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child, but was never treated for it until college. I always thought I was retarded because I could never get good grades and studying was always a chore. I never had to study much to do well on tests, but I never did my homework. This is fine if you're in college, but not if you're in grade school. My grades suffered and my relationships with people were really messed up. I was always known to be immature for my age, and, growing up, I was ridiculed MERCILESSLY for being the litte ADHD oddball that I was. I was obese but was somehow always moving around, needed the spotlight to be on me even if I embarrassed myself in the process, blurted out without thinking, and had a hard time putting myself in another's shoes. The things I enjoyed doing, I excelled at (but only to the extent of my knowledge. once things got hard, I would be discouraged to keep going). The things I hated, I DIDN'T do. lol. I basically ran by my own agenda. I didn't really go against the rules, but if the rules didn't match up with how I thought, I just wouldn't even consider that a rule. I got in trouble all the time with teachers, friends' parents, and my parents. My siblings hated me, the friends who I made left me after a while, and my parents were getting sick of me. It was a good thing I went to Asia after graduating High School in 2007, because being on my own, I learned that to be an adult, you HAVE TO own up to your responsibilities, EVEN if you don't want to do it. Being away from my mom, I learned how hard it was to live on my own.
I started changing. "Maturing" if you will. While the majority of the population already matured and did all of this while they were in high school, I was struggling to deal with this as an adult. LAME.
I still had ADHD, so obviously it was REALLY DIFFICULT for me to force myself into doing my work, but I did it, since it was easy.

When I came back to America in 2009, I applied to go to college. After going to school for 1 year here, I was already falling behind in my grades.

Lucky for me, right after I came back to America, I got myself a ****ty boyfriend (sorry for the language, I'm still a little sore about him.) and I actually suffered from Chronic depression for a year and a half.
I was taking diet pills (I've had eating disorders and low self esteem my whole life), cutting myself, crying all night, and more. Most of these problems were because of HIM, and i'm not going to go into that right now.
Some things I will say, though, is that he broke up with me 2 weeks before Christmas by ignoring my texts/calls for 1 week. I had to call his mother to get to speak to him. After this, he basically plays around with me for a year, telling me he still loved me, but not wanting to be with me.
He kept doing it all the way until last February (2012).

This is around the time when I started smoking marijuana every day.
During our Valentine's day celebration, (where , even though I had no job and basically no money and I saved up for MONTHS just to make this day happen), I paid for both of our tickets to Legoland (he loved legos), all the food while we were in the theme park, AND all the souvenirs! That night, after having a great day (or so I thought), I ask him why he wasn't changing our stats on facebook. (We were "dating" again since December 2011) He told me his friends hated me so they would get mad at him if they knew he was in a relationship with me. This didn't really make sense to me, so I went ahead and changed it on facebook anyway. Then problems happened.

His phone started blowing up with text messages. He wouldn't let me read them, obviously, since we're "in america, we don't show our girlfriends or boyfriends our text messages." So I didn't ask to read them, but I asked who it was and what it was about. He told me his friends were getting mad at him, like he told me in the first place, that we were official on facebook.

I didn't know it at the time, but it turns out he had another woman.
And that ***** is my younger BROTHER'S EX GIRLFRIEND.
I found this out recently, but it turns out that he CHASED her for a year and a half before they officially got together. in June. 2012.

Anyway, in lieu of this evidence, I couldn't handle the world anymore and began smoking every day, multiple times a day, nearly 24/7.

Fast forward to now.
My memory has been slowly getting worse.
My relationships with friends and family are now almost nonexistent, because I would be high all the time and wouldn't feel like responding to texts.
Last year, I quit taking adderall because adderall made my pot tolerance higher.
I've been trying to quit, unsuccessfully and half heartedly, for the past year. I kept trying to switch to alcohol, but realized I can't do that. (I'm asian and I don't have the enzyme to break down alcohol. I get red when I drink.)

In the past year, I withdrew from THREE CLASSES after the deadline, so my transcript now has FOUR W's (I had 1 from before)

It was lucky that I got accepted to UC Berkeley (Starting next Spring). I honestly don't even remember applying.

Last week I finally found another psychiatrist because I decided to get my life back on track.

