View Full Version : Eh.....


BellaVita
06-28-13, 12:38 PM
I don't even know if I'm going to post this thread, but I kinda need to rant/complain.

I can't focus well so my apologies if this is confusing and all over the place:

-I had a hypomanic episode (after a decent amount of time going without. wasn't the worst I've had, but did have delusions/paranoia/and the other usual hypomanic symptoms such as racing thoughts/hypersexuality/energy/can't focus etc.)

-That turned into a mixed state. Mostly hypo with only *some* not *too* bad depression symptoms along with it.

-It got a bit more manageable for a bit then....

-(Mixed episode)It eventually turned into a more intense depression and while hypomanic although not as energized but extremely restless/agitated/paced a lot/racing thoughts although they were a bit "blurrier."

-To top it off, I broke up with my boyfriend of over 1 year last night...after he had hung up on me (then he called back again) and said he did not want to put up with me anymore *also we have been having some issues lately and I guess that just sent him over the edge..* (keep in mind I haven't been causing him hardly any trouble for quite a while except for last night when I was in my mixed state...he said I was wasting his time last night...didn't even respond when I began crying...which I HATE crying and don't do too often. He said "good" when I broke up with him and then was agitated - he had been agitated prior to this though - and rushed me off the phone so he could stop "wasting time." By the way he is a nice guy, he just doesn't seem himself lately...)

-After zero sleep the night before and restless nights before that, I finally did manage about 5 hours maybe 5 1/2 hours sleep last night. :)

-Now I feel defective, depressed, but almost at the same time "whatever" towards our break up and towards everything else.

*sigh*
Sorry guys rambled on more than I planned but the thoughts needed to be let out..thanks for listening.

silivrentoliel
06-28-13, 12:53 PM
*hugs*

we may be hard to deal with, but his agitation shouldn't have been about you :(

I'm sorry

Canadian Mess
06-28-13, 01:10 PM
I don't have bipolar nor a boyfriend... but that sounds like an awful experience to have to go through.

I hate it when people can't deal with their own personal problems and try to take everyone else down with them by blaming others (not you, what he did).

Have you contacted your physciatrist/doctor/whoever it is you deal with about the rapid cycling/ hypomanic/depressive episodes?

Anyways, I don't have much to offer other than virtual hugs and my sympathy/support/ listening ear(s) :grouphug:

keliza
06-28-13, 04:53 PM
When someone decides to date a person with a mental illness, ANY mental illness, whether it be bipolar disorder or something else, they are taking that person as a package deal. That means they don't get to treat you like crap when your illness rears its ugly head. They don't get to tell you that you're "making problems" or "difficult to deal with" when your symptoms get worse. Because you know what's harder than dating someone with bipolar disorder? BEING someone with bipolar disorder.

If you choose to date someone who is missing a leg, it would be completely out of line to go jogging with them and then turn around and say, "Hey slow poke, catch up! You're always holding me back, why can't you just run faster?? Dealing with your slowness is such a waste of my time." Having bipolar disorder means that there are times when you are going to struggle, and it's NEVER okay for the person you're romantically involved with to make you feel bad about that struggle.

If your boyfriend was having problems with your illness, there are support groups for that. NAMI is very good at organizing local support groups for both people with mental illness AND the loved ones of people with mental illness. It is hard, sure, but they take on that difficulty when they choose to date you. Every relationship you get into, there is going to be some "extras" or difficulties that you take on along with the relationship. For some people, it's mental illness. For others, it's kids from a previous relationship. For some, it's enormous credit card debt. Whatever. The point is that you get into those relationships knowing and accepting that you're taking on their burdens as well as their joys, and you don't lash out at that person because of it.

Hugs. I'm sorry to hear things have been rough lately. Definitely talk to your doctor about monitoring your meds and perhaps changing them to deal with the sudden rapidly shifting moods. Don't make any big decisions about anything right now. If the boyfriend wants to get back together, tell him that you need time to deal with your own mental health issues, and then you can deal with your relationship. If he can't handle that, he's not the one. If he can respect you enough to offer his support, and then step back and give you the space you've asked for, then maybe revisit the idea once you're stable again.

BellaVita
06-29-13, 06:41 AM
*hugs*

we may be hard to deal with, but his agitation shouldn't have been about you :(

I'm sorry

:grouphug:

Thank you, siliv. It helps to see this from other's viewpoint. I think he has other things going on maybe even mood swings that could have made him more agitated. Oh well.

I don't have bipolar nor a boyfriend... but that sounds like an awful experience to have to go through.

I hate it when people can't deal with their own personal problems and try to take everyone else down with them by blaming others (not you, what he did).

Have you contacted your physciatrist/doctor/whoever it is you deal with about the rapid cycling/ hypomanic/depressive episodes?

Anyways, I don't have much to offer other than virtual hugs and my sympathy/support/ listening ear(s) :grouphug:

Thanks for the understanding.

Long rant and hard to difficult explanations follow - feel free to skip as I don't think I can even re-read it myself-*:
I actually saw my pdoc recently(Wed.). Then all of this happened. I was doing great so he didn't do anything. Actually, it's a long story I won't get into, but I didn't get to see the psychiatrist who *actually* properly treats my stuff, so was left with my old pdoc(who I switched to the other lady from) and he actually screwed up my medication regimen further. I'm not even on a mood stabilizer nor did he even try to put me on another one. Oh, and he reduced my Clonazepam dosage so I'm only taking *HALF* the amount that I was for the past several months...his logic is because I "did so well" without it for a week. (due to missed appointment.) And he's going to be gone for 2 months. So unable to contact - hopefully I can get in to see the other lady poc. I'm rambling. Sorry. I don't even fully know what I am experiencing now but I don't like it.

Thanks for the sympathy and support. :grouphug:

It's nice to know others care. But I also dislike having attention. I just want this to get better. :)

stef
06-29-13, 07:15 AM
bella! :grouphug:

Flory
06-29-13, 07:21 AM
Aww babe :( are there particular triggers for you that set off these states ?

BellaVita
06-29-13, 07:39 AM
When someone decides to date a person with a mental illness, ANY mental illness, whether it be bipolar disorder or something else, they are taking that person as a package deal. That means they don't get to treat you like crap when your illness rears its ugly head. They don't get to tell you that you're "making problems" or "difficult to deal with" when your symptoms get worse. Because you know what's harder than dating someone with bipolar disorder? BEING someone with bipolar disorder.

If you choose to date someone who is missing a leg, it would be completely out of line to go jogging with them and then turn around and say, "Hey slow poke, catch up! You're always holding me back, why can't you just run faster?? Dealing with your slowness is such a waste of my time." Having bipolar disorder means that there are times when you are going to struggle, and it's NEVER okay for the person you're romantically involved with to make you feel bad about that struggle.

If your boyfriend was having problems with your illness, there are support groups for that. NAMI is very good at organizing local support groups for both people with mental illness AND the loved ones of people with mental illness. It is hard, sure, but they take on that difficulty when they choose to date you. Every relationship you get into, there is going to be some "extras" or difficulties that you take on along with the relationship. For some people, it's mental illness. For others, it's kids from a previous relationship. For some, it's enormous credit card debt. Whatever. The point is that you get into those relationships knowing and accepting that you're taking on their burdens as well as their joys, and you don't lash out at that person because of it.

Hugs. I'm sorry to hear things have been rough lately. Definitely talk to your doctor about monitoring your meds and perhaps changing them to deal with the sudden rapidly shifting moods. Don't make any big decisions about anything right now. If the boyfriend wants to get back together, tell him that you need time to deal with your own mental health issues, and then you can deal with your relationship. If he can't handle that, he's not the one. If he can respect you enough to offer his support, and then step back and give you the space you've asked for, then maybe revisit the idea once you're stable again.

I can't focus properly but I've read this over 3 times and I'd like to say :thankyou: for taking the time out to write this. :)

It was beyond helpful and reassuring, comforting, and good to see things from a more rational view. Sorry I can't respond to it that well there are things I'd like to but...eh...I can't suddenly. :doh:

It was also very validating. (hard to explain)

Very helpful. :grouphug:

I'm sorry I haven't responded to your PM from long ago. I forgot about it for some time especially since I wasn't...well you know how I was when I wrote it so yeah...and now I remember and remember how helpful you were and there's things I'd like to reply but I just can't right now. :( But it was just what I needed, and actually helped some things in my situation - so thanks.

BellaVita
06-29-13, 07:45 AM
bella! :grouphug:

!:grouphug:stef:grouphug:!

:)

BellaVita
06-29-13, 07:49 AM
Aww babe :( are there particular triggers for you that set off these states ?