Had a few minor problems with insurance, but, as of last night, I finally have my ADDERALL XR. My psychiatrist prescribed me 10mgs, 1-4 times daily, so I could play around with the dosage and see what I need.
Today was my first day taking it since last year, and I haven't felt so clear minded in a long time.
I've managed to stay sober the whole day today.
I've been getting MASSIVE urges to smoke but I've been able to keep them at bay.
I finally cleaned my room after 3 months of collecting dust, and I got most of my tasks done today.

Now that I'm winding down, and the Adderall that I took at 10AM has probably worn off already, I think I'm going to smoke it out ;D

Anyone want to talk about anything?
Comments about my psycho self?

Anything except a lecture about how I shouldn't smoke anymore. :P

Abi
06-06-13, 01:33 AM
Welcome back to ADDF.

:grouphug:

My psycho ex was a big part of my becoming a borderline alcoholic, so I feel you.

dvdnvwls
06-06-13, 01:49 AM
Your self sounds very not psycho. Just sounds like a person with ADHD who got slimed by their ex, and who has been smoking a lot until today.

Best wishes for a second-half-of-2013 that is far better than 2012 was.

judayxlo
06-06-13, 02:50 AM
Welcome back to ADDF.

:grouphug:

My psycho ex was a big part of my becoming a borderline alcoholic, so I feel you.

thank you

tell me about your psycho ex! (if you want)

Sharing is caring! :D

judayxlo
06-06-13, 02:52 AM
Your self sounds very not psycho. Just sounds like a person with ADHD who got slimed by their ex, and who has been smoking a lot until today.

Best wishes for a second-half-of-2013 that is far better than 2012 was.

Hahaha thank you!
I'd like to think I'm one of those scary psychotic people--the ones who seem normal-LOL JK.

And thank you for your understanding. :]

Wanna know something funny? I still think it's 2012 sometimes xD

Abi
06-06-13, 02:56 AM
Knock yourself out:

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=109636

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=127214

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=127166

CthulhuMinion
06-09-13, 02:41 AM
I don't want to undermine your struggles, but my holding my past up to yours will make you look a lot less like a psycho. I've been addicted to far worse drugs than weed and I came back from it, so you can do it too... probably... I don't know you haha.

I don't think a little weed here and there is too bad compared to a lot of other s***. But if you truly feel like you can do without it, go for it. At least you aren't drinking alcohol. It has a scary superman like synergy with amphetamine, as I'm sure you know. So, I'm in no place to tell you to not smoke weed because I smoke, the deadly, cigarettes.

Anyway dear stranger, it's good that you are shedding the bull**** you don't need and restructuring your life. I've still got a lot of work to do so I know it's a huge pain in the ***. ADHD is lovely.

ana futura
06-09-13, 02:57 AM
So, I'm in no place to tell you to not smoke weed because I smoke, the deadly, cigarettes.

Please, try switching to e-cigs. I know way too many young people with cancer, it's no joke. I hit my 30's and all of a sudden my friends start getting cancer- and several of them smoked.

Nicotine is a great drug. Smoking is a terrible delivery system. There's no reason to give up nicotine - but there's a million reasons to switch to a better delivery system.

CthulhuMinion
06-09-13, 03:07 AM
^^ Coincidentally, I planned on it. It's still great advice for any smoker. I've tried them before. They are pretty effective.

Mitch45
07-24-13, 07:52 AM
As long as one blames anyone or anything other than one self for one addiction to drugs and alcohol, one can not ever hope to get clean and sober.

Nate W
07-24-13, 08:26 PM
Your life sounds like a carbon copy of mine growing up. Only differences seem to be you're a female, I was skinny as a rail (yes, I was made fun of for that), and I was an only child, so I got the brunt of my parents crap. My drug of choice was alcohol and I self medicated my ADHD until it whipped me into submission.

Number one is you have to want something different, more than you want to continue living your life the way you've been in order to change. I think you do. You have to have a fundamental shift in your attitude and outlook on life, or the obsession of the mind will bring you back to your drug of choice every time. AA is where I got sober. You might want to look into Narcotics Anonymous, but you have to have an open mind.

Also, try not to let someone else (the opposite sex, especially) define your values. Breakups are hard, and I've found out that after the initial hurt, just move on and you'll eventually find someone mature who cares. Work on yourself, love yourself and take care of your self. You are worth it.

--Nate

Fraser_0762
07-24-13, 08:36 PM
People who smoke weed should not be allowed to take stimulant medication. You're basically medicating a problem that you're self inflicting upon yourself.