I have triggers...but, Nope, I don't think so in this case..(I say I don't think so because it's a blur)..I was already "there" anyways. Gradually then BOOM I'm here!!! :p

It just made them[states I guess] .....not any better...escalated.............

maybe...yeah I'd say that. :rolleyes:

Thanks for caring. :)

Rebelyell
06-29-13, 11:06 AM
Hugs! Thats not a nice guy to leave you hanging in a time of need.ya sure he isnt bipolar! Others are right here we are a package deal.On last note id date you if thAts any consellation

BellaVita
06-29-13, 11:21 AM
Hugs! Thats not a nice guy to leave you hanging in a time of need.ya sure he isnt bipolar! Others are right here we are a package deal.On last note id date you if thAts any consellation

This comment just made me smile so much. :) (which is much needed and I'm shocked to feel one)

That last note did make me feel better thank you. :) Glad there's still nice people in this place. :)

Thank you again.

BellaVita
06-29-13, 04:32 PM
This is hard..

sarek
06-29-13, 05:30 PM
The thing about a relationship is that you accept the other person lock, stock and barrel. The acid test for your bf is whether he can do that or not. True love doesnt care about imperfections.

keliza
06-29-13, 06:14 PM
I'm sorry I haven't responded to your PM from long ago. I forgot about it for some time especially since I wasn't...well you know how I was when I wrote it so yeah...and now I remember and remember how helpful you were and there's things I'd like to reply but I just can't right now. :( But it was just what I needed, and actually helped some things in my situation - so thanks.

That's totally fine! Don't worry about it. :) I'm glad it was helpful for you at the time. If/when you are able to reply in the future, feel free, but don't feel like you have to! Certainly don't stress about it.

Rebelyell
06-29-13, 08:59 PM
Lock stock n barrel that boy right to the curb.it sucka that people are so spiteful at times.

BellaVita
06-30-13, 12:23 AM
I love him though.

I'm trying to make it through.

BellaVita
07-02-13, 10:52 PM
Hey guys...an update...After a long talk, my boyfriend and I have decided to get back together again. We are both going to work on our own personal issues, and also together work on issues within the relationship little by little. Try to understand each other better and work on more effective ways to communicate. He also apologized. (as did I) :)

I'm hoping for the best.

BlueZebra
07-23-13, 02:35 AM
I don't even know if I'm going to post this thread, but I kinda need to rant/complain.

I can't focus well so my apologies if this is confusing and all over the place:

-I had a hypomanic episode (after a decent amount of time going without. wasn't the worst I've had, but did have delusions/paranoia/and the other usual hypomanic symptoms such as racing thoughts/hypersexuality/energy/can't focus etc.)

-That turned into a mixed state. Mostly hypo with only *some* not *too* bad depression symptoms along with it.

-It got a bit more manageable for a bit then....

-(Mixed episode)It eventually turned into a more intense depression and while hypomanic although not as energized but extremely restless/agitated/paced a lot/racing thoughts although they were a bit "blurrier."

-To top it off, I broke up with my boyfriend of over 1 year last night...after he had hung up on me (then he called back again) and said he did not want to put up with me anymore *also we have been having some issues lately and I guess that just sent him over the edge..* (keep in mind I haven't been causing him hardly any trouble for quite a while except for last night when I was in my mixed state...he said I was wasting his time last night...didn't even respond when I began crying...which I HATE crying and don't do too often. He said "good" when I broke up with him and then was agitated - he had been agitated prior to this though - and rushed me off the phone so he could stop "wasting time." By the way he is a nice guy, he just doesn't seem himself lately...)

-After zero sleep the night before and restless nights before that, I finally did manage about 5 hours maybe 5 1/2 hours sleep last night. :)

-Now I feel defective, depressed, but almost at the same time "whatever" towards our break up and towards everything else.

*sigh*
Sorry guys rambled on more than I planned but the thoughts needed to be let out..thanks for listening.


That sounds like a very rough period of time for you BellaVita. I do understand being BP1 also. It's difficult, confusing and makes you feel very defective like you put it.

I hope things have gotten better in regards with you and boyfriend. And I hope that he takes the time to try and understand what you go through.

With any regard... keep smiling. After all. It's your birthday! Happy Birthday!

I wish and hope you get all you deserve and desire.

God Bless you Friend :D

~ BlueZebra